Chapter Nine
“When were you going to tell me?” Adam asked.
The shock had sustained him for the time it had taken him to walk Billie over to Charlene’s.
The older woman had taken one look at the girl’s outfit and blond wig and had gasped.
The look in her eyes had been compassion for him, but not surprise.
She’d known, as well. Looks as though he was the only one kept in the dark around here.
He’d left Billie with his aunt. He would deal with Charlene and her betrayal another time. Right now all he cared about was Jane.
He leaned against the doorframe and stared into the dimly lit parlor.
As the shock faded, cold deadly rage took its place.
She’d made him angry when she’d first arrived and pushed him to get in touch with his feelings.
Then he’d lost his cool, but nothing like what was about to happen.
Images formed in his mind—disconnected pictures of Billie laughing at him, smiling, burrowing in his arms. No wonder they’d gotten along so well.
A sharp pain jabbed his heart. A daughter. He had a daughter. His gaze narrowed as Jane rose from the sofa and walked toward the shuttered window.
“I asked you a question,” he said, struggling to keep his voice low and even. “When were you going to tell me?”
She laughed sharply and without humor. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“It’s the best I have.”
“Come on, Jane. You can do better than that.” He folded his arms over his chest. “What the hell kind of game have you been playing? I don’t even know where to begin.”
“It’s not what you think.”
“Oh? Billie isn’t my daughter? You haven’t kept her from me for over eight years?”
“I…” She touched the shutter and swung it open. Dim light crept into the room and illuminated her profile. “Yes. Billie is yours.”
Her simple answer opened the floodgates.
“That’s it?” he asked, stepping into the room.
“That’s the whole confession? After all this time, you calmly announce she’s mine?
Where do you get off, lady? You stole my kid.
You ran away and had my child and didn’t tell me.
How dare you play with my life, with Billie’s life? ”
“I’m her mother.” She glanced up at him, her eyes flashing with temper.
“So?” he asked, taking another step closer to her. “Does that give you the right to lie to her? To me?”
“Dammit, Adam, I made the best decision I could at the time.”
“You think I care about you? After what you’ve done?
” He clenched his hands into fists. “You had no right to steal my child from me. You had no right to keep her a secret. How long, Jane? How many years would have gone by until you told me?” He shook his head.
“If we hadn’t been interrupted, you would have come to my bed last weekend.
You would have made love with that lie between us. ”
Her gaze faltered until she dropped her head toward her chest. “There’s nothing you can say that I haven’t already told myself.”
“So what’s your excuse? What reason do you have for cheating me out of Billie? Who gave you the right to make that decision?”
She snapped her head up and glared at him. “You did, Mr. High and Mighty.” She pointed her finger toward his chest. “The day you coerced me into your bed.”
“Don’t give me that. I never did anything you didn’t want.”
“Now who’s lying? I wasn’t ready. You scared me. I would never have told you no, and you took advantage of that.”
A small measure of guilt joined his rage. “What are you saying? Are you accusing me of something?”
She held his gaze. “No. I’m telling you we both made choices we’ve come to regret.”
“You regret Billie?”
“Never.”
“Then what?”
The sound of rain filled the room, the steady drumming from the roof, the drip-drip off the porch covering. In the distance, he heard the rumble of thunder.
“I should have said no. Even though we were engaged, I wasn’t ready to be your lover.
I should have told you.” She turned away and gripped the windowsill.
“Aren’t you curious, Adam, about how I came to be pregnant?
After all, you’re the one who decided it was time for us to go all the way, so you took me to the doctor and waited while I was fitted for a diaphragm.
You’re the one who drove me to the next town, because I was too shy to get the prescription filled here in Orchard. ”
He didn’t like the way the conversation had shifted. This was supposed to be about what she’d done. She’s the one who’d lied. Who’d had Billie. He had to focus on that. Instead the past intruded.
“I don’t care about any of this,” he said.
“I didn’t use it.” She spoke quietly.
“What?”
“The diaphragm. I couldn’t.”
“That’s the most ridiculous—”
“I was embarrassed.”
He turned away and swore.
“That doesn’t change anything, Adam.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
She shook her head. “I couldn’t talk to you about anything.”
“Then what the hell were you doing marrying me?”
“I didn’t, did I?”
That one hit below the belt. He struggled to regroup his thoughts. “I’m not the villain in this piece. You’re the one who kept the secrets.”
“Only one.”
“Oh, yeah, just the fact that you were having my child. Is that why you ran? Because you found out you were pregnant?”
“No.”
He raked one hand through his hair. He couldn’t deal with this. Too much information in too short a time. He felt like exploding or lashing out or—“When?” he asked. “When did you figure it out?”
“When I got to San Francisco.” She continued to stare at the windowsill. Lightning ripped across the sky. The brief flash lit up the room. Three seconds later, a boom shook the house.
“Why didn’t you come home then? I would have—”
“Would have what? Married me? After I ran out on you? What was there to come home to? This town, where everyone would know I was a pregnant teenager? You didn’t want a baby, Adam. Why else would you have gone to all that trouble with the birth control? We’d never talked about kids.”
“Of course I wanted children. Maybe not right away, but that doesn’t give you the right to choose for me. Do you think I would have abandoned you?”
She leaned her forehead against the windowsill. “No.”
He hadn’t expected that to be her answer. He glanced at her, then began to pace the length of the parlor. The marble floors gleamed as he strode across them. He reached the fireplace and turned to face her.
“I don’t understand. If you didn’t think I’d abandon you, then what was the problem?”
“I couldn’t come back with Billie. My pride wouldn’t let me. I’d run out on the wedding. What sort of person would I be if I’d then come back because I was pregnant? Yes, you would have taken me in, but what was between us had already been determined. We would have had nothing but obligation.”
“That’s a tidy rationalization of your actions.”
She sighed. “I deserve everything you’re saying and I’m willing to listen if it makes you feel better.
But don’t let your anger hide the truth.
Telling you about the baby would have meant you’d be there, but only because you had to be.
” She looked out the window and into the storm.
“You didn’t care about the relationship anymore.
If you’d really wanted me, you would have come after me. You never did.”
If you’d really wanted me, you wouldn’t have left, he thought, surprised that her leaving still had the power to hurt him. He should be grateful that he’d learned the lesson so early. Given a chance, people you love will leave you.
“I would have been the perfect banker’s wife,” she said.
With one finger, she traced the trail of a raindrop against the glass.
Another clap of thunder shook the house.
“Young, easily trained. I wasn’t important enough to you.
I realized that before the wedding. That’s why I ran.
And when I found out I was pregnant, I couldn’t bear the thought of being an obligation for the rest of my life. ”
“You selfish bitch.”
She jerked her head around to stare at him. Surprise widened her hazel eyes. Her long braid trailed over one shoulder, but for once the thick silken length didn’t catch his attention.
“I realized—I couldn’t bear—” He mocked her in a falsetto voice.
“It’s all about you, isn’t it? Did you ever once think about what I might want?
That I might care about my daughter, want to see her born, watch her take her first step, hear her first word?
You’ve taken a piece of my life away. You’ve stolen time that I can’t recover.
Worse than what I might regret, you have stolen your daughter’s birthright.
Made her suffer when her life might have been easier. There were advantages I could have—”
“Money isn’t everything.”
He dismissed her with a wave of his hand. “I’m not talking about money. I’m talking about people, a culture. A place to grow up knowing that generations before have walked the same path, lived in the same house. Your decision, blamed on me and circumstance, has destroyed two lives.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. A flash of lightning showed the trail of tears on her cheeks. “You’re right.”
He turned and hit the fireplace mantel. “That doesn’t make me feel better.”
“I know.”
“Why? Why did you come back? Why are you doing this?”
“I wanted Billie—” Her voice cracked. “I wanted the two of you to meet.”
“Was it all a sick game? We met. Big deal. Did you think I wouldn’t guess eventually? Who else aside from Charlene knows?”
“No one.”
“Your parents?”
“Yes.”
He cursed.
“I couldn’t tell you.” She took a step toward him as if to beseech him to listen.
When he glared, she moved back. “When I first arrived, I wasn’t sure you’d want Billie in your life.
She seems tough, but she’s still a little girl.
If I’d told you about her right away, you would have been angry and might have said or done something that would have scarred her. ”