Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
Summer
Henry buys me a second suitcase for all of the clothes and books he gave me over the summer.
Now he hovers as I pack, helping me fold clothes, reminding me of the time ticking by.
“You're going to have so much fun.” His voice is smooth and confident like he really wants me to leave him. Like he really does want me to go away and have a good time—even if he’s sad about it.
It makes me grumpy because, in my fantasies, he's possessive in this moment.
He pins me to the bed and tells me I can't leave him, I can't go.
But of course, Henry's too good for that. Too nice, too kind.
I have to lean on the suitcase to close it.
And once it's zipped up, he hauls it off the bed and takes it through the apartment to the top of the stairs. I stay in the bedroom, listening to him carrying my belongings away from the space he gave me. The space that we’ve shared for the past few weeks.
The bed where he held me and taught me how to make love.
I’m not ready to go. I'm the one who feels possessive.
When he appears in the doorway, I launch myself at him.
He catches me, murmuring my name, telling me it's gonna be okay, but I don't want to hear that. I cover his mouth with mine, refusing his comfort. That's not what I want. I need his hands on my skin. I need his cock in my body. And I will take it if he doesn’t give it to me.
I’ll stake my claim on him. I’ll show him that he can send me to school. He can let me go, but I will not fly away.
If you love something, set them free. That's what he's doing. But I can't tell him that I’ll be back because I can't bear for him to tell me I shouldn’t come back to him. We can't talk at all right now. For all the time we’ve spent together—all of the intimacies we’ve discovered together—we haven’t figured out how to talk honestly about what we want.
I tangle my fingers in his cropped beard, tugging his mouth open so I can kiss him.
There’s nothing sweet about it, either. I fuck him with my tongue until his arms start to shake, and I make him release me.
I slide down his body and drop to my knees.
Unzipping his jeans, I find him ready for me—heavy, slick, shiny.
I take him into my mouth and swallow him down until he’s grunting my name, over and over again.
Then I push him to the bed. I am a fierce lioness now, and he is my prey. My claws dig into his chest as I climb astride him. I'm not ready, and it hurts. A burn that feels so good. The way he fills me up—too much, too big, too deep—is the perfect kind of ache.
I did that.
“Summer, I’m not—”
I don't want to hear it. I cover his mouth with mine, biting at his lips. I roll my hips, riding him fast and furious. He clutches at my waist, pulling me down on him and then trying to push me off, but I’m there suddenly. I went from zero to sixty, and now I’m crashing, reckless and wild.
It’s only after he peels me off him that I realize he’s mad. He’s swearing under his breath as he zips himself up. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
“Henry?”
“We shouldn’t have done that. That was a mistake.” He groans and stands up, then swears again when he notices that I’m crying. “Summer, no.”
“I’m sorry,” I sob.
He crawls on top of me and kisses me hard on the mouth, then soft as he licks away the tears slicking down from my face.
“I know you needed that, and I did too. But we didn’t use a condom. You can’t risk that.” He drags in a heavy, shaking breath. “You can’t do that, Summer, not with me, and goddamn it, not with anyone else.”
“I'm not going to do that with anyone else,” I yell at him. Now we're both mad. “I’m not going to do that with anyone else. Ever. You're it for me. Why don't you see that?”
“Because you're just a girl,” he growls back. “A girl who doesn’t know her own self yet.”
The silence that follows is deafening. I stare at him in disbelief.
He can think a lot of things about me. He can think that I need to go to college and have that experience, even though I could do that and love him at the same time.
But he honestly believes, after all this time, that I don't know myself?
“You don’t need to worry about me getting pregnant,” I mutter, not looking at him. “It’s not a good time for that. I mean, never say never, but I’m going to get my period any day now. I’ll let you know when you’re in the clear.”
“Summer—”
“Shut up,” I snap. “You’ve said enough. And I’m not some little kid you can lecture.”
“So the Daddy fantasy is only when I’m indulgent of your every whim?” He grabs me by the shoulders. “I want what’s best for you. One day soon, you’ll realize I’m on your side, no matter what.”
“Don’t hold your breath.” I push him out of the way. “I’ll call an Uber.”
“Like fucking hell you will.” He follows me into the living room. “I’m taking you to campus and getting you settled in your dorm room. End of story.”
I roll my eyes, but my back is to him.
“Don’t roll your eyes at me.” It’s a rebuke and a peace offering rolled into one gruff bark.
I glance back. “How did you know?”
“You move your whole head,” he says gruffly. “It’s cute.”