Chapter 53
Terra
Edgar looks at Lucina with wide eyes, disbelief flickering across his gaze before he slowly trudges towards her. Lucina falls to the ground and Aervin’s body topples off her shoulders.
His glazed-over eyes stare deep into my soul. I know his death is my fault. Finn and Kai make painful sounds no one should have to swallow. Aervin was their friend too, he trained with them, shared classes with them.
I did this.
Edgar falls to his knees beside Lucina and frantically searches her before trying to shake his friend awake. When Aervin remains very much dead, Edgar throws his head back and wails. The sound is twisted and eerie, his teeth bared, but his pain cuts into me all the same.
Finn shifts his feet with discomfort and that snaps Edgar’s attention back at me.
There’s a sea of betrayal in his red eyes. The white of them have gone black.
“I’m going to make you suffer until the very end. That’s my promise to you, Terra,” he says coldly as he stands.
Darkflies finally appear, but the second they do, Edgar’s jaw ticks and the pure force of Edgar’s Shadow smashes the soldiers apart. Their blood and entrails whip across my face and terror befalls me unlike any other.
I’m in shock and can’t find the will to move at all. Raine sets his hand on my shoulder and I turn to look at him. His eyes are blue again and he doesn’t look tired anymore. Just sad.
“This is goodbye, baby. I should have told you I loved you at least once?—”
Edgar’s at my side in the blink of an eye, his hand going straight through Raine’s chest.
Time slows and the drops of blood that fly from the impact look like raindrops cascading around us. Raine doesn’t react to the impact. Perhaps he’s seen this fate a million times and has already felt what he does now. But my heart shatters in every conceivable way as he smirks at me one last time and slowly shuts those royal-blue eyes.
I raise my hands, calling on my time magic to reverse this clock. But Amser stays silent, letting Edgar take Raine to the ground and tear his heart straight out of his chest.
It may as well be my own heart.
Raine’s neck arches and he lets out one pained groan before his muscles relax and his body stills. Finn, Corvus, and Kai all watch, stunned.
I crumble to the ground and cradle Raine’s head. His eyes are closed like he’s only sleeping. Edgar tosses his heart into the gilded bowl carelessly.
Tears blind me as I retrieve his heart. It’s still warm in my hands. I try to place it back into his chest. The others watch in silence, tears falling from their pained expressions. Edgar stands next to Lucina, who’s still crying atop Aervin.
I force Amser harder this time. Please, fix him.
It responds, Sully’s will cannot be undone, little shadow. Destiny has come and gone.
Veins protrude from my temples as I force power into my hands.
“Why?” I cry, speaking to Amser, but Edgar answers, eyes dull and void.
“You think I’m done? Finn’s next.”
Finn flinches, but Elias appears between Edgar and us. He looks at me for a split second before turning to Edgar.
“Killing Darkflies? That wasn’t part of the exam,” Elias says in a neutral tone. Kallos and Nekane show up a moment later and give us all grim looks.
My arms are wrapped around Raine. He’s still warm and some part of me is holding onto hope that they can help.
“Go, now,” Elias growls and Edgar levels me with one final glare before picking up his fallen comrade and following Nekane and Kallos through the portal. Lucina trails behind them. “You guys too.”
Finn, Kai, and Corvus hesitate but Elias fists his hands and they reluctantly go, leaving me sitting in the ashes of the forest with my beautiful Raine sleeping upon my lap. His black hair is tangled with twigs, so I slowly start pulling them out. I rock myself as I whisper to him, “It’s okay. I’m here, Raine.”
Elias remains quiet for a few seconds before he kneels beside me, speaking softly now that we’re alone. “He is gone, sweetheart.” His voice is uneven. I look at him through blurry eyes. He swallows thickly and tears brim in his eyes.
“He can’t be,” I sob, pulling Raine closer and pressing my cheek against his. My eyes widen at the absence of warmth; his skin is quickly cooling.
The ruinous lump in my throat won’t fade and my eyes burn with tears. I brush my thumb over his cheek and whisper, “I love you too, Raine. I should’ve told you.”
Elias carries Raine’s body back through the portal and I sway absently beside Finn’s throughout the end of the exam ceremony.
Emerai is accompanied by the Empress of Fernestia, Raven. Her presence is formidable, but my mind and cares are elsewhere. They discuss what comes next for us here, what is expected as we prepare for the last stretch of war.
Finn holds me tightly and whispers reassuring things into my ear. I wish I could hear him. I can only feel his kindness and the sorrow he sends me.
Once the ceremony ends, the surviving students retreat to their dorms.
But I can’t go back to mine, not ever. Not to where Raine slept in my bed, not where his scent is still very much alive in my sheets. I want to die with him. It’s my fault.
Arthur intervenes as I walk to the Cosmos dorm alongside Finn and Kai. Finn keeps his hand protectively over my shoulder. Kai looks so tired and worn down. His eyes are swollen from the tears shed today. I’m not sure he can even make it back to their room.
“Good evening. May I speak with you, Terra?” Arthur looks troubled and has a sympathetic look on his face like he already knows what happened during the exam.
I nod. “I’ll be there in a second,” I tell Finn.
Once he and Kai disappear down the hall, I look up at Arthur. The smooth planes of his cheekbones are hollow and his eyes carry so much dreariness.
“I’m sorry about Raine. He was always at your side, and there’s something to be said for a companion so loyal.” Arthur brushes a stray tear from my cheek. His soft gray eyes search mine.
“I don’t want to forget him,” I choke out, my voice wavering and choppy with my erratic breaths. It hurts so badly—I can’t accept it.
Arthur pulls me in close. His black tactical gear and white cloak smell like torn pages and like… like Za’Afiels empty hallways.
“I will remember him for all of you, don’t worry?—”
I cut Arthur short as I shove him away and turn, running as fast as I can down the corridor toward the southern tower. Arthur hurries behind me. “Terra, where are you going?” he calls out but I don’t stop running.
I unclasp my white, bloodied cloak and let it fall to the tiles behind me. I take the path I remember from when Elias brought me to the manor before, finding the black door in an abandoned room. I don’t wait for Arthur, throwing the ebony door open and jumping into the portal without a second thought.
The second my feet land on the other side I run through the cold, dark hallways. Silence and frost are all that stir here. Arthur’s footsteps sound behind me.
“Terra, must we do this?” he says exasperatedly. “What are you looking for?”
I stop at the edge of the stairs and look back at him. His long, black hair is disheveled from the chase and he takes deep breaths.
“Raine’s heart.”
It’s here. It has to be, that’s why I couldn’t heal him. His heart wasn’t really there. It was a fake. It’s here. It is here.
Arthur’s face pales and he sucks in his lower lip before shaking his head slowly. “Oh, little shadow… no. It’s not here.” His voice trembles and my knees threaten to give out on me again.
“It’s here. That’s why it didn’t work,” I say shakily and start down the stairs. Arthur follows quickly after me. The dreary mansion is as cold as the water in the lake out front of Alkrose. My bones chill with each step I take and the lump in my throat becomes harder to swallow.
I trudge into the thick snow at the entrance to Za’Afiel. The snowstorm is raging and visibility is low. Arthur lets his hand fall heavily on my shoulder.
“Terra. There’s nothing here but graves.” His voice is strangled and I know he’s thinking of all the children who were sent here to perish, buried beneath the snow in this awful fucking place.
Deep down, I know I’m in denial. I know it. But my body moves desperately all the same and my mind won’t stop spinning.
I ignore him and walk to the cellar. The air is colder than before, the mildew scent distant from the frost. Arthur doesn’t stop me as we walk down the steps slowly. I nudge the door open and step into the room at the bottom.
The piles of hearts that were once fluttering and alive are now mainly still and gray, a reflection of all the death the day brought. My lower lip trembles and Arthur lets out a low breath.
“Terra, I know this is hard, but there are no?—”
“You can’t see them,” I shake my head and tears spill down my cheeks. “You can’t see the hearts just like Elias couldn’t, but they’re here. They’re all… dead.” I hang my head and let out an agonized scream.
Arthur lets me scream until my lungs can’t conjure the air any longer, standing still beside me with anguish burning his eyes.
My breaths are raspy and hurt so fucking bad.
He’s really dead, isn’t he?
“It’s m-my fault,” I croak and press my palms to my eyes. “He’s dead. And it’s all my fault. I can’t live with this, I can’t.”
Arthur steps closer to me and offers me his hand. I look up at him, my eyes stinging, but he simply smiles. His long, dark lashes kiss his cheeks as he shuts his eyes. “Take my hand. I want to show you something.”