Chapter Ten
Noah
Noah Hawthorne groaned as yet another person cut him off. The traffic to Rhodes was heavier than usual this morning since the Festival of Kites was happening at one of the local parks. Theo gave Noah a heads up so he could adjust his leave time and still make it to Aubrey with plenty of time to chauffeur her to her interview and wherever else she wanted to go. It had been radio silent from her the last few days, and he found his mind wandering to her whenever he had a quiet moment. What was she doing? Was she safe? Did she think about him? Which just left him irritable because she. was. a. client.
Noah pulled alongside the curb and took in Aubrey’s unassuming home. Colorful flowers bloomed in the garden, popping against the deep blue-gray color of her house, and it felt very welcoming. Noah hopped out of the car, careful to lock it behind him, and rapped on her door a few moments later. His heart pounded in his chest, and his hands felt a little sweaty as he waited.
The door opened, and her quiet, understated beauty was like a punch to the stomach. Her hair was up in a curly ponytail, and she had just a dash of makeup on that highlighted the natural beauty of her face and made her gray eyes stand out. Noah nearly groaned as he took in the rest of her. Her jeans were practically painted on and showed off her long legs. Her flirty black tank top was modest, but the lace added a level of flirtatiousness that drew him in. Her eyes met his and brightened, a large smile taking over her face.
“Hi!” She said breathlessly, standing aside so he could walk in.
“Hey, Aubrey.” Noah greeted warmly, looking around the room and cataloging it. Nothing seemed out of place.
Aubrey disappeared down the hallway for a moment and came back with a pair of black half-boots and an olive green sweater. She sat on the armchair, apparently lost in thought as she slipped her feet into the shoes. Once her shoes were on, she stood and pushed her arms through the sweater, a shudder running through her. Noah furrowed his brow and appraised the situation. It wasn’t cold in here—she wasn’t the type to blast the AC in the summer.
“Cold?” He asked, concern coloring his tone.
“No, just ready to get this over with,” Aubrey replied, picking up the keys and shoving her phone in her back pocket.
“Well, let’s make that happen,” He said, holding out his hand for the keys. Aubrey dropped them in his palm and they walked toward the garage to get in the car.
“How was your week?” Noah asked, pulling out of the driveway slowly as he checked for oncoming traffic.
“It was fine.” She said, adjusting the temperature controls for her side of the car and turning on the heated seat.
“No errands today?”
“No, the label made it very clear that I needed to get this handled, so this is my main priority.”
“Okay—just let me know if anything changes, and I’ll put it on the calendar.” Every other day, he checked to see if they had any new planned security details for Aubrey, but she had nothing. She was home all week, enjoying her time out of the limelight, and he suddenly found himself wishing that she had something going on far more often just so he had an excuse to spend time with her.
”I meant to ask you, what was in the package you picked up last week? I assume nothing bad since I didn”t get a phone call.” Noah asked.
He had wanted to stay with her to open it, but she didn”t seem overly inclined to have him there while she opened it. He saw how anxious she was and had been wondering if she”d had the nerve to find out what was inside the box. Not that he would”ve blamed her if it was still sitting unopened on her counter. Her last package bugged him, and it wasn”t even his beloved bear.
Aubrey blushed and avoided looking him in the eye. ”It was a cute jean jacket from Skyler.”
”Who is Skyler?”
Aubrey shrugged, ”One of my fans. Skyler”s always commenting on my posts and sending nice letters or small gifts. It came from the company instead of Skyler, so I didn”t realize it was from them at the time.”
”Gotcha. So nothing too traumatic then?”
”Nope, it was actually a really nice surprise.” She said, locking the front door as they headed to his car.
”That”s good—you deserve nice surprises instead of bad ones,” Noah said, looking around the neighborhood. He waved at Mr. Robinson and walked Aubrey over to the car. He opened the door for her and took one more look around as she got into the car. Everything looked normal. The quiet suburban street was devoid of most cars since everyone was either at work or school, and the only vehicles parked along the street were the ones he saw every time he was in the neighborhood.
***
Aubrey
“Can you put in the address for where we need to go?” Noah asked as he slid behind the wheel and pulled away from the curb, his eyes focused on the road.
“No need,” Bree said with a small smile. “We’re going to visit my sister first, and I can get you there. Stay on this road until we hit the 40, and then we’re going to take exit 73 for Alpine Road.”
Noah nodded and followed her directions, frowning as they pulled into the hospital parking lot.
“I thought we were going to see your sister.” He said, confusion coloring his tone as she unbuckled and started to open her door. Noah reached across and pulled the door shut. “Wait there. I’ll come around.”
After all this time, Bree thought his bossiness would cause her to bristle less often, but she still felt her hackles rise any time he told her what to do. Still, she sat and waited patiently for him to come around. She understood it was for her safety, she just didn’t like being told what to do—didn”t like having choice taken away from her. Even if it was the same choice she”d have made anyway.
Noah walked around the car, surveying the area, and opened her door. “Ready?” He asked, holding out a hand.
Bree took his hand and stepped out of the car, nearly dropping it right away as heat and awareness flooded through her. Butterflies danced in her stomach, and she tamped them down. Noah was not—and could not be—her boyfriend, she internally scolded them. The butterflies didn’t care. Once she was steady on her feet, she dropped his hand and smiled at him, closing the car door while bracing herself for the pity and the questions and all the things she was just…too tired to deal with. It was kind of how she felt about life since the messages and threats had escalated. Everything was just…exhausting. Mostly because her now constant anxiety caused her to see shadows and panic over things that either weren”t there or were innocent. Like the package with the jean jacket.
They made their way into the hospital, the originally homey lobby area feeling more sterile than it had last time they walked in. Bree nodded to the volunteer at the desk and made a beeline for the gift shop. Five minutes and a bouquet of mums later, Bree and Noah left the shop and headed for the elevator.
They rode the elevator in silence, Noah seeming to pick up on her desire for quiet. She didn’t blame him—all of his questions would likely be answered soon enough anyway. They walked out of the elevator and made a right, walking past a couple of public waiting rooms and some private family waiting rooms. Two turns and a nurses’ station later, they found themselves in the 300 West unit, where all of the hopeless cases were left to fade away while their loved ones clung on to a deluded hope for recovery.
They walked up to room 363, and Bree knocked twice, more out of habit than anything else, and walked into the room. She looked ahead and froze, her abrupt stop causing Noah to also stop short. His hand braced her hip to steady her. Bree turned toward him and met his gaze, noting the calculated, yet concerned, look in his eyes. He started to step around her, clearly aware of the increased tension, but she put a hand on his arm. Bree looked up at Noah and gave a slight nod and a smile to indicate she was okay. She stood straighter, turning her attention to the unwelcome body in the room while trying to ignore the warm, protective hand still resting warmly on her hip.
“Justin.” She greeted cooly.
***
Noah
Noah didn’t know who Justin was, but judging by the tone of Aubrey’s voice he had a feeling he wouldn’t like him much.
A pair of glassy eyes looked up at Aubrey, the bloodshot look in them giving Noah pause. Noah took his hand off her hip and took a small, intentional step in front of Aubrey, so he was between her and Justin.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Justin asked angrily, his voice and bloodshot eyes clearly indicating that he was under the influence of something.
“Visiting my sister. Besides, it’s Thursday.” Aubrey said, stressing the day of the week as though she were talking to a toddler. “And you’re not welcome here any day.” She added with the fire and sauciness he’d come to expect from her.
“She’s my woman. I can do whatever I want.” Justin said, standing up from his chair quickly.
Aubrey stepped around Noah and threw her hands up in the air in exasperation. “She isn’t, Justin! She isn’t anyone’s ‘woman’ anymore. She isn’t even her own woman!” Bree cried out passionately—anger, frustration, and sadness flooding out of her. She threw her hands down in exasperation. “Get out of here, Justin, and don’t come back. Especially on Thursdays.”
Justin stalked over and got in Aubrey’s face. “You don’t tell me what to do.”
That was more than enough. Noah ground his teeth, working to keep the unadulterated rage under control, mindful to be gentle as he grabbed Aubrey’s elbow and pulled her behind him, putting himself between her and Justin. Noah’s chest bumped right against his. Invading personal space tended to do one of two things to people. It aggravated them to make the first move, in which case he could hit them back. Or they shied away from the conflict like the cowards they were. Usually, it was the second one. Unfortunately.
Noah pushed further into Justin’s space, forcing him to take a step back, and said in a low tone, “Get away from her.”
Justin bared his teeth while sizing Noah up, but Noah recognized the moment he decided he wasn’t going to engage in a fight. Pity.
“Whatever. You’ve always been useless anyway.” Justin muttered to Aubrey, shoving past her on his way out the door. Anger rose swiftly in Noah’s chest and he moved to follow him out the door to give him a piece of his fis—mind.
A soft hand on his arm stopped him as he started toward the door. “Don’t. He isn’t worth it. He’s more bark than bite.” Aubrey said, her pale skin and shaking hand belying the light tone she tried to use to convince Noah she was fine. She wasn’t fine.
“He bother you much?” Noah asked gruffly.
“No, he isn’t usually here. We all have designated days—well, everyone but Justin. No one is here on Thursdays except me.” She said.
She patted his arm gently before moving over and taking the seat next to the one Justin had just vacated. “Hey, Jess. How are you? I’m sorry for the scene. Justin and I never did get along, huh?” She forced a laugh.
“I brought my…my friend Noah with me today, and we have some fresh mums for your room. I know they’re your favorite.” Her voice broke a little, and she stood up, walking across the room and replacing the old flowers near the sink with fresh water and the new ones they had brought.
While she worked on getting the flowers situated, Noah studied the hospital room and the woman lying in the bed. The room was a small, private room, which was great for surveillance because it meant there was one entry and exit point, and there wasn’t another patient and their family and visitors to worry about. Kept things more simple but not completely risk-free. Low risk, but not no risk.
The woman on the bed looked to be around the same age as Aubrey. Their features were similar except for the pallor and the hollow look that came with the muscles atrophying over time. He looked over at Aubrey and found her watching him, observing him quietly in the analytical way she did. His heart ached as tension lined Aubrey’s eyes and shoulders—she was clearly expecting judgment of some kind. But she wouldn’t get it. Not from him. Never from him.
He cast his mind around for a question he could ask that wouldn’t be invasive or offensive. Tact in emotionally heavy situations wasn’t his strong suit.
“Tell me about her?” He asked. Generic. Way to go, Hawthorne.
“Like what got her here?” Aubrey asked, her posture stiffening slightly. That was actually what he had wanted to know, but not if she didn’t want to share.
Noah tried again. “How about what she was like before?”
Aubrey smiled, her shoulders relaxing. “Not many people care to ask that. Jessica is my older sister. She’s about three years older than me. We were close enough in age to play together growing up but not so close that she didn’t want to push me out of the room when her friends came over.”
Aubrey took a breath, watching Jessica as she continued. ”Jess loved being social. She was beautiful and loud and extroverted in the best ways and she had the most amazing laugh. She would always tell me stories to cover up the yelling when Mom and Dad would fight, and she attended all of my school events. She was kind of like a second parent for the most part. Until she became a senior in high school and fell in with the wrong crowd. I had been so excited to go to school with her. I’d been waiting for my freshman year to roll around so we could do things together, and while I knew I’d be the nerdy younger sister, we still would be allowed to attend the same events. Instead, she found out her best friend and her boyfriend had been together behind her back, and everyone in her friend group knew about it—except her. Friendship was everything to Jess. It was the worst kind of betrayal, and nothing I did helped. It sent her into a spiral. She ended up making some new friends—ones that hung out with Justin—and they made a habit of making bad choices. Drugs, drinking, racing through town, driving under the influence, partying, just…all of it. I tried to get her to see what was happening—what she was doing to herself and to us—but it was useless. There was no getting through to her at that point. She wanted the friends, loved the attention, and was convinced that she was completely in love with Justin.”
“So what happened?” Noah asked, the quiet beeping of the machines keeping Jessica alive, a steady beat to the story being told—possibly for the first time if Aubrey’s demeanor was anything to judge by.
“I tried to get her out of it for years. There was a party during the Christmas vacation while I was home from college that I knew she was going to, and when I found her, I told her she needed to come home. That she wasn’t being smart. She wasn’t being safe. I told her that this lifestyle would kill her, and I refused to watch her kill herself. I told her I hated her, Noah. That I hated the choices she was making and that it was turning her into a different person.” Bree whispered the last sentence, sniffled, and looked up at the ceiling, her throat working hard to overcome the overwhelming emotion.
Tension crept into his shoulders as he fought against the urge to go and comfort Aubrey. First, he didn’t know if it would be welcome. Secondly, he was pretty sure that would be crossing all kinds of professional boundaries. He watched as Aubrey pulled herself together. She took a ragged breath in before continuing. Her heartbreak caused an unfamiliar pain in his chest, and the need to do something…anything…to help her feel better became overwhelming. Unable to help himself, he walked over and sat in the chair next to her, gently placing his hand over hers.
“She had been drinking and doing drugs at that party with Justin and his friends,” Aubrey said, her voice still choked up. “She…she never made it home that night. I remember being annoyed because I told my parents that she wasn’t home, and they blamed me. My dad yelled at me and told me I should’ve brought her home. Like I was responsible for her. She was my big sister. She was supposed to be getting in trouble for not looking after me. Not the other way around.” Bree laughed humorlessly.
“Anyway, a knock on the door came around two in the morning. We thought she was just intoxicated and had lost her keys or something. It wouldn’t have been the first time.”
Noah had a sinking feeling he knew where this was going. “Who was at the door, Bree?” Noah asked, her nickname falling from his lips unintentionally, but it felt right. Bree.
“Deputy Swanson. He’d been a family friend for years. He was working that night and came to tell my parents that there had been an accident. That…that Jessica had been unresponsive, and they had to resuscitate her before the ambulance could load her up and get her to the hospital. He drove us to the hospital. The doctors said the paramedics lost her a couple more times en route but were able to get her back. Some massive surgery later, and this is where she’s been for the past seven years. Nothing has changed.”
Noah took a deep breath and squeezed Bree’s hand, unsure how to respond.
***
Aubrey
“I’m sorry, Bree. That sounds heavy.” Noah said, squeezing her hand again while Bree used the sleeve on her other arm to wipe away her tears. She hadn’t ever told anyone about the last conversation she’d had with her sister. Of the festering guilt of what she had said accompanied by the sick ‘I told you so’ feeling in her gut. Telling Noah had been unexpected, but she felt surprisingly…relieved? It felt like a small weight had been taken off her chest. He just listened to whatever she was willing to say. Which was probably why she had shared more than she planned to. He was a good man.
Bree was pretty sure the last conversation she’d had with her sister would haunt her for the rest of her life—even if she was ever able to talk about it and process it outside of sharing it with Noah. She had told Jess that her decisions would kill her, and they had. Jess was brain-dead. The machines were the only thing keeping her alive. It was a cruel torture. For her. For their parents. For Bree. It shouldn’t have been this way.
Sometimes, she wished they hadn’t been able to revive her en route. At least then they could’ve properly grieved. Maybe they could’ve moved on. But no. Instead, they’re stuck in this limbo of their parents holding on to hope, her sister wasting away, and Bree alternating between anger that her father guilted her into being the financially responsible party for Jess’s care, and guilt over wishing it could just end. Granted, Jess never would’ve wanted to be kept ‘alive’ this way. Not a chance. This whole situation was a lose-lose. For both of them.
Bree watched Noah out of the corner of her eye, waiting for the inevitable look of pity. Of discomfort. People didn’t know how to communicate with people who were in these situations. Or most situations that involved grief, actually. A meal train for a couple of weeks, some extra conversation at the supermarket or the store, and then everyone felt good about their charity and went on with their lives. Week three, it’s quiet in the house—no meals, no company, no distractions—and the family is still there. Grieving. Lost. Uncertain.
It’s worse when you technically don’t have anything or anyone to grieve yet. When people still count your brain-dead sister as being ‘alive’ just like you would anyone else. They act like you don’t have a right to grieve. It all was heavy and overwhelming, and she generally avoided thinking about it at all costs. Until she had to explain it to someone new and prepare for the onslaught of uncertain sympathy combined with their confidence that she mustn’t be grieving because her sister wasn’t fully dead.
Noah looked just as comfortable now as he had when he arrived. While he looked momentarily uncertain when Bree first started going down the emotional rabbit hole, he seemed to level out. “You must’ve been really sad to lose your sister,” Noah said after a momentary silence.
“I mean, she’s alive,” Bree mumbled, giving the traditionally expected answer.
Noah raised an eyebrow. “Is that how you feel, Bree? Or is that how people think you should feel?”
Bree looked at him in surprise as he watched Jessica’s even breathing. No one ever acknowledged that she may feel differently about her sister being gone. Bree felt a small seed of affection take root for the man across from her. Noah seemed to see her in ways no one else ever had.
“I did lose her that day, Noah. But if I’m being honest, I lost her long before that.” She sighed and stood slowly, walking over to her sister and gave her hand a tight squeeze. “I have to go to an interview now, Jess, but I’ll see you next week.” She said softly.
Noah and Bree left the room quietly and headed back out to the car. Bree didn’t know about him, but she was eager to get the interview over with and get back home. She was already drained for the day.