Chapter Ten
Wilder lay awake in bed for a long time that night, thinking about the day he’d spent with Cody and Beth.
He couldn’t help but admire Beth’s devotion to her nephew and the way she overcame her own reservations to embrace opportunities and new experiences for the little boy.
Everything she did seemed to be motivated by his best interests, even before her own wants and needs, her actions a stark contrast to those of her sister, who’d apparently had no qualms about abandoning her child.
Of course, Wilder knew from experience that maternal instincts weren’t really instincts in the true sense of the word.
They weren’t as universal as the compulsion of birds to build nests.
While a lot of parents might instinctively bond with, nurture and protect their children, giving birth to a child didn’t automatically create or foster such instincts.
If it did, his mother never would have walked away, leaving Max to raise their six sons on his own.
Had his father had stronger instincts to care for his children? Or had he only done what needed to be done because his wife’s abandonment had left him with no other option?
More important, would Wilder be able to learn everything he needed to know to raise his son—if it turned out that Cody was his son?
And why didn’t he share Max’s conviction that the baby was a Crawford?
Was it because he didn’t want to be a father to the little guy?
Or was he afraid that he would fail in his efforts to be what Cody needed?
“Fatherhood changes everything,” Max had told Wilder, when they were alone at the Ambling A after everyone else had gone on Christmas night.
Apparently that was true whether he wanted anything to change or not. And even without any confirmation that he was a father.
At first, he’d been panicked at the idea the kid was his.
Now, after spending only a few days with Cody.
..well, he wasn’t quite ready to start handing out cigars with blue bands that proclaimed “It’s a Boy,” but he wasn’t quite so terrified anymore, either.
Of course, cigars might be premature, anyway, as he was still waiting on the results of the DNA test.
Maybe he’d feel more of a connection to the kid if he’d known that he existed before he was four months old. If he’d had the opportunity to help Leighton prepare for his arrival. If he’d been there when their baby was born.
He was angry that she’d taken that opportunity away from him. That she’d chosen not to tell him about the pregnancy, to cut him out of the life of his child—if Cody was his child.
And he was still angry the next morning, and continuing to mull over these thoughts, as he sipped his coffee.
“Are you okay?” Beth asked.
“Sure. Why?”
“Because you’re gripping the handle of that mug so tight it’s a wonder it hasn’t snapped off in your hand.”
He uncurled his fist and set the mug on the counter.
“Wilder?” she prompted.
“I guess I’m just realizing how much I missed out on, not knowing that Leighton was pregnant.”
“I think, in the beginning, she didn’t reach out to you because she wasn’t sure she was going to keep the baby,” she admitted.
He swallowed. “She considered ending her pregnancy?”
“No.” Beth immediately shook her head. “Never. She always planned to have the baby, but she didn’t know if she would keep him.”
“You’re talking about adoption,” he realized.
Now she nodded.
“But...why?” he wondered.
“Because she wanted her baby to have a better life than she could give him as a single mother. She wanted him to have a family.”
“She didn’t have to be a single mother. If Leighton had told me she was pregnant, I would have offered to do the right thing.”
“Because getting married for the sake of a baby is the right thing?” she asked dubiously.
“Sometimes it is,” he said.
“Maybe that’s why she didn’t tell you,” Beth remarked.
“What does that mean?” he challenged.
“I can’t imagine any woman being swept off her feet by such an offer, and it definitely wouldn’t have swayed my sister.”
He scowled at that. “You think she would have said no?”
“I wouldn’t presume to know how she might have responded,” Beth said. “But I think the fact that she didn’t tell you she was pregnant proves she didn’t trust you would support her choices.”
“But she trusted you?” he challenged.
“I did support her,” she said.
“And yet, when she got to the point where she felt overwhelmed by her responsibilities, she brought the baby to me,” he pointed out.
He was right, and that truth was like a slap to Beth’s face.
She’d thought she was doing what was best for her sister.
She’d offered her a sympathetic ear and a strong shoulder; she’d listened and counseled and encouraged.
And all the while she’d been promising her support, she’d also been pushing her sister in the direction Beth wanted her to go.
Of course it’s your choice if you want to give your baby up for adoption.
But if you decide to keep him, I’ll be there for you. Whatever you need. Whatever he needs.
Leighton had been honest in expressing her reservations about working as a bartender and raising a child on her own.
She’d wanted to do the best thing for her baby—to give him a real family.
But Beth had pointed out that they were a family; she’d assured her that they could be everything he’d ever need.
And so Leighton had been persuaded to keep her baby.
But sometime during the past four months, she’d apparently had a change of heart.
Or maybe she’d begun to suspect her sister was wrong.
Either way, there was one fact that Beth could no longer deny: it was her fault Cody had been left on a ranch in Montana.
“We were just talking about the big New Year’s Eve party at Maverick Manor,” Max said, when Beth returned to the main level after putting Cody down for his nap. “It’s the fancy hotel off the highway owned by Nate Crawford—you might have seen it on your way into Rust Creek Falls.”
“Isn’t everything in this town owned by a Crawford?” Beth asked.
“Not quite everything,” Max said. Then he winked. “At least, not yet.”
Beth smiled, though she suspected he wasn’t entirely joking. The Crawford patriarch struck her as a man capable of world—or at least small-town—domination.
“So what do you think?” he asked.
“About what?”
“The party.”
She looked at Wilder, as if he might be able to give her a clue as to why his father was asking, but he only shrugged.
“Sounds like fun?” she said.
“Great. I’ll tell Nate to add your name to the guest list.”
“Oh,” she said, startled by the suggestion. “I meant it would be fun for you—not for me.”
“You don’t like parties?” Max challenged.
“She doesn’t know how to have fun,” Wilder said.
And though the twinkle in his eye assured Beth that he was only teasing, the remark too closely echoed her sister’s oft-repeated criticism for her to slough it off.
“That’s true,” she said, aware that her tone was as stiff as her smile. “So while it’s thoughtful of you to invite me, I have to decline.”
“Don’t say no,” Max protested.
But she didn’t stick around to discuss the matter any further. There was no point, when she knew she wouldn’t change her mind.
She instinctively headed toward the guest room, just as she’d retreated to her bedroom when she was a child, as if closing the door could shut out the taunting voices that called her names.
“Worrywart.”
“Spoilsport.”
“Killjoy.”
“Little Miss Perfect.”
Sticks and stones may break my bones...
The childhood rhyme echoed in her head as Beth reached the top of the stairs.
Maybe names didn’t leave physical scars, but they did hurt.
The barbs stung even more when they were tossed by her sister.
For as long as she could remember, Beth had adored her little sister, but she’d also been aware that her affection wasn’t returned.
So she’d tried harder to be liked by her sibling, to be included in her activities, to be part of her life.
Every once in a while, Leighton would invite her into her inner circle, allow her to be included in her plans.
It didn’t take Beth long to realize that her sister wasn’t trying to befriend her so much as she was testing her.
But it wasn’t in Beth’s nature to go along with the crowd when what the crowd was doing was questionable, dangerous or illegal.
And Leighton had stopped inviting her, further cementing her status as an outcast, widening the gap between the sisters’ lives.
Wilder caught up to her in the hall, before she even reached her room.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
She shook her head. “You didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.”
“But I didn’t mean it.”
“Yes, you did. And it’s true. Leighton’s the fun sister. I’m the responsible one.
“And normally that wouldn’t bother me so much, except that her latest actions have been beyond irresponsible.”
“You’re worried about her,” Wilder guessed.
“Of course, I’m worried about her. And I’m worried about Cody. And I’m mad that she doesn’t seem to be worried about Cody.”
She stalked back and forth in the hall. “I mean—she just left him here without telling anyone where she was going or when she would be back,” Beth continued her rant. “How could she do that? And what if something were to happen to his mom? Where would that leave him?”
“I can understand your concerns,” Wilder said. “But even in such a worst-case scenario, I’m confident that Cody would be just fine.”
She frowned. “How can you say that?”
“Because he’d still have his Aunt Beth,” he pointed out to her. “And she’s a force to be reckoned with. Brave and strong. Loving and loyal.”
Inexplicably, her eyes filled.
“Oh, crap,” Wilder said. “What did I say wrong now?”
She shook her head, but she couldn’t stop the tears from spilling onto her cheeks. And though Wilder looked as if he’d rather be anywhere else in that moment, he drew her close and held her while she cried.