Chapter Seven
Lily
I fall asleep, dreaming of Sebastian jerking off between my legs. I wake up in the middle of the night, covered in a cold sweat.
Guilt.
It’s a familiar feeling to the girl who’s been kicked out of several schools and disappointed her parents in endless other ways. My whole life, I just haven’t fit in.
Fucking the headmaster is a new and unexpected way for me to self-sabotage a new situation. At least I waited until I was legal, so it’s just morally gray, not absolutely wrong.
It’s pretty fucking wrong.
Well, they shouldn’t make headmasters that hot. It’s not my fault.
But that stubborn refusal to accept blame doesn’t help me fall back asleep, and I toss and turn until dawn.
After breakfast, I meet my advisor for my thesis, the English Lit department head, Mrs. Taylor.
She says I can do most of my work independently, but she wants me to check in more frequently over the first couple of weeks, just to make sure I’m on the right track. Fine, whatever. I just want to get my credits and get out of here.
At lunch, Stacey tells me Mrs. Taylor is the school mom to Sebastian’s role as school dad. I burn with jealousy at the thought there might be something to that. She’s not off-limits the way I am. She’s pretty and grown-up, and they have lots in common.
I think.
I don’t actually know anything about what Sebastian likes, other than pressing me hard against walls and mirrors occasionally.
After lunch, I go to the library, get out my tablet, and start reading. When I finally finish my research for the day, it’s well past dinner.
I head to the dining hall anyway, knowing the drill from every other school I’ve gone to—snacks will be available until the dining hall closes at curfew.
What’s different from every other school is that this dining hall has a hot headmaster sprawled out on a chair, eating an orange and talking to a group of kids.
Maybe I can grab a sandwich before he sees me. That’s my best intentions plan. But once I grab food from the fridge, I make a hot chocolate and settle in at a table.
Go back to your room, Lily. I don’t move. I pull out my work instead, and I read. Fifty percent of my attention is on the book. The other half is tracking how his hands work the peel off the orange, the way he laughs before sliding a segment into his mouth.
I want to lick the taste of that orange off his lips.
Go back—
He stands up.
I jerk my attention back to the page, re-reading the passage I didn’t actually absorb before, and pretend to be surprised when he slides onto the chair across from me. “Studying?”
I nod. “I met with Mrs. Taylor today. We have a game plan.”
“She told me.”
Ah. So they talk frequently. Of course, they do; they’re colleagues. It’s her job to tell him about the new girl’s thesis plans. I nod again, pretending I’m not sizzling with misplaced jealousy on the inside. “Good.”
He glances at the sandwich. “Did you miss dinner?”
“I was in the library.”
He frowns. “Do you want me to see if there’s any leftover stew in the kitchen?”
“I’m fine with this.”
“It’s important to eat.”
I smile against my will at the concern. “I know.”
“It’s my job to make sure you’re well taken care of.” While this is probably true, it also sounds filthy.
“I’m… thank you.”
His voice lowers. “How did you sleep?”
Shame rolls through me. “Uh…”
“Sorry.”
“No, it’s okay.” I make a face. “I went to bed just fine. Very sweet dreams. But then I woke up feeling guilty.”
His own expression tightens into concern. “That’s my fault.”
“Funny, I was thinking the same thing. I’m a bit of a….” I hesitate to swear in front of the headmaster, but I can’t think of another label. “Fuck up?”
“You are not.” His voice is immediately stern. “Lily, I can’t let you think that.”
“Don’t know how you’ll stop me.”
“If I had my way, it would be with a spanking,” he mutters. And he doesn’t even look embarrassed when he locks his gaze on me. “Which isn’t on the table. But maybe you should know that’s how I feel.”
“Oh.” A funny heat replaces the shame inside me. “You would really spank me?”
He crosses his arms over his chest. “If you needed it.”
I lean in, the tension in his body captivating me. “Why would I need it?”
“I don’t know exactly.” He clenches his jaw. “Forget I said that.”
“I don’t think I can.” I pick up my tablet and type in Why would someone need to be spanked?
Sebastian’s eyes go wide. “What are you doing?”
“Research.” I poke the tip of my tongue into the corner of my mouth as I scroll. “This is really quite the mix of adults being horny and terrible parenting advice, isn’t it?”
“Put that away.”
“Why?” But I do as he says.
“We should talk about something else. Your thesis, for example.”
I let him change the subject, but I know what I’m reading more of when I get back to my room.