Chapter Five
Lily
When I leave Sebastian’s—Headmaster Craig’s—office, Stacey is waiting with my dorm key and a map. “I’ll take you to your room and give you a quick tour before my first class.”
“Is that the small group creative writing seminar?” I show her the schedule he printed out for me. “I’m in it, too.”
She gives me a wide, cheerful smile. “Awesome. He’s really nice, you know. Once you get past the stern stuff.”
Stern? Was he stern?
I think once I’m alone with my filthy thoughts, I’ll imagine him even sterner. A little mean, even. “Good to know. What’s the worst you’ve ever seen him?”
Apparently, he assigns detention when people need to get caught up on their homework and yells at people for bullying, all of which places him firmly in the nice category to me. “He doesn’t smack rulers on desks or make embarrassing examples out of people?”
“Headmaster Craig?” Stacey’s eyes go wide, and she shudders. “No, never.”
“What about any of the other teachers? Who are the perverts to watch out for?”
Her eyes are genuine saucers now. “What schools did you go to before you came here?”
“Dangerous ones,” I mutter. Schools where my father could exert undue influence and make my life a living nightmare so I’d stay under his thumb.
“I don’t think Headmaster Craig would tolerate anything like that happening here.”
Not here, maybe. Ten miles down the highway, though… “No, right. He seems really nice.”
“He is.”
“Good.” I’m thinking Stacey might be a bit simple. No way is Edgewood this great. Not when their headmaster is a secret truck stop sex fiend.
She leads me across the quad to the dorm I’m staying in, a co-ed building. Every student has their own room; mine is on the first floor, near the back of the building and facing a forest.
“There are trails in there,” Stacey offers, seeing my bright pink running shoes spill out from the top as I dump my bag on the bed. “If you run.”
“I do.”
“We’re allowed free access to the property until ten at night, then we need to be in our rooms. Curfew lifts at six in the morning, so there’s time for exercise before and after classes.
Speaking of which….” She glances at the clock on the wall.
“I better let you get changed into your uniform before the seminar begins.” She gestures back at the quad.
“McDonald Hall is directly across the quad, and our classroom is on the second floor.”
After she leaves me alone in my room, I check out the uniform hanging in the closet, then unpack my bag. I have another suitcase in the trunk of my car, which will be delivered here once it’s repaired.
I think back to last night. The freak-out I had when my car broke down and how I just abandoned it on the side of the road and grabbed a ride with the next trucker who stopped.
Stupid, really, but I can’t regret it.
Being at my breaking point led me to Sebastian and that wild make out in the shower stall.
I glance at my phone, still in airplane mode. It’s a defense mechanism I have, turning it off so my parents can’t track where I am. But they know I’m here. They put me here instead of letting me return to the public school in the city.
My paranoia is hereditary. Not paranoia. Trauma. Caused by paranoid parents.
On the surface, my family is blessed. Third generation wealth and all.
But the ugly truth is that my father doesn’t know the first thing about business, not legitimate business anyway.
As soon as I graduate high school, my parents lose access to the wildly generous allowance they get from my trust fund to “raise me.”
They would rather spend it on private schools that will expel me for no good reason than just let me finish school and live my life.
Not that I’m one to judge fucked up decisions, I guess. I’m changing into a classic school girl outfit on my way to see the man who talked about fucking me last night.
And I like it.
I really should feel guilt, but… I don’t.
I continue to tell myself that I’m fine as I head across the quad.
The charade feels doable until I get to the classroom. In Headmaster Craig’s office, when it was just the two of us? That was fucked up, but it was just the two of us. We both know what happened last night. There are no lies between us, not about that, anyway.
Has he ever fucked another student?
He better not have. I will rip his heart from his chest with my bare hands.
Can I even ask him that question? Will I get a chance? Or was my only chance in his office, and now we have to start lying to each other in front of people for the next twelve weeks.
My hand shakes as I wrap my fingers around the doorknob and turn.
Inside, I find a small room with a whiteboard on one wall and an old-school blackboard on the other. Windows look out over the quad, my dorm, and the forest beyond.
Even though I’m not looking at him—deliberately not looking at him—I see Sebastian wave me into the circle of chairs.
The small class is a mix of students, all wearing the same uniform I am, with some variation for personal style.
A guy with long hair up in a bun smiles at me and taps the empty chair next to him.
The person on the other side, who had been talking, pauses their thought until I sit.
“Sorry.”
Stacey beams at me.
There are way too many smiles in this room.
And I still can’t look at Sebastian, even as he says my name. “Everyone, this is Delilah Murphy. Is that your preferred name?”
I nod. No, it’s not. I’m Lily, but he can’t call me that in front of people.
He gestures to a basket of apples on a side table.
“Help yourself to a snack. We were just going around the circle and talking about our goals for the term. We’ll continue and come around to you at the end.
As Raven continues, please familiarize yourself with the seminar outline, which was emailed to you a few minutes ago. ”
I dig out my tablet and check for the message from the school.
Heat rushes through me as I see his name in my inbox. It feels… dirty. Intimate.
I finally lift my gaze and find him looking at me, a soft, lingering assessment in his eyes. I get up and grab an apple. He watches me, a faint smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, as I chomp into it and sit back down.
Raven finishes her little spiel, and then it continues on with Clarabelle, Michael, Stacey, and Deacon. Finally, it’s my turn.
“I’m Delilah,” I say, my voice catching. “Actually, it’s Lily.” Another wave of heat comes over me, and I lock my gaze on Sebastian’s face. “I don’t know what I want to write yet, but I’ve heard good things about this class, so I’m glad to be here.”
Everyone claps.
They’re smiling and clapping. It’s both bizarre and nice.
But I kind of fucked their headmaster, so I definitely don’t belong here. I nervously return the smiles, anyway.
Michael clears his throat. “I was kicked out of another school before I landed here. You’re in good company.”
Raven nods. “You won’t get into trouble here for keeping it real. Headmaster Craig is a pretty understanding guy.”
Sebastian makes a rueful face. “Hey, I can be tough on you guys. Don’t misrepresent.”
Stacey laughs. “That’s true.” Her eyes sparkle, but it's completely innocent. “He’s really more like our dad than our headmaster.”
That doesn’t help my secret, your headmaster is hot problem. Now I’ve got your de facto dad is hot issues as well. I slide a look at Sebastian, and his cheeks have gone dark up high, near his temple.
He’s old enough to be Stacey’s dad, too.
Old enough to be mine.
It should highlight the off-limits, completely forbidden nature of our new relationship. But my brain doesn’t agree. When he instructs us to pull out our notebooks and do some free writing and word association exercises, I go in a filthy but innocent direction.
Kind / secrets / dad / nobody sees him but me / off-limits
Not so innocent. I flip the page and start over, being stricter with my brain this time.
Kind / stranger / surprising / singular moment / time slip / temporal warp / meet again / if only / maybe next time
My pen slows to a halt on the last point. I’m gripping it tightly, my fingers clenched with tension that echoes the ache in my chest. Maybe next time, what? Maybe next time I meet a hot stranger, it won’t be a harbinger of No, Lily, not for you.
“Does anyone want to share their lists?” Sebastian asks.
I flip my notebook shut. Not me.
But I take part in the discussion that flows from other people’s work, and the hour flies by. It's lunchtime before we know it, and everyone else is out of their seats before I even have my tablet away.
I’m the last student to the door, and I poise my hand on it when I hear Sebastian clear his throat. “Lily, do you have any questions?”