Chapter 35 #4
I am pure wreckage in his angry tide.
His hands cup my face desperately, as if he’s afraid I’ll disappear if he lets go.
His kisses are hot and torturous, taking my mouth over and over again.
His full body is involved in the way he kisses, one thumb prying my mouth open, the other hand controlling my head, turning me this way and that, like he can’t get enough of me, like he needs everything I can give him.
He angles my head with expert precision, kissing me in ways I didn’t know were possible.
Our lips tangle, breathless. I can’t stop the moan that escapes my throat, drowned out by the matching broken sound tearing from him. The room swells and contracts until all I can hear is my own heartbeat, all I can feel is his skin on mine.
My awareness fades away almost completely as I surrender to his kiss, so I only exist in how he’s breathing me in, how he holds me, how impossible this all feels.
My heart is going to explode.
I can’t catch my breath. I don’t want to.
He drags his thumb over my bottom lip before taking it between his teeth, and my world catches fire.
He bucks his hips against mine like he’s furious with me. Furious with himself. I lift my leg, wrapping it around his waist, so that when he rolls his hips again, his hard length presses right where I need him.
His hands dart from my face to lock onto my hips, pinning me in place. His entire body goes stiff. Rigid. He’s not letting me move.
His head falls forward, hair brushing my nose. There’s a microsecond where I feel myself sinking, when I’m sure he’s going to end this.
Instead, his next words crash through the silence, completely wrecked. “Fuck it.”
His head snaps back up and his palms jerk from my hips to under my thighs, skin scorching skin.
He scoops me up like I weigh nothing, and slams my back into the wall, hitching my legs apart in one swift motion.
He presses himself against me with a heavy breath, like it’s destroying him to know how well I fit against him.
He rolls his hips once, slowly. Deliberately. Like he’s testing to see if I’ll beg.
I almost do, and I’m pretty sure he knows it.
In the darkness, neither of us knows control. It no longer exists within these walls. Nothing makes sense except how much I need him. How much I want him.
He squeezes my thighs, fingers traveling upward, forcing the hem of my shorts higher with another low groan. A growl.
“You. Drive. Me. Fucking. Insane,” he says in a breathy whisper against my mouth, his voice struggling to remain deep and disguised.
His teeth drag along my lower lip before he traces his tongue along my jaw.
His mouth finds the sensitive place just below my ear, and my body turns to liquid in his arms.
He pulses against me, and the noise I make doesn’t even sound like me.
He smiles against my skin, as if he’s been waiting for that.
Nothing should ever feel this good.
Nothing has ever felt this good.
My head falls back, eyes closed as he kisses every inch of exposed skin he can touch. I grab his head, dragging his mouth back to mine.
He grins while he kisses me, and I don’t need any light to know the cocky look that has settled on his face. It does something inside me, coiling and twisting and writhing, and I grind my center against him.
A whimper escapes me. “Please.”
Something deep and dark—part growl, part moan—crawls its way out of his chest. Involuntary and insatiable.
I’ve never been kissed like this. A kiss that doesn’t even feel like a kiss. A kiss that feels like I’m being claimed. Like no one will ever have me this way again.
His mouth slows, lingering against mine.
Our foreheads meet, and I feel his lips part. He slides his hand into my hair, holding me in place. His breath tangles with mine, but he’s not moving.
He’s going to say my name.
I can feel it. Hear it right there on his tongue, on the sharp intake of breath.
He swallows. Breathes in again.
Say it.
Braaaaaaaap.
The air horn pierces the darkness. His hands tense, body goes painfully still. He sets me down as if I’m breakable, taking a step back.
For a moment, I forgot this was a game, forgot it was always going to end.
Reality slams into my chest. There’s no coming back from this.
What did we do?
I stand there, panting. Breathing and blinking and slowly, regretfully, coming back to a surface I’m not sure I wanted to see again.
I can feel the distance between us before he even takes it. The wall slams back into place.
There’s a difference in liking the way someone kisses and liking them.
As if in agreement, the door in front of me opens, and he disappears through the gap. I put my hand on my chest, willing my heart not to give out.
It won’t happen again.
It can’t.
To be sure of it, I don’t talk to Will for a long time, not about that kiss or about any of the rest of it. We move forward like nothing happened, avoiding each other at every turn.
We’re in each other’s orbit, but only because we have no other choice.
Hating each other no longer feels quite so simple.