Secure Attachment

Chapter One

“ O h my God, his hands were so sweaty!”

Debs Brannigan snorted at the exclamation of her friend and colleague, watching as Grace Khan practically ran across the room to the top drawer of Debs’ desk where she knew she kept a bottle of hand sanitiser. “I think I nearly vomited a little.”

“I think he has to be up there in the top five,” Debs replied, catching the small bottle as Grace threw it to her and dousing her hands in the pungent gel. “Thanks, Grace. You were amazing.”

“Ah, just doing my job.”

Debs watched as Grace shrugged, brushing off the praise as she always did, that hint of self-doubt at her own skills still peeking through even after the past year had shown her to be more than capable. Debs never had her doubts, but she couldn’t deny the stark change she saw in Grace from who she remembered from university to the woman she was reintroduced to.

Debs had known Grace was a force to be reckoned with when they first met each other in university nearly twelve years ago. She, Grace, and the third in their group, Mica, were inseparable through those years. But life, a misjudged attempt at Mica declaring their love for Grace, and the interference of Grace’s ex-husband, Nate, had meant that they had lost touch.

Mica and Grace were destined for each other as soon as they first laid eyes on each other, and Debs watched as the two of them danced around their feelings for the entirety of university until Mica left the city for a new life in Glasgow and refused to return for over a decade. Debs had tried to tempt them back on more than one occasion, but there was something preventing Mica from taking that step that they wouldn’t even confide in Debs about. It was only when she had managed to drag them back, practically begging them to come and help on a big deal in the city centre that her company was at risk of losing, that she found out the truth.

Mica had declared their love for Grace and asked her to move with them to Glasgow. Grace had never shown. The two of them had spent the next ten years drifting through their lives, never really finding happiness until they reconnected, finally admitting their feelings to each other. It hadn’t been easy for either of them. Grace was reeling from leaving her marriage and adjusting to life as a single parent; Mica was wary of letting themself become close to Grace again, and Debs was partly to blame for that. While she never wanted to see Mica unhappy, she was cautious about Mica becoming too involved, knowing that their greatest weakness always was Grace. It wasn’t that she thought Grace would take advantage, just that she had seen the effects of Mica’s unwavering devotion to her before. Mica would always put Grace before themself, and the consequences of that were more on Mica than anyone else.

But this time around, they had both learnt the importance of communicating; the intervening years and their own experiences shaping them to be one of the most supportive and loving couples which Debs had ever witnessed. Any doubts she had about the two of them were quickly washed away when she saw the difference it had made in Mica. Any lingering concerns were firmly buried the moment she first saw them together.

And so, when Mica had mentioned in passing one day that Grace was considering searching for a new job, it planted a seed of something in Debs’ mind. She knew where Grace’s strength lay from when the two of them studied together; she was a people person whose presence always put those around her at ease. Not to mention someone who was logical and considerate in her thoughts. She had excelled in her studies, too, always one of the first people apart from Mica who Debs ever wanted to work with when it came to assignments, and Debs had no doubt that if life had dealt her a different hand, she would now be one of the top in whatever field she decided to work in.

However, life hadn’t exactly given her a great hand, and Debs also knew that years of being treated as though she was nothing more than a mother and wife had eroded at the very essence of who Grace was. Debs had admitted to Grace that she had her doubts when Mica and she first got back in touch, and Grace didn’t take offence, in fact thanking Debs for looking out for Mica in those years when she couldn’t. Everything Mica had told her about who Grace was now reassured Debs that Grace was still the same person she always had been, although a little older and wiser, with her fingers burnt after a failed relationship. All Debs could see was the strength of her character.

After days of careful thought and planning, Debs went to Grace with an offer: join Brannigan Developments as a junior project manager. Grace was shocked to say the least, instantly claiming that she wasn’t the right person for the job. But Debs disagreed. She’d always had an eye for talent, seeing people’s strengths and potential, and made sure she surrounded herself with the best when she was first building her business and now. Grace was someone she wanted.

It took some negotiation and reassurance that Debs wasn’t looking for an immediate answer, and Debs was sure there were some long and heartfelt conversations between Grace and Mica, but finally, Grace came to her to accept the offer.

And just as Debs had predicted, Grace was a natural. She wasn’t sure how she would have coped some days over the past few months without Grace Khan beside her.

Debs levelled Grace with a look. “You were amazing. Harry Jenkins wanted above what anyone could have delivered, and you were firm in your dismissal of that. I barely even needed to be here.”

“I’m not so sure about that,” Grace said with a chuckle. “He still wants you on the project. But thank you anyway.”

Debs recognised the progress it showed for Grace to just accept the compliment without feeling the need to argue back anymore. Leaving it as it was, Debs walked back around her desk and dropped down into her chair. “You and Mica have any plans for this weekend?”

“I think we’re taking Bobby to the Media Museum on Saturday.”

“Again? Didn’t you go the other weekend?”

“Yeah, but he wants to see the Dalek again. Ever since Mica got him watching Doctor Who, he’s become obsessed.”

Debs rolled her eyes. “Like that’s a hardship for either of you. You two were always watching that shit at uni.”

“Still not a fan?”

“Nope. But thanks for getting Charlie onto it. That’s all I hear about these days.”

Grace laughed. “You’re welcome. He can come with us if he wants?”

Debs shook her head. “James has got them this weekend, but thanks.”

“Okay. What are you doing? You can come for dinner tonight if you want? Bobby would love to see you.”

Debs was grateful of the offer, and she appreciated that Mica and Grace were concerned about her since the separation, but she didn’t need to be babysat. It had been over a year since she and James split, and she was ready to move on from being the aim of their sympathy.

“Bobby would be disappointed I didn’t have Charlie and Thea with me,” she corrected, sliding her glasses onto her nose.

“He loves you too, you know.”

“I know. And I also know what you’re doing. But I’ll be fine. You don’t have to invite me over every time I don’t have the kids, you know?”

“Mica worries about you sitting at home on your own. We both do.”

“Is this some kind of twisted retribution for when I kept pestering them about being a sad bastard when they first moved back to Leeds?”

Grace laughed. “Maybe. But I also think they see what you were trying to do in a new light now the tables have somewhat turned.”

“Well, tell them they shouldn’t. I appreciate what they’re doing, both of you, but honestly, I’m just looking forward to a long, hot soak in the bath with a cool glass of wine and some peace and quiet.”

Debs sighed as the almost scalding water enveloped around her, washing away the stresses and aches of the past week. She tipped her head back, closing her eyes and letting the sounds of her chill out club classics playlist drift around her.

She wasn’t lying when she told Grace she was looking forward to this. Debs had always thrived by keeping busy, and she still did, even though it was a little harder to balance things now she was doing half of it on her own. But fifteen months down the line, the new normal was something everyone had just about adjusted to.

For most, the end of a nearly ten-year long relationship should have come as a shock to the system. But when James had sat her down that evening, she already knew what was coming. She could tell by the soft look in his eyes, the way they were tinged with guilt and fear at speaking the words both of them knew to be true until he took the leap to be the one to say them.

Debs and James had met in Debs’ first year of the graduate job she had secured straight out of university. He was working on one of the construction sites the company was funding, a few years older than she was, and he had walked straight into her office on site one day and asked her out. It was a whirlwind romance, one Mica teased her for even from a distance, but one neither of them had expected would involve Debs falling pregnant after six months.

James had immediately proposed, which Debs turned down, stating that they didn’t need to get married just because she was pregnant. They both wanted the baby and were both willing to work at their still fledgling relationship whilst navigating the unforeseen surprise that had come their way. She was sure that many expected them to fail—in fact, she had heard the rumours around the site in those first few months—but they were both mature enough to ignore the whispers and instead focused on themselves.

Only when Debs was eight months pregnant, ready to pop but not yet ready to slow down, did they move in together, still agreeing that while they didn’t want to put too much pressure on their relationship, it was the logical and best thing for them both. Navigating a relatively new relationship while dealing with the inevitable changes a newborn brought was stressful, but they found a way that worked for them. It made them stronger. Aside from Mica, James was her best friend, and she credited the less than conventional start to their journey together as the reason why.

In an ironic way, it was their friendship that also led to their divorce. That part of their relationship never failed to change, even through a marriage, another baby, and the shifts in their dynamic as both Debs’ and James’ careers grew. And so, when they both came to the realisation that their friendship had outlasted their marriage, there were no hard feelings on either side. They were mature enough to approach it in the same way they had in their early twenties while facing the prospect of having a baby. If they could manage that, they could manage this separation.

That wasn’t to say the change wasn’t monumental. Of course it was. There were the logistics of co-parenting from two separate houses, the initial discussion of who would live where, the division of the assets they had invested in together. But at no point was there a raised voice. There was no anger, no resentment. Just the sad and somewhat melancholy resolution that this part of their lives was over.

Debs had cried, had shed tears over the loss of her confidante and cheerleader, even though he wasn’t really going anywhere. But the knowledge that someday James would find someone new, that he would no longer be her James, weighed heavy on her heart.

The children had been shocked and understandably upset with the news. Since there was nothing wrong with the relationship apart from a shift in their love from romantic to platonic, it was difficult for the then nine- and six-year-olds to grasp why their parents had to now live in separate houses. It was by far the hardest part of the whole process, although Debs imagined it was for most separations, even if other parents had a solid reason to explain it.

Acceptance was slow, but Debs thought both Charlie and Thea were getting there—Thea maybe a little faster than Charlie, but that was to be expected. Charlie and James were like two peas in a pod in some respects, and no longer having his father around for the daily things in life was difficult for him to adjust to. There was a period when he refused to listen to Debs, his anger at a situation he didn’t know how to process directed at her, and Debs was accepting of that. His father had moved out of the house; of course, the natural target for his blame would be his mother who remained. But James talked him down, explained things over and over, disciplined him when he pushed it too far. And Mica and Grace offered him a refuge when he needed a break from the pain he no doubt felt at being in the house that reminded him so much of his childhood before it was irrevocably altered. Debs had never been more grateful for the friendship Charlie and Bobby had struck up the year before. She had never been more grateful for his Zizi and his now Aunt Grace for treating him and Thea as their own.

They would all be okay because of the family that had built around them.

But now the dust had settled, and it was the weekends like these when the kids were with James, and Debs had the house to herself that the reality really hit home. Silence was something Debs had never experienced in her home, and the presence of it was startling and scary. Those first few weekends were unsettling, discombobulating Debs to the point she barely knew how to function. They became easier, but it still took her a while to adjust to the peace and solitude that came with an empty house.

“Maybe we should get a cat,” Debs mused out loud. “Would be nice to have some company for the evenings when I’m alone. And the kids would love it.” She stopped herself, glancing around the empty, dimly lit bathroom as if she needed to confirm to herself that she was, in fact, alone still. With an exasperated grunt, she let her head drop back a little firmer than intended against the porcelain of the bath. “And it would sure-as-shit make me feel better about talking to myself.”