Chapter 22
Chapter Twenty-Two
Summer
I spend the rest of the night refusing to answer my mother’s questions about Henry. No, I won’t explain why I got upset when she said he once wanted to be my father.
Definitely not ever explaining that out loud.
No, he never hurt me. He was the best host all summer long, and no, I don’t want to talk about if I maybe have a crush on him.
There’s no maybe about it.
But there’s a big maybe in another corner of my brain. The private, sad part that worries we went too far, too fast. Not physically, because I’ll never regret any of that, but emotionally.
How do I distance myself from him now? When he’s the only person who truly knows me?
And as confused and sad and mad as I am, I’m even sadder that he hasn’t called. I think he will, but maybe not until Mom leaves.
Coward.
After she does two tequila shots with the girls down the hall—and I don’t—she gives up on questioning me and passes out on one side of my bed. I curl up next to her and stare at the ceiling.
Once upon a time, we were as close as could be. Now she feels like my fucked-up older sister, and my private life is none of her beeswax.
By one in the morning, I’m seriously concerned I might not sleep at all. And just as I have that thought, my phone lights up.
I slide out of bed and shove my feet into my slippers. The party is still raging in the common room, so I instead go to the stairwell at the far end.
Henry’s call has ended, so I dial him back.
“I’m sorry,” he says as soon as the call connects. “I should have told you.”
I don’t say anything.
“Summer?” He sighs. “Thank you for calling me back.”
“I couldn’t sleep.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Mom is pretty stressed out at the thought of me having an inappropriate crush on you. Wait until she figures out you like to blow my back out. Me, the baby you once wanted to parent, apparently.” I’m whispering the words angrily, and I don’t know if that comes across.
“I know you’re mad.” Okay, so it does.
“It’s perilously close to too weird.”
“Summer, that was nineteen years ago. I was a twenty-year-old kid, trying to do the right thing by a friend. When you showed up, I wasn’t thinking, hey, here’s my long-lost, almost adopted daughter. I was thinking, fuck, Jennifer’s daughter is a smoke show, and I can’t let her get away.”
“That is not how I remember it. You didn’t want me around. You made me buy new PJs!”
“I didn’t want you to know just how much I wanted you around.
And it’s not like I tried fucking hard to get rid of you.
From the second you walked in those doors, you were it for me.
You, now. You, this beautiful, grown-up creature.
And for the record, those pajamas you bought were fucking indecent, and I loved every second of you parading around in them. ”
“I call you Daddy!”
“I won’t deny that I like to take care of you. As a grown-up,” he adds. “And there’s never been anyone else like that.”
“I should fucking hope not.”
“Language, Summer.”
I roll my eyes. Then I find myself smiling, just a little because he’d like the brattiness if he could see it. “It was weird tonight. Not you. Mom. I feel like I’ve grown away from her over the summer.”
“That happens.”
“And now I feel like you’re the only person in this whole world who really gets me.”
He groans. “I can’t be your only person. As much as I want to steal you away from everything and lock you in a tower forever.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Forever?” My voice is so soft, so hopeful. I kind of hate how much it reveals.
“Forever and ever.” He sounds like he wants to add something else to that, and I want him to. But maybe this is a conversation best had in person.
“I want to see you.”
“Your mom will worry if she wakes up and you’re gone again.”
“She’ll know where I am. Who I’m with.”
“And that’s how you want her to have her suspicions confirmed?”
I screw up my face. “No.”
“Do you want me to tell her?”
“God, no.” I take a deep breath. “I’ll do it in the morning.”
“Listen, I want you to do something else, too. For me.”
“What?”
“Take a few days away from me.”
“No!”
“Summer.”
“Ugh, I hate your dad voice.”
“No, you don’t. You love it. Listen to me, okay? We can do this. I just want you to be happy. But your mom has a right to worry if I am your only friend. That’s not healthy. You need to try harder at making friends on campus, too.”
I don’t respond. We do some of our best communicating through silence.
He sighs. “I’ll come and see you tomorrow if you want a hug.
But I don’t think you should come and stay at my place until your mom heads back to the cruise ship.
Take the weekend, spend time with her. Then take the week and make some friends.
And when you come over next Friday, you can tell me all about it. ”
“Ugh, that is so long. And we didn’t even have sex this weekend.”
He seems unmoved by my plight. “Promise me.”
“I promise.”
“How about I give you a reward every time you step outside your comfort zone and make a new buddy?”
I giggle. “A buddy?”
“You know what I mean.”
“Sure. Okay. Can the reward be your cock, buried deep inside my body?”
“Fuck. Don’t talk like that.”
“Why not?”
“Because it makes me lose control.”
“Good.”
“I’m not coming to campus in the middle of the night for a booty call in my truck. That’s how people get arrested.”
“Spoilsport.”
“Someone has to be, my little rebel.”
In the morning, I take Mom to Brewed Awakening. I figure a public setting is either a very good idea or a very bad one, but either way, I want a flat white to go with my confession.
Once we have our takeout cups, I sit down at a table on the patio and give her a serious look. “So last night, you had questions about me and Henry.”
“Oh, Summer, that was just silliness. I think I was tired from traveling. Of course, I know you don’t have a crush on—”
“I’m in love with him.” I’m surprised at how steady my voice is.
She blinks in surprise. “Pardon?”
“Henry. It’s not a crush. I fell in love with him this summer. He doesn’t know yet. I mean, not exactly. We haven’t said those words, but we definitely see each other in that kind of light.”
She shakes her head. “He’s old enough to be your father.”
“But he’s not, right?”
She made a face. “Henry? Ew, no. I would never.”
“Well, I would. So that’s great news.”
“Summer!”
“What?”
“Henry?”
“He’s lovely. And handsome, and patient, and funny. What’s not to like?”
She makes another face, this one more confused than grossed out. “He’s always been like a brother to me.”
“That must have been weird when he tried to kiss you.”
She laughs. “Yes, it was. Did he tell you about that?”
“Yes.”
Now her gaze is trained on my face, and the confusion drops away. “You love him.”
“Very much so.”
“I’m not ready for you to fall in love.” She shrugs. “Oh, Summer.”
“I was ready. He resisted all summer long if it makes you feel better.”
“It does.” She sighs. “You know he was only ever my friend, right? There’s nothing to be jealous about, honey. It wasn’t like that for him, either. Henry just isn’t a sexual person, and when I was your age, I was. . . well, I was wild.”
I blink at her.
Henry isn’t what?
And then it slides together. All the little clues.
I stand up. “I need to go.”
“Where?”
“To see Henry.” I pick up her coffee cup. “Come on. There’s another coffee shop just down the block you can go to. See which one you like better.”
“I’ve barely drunk that one.”
“Glug glug, Mom. You’re getting another coffee in a few minutes.”
“You know, when I lived here, there was only one place in town to get coffee, and that was the diner. It was terrible.”
“Well, a lot has changed since you lived here, Mama.”
Including Henry, apparently. Isn’t sexual. I’m reeling.
She has a rental car, so we beeline back to campus to pick that up, then I tell her where to park for Wake Up Call.
“Order me a smoothie,” I tell her as I hop out of the car. “I won’t be long! He’ll be working, and I just need to go and see him for a minute.”