Chapter 37
Finn
Studying and honing our power under the immense pressure of the approaching exam is wearing us thin.
Kai’s lost weight, even though he eats more than enough for two people. His eyes have sunken a bit with sleepless nights spent training relentlessly.
As I look at myself in the mirror, I realize I have the same circles beneath my eyes. Shit. And we’re still not even close to Edgar’s frightening display of power, though I’m not so sure he’s an issue anymore. He’s like a ghost at Alkrose. Most students only catch glimpses of him at best.
Corvus has still been spending time with him. I’m not sure if it’s out of pity or to get intel from him, but he told me and Kai that the professors placed additional casts on Edgar last week due to his outburst at the lake. Apparently, he broke the first cast Kallos placed on him.
If that was Edgar repressed, as Corvus said, we don’t stand a chance against him at full strength. So I’m relieved at least that we don’t need to worry about him as much anymore. There are others just as strong as he was that day, like Frederick.
Water drips from my forehead as I hang my head over the sink in the Cosmos communal bathroom.
The exam is in two weeks and I’m so fucking scared it disgusts me. If my father were here, he’d beat me senseless until I was more afraid of him than dying in some stupid exam.
I lift my head and stare into the mirror once more. My amber eyes are fading into a more subtle orange, graying at the bottom… Fuck. I pound my fist into the porcelain sink.
Class is dull today. I open my palm and create burning feathers over and over to stay awake.
Arthur delves deeply into the history of Fernestia, the cities and festivals that they celebrated before everything went to shit. One in particular that he spends a few extra minutes explaining is the Sporlis Festival. He details that it was a meeting of the nations in which all would gather in peace and eat together. It sounds like it was a nice thing of the past. The way he speaks about it sounds like it happened a hundred years ago, but Arthur’s in his mid-twenties, so it really it’s been a decade or less. How can so much go wrong in that short span of time?
And what was the point of such a festival if it didn’t hold up the one thing it was meant to? Peace did not last. Look where we all ended up.
I flip through my tome and hear a small sound to my right. I don’t even need to guess where the sound is coming from since Kai has been making outrageous sounds for weeks when he gets bored or just feels like pestering me.
I glance over with an annoyed look. “What?”
Kai sparkles at my acknowledgment. “Hey,” Kai whispers, motioning for me to lean in closer. I glance to make sure Arthur is still writing on the board before leaning in. “Corvus wants us to meet him in the foyer after class.”
I keep the annoyed expression on my face. “What for? We usually don’t study until after dinner.”
Kai shrugs dramatically and catches Arthur’s attention. He looks up and raises a brow at the two of us. I feign an innocent smile and Kai looks away awkwardly. The instructor stalks over to our desks and everyone’s eyes are on us like beacons. Even Terra gives us a curious look. A few desks over from her, Frederick frowns maliciously.
I can’t stand how sinister Frederick is. How he so easily murders Dvars students in the late hours of the night. I hate him as much as I despise Fernestia.
“Anything interesting you’d like to share with me, Kaidel?” Arthur rests his calm gaze on Kai.
His body sinks into his desk. “Nope. Sorry about that.”
The professor hovers there for a few more moments. “Don’t cause too much trouble this afternoon, Kaidel. Finnick, make sure he doesn’t,” Arthur says as if I should know what trouble my friend is going to cause. (I could make a few guesses.)
We both sink further into our chairs as chuckles rise across the room. Arthur stops at his desk and flips through some notes before continuing with his lecture. His eyes flick to Terra briefly—as they do every five minutes, it seems.
I’m convinced they are up to more than training during their private lessons, but honest to gods, as long as she’s happy I don’t care. She must feel my gaze on her shoulder because she turns and looks at me, those green eyes shimmering with the warmth of afternoon light.
I miss her being only mine.
After the day’s lessons Kai quickly pulls me with him to the hallway. Terra waves me off before I can ask her to join us. She, of course, is heading up to talk with Arthur. She and Raine are still trying to get his notes, but apparently they’re proving difficult to find.
Terra has been guarded about her own room as well. I’m beginning to think everyone has a secret except me. What could she possibly be hiding in there?
In the hallway we pass Elias and Ash. The Nova student has been lying low to avoid anyone’s eyes. The professors are usually with him too. It’s not news that he’s the portal Shadow and as such is heavily controlled. I draw my attention back to Kai and he shrugs, seeming to be on the same page as I am.
We’ve developed silent communication. I hate to say it’s from sex ed, but hey, our Shadows are rather chummy with each other and it’s been useful. If my Shadow picks up on something off, it signals to him immediately. Like radios in our skin.
He’s my brother through and through. The one I wish I’d always had.
Corvus is waiting in the foyer for us. The windows stretch high—at least three stories—and the glimmering air above us holds remnants of the firebird that I created so long ago. It’s odd how the dust of our power lingers, holding space as if transfixed in time. Are we all this way? My hands tingle with the itch to release Laphia once more. I enjoy its flames, and in a way, we truly are one.
I stare at my hands as we walk down the steps and approach Corvus.
Corvus smiles dully as we approach. He isn’t alone; I look at his companion and have to bite my lip to stop myself from making a horrified expression.
What the fuck is Edgar doing with him?
He’s been holed up in the Nova House since the incident at the lake, avoiding everyone except his buddies. He even turned Terra away when she tried to reconcile with him.
He’s like a shell of himself. The very thing Corvus described his Shadow as.
“Edgar, what brings you here?” I say as neutrally as I can.
Edgar’s light brown wisps of hair curl at the bottom of his ears and cover most of his brows. He looks me up and down with a blank expression. Those emerald eyes are far more sinister than they were before. His skin is pale and the darkness beneath his eyes is nearly maroon, as if he has makeup on. Just looking at him has my skin crawling with goosebumps.
I shudder under his fractured gaze—eyes filled with so much pain and anguish. He’s no longer Terra’s brother and I don’t think he’s ever coming back. I’m not sure he’d want to if he could see himself clearly.
His voice is raspy as he says, “We found something you need to see.”
Okay, what the fuck?
I look at Corvus for clarity and he mutters, “We think we’ve found the second exam’s portal and believe it leads to Fernestia.”
Kai shifts on his feet uneasily. “I know we’re trying to uncover things here, but I don’t think we should go through it.” Kai’s voice trembles with apprehension.
Corvus and Edgar raise their brows as if they can’t believe what he just said.
Kai goes on: “We have no idea what’s behind it… That would be incredibly stupid.” His voice is sullen and I perk my head up at the sound of it. Each time Kai becomes serious like this it makes my chest seize. I don’t want to think of death and how imminent it is for all of us.
How unfair it is.
I remember a friend’s last smile, but not their face. It still infects my mind like a drug. It’s not fair. We can’t even properly remember our lost friends. I’ve asked myself a thousand times why our Shadows devour their memories, their faces, but there are no answers. Laphia won’t tell me why.
I don’t want to forget any more of them.
Corvus and Edgar are right. We need to figure out what’s really going on here so we can all live and possibly retake Heirah someday. The fun and whimsy of learning the magic of the Shadows is just a ruse—a stupid ploy to keep us all busy while the Fernestians raise us for the inevitable slaughter.
“Kai.” I rest my hand on his shoulder. “Let’s at least go look.” Corvus and Edgar nod in agreement. Kai gives me a painful stare filled with betrayal and something that seems a bit more sorrowful. He just lets his head drop and looks away from us all with a curt nod.
“Good. Now that we’re all on the same page”—Corvus takes a few steps closer to the window—“let’s go.”
I frown. Why do I have a really bad feeling about this?
The four of us make our way through Alkrose to a part of the castle that I’ve never been to before. The walls draw closer together. They’re older here, built in a different time, or perhaps Alkrose was built over the remains of an existing castle. The stones are covered in discolored blotches and the smell of mildew fills my senses. The natural light from the more familiar hallways fades and I create a small flame in my palm to light our way from this point on.
We follow Corvus down a maze of hallways and finally come upon an immense stairwell that spirals down into an abyss of darkness. The stone stairs cling to the circular skeleton of the tower around a hollow center. My flames can’t even cast enough light to use the steps safely, the darkness cloaks the area so heavily.
“Gods, how did you find this place?” Kai shivers beside me. Goosebumps spread across my arms and I hesitantly swallow. It’s disturbing and creepy in this part of the castle.
I make the flame in the center of my palm bigger so the four of us can see one another’s faces. “I don’t think we should go farther. This doesn’t feel safe,” I mutter, studying their expressions.
Corvus has a smirk plastered across his lips and Edgar’s looking down the abyss of stairs with this blank stare.
“It’s fine, Edgar, show them.” Corvus’s dark eyes glint in the dim light and the ominous feeling sneaks back into my chest.
Edgar starts down the stairwell, reaching his hand to the curved wall on his right. My eyes widen with awe. As his fingers glide across the dark stones, a path of light spreads over them and flows out in every direction, as if the light itself is devouring the darkness. It peels the shadows from the space like dust lifting into the air. Kai gasps and I realize I do too.
Kai beats me to say it. “How the fuck are you doing that? What is Edgar’s power? I haven’t come across this in my studies,” he mutters more to himself than to us. His voice is distrustful.
“Darkness itself,” Edgar mutters from below. I flinch. Darkness? What the fuck does that mean? Looking back at the brightening stairwell, I realize it’s not that the darkness is being lifted into the air, more that it’s being consumed. Edgar’s consuming the dark… For what purpose?
My stomach twists uncomfortably.
“I don’t understand.” I narrow my eyes at Corvus. “How can he do that? The casts?—”
Kai crosses his arms beneath his white cloak to disguise his trembling.
“The casts can’t stop everything. He still has some power, but he has to take it first—steal darkness to use darkness,” Corvus says nonchalantly.
“I don’t trust him,” I snap back at him, moving down a step closer toward Corvus. “You saw what he did at the lake that night as well as we did.”
“I saw power that could change the tides of war.” Corvus’s voice is cold and accusatory.
Kai shoves past both of us and shakes his head. “Both of you shut up—let’s go.”
Corvus and I glare at one another as we follow behind Kai.
No one says another word the rest of the way down the spiral stairs. Edgar is a good floor ahead of us; he didn’t wait while we argued. After what seems like at least ten minutes of descending, we finally reach the bottom. The mildew smell is stronger in the depths of this tower; something sinister exists down here.
“Guys, maybe we should leave?—”
“Gods, what is that?” Kai cuts me off.
Corvus and Edgar face a ten-foot door covered in golden thorns and twisted statues etched into the ebony stone. It looks prickly and poisonous, with barbed edges surrounding it. It’s clearly not something to fuck around with. That’s obvious.
Corvus looks over his shoulder at us. “We believe this doorway leads to Fernestia. You two don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”
I can hear Kai clenching his teeth, and a wild light flickers through his azure eyes as he finally breaks and shouts at our friend, “Corvus, what the fuck happened to you? Just take a look around you. This is insanely stupid. Even I wouldn’t do anything as reckless as this.” Kai grasps Corvus’s wrist to stop him from getting closer to the door.
Corvus whirls and rips his arm out of Kai’s grip. “Watch yourself, Kai,” Corvus says venomously. He closes his hand around a shadow blade that appears from thin air.
Kai laughs in disbelief and raises his hand into the air. “Meskill.” Kai whispers his Shadow’s name, and steam hisses from his teeth. Two ebony spears form from his Shadow. Kai spins them like a well-trained assassin, aiming them at Corvus.
My heart beats rapidly and my blood thickens inside my veins. My Shadow anxiously coils inside, waiting to see what my friends will do next. “Stop it, both of you,” I shout, but they ignore me.
What should I do?
Kai lurches forward. “Come to your senses, Corvus!”
Corvus dodges a little too late and gets his shoulder sliced clean with Kai’s black spear. He lets out a pained grunt but shakes the assault off quickly.
Kai lands on the other side of Corvus and Edgar and shoves his spears into the portal frame, barring the door. The weapons glimmer and become one with the door, sealing it.
Edgar catches on just as I do and the air suddenly shifts, energized.
“Remove those now.” Edgar’s eyes burn like green infernos and instill fear in me. The turquoise fractures glow brightly and I know he’ll blight us if I don’t act now.
“Guys, enough!” I snap, raising my hand and summoning a wall of fire that breaks between them. Edgar’s fists are clenched tightly, but the fire distracts him and the turquoise in his gaze returns to its former dim glow.
I take a deep breath, shaking, but steady enough to say, “Please—let’s not turn on each other. This is exactly what Fernestia wants.” Kai stares at me uncertainly, his eyes flicking back at the other two with distrust. “I don’t care what you two do, but enough fighting.” My brows pull together with rage.
I can sense it firsthand, Edgar’s wrath, and I never want to feel it again. I’ve never felt anything so rotten and twisted. One thing is clear: no matter his ideation, Edgar is on a path that will only carry death.
For everyone, not just Fernestia.
I don’t waste time waiting for either Corvus or Edgar to respond. I grab Kai’s wrist and drag him back toward the stairs. Kai opens his mouth to say something but I shoot him a warning look. He shuts his mouth and doesn’t say another word the rest of the way up the stairwell.
The maze of hallways is difficult to navigate but I keep up our pace. I’m not sure what Edgar and Corvus decided to do after we left, but I’m not about to let them catch up to us in case they’re still looking to fight.
After we finally make our way out of the lower floors, we emerge back onto the familiar main level of Alkrose. Only then do I let a sigh loose. I felt like I couldn’t breathe down there. My anxiety was about to set my Shadow into a killing frenzy.
Neither of us speaks until we enter the homeroom of the Cosmos House. Kai still has his arms crossed and an annoyed expression firmly in place. I plop onto one of the sofas and exhale loudly. My entire body is sore from all the godsforsaken stairs and the tension in that pit.
Kai sits next to me and deflates. His eyes are stormy and sullen.
“What came over you down there?” I ask. Kai’s mouth stretches into a thin line. I can’t get a read on him. “Come on, Kai. Tell me what’s going on.”
He pushes back his white hair and shuts his eyes. “I don’t want to lose another friend, okay? I don’t want Corvus to get hurt. Or you. Or me.” He sets his hands on his knees and grips them tightly. “And Terra, Raine, Aervin. All of us, Finn. I can’t lose any of you. I can’t fucking remember the other guy that came here with us. Not a damn thing about him, how fucked is that? Just that he was with us, that’s it.”
I frown at him with understanding. The thought of forgetting Kai as I’ve forgotten the other friend we had… it’s horrifying.
What’s worse, I don’t want them to forget me.