Chapter Nine
S ienna stared at the terrarium, debating the same thing over in her mind that she had been doing for the last ten minutes. She looked over her shoulder at Max, who was busy with a customer, overhearing random words of the discussion they were having. Max was currently regaling the woman on the different meanings of each colour of roses; Sienna chuckled to herself and turned away before she was noticed. Max was a sucker for a pretty girl who walked into their shop and would spend longer than two minutes asking for the usual generic bouquet. In fact, Max was a sucker for anyone who would listen to them when it came to plants and flowers. Once they got going, they were in their element. But Sienna couldn’t help but think Max was wasting their time on the pretty girl with blonde hair and blue eyes who had held their attention for the last ten minutes.
The thought of blonde hair and blue eyes snapped Sienna’s own thought back to the glass case in front of her. The arrangement of succulents was beautiful; the white-wash gravel contrasting against the dark, lush green of the leaves and Sienna couldn’t help but think it would look right at home in Debs’ house. Which was ridiculous because, true to her word, there was absolutely zero plant-life in Debs’ house when Sienna had visited three nights ago. It was also ridiculous because once again Sienna had found herself thinking of Debs.
“Hey, let me just lock up and I’m all yours.”
Max’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts, and she spun on her heel, feeling a blush creep up her cheeks at being so utterly lost in her dreams of Debs.
“Sure. You need some help?”
“Take the till drawer upstairs? I’ll meet you up there.”
Sienna weaved her way through the shop, hitting the buttons on the till in a practised motion, going through the usual routine which they followed whenever they met for the evening. She lifted the drawer and went through the door that led to the stairs to Max’s apartment. Pushing the door open, she wandered straight through to the bedroom, kneeling down and sliding the till into the safe which was there, locking it. She could hear Max downstairs, locking the doors before trudging up the stairs themself.
“So what do you fancy tonight?” they said, throwing their keys on the counter.
“Is there a choice?”
“Nah, it’s pizza and gin, but I always like to ask to be polite. You order and I’ll get the drinks on the go.”
Sienna propped herself up on the stool in the kitchen, pulling up the delivery app on her phone and quickly ordering their usual. Pizza and gin was their usual Tuesday night, but her evening with Debs had meant she had been otherwise engaged on Tuesday. But she had rearranged for tonight, especially since Sienna’s job had kept her from indulging in the tradition for the past few weeks. It was like slipping comfortably into a favourite jumper; warmth surrounded her as she tapped her phone screen, Max in her periphery setting out two glasses and preparing their drinks.
“So…” Max broke the silence.
“So what?”
“You’ve been weird and distant since you got here. Want to tell me what’s up?” Max said, slicing the lime in front of them. “Is it still hot businesswoman?”
“No,” Sienna scoffed. She wasn’t about to tell Max that Debs had been on her mind, especially while she was downstairs getting lost in the thought of buying the terrarium for her, despite it costing a sizable chunk of her meagre salary. She sighed, giving Max a half-truth. “I got an email this morning.”
Max’s eyes shot up to her, pinning her with a look. “From…?”
“Yep,” Sienna answered the unasked question.
“And?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t opened it yet.”
“You haven’t…” Max slammed the knife down onto the wooden chopping board. “You’ve literally been waiting for this email for months, and you haven’t opened it yet?”
“No?” Sienna didn’t know why she answered with another question, suddenly unsure about her reasoning. “I didn’t want to! What if it’s bad news? What if I got rejected?”
“Firstly, you’re not going to get rejected. Secondly, what’s your master plan? Ignore it and just turn up in September hoping for the best? Open the fucking email, Sienna.”
“Fine.” She picked up her phone again, opening up the email application, her thumb hovering over the message. Her gaze flitted back up to Max’s, palms sweaty as she held her phone. “Can you?”
She held the phone out to Max, who took it off her with a sympathetic smile. With a raise of their eyebrows, they asked a silent ‘you sure?’ to Sienna, and with a nod, she watched as Max tapped their finger on the screen. Her thumb nail found a thicker, scabbed piece of skin, and she tore at it, the stinging sensation welcome as a distraction. The few seconds which passed as Max’s eyes tracked over the screen were the longest she’d ever felt, drawing out into inexplicable, excruciating moments. She swallowed, her throat thick with anticipation, mind racing back and forth between the best and worst-case scenario until…
“You got in.”
The whispered declaration was quiet in the silence of the room, taking its time to settle into Sienna’s brain and process.
“Sienna? Did you hear me? You got in!”
The sound of her phone clattering on the counter broke her from the swirling fog that seemed to invade her head, as warm arms enveloped her and squeezed her tight, forcing the barely there breath from her lungs.
“I…what? Really?”
Sienna pulled away from Max’s grasp, scrambling for her phone to read the words herself, still uncertain that she had heard Max correctly. But sure enough, there it was, in black and white right in front of her own eyes.
I got in.
The screen blurred as tears filled her vision, and she exhaled deeply, hands shaking as she read it over and over, each time trying desperately hard to comprehend what this actually meant.
“Yes!” Max punched the air with their fist before sweeping Sienna into another hug. “Well done, babe! I’m so proud of you.”
“I don’t believe it.”
“Well, you should! I told you you had nothing to worry about!”
“I really got in!” She covered her mouth, shock still coursing through her system. She knew this would take days, even maybe weeks to settle in fully, sure she would doubt herself and this knowledge in the time to come, but for now she felt as though a weight had been lifted, a swooping lightness overtaking her body at the news.
“Yeah, you did! This calls for doubles!” Max grinned as they went back to making their drinks, Sienna giggling as she watched them pour a more than generous measure of gin into the glasses.
“Alright, calm down! I still have to work tomorrow!”
“This is what you want. What you deserve. Don’t downplay it, and don’t let it pass by. You should celebrate!” Max insisted, pointing a lime wedge in her direction.
“I know and I will! Oh my god, I can’t believe it!” she shrieked, looking again at her phone.
The message notification which popped up as she did caught her attention, and she couldn’t help the fact her grin widened when she saw it was from Debs. I can’t wait to tell her, she thought.
Was wondering if you fancied meeting up to go over some ideas for the auction? Let me know when you’re free x
“How about we do something to celebrate this weekend? Sienna? Are you even listening to me right now?”
“Hmm? Yeah, of course,” Sienna said quickly, hoping that her obvious joy at being accepted to university was enough to cover the blush she could feel creeping across her cheeks at Debs’ message.
“Why are you grinning at your phone like that?”
“I’m just reading the email again.”
“No. No, I know that look… Who texted you?”
Sienna’s gaze shot to Max, instantly clocking the sly grin on their face.
“No one.”
“Oh please. You can’t lie to me. Especially when your cheeks are that adorable shade of pink.”
“They are not pink!” Sienna protested, even though she could feel the burn on her face only getting hotter as she said it.
“Mmhmm.”
“Fine. It’s Debs,” Sienna said, figuring that if she couldn’t lie her way out of this, then she could be honest. Even if that honesty might not be fully transparent. Besides, if she and Debs were really going to plan this event together, there was no way that she was going to manage to not let Max know.
“Your hot businesswoman?” Max teased with a raise of their eyebrows.
“She’s not mine!”
“Ah! But you’re not denying she’s hot. And you so want her to be.”
“Be what?” Sienna spluttered, unsure where to look. Max’s face was far too playful and knowing to lock onto any longer, but the only other option was to look at the phone in her hands, and that would only seem like she was thinking about Debs. Which, yes, she was, but not in the way that Max was implying. Would continue to imply if she looked down.
“Yours. I thought you said she was straight?”
“She is.”
“And not interested in you.”
“She’s not.”
“So why is she texting you?”
Sienna sighed, knowing she had walked right into having to admit something she really didn’t want to talk with Max about. She knew that at some point she probably would have to let Max know that Debs had helped her last week, definitely that they were organising the auction together, but that didn’t mean she was prepared for the conversation to be right now.
“We met up earlier in the week,” Sienna started, knowing there was no good in trying to skip parts of the story. Max would only ask questions to try and figure it out, so she would bite the bullet and just throw it all out there to begin with. “She offered to help me with organising the timetable.”
“When?” Max asked with a scrunch of their nose, before their face dropped in realisation. “Wait? Tuesday?”
“Yes.”
“You blew me off for the hot businesswoman?”
“I didn’t blow you off!”
“No, no. I’m not offended. I’m impressed, Sienna Daly! Good for you!” Max said with a chuckle.
“Please. Do you have to take the piss out of everything?”
“When it makes your face look like that”—Max pointed at her—“absolutely. But actually, I’m not taking the piss. You took up the offer of someone’s help, and for that, I am genuinely impressed.”
“Yeah, well, she did offer, and actually helped. And after dinner—”
“Wait…there was dinner?”
“Yes.” Sienna took a deep breath, feeling that this conversation was rapidly spinning out of her control. “She invited me over to help with the timetable and cooked me dinner as well. Don’t”—she held a finger up, halting Max before their next witty retort—“say anything.”
Max held their hands up in defeat, allowing Sienna to continue. “She invited me over for dinner, helped me with the timetable and afterwards we were talking about work. I mentioned this fundraising idea I had for the centre, and she thought it had merit and offered to help me with it. That’s why she’s texting me.”
Max stayed silent, surprising Sienna. Even though they had held their tongue, she still expected some sort of quick comeback now she had finished speaking. Instead, she just watched as Max seemed to take in all the information before nodding slowly.
“Okay.” Max slid the now made drink across the counter, before tilting their head. “She seems lovely.”
“She…” Sienna was stunned, stumbling at the gentle response which was so out of character for her best friend. “Yes, she is.”
“And you seem to actually listen to her, which in itself is nothing short of a miracle.”
“I…I do. I mean, I don’t, not always.” She huffed, suddenly frustrated at herself at being able to adequately communicate what it was that Debs did for her. “It’s not like she says something and I immediately believe it. I really don’t. But she has a way of making people feel…”
“Seen?”
Sienna sighed. “Yes. And I know that’s dangerous because it only makes her all the more appealing when it comes to wanting to spend time together. But I just keep reminding myself that there’s nothing to it.”
“What makes you think that?” Max asked, finally coming to sit next to Sienna.
“Because she’s straight. And even though she’s hot, as you put it, and lovely, that doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s interested in me. Not in that way.”
“But you like her?”
Sienna groaned, dropping her face into her hands. “She’s like everything I would want in a perfect woman.”
“Oh babe,” Max said, leaning over and placing their hands over Sienna’s.
“And it’s ridiculous because I’ve only known her for a few weeks, less really. We’ve spent like a handful of hours together, but there’s something about the time we do spend together that is just… I really like spending time with her.”
“So spend time with her.”
Sienna’s head shot up, glaring at Max. “What?”
“You just said you like spending time with her. And clearly that time is doing you some good, because I’m not going to lie, this look on you is good. Maybe it’s just a crush which you’ll get over and this woman could actually be someone who is good for you to have in your life.”
“You’re being surprisingly calm about all this? I expected teasing or you telling me this was a massive fuck-up waiting to happen.”
“And maybe it is,” Max said, shrugging. “But like you said, you’ve only known each other for a few weeks. Maybe once the initial gay panic you’re feeling has worn off, you two are just meant to be friends. Do you really want to throw that potential away because you find her attractive?”
“No, I guess not.”
“Plus, you said you two are doing this fundraiser together, right? So you’ve got to work with each other?”
“Yes. Although, really, nothing’s planned yet. I could just say it’s a bad idea and not do it.”
“Do you want to?” Max asked, looking over the top of their glass as they took a sip.
Sienna pondered it for a moment. Trying to push the involvement of Debs out of her mind, she tried to think about only the impact of doing the auction, what it would mean, the changes it could bring. It was difficult, when the whole idea, the confidence which she had to even consider doing it, was so intrinsically linked with Debs. But she had to. To think clearly, she had to think of only the auction in terms of The Lighthouse.
“No, I don’t.”
“Right, so why don’t you try and see if you two can do this together, and then see how you feel at the end of it? I’m not saying it will be easy, and I’m not pushing you into something which could be painful for you. If at any point it gets too much, you can always take a step back. But really, is it worth throwing away over something which could be as small as a passing infatuation?” Max cupped Sienna’s cheek, an act so soft and that they hadn’t bestowed on her for so long, she felt it deep in her chest. “You need people around you, Sienna. And while I will always be here, there’s always room for someone else. Especially someone who sees you for the wonderful, intelligent, kind person you are. Don’t throw that away just because you’re scared of something that might never be.”
Sienna knew Max was right. She had always been happy with her small circle of friends, although over the years it had reduced to practically just Max. And while she cherished everything that they had become to her, everything which she really feared they could never have because of what they had once been, she couldn’t help but think that she could really have room in her life for someone like Debs. And really, if Debs was so freely open and giving with her time and affection, with her reassurances in what Sienna was capable of, should she really turn down the opportunity to have a person like that in her life?
“You’re right.” She sighed, dropping her shoulders and resigning herself to her friend’s wisdom. “But if this all goes to shit, you do know that I’m going to be here blaming you, right?”
“Always on standby when things go to shit, you know that,” they said with a grin.
“So what do I do?”
“Text her back, and organise the fundraiser. And start believing that you deserve some good in your life, Sienna.”