Chapter 35
Terra
“What do you mean additional casts? He won’t be able to protect himself if that’s allowed.” I shove Elias back and he glares at me.
“I wanted to be the one to tell you.” His gray eyes soften but his brows remain pulled tightly together. “The others dont think he can control his Nova, like last time.”
I stalk toward Elias and try shoving him back again. This time, he’s ready for me and he doesn’t budge an inch.
“Push me again, sweetheart, and I’m going to have to punish you,” Elias whispers dangerously, grabbing my wrist and baring his teeth at me.
“Who’s going to place those casts on him? You?” I throw back at him. When his jaw sets and he doesn’t respond, my heart drops. “Elias, you can’t. He’ll be helpless in the exam.” I try tearing my wrist from his grip but he won’t let go.
“I don’t have a choice. The others have outvoted me. I wanted him dead. Now let’s talk about the more important issue at hand. The hearts?—”
“I fucking hate you!” I scream in his face and bury my teeth into his hand. He finally releases me, eyes wide with rage, and he curses. I open my mouth to scream more, when?—
“I DON’T HAVE A FUCKING CHOICE!” His voice is louder than I’ve ever heard it, unhinged and wild—cracking and filled with agony.
My eyes are wide and tears threaten to escape. His hands are on either side of my head and his entire body is trembling with emotion. He takes a few labored breaths, staring into my soul as his shoulders heave and his breath mists into the air around us. Then he whispers, “I don’t want to do these things, Terra, but I have to.” He pauses, unblinking, as he takes another few deep breaths, regaining his composure. “I never wanted to be the villain, especially not yours, but what am I supposed to do? Do you know what happens if he gets out of control? I’ll tell you. I get sent to kill him. Even if I take back my heart and disobey Cein and the headmaster, what do you think happens to me? I’m the Assassin of Fernestia. I’m the death bell, the reaper, the void. What could they possibly take from me? Guess. I’ll fucking wait.”
I stare at him, my lower lip trembling until I gnash my teeth into it.
“Me.”
“You. And that’s something I cannot risk. Not ever. So hate me if you must, but you’ll be safe and you will be mine. I don’t need your affection in order to be happy. All I need is for you to still exist,” he rasps. His glare is anything but loving.
I grab his face and dig my fingers into his cheek so his teeth pierce them beneath. He growls but I speak over him. “You aren’t even capable of affection. You’re just an empty puppet. The only thing you want is to possess me.” I press harder on his cheeks and he doesn’t even flinch as blood starts to drip from his lips. “Fuck. You.” I release his face and shove him back again.
He staggers for a few seconds, blood spilling down his chin and onto the muddy grass. Then he looks up at me like a predator watches their prey.
“I’m going to give you five seconds to apologize.” A manic grin spreads across his lips. His normally pearly-white teeth are stained red with blood.
I’m paralyzed with fear.
“One.” His eerie voice is all I need to snap back to reality. “Two.”
I turn calmly toward the front of the castle. “I’m not a child.”
“Three.”
I don’t hear him count the rest because I’m already inside Alkrose and walking through the foyer. I need to tell Edgar, even if he refuses to speak with me. I need to tell him.
The front door opens loudly. I glance back and find Elias running straight for me.
“Are you serious?” I say under my breath and charge up the stairs. A few students move out of my way and watch with their books clutched tightly in their arms as Elias surges after me.
What’s he going to do if he catches me?
I decide I’m not going to find out.
The corridors are packed as everyone heads to the mess hall. It’s a mandatory gathering. If I can evade Elias long enough, he’ll have to give up first. I’m sure he’s expected to be in attendance more than I am.
I hook a few lefts and a right, then ascend two more flights of stairs. The fourth floor is pretty empty since most of the classrooms are on the third level.
My pace slows. I don’t see or hear Elias behind me. I let out a triumphant breath and make for the sky garden in the center of the castle. It’s open and devoid of anything a space like this should have besides benches and a fountain that is dry as bones. I take a seat on one of the stone benches and try to catch my breath.
The air is cold and stings my lungs, but the view of the stars that linger above is worth the chill. A nostalgic smile tugs at my lips. Edgar and I used to stare at these very stars. Two dumb kids. And now… A tear falls down my cheek and I swallow the lump in my throat. How did we end up here?
A heavy hand weighs down my shoulder and Elias’s white hair and gray eyes enter my field of vision, covering the stars beyond. His anger has vanished but blood still lines his soft lips.
His brows twitch with uncertainty. I like him best when he tries to understand what emotions I’m feeling. His jaw flexes as if he wants to speak but he keeps losing the words somewhere along the way.
“Please don’t place more casts on him,” I whisper, more to the stars than to the assassin before me.
His eyes narrow with anguish, warring with something beyond my knowledge. The black of his tactical vest looks almost blue beneath the universe, his white cloak seeming to glow with the moon’s iridescent light.
He walks around the bench and kneels in front of me, his ashy and woodsy scent making this feel like a night camping in the woods. Stargazing. What I would give for it to be only that.
I don’t look down from the stars, not until Elias carefully trails his fingers up along my neck and threads them into my hair. He presses his thumbs to the hollows of my cheeks and guides my jaw down until I’m looking into his eyes.
There’s more pain in them than I thought he could ever show. I see a man who’s lost so much more than he ever should have. A man who knows what it is to have everyone you love stolen from you. He’s spent his entire life building these walls.
“Elias,” I murmur, our lips so close that they brush as I speak.
He tilts his head forward until its pressed against mine. The warmth of his skin spreads heat through my chest. Velis and Amser pull so desperately that my stomach tightens into knots.
“I’m sorry,” he says curtly, like the two words hurt to say. My eyes widen and his brows arch with vulnerability in response. Pressed this close together, I can only see his eyes. “It is beyond me, but I promise it is better this way. You know not the creature you’re trying to keep. It needs to be sealed away,” he whispers again, this time pressing his lips against mine and pulling me into him. His hand slides down my neck, burning my skin where he touches me as our Shadows make each movement unbearable.
Elias deepens the kiss, pushing his tongue into my mouth, and the flavor of his blood blossoms on my tongue. I grunt at the taste, but he just pursues me more viciously, running his other hand down my chest and gripping my hip tightly.
“I hate the things you draw from me. The things you steal away,” he says into our feverish kisses. “You drive me into utter madness.”
I moan as he bites down on my lower lip. My own blood spills down my chin. Never in my life did I think painful, violent kisses could be so erotic. He sucks on my lip and groans as he devours me. If anyone saw us right now, they’d think we were consuming each other, eating one another like starved creatures.
Perhaps that’s truly all that we are.
He releases my lip and pulls back, dragging me off the bench and laying me on the cold stone bricks of the sky garden. His mouth is smothered in our blood and I’m certain mine looks no different. This is how I imagine his true self is: feral and fucking hungry for humanity. I wonder if he sees the same creature staring back at him.
A pool of black smoke spills from him and cushions the ground beneath me. Elias lowers his head down to my neck and nips my skin gently as he unzips my jacket. His cold hands smooth over my breasts and make my nipples harden. Warmth pools in my core and I let out a moan as he lets his teeth glide across my collarbone.
“I told you I’d punish you if you pushed me again,” he says with anything but the rage he met me with earlier. I want to be as angry at him as I was ten minutes ago, but I can see it in his eyes that he’s up against a wall. Nothing I do or say will change that. I will still warn Edgar though; it’s the least I can do.
“How are you going to punish me?” I goad him.
He chuckles darkly and leans up on his forearms, one on either side of my head. His smirk is chilling and yet I find myself squeezing my thighs together with anticipation. “Oddly, I can’t find myself in the mood to punish you. Not when you look so small beneath me.”
I raise a brow and find that same heartless smile taking form on my lips. “Small things can be as venomous as they come.”
“I suppose they can,” he says with a deep voice, letting his eyes slowly move down to my lips.
“You said that the headmaster found out about the hearts?” I ask, my eyes darkening with the idea of Emerai finding out it was us.
“Yes, we have to keep them hidden until the end of the second exam. We cannot tell Arthur yet either.”
My brows pull together with hesitation. It’s been difficult not to hand him his heart and pray that he knows what to do with it already. How am I supposed to keep this a secret longer? “You said we’d give it to him when you returned. He deserves to know and I think he may be able to help?—”
Elias’s expression dulls. “No. You will keep it between us until I say so or else you risk everything falling apart. Whales of Tauh, remember? Or do you need to see the wall again?” he growls against the shell of my ear and pulls away. The cold air rushes in everywhere he just was and leaves me empty. I follow him up and sit beside him, our arms touching, and that small connection keeps my heart fluttering wildly inside my chest.
He doesn’t look at me as he wipes the blood from his mouth with his sleeve. A smear still remains on his jaw, making him look very much like the feral wolf I thought him when we first met.
Elias stands and offers me his hand. “We don’t want to be late for the exam announcement.” He’s calm now, but lust still stirs in his gray eyes. I take his hand and he guides me back through the fourth floor. Dread forms deep in my stomach. I’m not sure how long I can keep my lips sealed.
After cleaning the blood from my face and neck, I quickly make my way to the mess hall. I take a seat next to Raine at the Nova table. The mess hall is boisterous with chatter and nervous energy imbues the air.
Lucina looks up at me as I reach for a roll. A full dinner won’t sit well with my nerves. Her white hair is pulled back into a ponytail, and her bangs brush her brows. “Ready for the announcement?” she asks meekly.
I’ve spoken to Edgar’s friends here and there, but Lucina has been evasive. I quirk a brow but reply, “I don’t think any of us are.”
Her expression sullens and she takes a bite of her meal, chewing for a few moments. She mutters, “Yeah, that’s how I feel too.” Rowan leans over her as he reaches for a scone. His auburn hair is mid-length and wavy, much longer than it was when we first arrived. Vinnie flips lazily through the pages of his tome, studying diligently as always. They’ve become a calming presence for meal times. Well, besides Tamaris and Alani, who never can seem to get along.
“What did you place in the race this morning?” Alani asks Tamaris through a mouthful of food. The bow atop her head today is white, matching her cloak.
Tamaris and Alani share the morning Shadow riding class. I wonder how many tried to escape during that one.
“Fifth.” Tamaris glowers and pulls her long, dark hair back into a ponytail.
Rowan laughs. “I was fucking last.”
“We know,” they all say in unison. Rowan seems a bit offended.
Ash sits off on his own, away from the group. I’m not surprised Edgar isn’t here; he never is.
“Where’s Edgar?” I ask, looking over at the instructor’s table at the head of the room. Elias watches me silently, his gray eyes boring holes into my skin. I swiftly look away and swallow the dread.
I need to warn Edgar.
Lucina opens her mouth to reply but her eyes flick to the doors. I follow her gaze and see Edgar walking in alone. His ebony tactical gear is pristine, not worn like most of ours after daily practice. He plops down next to Lucina and gives me a brief, unsettling look.
Raine lets out a hard breath to let me know he still hates Edgar’s guts.
“Edgar, I need to talk to you,” I whisper. He looks up at me—his green eyes are filled with weary thoughts. His head jerks a bit to the side as if he’s trying to silence the Shadow in his head.
I pause.
The casts would suppress his Shadow… It would make it quiet and less of a threat to his mind, wouldn’t it? Maybe I shouldn’t?—
“What do you want to say?” Edgar asks coldly. I look at him, his pale skin, hollowed cheeks, and tormented eyes. I don’t know if I can live with this decision.
Amser coils in my chest and whispers in my mind, Sully is better if it sleeps. Let them try to make it rest.
I swallow hard and go against my heart, shaking my head and giving Edgar a false smile. “I was just hoping we could make up after our fight?” His fractured gaze takes me in for a few moments before he looks back to his plate of food, ignoring my words. Pain flutters throughout me, but I swallow it down. Guilt takes its place.
“Attention, students,” Headmaster Emerai calls out over the loud room and everyone silences, staring at the headmaster in his golden cloak. His black hair is longer than Finn’s, reaching down to the bottom of his ears, but not quite as long as Arthur’s. “The second exam has been decided and I’m pleased to let you know that it will be the only exam for the remainder of the academic year. We’re anticipating an impressive team to come out of this exam.”
He motions to the professors to his right: Elias, Arthur, Kallos, and Nekane.
“These are the last of the Blood Crowns. The first Shadows to prevail and earn their places at the head of Fernestia. You too will sit where they do should you survive and prove yourself to the Shadow Master and Empress Raven. The Blood Crowns exam will take place in four weeks. At that time you will need to prove your worth to Fernestia.”
Emerai raises his hand to the ceiling and his Shadow glows in the air like Kallos’s does, bright and golden, filled with light, unlike so many others. I still think it’s unfair.
“Prepare to slaughter your classmates. The details of the exam will not be released until the morning of, so I will leave you with this: don’t show your best technique to anyone.” He laughs cruelly and drops his hand, all the light and magic disappearing with it. “For even your closest comrade may end up taking your head.”