Chapter Forty-Two
D ebs was right.
She hated to admit it, at least to her face, but when Debs had questioned this morning if Sienna was really ready to go back to work, she had insisted she was fine…but she should have listened to the held-back plea in those crystal blue eyes. Debs had known that she needed more time, but old habits die hard, and Sienna was determined to carry on.
Yet Debs continually checked in on her, and for that, she was grateful. She could hear the tentative tone in her voice, the cautious concern restrained so as to not to appear too controlling. Sienna had reassured her it wasn’t an issue. Debs was trying to be the person Sienna deserved, she had replied. Sienna didn’t ever think she would believe she deserved someone like Debs, but she was new to the idea of being in an equal, committed relationship and could appreciate the effort Debs was making.
It was going well until around lunchtime, when the exhaustion she had been fighting all morning caught up, a random memory of Cerys popped into her head, and she found herself sobbing in the office. Liz had found her, concern etched on her face, and Sienna finally disclosed the story to her. Liz had immediately sent her home for the rest of the week, stating she didn’t care that it had been eight years. It was clear Sienna was grieving, mourning the loss of her sister, albeit delayed in doing so, and she was to take the same opportunity as if it had just happened. She had phoned Debs on the way home, voice hiccuping, knowing that Debs would want to know what had happened. That once ever-present fear that she wasn’t worth interrupting her day had all but vanished, being replaced by the warm anticipation of being cared for by Debs.
Now, curled up under a blanket on her sofa, she was silently bemoaning the absence of Debs, yet simultaneously scolding herself for feeling alone when Debs had the very valid reason of Charlie and Thea keeping her away from her that evening.
And yet, she craved her presence.
The doorbell ringing jolted her out of her wallowing, stiffening at the sound. Panic coursed through her that it would be Penny coming to try her chance again at telling Sienna her choices were wrong, this time reacting even more viciously after Debs’ powerful defence of her yesterday. While any other person may have hoped that hearing the words come from someone else would have had an impact, Sienna knew that it wouldn’t be that easy with her mother. She fumbled on the sofa for her phone, finding her message thread with Debs.
I think Mum's here xx
But just as she hit send, a familiar voice she had missed appeared from the other side of the door.
“Sienna! It’s us!”
Sienna, despite her shock couldn’t help but grin at the sing-song sound of Thea’s voice, and she stumbled off the sofa, almost getting caught in the blanket wrapped around her legs in her haste. Reaching the door, she swung it open to find Thea’s smiling face, before being tackled into a hug which knocked the breath out of her.
“Hi, Sienna.”
“Hey! What are you lot doing here?”
“Mum said you were feeling kind of sad, so we thought we would come and cheer you up!” Thea answered, still gripping onto Sienna’s waist. She’d had moments like this with Thea, but they were brief, passing embraces, usually when she was leaving the centre. To have her still hold on filled Sienna’s chest with something light and warm, and she blinked back the emotion it invoked.
“Yeah, we brought Nandos. It’s Thea’s favourite,” Charlie said with a shrug, holding up the bag in his hand.
“Well, you better come in then.” It was only then that she looked over their heads, seeing Debs reading her phone with a concerned scrunch of her forehead.
That stupid text message.
“Sorry,” Sienna immediately replied when Debs’ eyes locked onto hers. “I panicked because I wasn’t expecting anyone.”
Debs’ shoulders slumped, and she stepped forward with a gentle smile. “It’s okay, I didn’t even think. I should have warned you we were coming over, but Thea was so excited about wanting to surprise you.”
“Well, you certainly did that. But it was the best of surprises.”
Sienna wanted to step forward and kiss Debs, showing her just how much she appreciated the thought and care that were clear in such a simple yet overwhelming gesture. But Charlie and Thea were here, in her very small, very open flat, and so she held herself back. As if reading her mind, Debs chuckled under her breath in that sultry way she had; she knew that did things to Sienna. She took a step forward, sliding a hand across the skin of Sienna’s cheek before leaning in close, brushing their lips together.
“They know.”
Sienna’s brain had short-circuited and was still catching up with the whirlwind of events in the past few minutes to really register Debs’ words. “They know what?”
That chuckle again sounded, this time sending goosebumps down Sienna’s spine as the exhale it was voiced over tickled across her cheek.
“About us. Well, Charlie already knew, obviously, but I told Thea. I hope that’s okay?”
“You told them?” Sienna blinked rapidly, the information settling into her brain. “You told them?” she repeated, almost incredulously.
“Yes. And in answer to your next question, they were absolutely fine with it. Ecstatic almost. It seems you might even be competition for Thea’s favourite person against Grace.”
“I’m not sure I want to be part of that competition. They were really okay with it?”
“Yes.” Debs took the final step into the flat, pushing the door shut behind her before winding her arms around Sienna’s waist. “Charlie can see you make me happy, and he thinks you are, and I quote, cool. And Thea loves you. And when I told them you were feeling a bit sad, Charlie asked if it was because of Cerys and I said yes. I didn’t tell them anymore. I know you told Charlie a bit about her, but I wasn’t going to go any further without your permission. But they didn’t need to know anything else because it was Thea’s idea to come round and bring you dinner.”
“It was?” Sienna’s voice wobbled, unaccustomed to being so considered by anyone.
“Yes.” Debs urged Sienna’s face into the crook of her neck, holding her tightly, allowing her to hide her face while she processed her emotions. “This is what our family does. It’s what our family looks like, and you’re a part of that now.”
Sienna exhaled deeply, feeling the weight of everything that still lingered releasing from her body, winding her arms around Debs’ waist and practically collapsing into her body. Family had been a complex thing to determine for Sienna, something which seemed skewed and conditional, filled with expectations and disappointment. To have a family who did this, who showed up for no other reason than just wanting to, offering support because they could…it was new and overwhelming. But with the sounds of the kids in the background and Debs’ arms securely around her, it was something she most definitely could get used to.
“Mum! Have you seen how many plants Sienna has?” Thea’s excited voice sounded from behind her.
She could feel Debs shake with laughter against her.
“Yeah, sweetie, Sienna really likes plants.”
“We should get some more plants at our house. Sienna, what’s this really pretty one?”
Sienna knew without looking which one Thea was talking about, pulling her face out of Debs’ neck to answer.
“That’s called a Bird of Paradise.”
“It’s beautiful!”
“Yeah,” Sienna whispered as she stared into those blue eyes she loved so much. “It really is.”
Sienna woke to the delicate tickle of fingertips tracing over her shoulder blade before retracing the same journey back again. Her mouth curved up slightly at the corners at the sensation, the touch littering her skin with goosebumps. Cracking one eye open, she was greeted with the sight of Debs, leant up on one elbow, head cradled in her hand, watching over her with a soft smile gracing her face. She was probably the most beautiful she’d ever seen her in this moment, more so than that first day they met, than when she admired her across the community centre in all her power suit glory, than last night, skin glowing and flushed as she brought her to another orgasm, lip caught between her teeth as they tried not to wake the two slumbering children camped out on her sofa.
When Debs had shown with Charlie and Thea last night, a sleepover wasn’t on the cards, but the kids didn’t want to leave and Sienna didn’t want to break the little bubble of bliss they had formed. So with no school the next morning, Debs had agreed to the two of them camping out in Sienna’s living room. And despite the exhaustion that still riddled her body and the sleeping children in the next room, Debs and Sienna still couldn’t resist each other.
Sienna opened her other eye, finding bright blue eyes regarding her with a hint of mischief sparkling in them.
“Morning,” she mumbled into her pillow. She blinked slowly, her eyes adjusting to the brightness of the room, only then noticing that Debs was fully dressed and on top of the bed. “Why are you dressed?”
“Because it’s nearly eight, and I have to drop the kids off at the holiday club.”
“Urgh. I could sleep for like another six hours.”
“I know, and I really didn’t want to wake you, but I also didn’t want to leave without letting you know.”
“I’ll get up.” Sienna went to move but was held in place by Debs’ hand on her shoulder.
“No, stay in bed. The kids are fine; they know you’re tired.”
She flopped back down into the mattress with little persuasion.
“Did you find something to feed them?” knowing that she’d made sure Debs knew where everything was before they had gone to bed the night before. It wasn’t what the kids were used to, but Sienna had promised to go shopping ready for the next time they were over.
“Yes.”
“Let them know I’ll get their favourites in for next time.”
She felt Debs press a kiss into the bare skin of her shoulder, her eyes already drooping with long blinks as sleep started to take over again.
“Sweet dreams, baby.”
The next time Sienna woke it was to someone knocking on her door. It was so gentle, she almost didn’t hear it, only just loud enough to break through her slumber. On weary legs she dragged herself out of bed, padding through the flat still rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She really had to get Debs a key, she thought to herself, throwing open the door.
“Hey, babe. Shouldn’t you be at work?”
“Hey, love.”
Sienna blinked, her still groggy brain taking its own sweet time to catch up to the fact it was her father standing in front of her.
“Dad?”
“I went to the centre, but your boss told me you’d taken some time off. Hope you don’t mind me just showing up like this?”
“No, no. Of course not. Come in.” Sienna stepped back, allowing Evan to walk through.
Despite everything that had happened in the past weeks, Sienna would always have time for Evan. She knew, really, that it was never his fault the way Penny behaved. And while he may have been complicit in not calling her out, Sienna was old enough to see that Cerys’ death had taken something fundamental from him. He had become a shell, an integral piece of him missing, even though he tried his best since that day. Evan and Sienna had both pulled away, for their own reasons and it had left a chasm between them, but while, with Penny, Sienna wasn’t sure it could or would ever be breached, with Evan she longed for it to be.
“You want a brew?”
“Oh, never say no to a cuppa. I like your place,” he said, looking around, the feeling of him being in her space entirely different as to when Penny had shown up. “You always did have greenfingers. Got that from me.”
Sienna smiled at her dad’s chattering. The feeling of contentment that settled in her as she listened to his appraisal of her home was a stark difference from Penny’s judgement. A pang of guilt went through her at the fact that she had neglected Evan, but then she knew that if anyone was to truly blame, it was Penny. The boundaries she had set may have been flimsy at best, but the inevitable, inescapable victim to them had been her relationship with her father. She glanced over her shoulder, watching him study and scrutinise each plant carefully, his eyes alight with something she hadn’t seen in a long time.
“Oh. It’s so hard to get a Bird to bloom,” he said, wonder lacing his tone.
“Yeah. My friend Max owns this plant shop in the city. It had been in their window for months, must have just had the right amount of sunlight and warmth…anyway, when Debs bought it for me, I wasn’t sure it was going to continue to bloom, but it has.”
“Debs? That’s your girlfriend?”
Sienna stiffened, unsure how much Evan knew.
“Yeah. Yeah, Debs is my girlfriend.”
“Your mother didn’t tell me her name, but then she was far too interested in trying to tell me that she was a mistake. If she bought you a Bird of Paradise, then I’m not sure she is.”
“No, Dad. She’s not.”
“And going back to university. You’re really doing that too?”
Sienna sighed, unsure if she had the energy for this conversation again. “Yes.”
“Good for you, love.”
Sienna swivelled on her heels, staring wide-eyed at the simple yet monumental approval. Penny had mentioned that Evan hadn’t dismissed the idea, in fact the entire disagreement they had had was because Evan had wanted her to talk about it over dinner, but to hear it from his own mouth was incomprehensible.
“What?”
Evan let out a soft laugh, shaking his head. “My little girl has found what she loves and is going to university. I couldn’t be prouder.”
“Mum thinks it’s a mistake. She thinks I’m incapable of making good choices, that I’ll never do anything worthwhile.”
“I know. And she’s wrong. I told her she was wrong before she came over here. I told her again when she came back after fighting with you.”
“You did?”
“Yes.” He nodded, taking another look at the bright orange petals which reflected the sunlight. “I owe you an apology, love. After your sister died, your mother was so distraught that I just let her do whatever she needed to deal with her grief. And I was…so confused by it all. For months, it was like it wasn’t even real. It still isn’t some days. And I let myself get lost in that silly garden shed and kept going to work just to get through the days. And I didn’t see what she was doing to you. Not really. You would say these things to me, and I would just think that it wasn’t as bad as you were making out. And she would tell me things, and I just thought it was two different personalities butting heads. But then when she came home the other day… My little girl is going to university, and I couldn’t be prouder. And all she had to say was that it was another bad choice. That you would fail.” Evan looked back at her, his eyes shining with unshed tears as he took a step closer to Sienna. “She told me what Debs had said to her, well, her side of things. And even if she was exaggerating or twisting things, all I could think was, ‘I’m so pleased Sienna’s found someone who will fight for her.’ And that may seem stupid because no one wants to hear that their daughter’s partner has just torn a strip off of their mother, but for her to say those things…she must be really special.”
“She really is,” Sienna whispered, voice thick with emotion.
“Good. You deserve someone special, Sienna. Someone who will fight for you, who’ll stand up for you. The first person in your life that should be is your father. And I tried, but after Cerys died…I’m sorry I let you down.”
Sienna threw herself forward, wrapping her arms around Evan’s neck. “I’m sorry, Dad. I’m sorry I kept you out of my life, but when she would say those things…”
“I know, love. You were just protecting yourself.”
“I can’t see her, not while she’s like that.”
“And I’m not going to ask you to again. But maybe we can meet up, just the two of us, eh?”
Sienna nodded into his neck, tears soaking into his shirt. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
“And maybe soon I can meet this Debs? See what all the fuss is about?”
Sienna let out a wet laugh, pulling back to look Evan in the face, his wide smile something she couldn’t remember seeing in so long. “Yeah, sure. But I could tell you about her now if you want? Over that cuppa?”
“Sounds grand, love.”