Chapter 41 #3
I wait, breathing in sync with him. His movements are cautious, but there’s a charge in the air. He looks like he’s approaching the edge of a cliff, like we both might jump. His gaze dances between my eyes, and I feel the weight of both his hands against my waist.
“You drive me insane most days.” He runs his teeth along his bottom lip. “You make me so mad I could scream. I’ve never met anyone more infuriating than you.”
“So, naturally, you wanted to help me.”
He slides his hands to my hips, jerking me forward until our bodies collide. Our hearts hammer in sync, leaving no space to misunderstand what this is. What it could be.
Lightning sparks in the air, in his eyes, in my veins.
“I have spent my life hating how much I care about you. Hating that it was you. That it was always you. That I…” He can’t say it yet, and maybe, for now, I’m grateful for it. “I can’t stand you, and yet I would kill someone for hurting you.”
Something dark and hot pools in my belly, like blood. Desire. Want. Need.
“I can’t stand you,” he repeats, his voice dropping lower and fracturing, “and yet…I can’t stop thinking about you.
I can’t stop wanting you. I can’t escape you.
” His hand lifts to my cheek, brushing a stray piece of hair back.
His fingers go still, lingering near my jaw.
“I never could. That’s why I pulled away back then. ”
I swallow. “The bonfire.” The words come out on a breath.
His gaze darkens, eyes dragging down my neck. Across my chest. “I should’ve just come over there and thrown you over my shoulder and carried you home with me.”
“Instead, you kissed someone else.”
“You weren’t mine.”
But that’s not what it felt like, even then. I tilt my head to the side and trace a finger across his chest, noticing the racing beat beneath my touch. “And yet…it didn’t stop you.”
His face goes still, assessing me, trying to understand.
“The barn.” I drop the words between us, waiting for the world to implode.
A muscle twitches under his eye. His gaze flicks to my mouth again, lingering there. “You knew?”
“Of course I knew.”
“That night?” he demands.
I swallow. “Yes.”
“And yet you let me kiss you?” A ghost of a smile touches his lips.
“And yet you kissed me.”
He closes his eyes, and drops his forehead against mine, like he can’t bear to look at me.
When he opens them again, they’re darker.
Sharper. Hungrier. “Do you have any idea how long I’d dreamed about tasting you?
” His voice drops low and gravelly with desire.
“About having you like that? All to myself?”
Heat swirls through me, curling in my stomach and along my spine. My fingertips tingle like they’ve fallen asleep. Part of me thinks this is all a dream, a reality that could never truly exist. Part of me hopes I’ll never wake up.
“And once was enough?”
The corner of his mouth bounces up with a thought I don’t get to hear. His gaze lingers on my lips. “I’ve replayed it once or twice in my head since then.”
I look down, stunned by his honesty. “So have I.”
He lifts a finger to my chin and tilts it up, so I’m forced to meet his eyes.
I don’t look away. His thumb brushes my skin lightly, sending a shiver through me.
“I couldn’t let anyone else have you like that.
I tried. I tried to walk away—I hated myself for not walking away—but I…
I saw my chance. I was selfish with you.
I always have been. That game…knowing you were in there, that I could—that you wanted someone to…
Just once. Ten minutes. It would never be enough, but it was probably the only chance I’d ever have to kiss you without consequences.
Without you pushing me away. I thought my heart was going to give out walking into that room. But I had to know…”
I open my mouth slightly, prepared to push him further, but I can’t find a single word in my throat. My heart beats against my ribcage like a wild animal, so erratic I can barely think.
“I had to know.” His voice goes low as he repeats the words, ending the sentence that I’m afraid may forever haunt me. “I thought you believed I was a stranger. And I hated myself for letting you believe it. I shouldn’t have let myself—”
“You asked my permission before you touched me. And I joined the game willingly, remember?”
Something hot—dangerous—flickers behind his eyes. I feel it ripple through me. “So, you would’ve kissed whoever found you there like that?”
Now it’s my turn to be honest. My throat is too dry, chest tight. “I’m not sure I’ve ever kissed anyone else like that.”
That makes him smile. That cocky, infuriating smile that I’ve always hated, but now it does something else to me. Something…intoxicating.
“Why do you think that is, Opal?” The way he says my name is different now. Or maybe it’s me that’s different. His voice is low and slow, impossibly deep.
Shyness creeps over me. My fingers curl in on themselves. “I don’t know.”
“Be honest.”
“Because…” I meet his eyes again. The air is so thick I can hardly catch my breath. “Because no matter how much I hated you, no matter how infuriating I found you, there was still no one who knew me better. And still no one I’ve ever wanted more than I wanted you that night.”
“Wanted. Past tense.” His gaze falls lazily to my lips, and I see the decision made in his eyes. “You don’t still…want me?” His thumb presses lightly into my waist, a spark of fire that burns just right.
I open my mouth. The answer is there. Hot and reckless, honest and ready to ruin everything. And then—
Buzzzzzzzz.
The sound slices through the air like a blade.
Across the kitchen, Will’s phone vibrates on the counter. The tension shatters at our feet, the apartment suddenly too cold. Too quiet.
Reality crashes back in.
Will gives a regretful look, but we both know it could be about Margie. He has to check it. There’s no choice. He brushes my hand with his as he steps away, keeping his eyes on me until the moment he checks the screen.
My heart pounds like I’ve just run a marathon, though I suppose turning my world on its axis was an equal amount of work.
I’m in a daze as Will answers the phone, not really listening to a word he’s saying, and when he hangs up, his face is pale. As if he, too, realizes the mess we’ve just put ourselves in.
With true feelings hanging between us, out in the open, I’m not sure we’ll ever go back to what we were. I’m not sure I want to.
“That was Cory. He’s on his way back to your mom’s after Richie’s soccer practice, and he got a flat. He tried to call your mom, since she’s closer, but…she’s not answering.”
I check the clock. It’s not late enough for her to be asleep yet. Panic seizes my ribs, erasing all other thoughts. “We have to go.”
He doesn’t hesitate.
But when our eyes meet—just for a second as we slip out the door—everything we almost said, every line we almost crossed, is still there.