Chapter Twenty-Five
“ C an’t I just call off and spend the evening with you?”
Debs smiled sadly. She could tell there was a hidden meaning behind Sienna’s words, as if there was something else that made her want to avoid the dinner she was going to. Sienna hadn’t said anything else about her family, not since that one short conversation they had had before anything else had developed between them, but her silence on the topic had spoken more than Sienna had realised. Debs had got the distinct impression that her mother’s disapproval extended long past just quitting university, even though Debs thought it was a brave and difficult decision. But she wasn’t going to push. Sienna would tell her when she was ready, and she had already promised to listen when that time came. Forcing the issue wasn’t the way, as much as she wanted to know everything about the woman.
“As much as I would love that, you can’t just sack off dinner with your parents.”
“I know.” Sienna sighed, and it was more weary than Debs had heard in weeks.
“Will your sister be there?”
There was a pause on the end of the line, a stagnant, loaded silence, and Debs wondered what it was that had caused it.
“No. No, she won’t.”
“Oh, okay. Well, you have loads to tell them. It’s been a few weeks since the auction, but you’ve had loads of follow-ups which they might be excited to hear about.”
“Yeah…sure.”
Debs wondered what the hesitation was which she sensed in Sienna’s voice. She knew that Sienna would downplay her involvement, and that support had been something which was lacking in the past, but even her parents couldn’t deny how much she had achieved recently.
“Just get through this evening, and I’ll make it worth your while.” She changed tactics, trying to alleviate some of the tension she could feel radiating off her, even down the phone.
The light music of Sienna’s laugh made Debs smile, easing her concern a little. She knew it wouldn’t fix whatever doubts Sienna had about this dinner, but at least she had made her smile, just for a moment.
“And what exactly would you have in mind?”
“Well, I guess that depends on just how hideous dinner is.”
“I’m sure it will be horrendous. I might need to be rendered completely incapable of thinking about anything.”
Debs smirked. Sex with Sienna was something which she had no comparison for. Granted, her experience recently had been only with James, and while satisfactory, it was nothing compared to Sienna. She had wondered why that was; was it the thrill of someone new, of Sienna being the first woman she had been with, or just the fact that this was a side of herself that she had wondered would be lost forever. She was increasingly believing, however, that it was just Sienna, that connection that they had, the unspoken, unmentioned fact that they just understood each other. Whatever it was, Debs also wasn’t going to waste time dissecting it too much. She was, for the first time in months, maybe even years, finding out and giving herself the freedom to discover and indulge in who she was outside of being a mother to Charlie and Thea and being the boss in the office. Sienna saw a facet of herself that was only reserved for those closest to her, and she would willingly keep showing her for as long as she could.
And the fact that she apparently could render Sienna completely useless with her hands and fingers was something that Debs would continue to explore.
“And do you have a preference for how I should achieve such a state?”
“Babe…”
The breathy term of endearment made Debs’ core clench, the memory of how she near-on chanted it as she came this morning after Debs had convinced her, not with much persuasion it should be noted, to stay over again, flooding her body with arousal.
“Can I tell you what I would do?” Debs said quietly, eyes trained on the closed office door in case they were interrupted.
“No. But only because I need to sit through dinner with my parents, and I absolutely cannot do that while insanely turned on.”
Debs cackled, glad to hear the return of the playful, flirty Sienna she recognised. She would listen to whichever Sienna was talking, but the return of hearing less of the stress and more of the happiness was a relief to her.
“Shit, Max is trying to call me,” Sienna said, putting an end to their flirty banter.
“Okay. Will you let me know when you get home later?”
“I’m a big girl, you know?”
“I do. But how am I going to know when you’re free to tease again?”
Sienna chuckled and Debs couldn’t help the grin which split across her face at the sound. These days were spent living for those moments, when she could hear Sienna laugh and see her smile. It made everything just a little brighter.
“I’ll text you later.”
Sienna hung up from Debs, the smile dropping but not entirely disappearing from her face. She almost didn’t want to answer Max’s call. Usually, it was Max she turned to for moral support, but something about Debs’ voice not being the last thing she heard before walking into her parents’ house had her hesitating. When had Max been relegated to not being her go-to person? It was just another sign that Debs was starting to mean more to her than just some date, some woman she spent time with. And she found that, once again, she wasn’t terrified at that prospect. Could she really rely on her? Could she find in her someone who would always be by her side, defend her when she felt defeated, build her up when she needed it? Or would Sienna be one thing too many for her to take on? Usually, she would make a unilateral decision, decide for whoever it was that it was too much, but this time…
Max’s name popping up on her phone again broke her from her reverie, and she hit the answer button, knowing that they wouldn’t give up otherwise.
“Hello.”
“Wow, you sound pissed already,” Max’s voice sounded over the phone.
“I’m fine.”
“Sure you are. And I’m on the market for a new husband.”
Even Max’s brand of humour fell flat this evening. It wasn’t entirely unexpected; this always happened when she had a family dinner. She struggled to get out of her headspace, whatever Max said. In fact, the only thing that had managed to distract her in the past twenty-four hours was Debs. She somehow knew, even through the little Sienna had said to her, that this was not somewhere where she wanted to be and, in an almost effortless way, had succeeded in pulling her mind away from it. While Max’s efforts always rang of deliberate distraction, with Debs, it was as if she didn’t need to try. Just her presence, through a message or a phone call, was enough to snap Sienna out of her mind and make her forget, just for a moment.
“Honestly, I’m fine. I’m just going to get this over and try not to let her bother me.”
“That’s very upbeat for you. Even if you don’t sound particularly upbeat.”
“Isn’t that what you’ve been trying to tell me for years?”
“Yeah. But…I don’t know. Something seems off.”
Sienna sighed. Even when she was trying to not let her mother bother her, it didn’t seem enough. Apparently, it wasn’t the right kind of disinterest.
“I'm not off. Nothing’s wrong. I just honestly don’t feel that bothered by the idea of spending the evening with her compared to usual.”
“You’re looking forward to it?”
“No. Fuck, no. I still expect her to be her usual self. But I’m finding it hard to care this evening.”
“This wouldn’t have something to do with a hot businesswoman, would it? Has she fucked you so much you honestly are that blissed out not even Penny Daly can bother you?”
A wave of defensive anger rose through Sienna at the flippant comment. “Don’t say that!”
“Woah, shit. Sorry.”
“I just… she’s not just some woman, Max.”
“Are you catching feelings?”
“Catching…are you twelve?”
“It’s a fair question, Sienna. You were bemoaning her being the perfect woman for you before you even went on a date. And I know I took the piss, but you have been different the past few weeks since things changed between you. Before that, even.”
“So what if I have? You’ve been telling me for years that I need to open myself up and stop pushing people away when things get real.”
“And are they? Getting real, I mean?”
Sienna sighed, glancing around to check the traffic before she crossed the road, heading towards the street her parents lived on.
“Maybe. I really don’t know. Do things feel different than anyone else? Yeah, of course they do. I mean, she genuinely has managed to make me forget about this fucking dinner with my mother. That’s got to be worth something.”
“It really is, Sienna. And I’m happy for you. You deserve this.” Max paused. “Does this mean you’re going to tell her?”
“Nope!”
“You’re going to have to at some point.”
“Am I? She’s not interested. And the other week, she practically laughed at the idea that I could go back to uni. Why would I put myself in that position?”
“Because you can’t hide a fucking four year degree forever, Sienna. She’s going to find out!”
“Yeah, she probably will. But that doesn’t mean I have to tell her tonight.”
“I think you’re making a mistake. But I also know what she’s said in the past, and I can understand why you don’t want to do it. I just don’t want you hiding this amazing thing you’re doing. Anyone else would be so proud of you for figuring out what you want to do and going back to university.”
“Yeah, well, Penny Daly isn’t anyone else. And speaking of, I’m now arriving,” Sienna announced as she walked up her parents’ driveway, the gravel crunching underneath her feet.
“Just try and remember how great the past couple of weeks have been. And I’m sure Debs has offered to help you chill out once it’s all over.” Sienna could practically see the eyebrow wiggle down the phone, the cheeky undertone of Max’s voice clear for even the most clueless person to understand.
“Fuck off!” Sienna chuckled. “I’ll speak to you later.”
“See you later!” Max signed off before hanging up.
Sienna paused, taking a deep breath as she looked up at the semi-detached house that had been her parents’ home for the past twenty-five years. It was the house she had grown up in, the house she had so many memories ingrained in, and as she sat there looking at the pristine door and perfectly manicured shrubbery that surrounded it, very few of them were happy. It should have been filled with the joy of exam results, her first job, her first relationship, all her milestones to celebrate. Instead, all of Sienna’s memories were tainted with the idea that they just weren’t enough. Not compared to Cerys.
Her phone vibrated in her hand, and she swiped it open, expecting a final supporting message from Max. Instead, she was greeted by the words she never knew she needed to get her through the door and through the evening.
Miss you, beautiful xx