Chapter 6
Terra
Finn’s anguished amber eyes hollow out my chest. His ebony hair whips furiously in the wind, catching embers off the sword he wields encased in scorching flames.
He always had perfect golden eyes. It isn’t fair, the despair nestled in his gaze. I recognize the hurt flickering across his eyes, the same pain that I felt the night he abandoned me. Strange, I’ve been so eager to see him again—yet my heart is callous. Only icy rage burns from the deepest chambers of my heart.
He stands with his arms lax, looking lost but not helpless as he clutches that impressive inferno in his right hand. This must be his power. Amser coils inside my consciousness, curious about Finn but also wary. It whispers to me, Laphia: The Eternal Flame. The Phoenix.
My eyes widen.
“He was never worth your tears,” Elias retorts under his breath, only loud enough for me to hear. It surprises me that he recognizes Finn just from our brief conversations about him. I knew he was listening intently, even when his face disguised it.
I glance over to my assassin. His white hair is messy from the fight, strands hanging over his forehead. “No, he wasn’t,” I mutter. I stare blankly at Finn. “How did you know it was him?”
Elias grunts. “I’m Fernestia’s top assassin. I can find anyone by their description alone. You misjudge my perceptiveness and attention to detail.”
Finn realizes the fight is as good as over and drops his blade into the snow; it sizzles as the fire extinguishes. He reaches his hand out to me desperately as he finally finds words. “Terra. Terra, you’re okay… You—” He examines me with weary eyes. “You’re alive.”
An easy grin spreads across my lips. “No thanks to you.”
He visibly flinches and his brows pull together with fierce torment.
I don’t let him have a moment of reprieve. “You know, I was hunted down in the forest after we went our separate ways. I was stabbed by an assassin, only saved by the Shadow in my veins and a fickle thing called fate. I died that night, Finn. The Terra you knew is dead.”
His mouth opens and closes a few times in an attempt to say anything that could matter, but of course, he can’t. Nothing matters anymore. Our ties are severed. I just needed to see him one last time to realize that.
“Terra.” Raine’s voice startles me and I turn to meet him. “Let’s go back.” He holds his hand out for me and I take it. Elias’s brows lower into his usual scowl as I step into Raine’s arms.
Finn watches us, unblinking. His rugged beauty is as haunting as ever, and I struggle to pull my eyes away from his amber gaze.
“Give me someone else,” Elias demands and the headmaster responds to him but I’m already too far away to make it out. Raine escorts me back to the front doors of Alkrose but the scent of fresh blood draws my eyes back to the fighting.
I turn in time to watch a spray of blood pulse from some girl’s neck. Her eyes are wide; I see so much of myself in them. Elias killed her without a second thought. It could’ve been me if not for my Shadow being Elias’s fated mate.
Raine and I silently watch from afar.
Arthur breaks away from the circle and walks toward us. Was this the matter he was talking about attending to? I hadn’t noticed him until now, but then again there are too many people in the crowd to pick apart.
“What are you two doing down here? I told you I would come and get you.” He rubs his face, dark circles evident under his eyes. Despite his scolding, he perks up when he looks at me. “Terra, you look brilliant in your new cloak. Glad to see you’ve cleaned up.”
I offer him a short nod. I hadn’t noticed Raine was dressed in his new clothing until Arthur mentioned it. He looks so much better. His dark hair is wet from our shower, black tactical gear tight against his muscles and the beautiful white cloak clasped around his shoulders. Raine notices me taking him in and smiles.
“It doesn’t feel like our entire world just ended, does it?” he says grimly. “Playing academy in the woods feels like an easy getaway. Do you think we’re children who will just forget the past?” Raine pins Arthur with a cold, steely glare.
Arthur considers Raine before cracking open the journal he’s holding. He flips through a few pages and stops, takes in what the page offers, and then closes it. “Of course I don’t. You are hosting power that far exceeds anything you could possibly fathom. We simply aim to show you the world that can exist once the Shadowless are eradicated. Unfortunately, your options are to die with them or become one of us. But we both know your time is limited, Raine.”
Raine gnashes his teeth but doesn’t respond. Arthur said the words so matter-of-factly, his gray eyes devoid of emotion.
“Now, please return to the Nova House until I retrieve you for the banquet. Unless, of course, you’d prefer to get on the headmaster’s bad side.” Arthur crosses his arms and stares at us expectantly. I share a look with Raine before we both retreat toward Alkrose’s main doors.
We don’t talk until we reach the Nova House common room. Raine startles me when he finally speaks, his voice raspy and deep.
“So that was the guy from your village, I’m guessing?”
I look up at him and find soft curiosity in his eyes. “Yeah. I thought I’d be—” I pause, struggling to find the words to convey the emptiness inside me.
“Relieved?”
I shift on my feet, looking down at the dark tiles. “Yeah. Something other than what I’m experiencing now.” My fingers tangle in my cloak over my heart.
Raine watches me from beneath dark lashes. “Arthur is right. We aren’t who we were before the Shadows. So it makes sense that you don’t feel the same. I’ve only just merged with mine and I already feel so… altered.” He touches his forehead delicately, wincing at the brush of his own fingers against his skin.
“Does it hurt?” I ask carefully.
Raine’s different. His Shadow is vicious within him—he said so himself on the stairwell in Barkovah.
His eyes meet mine and he nods slowly. “Yeah. So much, babe.”
My chest sinks and my gut twists. “What does it feel like for you?” I smooth my hand across his and he lets it remain only momentarily before he pulls away like he always does, so reluctant to accept any sort of affection.
“Like I’ve read every novel there is for each person I meet. Like I’ve experienced each death and beginning over and over, small differences, but ultimately the same story.” His eyes flick up to mine and falter as confusion pulls my lips into a forlorn frown. “I’ve watched you die so many times already. It’s been a matter of hours here in the real world, but in my head, I’ve been gone for so long. Things are getting mixed up.” He presses his hands to his head and looks off distantly as if he’s seeing another vision as we speak.
I want to help. More than anything, I want this to stop for him.
Amser hears my plea and responds, There’s no helping him. Destiny has always been confused and melancholic, only ever able to focus on the ending of each story rather than the middle.
“I’m sorry,” I say. I’m not sure there’s much else that can be said.
“It’s fine. It’s better than thinking of my own fate, I suppose.” He chuckles sadly before straightening his back and trying to give me his best grin, even though it’s broken and crooked. “But I’ll remain by your side until the end.” He cant keep his voice from cracking. Before I can say anything or comfort him, he stands and presses a kiss to my forehead. He leaves the common room, walking up the stairs.
And for the first time since Finn left me in Navasik, I feel completely and utterly alone.
I wait a few minutes before I make my way up to my room. It’s right next to Raine’s but seems so far away. For the last four weeks, I haven’t slept alone—or been alone, for that matter. If my Shadow counts, I guess I’ll never really be alone again, but Amser doesn’t feel like a person or something comforting. It’s like a tumor that speaks once in a while, only really sparking to life when I’m near men of interest to it.
My door closes soundlessly behind me as I press my back against it and slide down until I’m sitting on the floor. My eyes wander to the pile of bloody clothes on the floor of the bathroom. I’m sure someone will be stopping by to collect it eventually.
My room is like a dome of the universe, circular, with black panes that make the walls appear to be windows. Almost like an ebony greenhouse. The paintings on the ceiling are of purple and blue aurora lights with stars twinkling in the distance. It looks so real. As I stare at it, I swear I see the lights moving and deduce that it’s not a normal painting.
I lower my gaze to the furniture. There’s a quaint study corner made up of an old oak desk, a chair, and ancient books stacked in piles of fifteen to twenty tomes. A lamp hangs from the ceiling above the desk, casting a warm ambient light. A white rug in the shape of a crescent moon lies in the center of the room, matching the enormous bed adorned in white blankets that tumble over the edge. It faces the only window in my room, an arched lancet one with beautiful stonework framing it and a reading nook at its base.
My new prison is a beautiful one, but all I can ponder is how lonely I’ll be here.
I’m nose-deep in one of the books on my desk. It’s academic, filled with Shadow definitions and techniques for users to learn in order to harness certain powers. I’m quite enjoying learning about the Shadows. It’s the first time I’ve had a chance to read on my own and get a sense of them without someone else telling me.
A sharp knock comes at my door.
I turn as Arthur steps in, well-mannered and completely impassive. But I don’t miss the glint of adoration in his eyes for me, the look of a wanting man, though he hides it well. I find that I like his restraint, but I also wonder how far it will stretch.
His eyes trail down to the book in my hands and he smiles faintly. “Studying already I see,” he mutters politely, hands placed behind his back to keep his posture straight.
I shrug. “There’s nothing else to do.”
His head tilts and he looks around the room. “Where is Raine?”
“I think he’s resting—his Shadow weighs heavier on his mind than most I think.” I pin Arthur with a distrustful stare. I know Raine’s predicament isn’t his fault, but I can be angry with him for Edgar’s memories. If they were truly so heinous, why couldn’t he just not return them?
Arthur doesn’t even flinch. “Yes, it seems that way, but don’t fret. Raine has a strong mind. He’ll be fine.”
I glower and fold my arms over my chest. “Remind me how you know me?”
He grins and gestures toward my bed. “May I sit?”
I nod and watch him as he walks over and sits gracefully at the edge of the white sheets. He’s easily the same height as Elias, but his sharp cheeks and dark hair make him appear more foreboding. A sort of handsome that piques your interest and makes you desperate to touch the planes of his skin, to feel the muscles and bones that hide beneath all that beauty.
“It was a long time ago. We were young. I’m not surprised you don’t remember me. I’m not much for the memory,” he says playfully. I scrunch my brows to let him know I’m not impressed with the pun and he laughs; it’s lovely and deep, tugging all the right places inside my chest, making me wonder if I do in some way remember him. “I’m afraid I wasn’t very kind either, so do forgive me. But enough about the past, tell me about you. Do you like your room?”
I let him change the subject. He’s guarded about the past.
“It’s nice… Do I have to sleep alone though? There aren’t rules against that, are there?” I ask meekly.
Arthur seems to find enjoyment in that. His smile grows. “You may sleep wherever you wish,” he murmurs and raises his hand for me as he stands. “Come now, the first-semester banquet starts soon. The Nova House is to enter last, with grandeur.”
“Really?” I scowl incredulously at him.
“Really,” he echoes as he leaves the room.
I trail behind him. His scent is crisp and earthy, like crushed autumn leaves or old tomes on a rainy day. Warmth spreads through my veins and my Shadow hums quietly in my soul, something sad and longing.
“How long have you been here?” I ask as we walk down the dim hallway.
He keeps his stride steady, hands clasped respectfully behind his back. “Hmm, since I was eighteen, so six years.”
I lower my head with dread. “That’s a long time.”
He turns to look back at me. Light from the common room illuminates him. His gray eyes soften. “Yes, I suppose it can seem like a long time, can’t it?” He speaks with melancholic weight. How does one describe the heaviness that others imbue into their words? It cannot be done; it is felt through your marrow and veins.
Arthur continues his steady walk down the stairs and I’m left sorting through the thoughts in my head. There’s way too much to take on at once. I can’t think of how Edgar stared at me like a stranger. I refuse to think of Finn and the betrayal that gleamed in his eyes as I threw away our past. And gods, I cannot think of Raine and his death sentence.
So instead, I focus on the soft half grin Arthur gives me as we reach the bottom of the stairs. I want to touch his lips and feel how soft and aching they are. My Shadow pulls closer to him but I remain at a distance.
Some things are better left yearning.
We’re the first back to the common room, so I sit on one of the couches and wait. A few minutes pass before Raine circles the couch and sits beside me. His warmth bleeds through his shirt as he presses up against me. I tuck stray hairs from his forehead behind his ear and he gives me a sleepy smile. I’m relieved he seems to be feeling better after some rest.
Voices echo from down the hall as more people arrive. I’ve never seen them before, besides the white-haired girl who let us in Edgar’s room earlier. They all look around eighteen. Arthur motions for them to sit and they take the couch across the large coffee table. They look at me with the same curiosity that I do them.
Another young man takes a seat on the empty sofa adjacent to us, and by the way the others stare at him, I’m guessing he’s a sight to behold. Everyone’s eyes are filled with shock but they don’t dare utter a word. His eyes are gray; he’s the youngest person I’ve seen whose eyes are completely turned like Elias’s and Arthur’s are. His hair is dark gray, like soot, and he’s dressed as we all are in our Nova uniforms, black tactical gear and white cloaks. Battle ready every second of the day.
Edgar is the last to join us. He remains standing. The blue flames of the fireplace flicker across his emerald eyes as he glances at me. He holds my stare long enough for me to feel uncomfortable, then looks away.
Everyone I knew before the Skyfell is now a stranger.
“Right then. This is our Nova House—as you can see there aren’t many of us so we’ll stay tight-knit. Terra is Edgar’s sister.” Arthur gestures and everyone looks at me. I nod with acknowledgment. “She came to Alkrose with Raine. Edgar and his group come from Za’Afiel: Alani, Lucina, Tamaris, Rowan, Aervin, and Vinnie.”
I observe each of them as Arthur introduces them. They are focused on the last member of our Nova House, not me.
“And this is Ash.”
The silence that follows is unsettling.
“You’ve been here… all this time?” Aervin is the first to speak, his voice trembling with emotion as he stares at Ash. “We thought you were dead.”
Ash keeps his icy gaze on the fire, unfazed. Edgar eyes him curiously. He seems not to know him either.
Arthur clears his throat. “You’ll have plenty of time to catch up after the banquet. Now, when we arrive I expect you to remain silent unless spoken to by myself or another professor. I’m the reasonable one, so don’t believe you’ll get away with bad manners because of your status. You aren’t stronger than the professors, and you certainly are not stronger than the headmaster. Am I clear?” He eyes each of us until we’re all nodding.
As the others follow Arthur out, I catch Lucina’s gaze. She stares at me meekly. She’s beautiful—hair as white and iridescent as Elias’s but eyes as blue as Raine’s once were. A fracture of turquoise breaks through her irises like shattered glass.
She’s been blighted—by Edgar, I’m assuming, since his eyes hold the same fractures. Beside me, Raine notices her eyes as well. Lucina flinches and turns to follow the others, leaving me and Raine as the last two in the common room.
“If she’s the only blighted one from Edgar’s group, then why are the others with him?” he grumbles, crossing his arms tightly across his chest.
Something unsettling tugs at my heart. It takes me a second to realize it’s my Shadow that feels so discomposed. “I don’t know, but it can’t be good.”
We leave the Nova House and walk slowly behind the others. Our cloaks wave in the wind behind us like sails caught at sea, the frigid air stinging my cheeks as I glance up at the grim sky.
I wonder what Elias is doing right now.