54. Calvin
CALVIN
Iwoke this morning with the kind of hangover that I’d forgotten existed, and the pain was quickly followed by guilt when I discovered that I had a message on my cell from Sienna from the night before, checking in after the news dropped about Nash’s trade.
I was a fucking asshole.
And hearing those words after seeing the images from last night that have been posted online… Honestly, I’m surprised she’s even standing here, entertaining this conversation.
I knew I needed to do something—and I wasn’t the only one, because no sooner had I forced my body upright and swallowed some pills that had been helpfully left for me, than Bea was blowing up my cell, ripping me a new one, and suggesting that I needed to do something and fast if I stood any chance of fixing everything I’ve fucked up.
So with her help, we hatched a plan, and I’ve spent all day nervous as fuck about how it’s going to go.
And as it stands, I was right to be apprehensive.
Sienna glares at me with narrowed eyes, irritation and hurt rolling off her in waves, making me feel about two inches tall.
I did that. I hurt her. The one person I never, ever want to hurt.
“I promise you, they haven’t been anywhere they shouldn’t have been.”
Her lips purse.
She doesn’t believe me.
“Sienna, I swear to you. I—”
“I saw the photos, Calvin. You didn’t come home last night, did you?”
I swallow thickly. “No, I didn’t. But it’s not what you’re thinking.”
She lifts a brow. “Humor me.”
“I slept on Hailee’s couch.”
“Of course you did.”
Sienna spins around and begins walking away.
In a panic, I rush around the reception desk and curl my fingers around her wrist.
“Don’t,” she hisses, tugging her arm away, but she stops running.
I step right up behind her, letting her sweet vanilla scent flood my nose.
“We took Kodie out for a beer. He was pissed about Nash’s trade,” I explain.
“Casey was at work, and he needed something.
Really, we should have gone to the gym and let him work his frustration out there, but everyone was wiped, so we went to the Fractured Compass.
A few of the others joined us, and then it turned into a night out.
“I never did anything with those women, Sienna. They’re just photos. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t. Not when my head is so full of you.”
She spins around and stares up at me.
“I meant what I said to you, darlin’. You’re the only woman I’ve ever truly wanted. The only one I’ve ever been able to picture a future with. The only one I want a future with.”
Her expression remains hard, but her eyes soften.
“They were just bunnies who wanted content for their socials. I barely gave them the time of day.”
“If your head was so full of me, why didn’t you respond to my message? Why let me find those images online instead?”
“Because I’m a stupid asshole. I was all up in my head about this Nash bullshit. And I—I’m sorry. NO excuse is good enough.” I step closer to her, so close that her body heat seeps into me.
Goddamn, I missed her.
My hand lifts, cupping her jaw. I expect her to jolt away again, but to my surprise, this time, she leans into my touch.
My heart thumps as hope pumps through me.
I get to enjoy the moment for all of two seconds before she jumps away and demands I follow her.
Unable to do anything but what she says, my eyes shamelessly drop to her ass, and I follow her into the other room.
“Take a seat,” she says, pointing to the chair at the closest nail station.
I hesitate. I might have agreed to this, but I didn’t actually expect her to go through with it.
I’ve never had a manicure in my life, and I don’t really intend on starting now.
But if it means Sienna will have to touch me, I’ll do anything to make it happen.
She waits a moment, watching me closely, before she starts walking away.
“Wait, where are you going?”
She freezes and takes a deep breath.
“Getting everything prepared. Would you like a drink?”
“A glass of water would be great,” I say before she disappears.
I smirk when I hear her walk through the salon and to the front door. But she’s too late; I’ve already locked it, stopping us from being interrupted.
Her huff of a laugh floats through to me.
She really underestimates me.
I’m only alone for a few minutes before Sienna returns with a bowl of soapy water and a glass of water.
“Thanks,” I murmur, taking the glass before it can hit the table and downing it quickly. “I drank too much last night, and I’m still paying for it.”
“We’re not eighteen anymore.”
“No,” I agree, watching as she takes her seat opposite me and gestures for my hands.
Silence floods the room as she inspects my calluses, my broken and battered nails.
With a sigh, she sinks them into the warm water.
“Too big a job for you?” I quip.
“Nothing I can’t handle,” she says before glancing up at me through her lashes.
“I missed you so much,” I blurt.
Her eyes shutter, and I chastise myself for coming on too strong.
She stares at me, hurt still swimming in her eyes, and her lips are pinched together. She doesn’t say a single word or give me any clue about what she’s thinking. Instead, her eyebrows lift as if she’s waiting for something. Which, I guess, she is. A fucking explanation.
I close my eyes for a beat as my hands soak, trying to gather my thoughts.
I’ve gone over what I’d say to her when I got the chance a million times since that night, but sitting here now, all the words have left my head.
“I fucked up, Sienna. I know that.”
Her brows lift even higher.
“When I saw you after that game with Bea, fuck…I thought all my Christmases had come at once.
“I thought you were going to look at me and jump into my arms. It’s all I’d thought about since we lost contact. But when you saw me, you didn’t see the boy from that summer. You saw the hockey player that I am now, and it fucking killed me.
“Then the second time I saw you, when I let you and Bea up to the VIP area to join us, I thought maybe you’d sobered up and figured it out. But nope.”
Guilt swims in her eyes.
“I got it, though. I barely recognize myself these days. That boy you met…he…he disappeared a long time ago.”
She holds my eyes, searching them for something. “I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you.”
“It’s fine,” I say, despite how much it hurt at the time.
“I know I should have told you. But…I’d put you on this incredibly high pedestal over the years. It never occurred to me that you’d have forgotten about me. I—”
“No,” she cries. “I never forgot about you. I just…I assumed we’d never meet again. I stopped looking for you a long time ago. I guess that’s why when I saw you as a player for the first time, I didn’t see it. Then you became Calvin Keller to me.”
I shake my head, unable to stop myself from thinking how different things could have been.
“Why didn’t you tell me after that? I know we didn’t exactly hang out all that often, but there were opportunities.”
“I told you, I was scared. Vinny and Calvin are very different. Vinny had a dream that he knew would shatter his family as he was battling to find a way to do both. Calvin…he…I go after what I want, fuck the consequences. I’d already lost my family because of my selfish decision to follow my dream. What the fuck else was there to lose?”
“Calvin—”
“You,” I continue, cutting her off. “Suddenly, I had you to lose, and I panicked. I didn’t want to do anything that would force you to turn your back on me like they did.”
She shakes her head. “I never would have done that.”
I shrug. “I didn’t know that. What if you didn’t like the new me? What if you only wanted the old version of me? I needed…” I take a moment. “I needed you to get to know me, the man I am now. I wanted you to like the man who was standing before you, not the boy from your memories.”
“Why can’t you be both?”
My mouth opens and closes, but I soon find I don’t have an answer to that.
“We all change, Calvin. I’m not the same as I was that summer. But I’m still me. Maybe a little more jaded, my edges a little rougher, but I’d like to think my heart is the same.”
“It is,” I say in a rush. “You’re incredible. I fell for you that summer, and nothing has changed. No, that’s not true. You’re even better now.”
Her cheeks heat as her eyes drop from mine to the bowl of bubbles between us.
She reaches into the water and pulls one of my hands out.
I watch in silence as she works. The products she uses smell incredible, but nothing compares to her touch. It’s so innocent. Only our fingers are connected, and yet, I’m rocking a semi as I watch her massage my hand.
When she gets to the bit between my thumb and forefinger, a moan slips from my lips.
She stills, her eyes jumping to mine.
“Sorry,” I rasp. “That just felt really good.”
She swallows thickly before getting back to work.
“I understand why you didn’t tell me at the beginning. But the fact that you continued to keep it from me after we got closer…that’s what really hurts. I trusted you. I told you about—”
“If it helps, I hate myself for not telling you sooner. I knew I needed to, but it kept getting bigger and bigger with every passing day”.
“So you planned the date?”
I nod. “I suspected it would be enough to allow you to figure it out. I wanted to take you horseback riding, but Darcy shit a brick at the suggestion and made me promise not to go anywhere near ‘unpredictable animals’, his words, not mine.”
“And you thought blindsiding me was better than just being honest?” she asks, bypassing my attempt to lighten the mood.
I cringe. “I don’t really know what I was thinking. I needed you to know, and I hoped that by doing it in a place that would remind you of times gone by, you might not hate me too much.”
“I don’t hate you, Calvin. I could never.”
“Good, because I’m pretty sure I fell in love with you when I was twelve years old, and nothing has changed in all these years.
I’m sorry I told you that for the first time in a message.
I’m sorry I wasn’t honest from the beginning.
I’m sorry I hurt you. You threw me for a loop when you reappeared in my life, looking more beautiful and perfect than even my imagination could muster up.
You’ve always been my girl, Sienna, and I never want that to change.
If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you, I swear.
I’ll be so fucking good to you. Just…give me another chance, please. ”