Chapter Thirteen #2
With that she held his face still and raised herself up on tiptoe.
She brushed her tongue across his lips. He tasted wet and warm and wonderful…
like Adam, she thought, closing her eyes and leaning closer.
His hands moved from around her waist up, until he cupped her breasts.
Instantly, her nipples hardened and he teased them.
She broke away. “Billie’s outside.”
“I know.” He planted one last quick kiss on her mouth, then stepped back. “How about something to cool me down?”
“There’s still beer in the fridge.”
“Thanks.” He walked across the room. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get over here yesterday. It was one crisis after another. I didn’t want you to think it was because Sunday night didn’t mean anything to me.”
“You explained this on the phone as well as with the roses. They’re beautiful.”
He twisted the top off the bottle and shut the refrigerator. After taking a swallow, he looked at her. “I wanted to make sure you understood.”
He was so damned decent, she thought, feeling her love for him swell inside of her.
For a moment she toyed with the idea of telling him what she’d realized that afternoon in the attic.
But it was too soon. There was still so much to work out.
Besides, she wasn’t sure that Adam was interested in her love.
He hadn’t had time to come to grips with all the sudden changes.
Neither of them had. And he had a lot more forgiving to do than she did.
“I understand. Do you want to stay for dinner?”
“I’d love to.”
“Should I invite Charlene?”
“She’s busy with her packing tonight. I don’t know that she’ll have time.”
“I’ll call and ask. When does she leave?”
“In the morning.”
Jane smiled. “I admire her. Going to Greece. Alone. At her age.”
“I’m not so sure she’s going alone.”
She turned back to the counter and continued dicing the vegetables she’d been working on when he arrived. “Then with whom?”
“I haven’t a clue. Maybe one of her trucker friends. I was thinking about Billie,” he said, approaching her from behind and resting his hands on her shoulder.
“She’s been thinking about you, too,” she said. She tilted her head and rested her cheek on his hand.
“And?”
“She wanted to know about calling you Dad.” She smiled up at him. “I hope you don’t mind that I encouraged her.”
He swallowed. “I’d like that.”
“She said that it would take a little getting used to, but I don’t think it will be all that long.”
He picked up the beer bottle and took a drink. “Speaking of Billie, I thought I’d better bone up on this whole parenting thing.”
“What does that mean?”
“I’ll show you.” He walked into the hallway and returned with a bag from a local bookstore. “I picked up a few books on raising children. Just to give me a frame of reference.”
He spread them out on the counter. She scanned the titles, then wiped her hands on a nearby dish towel and picked up the top one. “Assertive Discipline For Children. Don’t let Billie see this one.”
“She’s going to need a firm hand.”
Jane shook her head. She didn’t like the sound of that. “Billie is her own person.”
“She’ll be a teenager in a few years.”
“She’s only eight.”
“I’ve done a little reading. It’s important to control—”
“Stop.” She held up her hand. “I know control is your favorite word, but it’s not mine. I want you to be a part of Billie’s life, but that means we’ll be working together, Adam.”
“I’ve been thinking about that, too.”
“And?”
“What about her last name? Shouldn’t it be mine?”
First Billie and now him. Did they have some sort of psychic communication she didn’t know about? “I don’t think that’s important.”
“It will be.” He stared down at her. The warm lover who had greeted her with a kiss was disappearing and in his place stood the cold stranger she’d come to fear. “School starts in a few weeks.”
“I’m aware of that. I have a planning meeting next week.”
“My point is Billie isn’t going to keep quiet about me.”
“So?”
“Orchard is a very small town. As soon as word gets out, people are going to talk.”
She covered her face with her hands. “I know. I didn’t want to think about that, but you’re right.”
He touched her arms and lowered them to her sides. “I’m not trying to be difficult, Jane, but these are things we have to talk about.”
“But do we have to deal with them now?”
“Why not?”
Because I’ve just realized that I never stopped loving you, she thought. Because I want you to hold me and love me and promise me this time we can make it. Because I need to hear that I’m not too late. “I just thought—” She shrugged.
“What about her birth certificate?”
“What about it?”
“Am I listed as her father?”
“We went over this already. Of course.”
“Good. Then we won’t have to deal with the formalities of an adoption.”
“Adoption! What on earth are you talking about?”
He folded his arms over his chest and leaned against the counter.
“I want to legally recognize Billie as my daughter. I’m meeting with my lawyer and changing my will.
Everything will be left to her—in a trust of course.
There are certain family heirlooms that will go to Dani and Ty, but the bulk of the estate—”
“Stop!”
She walked out of the kitchen and down the hall.
He followed. When she reached the front parlor, she instantly regretted leaving the safety of the other room.
The scent of roses filled the parlor. The soft light from the lamp caught their peachy color and made the individual petals look as if they glowed.
“You’re going too fast,” she said, without turning around. “We have to handle this situation one crisis at a time. The first item is dealing with the three of us as a family.”
“But I want Billie to be taken care of.”
“I’ve done that.” She spun to face him. “She’s been taken care of just fine. By me. I’ve been responsible all these years and we’ve managed to survive without you.”
“That isn’t necessary anymore.”
She saw by the stubborn set of his jaw that she wasn’t getting through to him. “We don’t need your money.”
“Don’t let your pride interfere with what’s best for the child. There’s medical insurance, contributions to her college funds. I want to take care of the details. You shouldn’t have to do it on your own. Billie is my daughter, too.”
Where had he gone? she wondered as she looked searchingly at his eyes. The deep brown gave nothing away. But sometime between the last time she’d seen him and this, she’d lost her ability to find his vulnerable side. The need to control had returned in full force.
“You want too much, too soon,” she said, rubbing her hands up and down her arms. Despite the muggy heat, she felt cold.
He leaned against the doorframe. “I’d also like to go with you when you meet with her teachers.”
“Dammit, Adam, are you listening to me?”
“Of course.”
“Adam, I’m not a child anymore. You can’t push me around.”
He frowned. “I don’t understand why you can’t be reasonable.”
“Reasonable?” It hurt so much, she thought as the tears formed.
She blinked them back. “You can’t win this by controlling us.
You can’t make me stay or Billie care about you by giving her your last name or putting her in your will.
That’s not what matters. It’s the people.
Us. You. Me. Billie. Love us. Let us love you. That’s how we’ll make it work.”
He turned away, but not before she saw the fear in his eyes. He couldn’t, she realized with a sense of panic. He couldn’t do it without the control. To him that’s all he had. She’d grown up while she was gone, but he hadn’t learned that love without trust, without freedom, could never survive.
“Oh, Adam.” The tears fell. She didn’t bother to brush them away.
He looked at her then. “No,” he said coldly. “You’re not going to run this time. You’re not taking Billie away from me.” She shook her head. “You don’t get it. That’s not what this is about. It’s about letting yourself love somebody, and trusting them to love you back.”
The front door banged open. Billie ran in.
“I’m hungry, Mom,” she called. “When do we eat?” She came to a sudden stop and glanced up. “M-mom?”
Jane reached up to wipe her face, but it was too late. “I’m fine,” she said through the tears, then turned and fled up the stairs.
Billie stared after her, then swung her gaze to Adam.
“You made my mother cry!”
Adam felt as if he’d taken a sucker punch to the gut. “Billie, I didn’t mean—”
“Why’d you do that? I hate you.”
She ran at him and began punching his thighs. The blows were too light to cause damage, but they hurt him as much as if she’d stabbed him with a knife. Every touch of her fist was a dagger to his heart.
“Billie! No! Stop, please! This isn’t what you think.” He dropped to his knees and grabbed the girl’s hands in his. She squirmed to get away.
“I won’t let you hurt her. I won’t!” she cried.
“Hush, Billie. Listen.” She tried to twist out of his grasp. “Please. Just listen.”
His quiet voice finally got through to her. She stopped moving and stared at him. Tears rolled down her cheeks. Her nose was red and her hat askew.
“I didn’t hurt her on purpose,” he said, taking the chance and releasing her. “I’m going to go up and talk with her, but first I need to make sure you understand.”
“You made her cry,” she repeated stubbornly, wiping the back of her hand across her face.
“I know and I’m sorry. Sometimes it’s easy to hurt people we care about even though we don’t mean to. Have you ever made your mother cry?”
She stared down at her feet. “Yes.” Her voice came out as a whisper.
“Do you remember how it made you feel?”
“Bad.”
“That’s how I feel inside. I’d never hurt you or your mother on purpose. I’m going to apologize to her. Do you understand?”
She nodded without looking up.
“Billie?” He touched his index finger to her chin. She raised her head. “Are we okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Promise?”
She gave him a watery smile. “Yeah. We’re okay.”
“Can I have a hug?”