Chapter 9
Nat quirked an eyebrow. ‘You don’t seem too sure? I thought you and Valentino might have picked up where you left off at the wedding?’
Peyton blinked. How did Nat know about that?
‘I saw Valentino coming out of your room the morning after,’ she supplied, clearly reading Peyton’s mind.
Oh great. Just great. And here Peyton thought she’d kept everything under wraps.
Annoyed that it wasn’t, she looked Nat square in the eye, not bothering to confirm or deny Valentino’s presence in her hotel room. ‘I’m quite sure, thank you.’
But her heart skipped in her chest at the lie because she wasn’t sure at all now.
Regarding her for long moments, Nat eventually reached into her handbag. ‘I just happen to have an extra one of these.’ She placed a packaged pregnancy test on the desk and pushed it towards Peyton.
Peyton looked at it like it was a venomous snake. She could not be pregnant. Could not. An image rose unbidden in her mind. Daisy’s tiny white coffin covered in pale-pink roses. Even now it had the power to paralyse her. She couldn’t risk that again.
Not ever.
‘You know it’s the first thing the GP’s going to do along with a urine dip,’ Nat murmured. ‘Might as well save her the effort.’
Peyton knew Nat was right as she looked at the test again, a sudden thought occurring to her. ‘Wait. How do you just happen to have this, huh?’
Nat looked sheepish. ‘I bought one of those two-in-ones… in case.’
Peyton could tell from her friend’s face that she’d already used the first one and was trying really hard to be sensitive to Peyton’s situation in the face of her own good news. ‘Does this mean… congratulations are in order?’
Nat nodded then grinned big. ‘You’re the first one to know.’
Peyton grinned back, even though inside she felt bleaker than a Bronte moor. ‘That’s fabulous, Nat.’ She grabbed her friend into a big hug. ‘Alessandro and Juliano will be over the moon.’
‘They’ll be ecstatic,’ Nat agreed. ‘I’ve been trying to get hold of Alessandro for the last two hours but he’s not answering. I just had to tell someone.’
Peyton smiled. ‘I feel honoured.’
They chatted for the next few minutes about due dates and morning sickness until Nat’s phone beeped with a message from Alessandro. ‘He’s home.’
‘Well, what are you waiting for? Off you go,’ Peyton teased. When Nat hesitated she said, ‘I mean it – go! I’ll be fine.’
Nat stood. ‘You will do the test, won’t you?’
Peyton eyeballed it, remembering the last time she’d done a pregnancy test. The joy. The hope. She glanced at Nat. ‘Yes.’
‘I’m going to ring in the morning and check on you.’
Peyton rolled her eyes. ‘Yes, Mum.’
Nat leaned down and gave her friend a quick squeeze. ‘Talk tomorrow,’ she said before practically bouncing out of the rooms.
It was preternaturally quiet after Nat left. There was just Peyton and the test and her heart beat ticking loudly in the silence. Like the freaking doomsday clock.
Her fingers trembled as she picked it up and turned it over and over.
She couldn’t be pregnant again. After Daisy had died she’d vowed to never make herself vulnerable like that again.
She couldn’t stand nine months of living on the edge, being paranoid about things going wrong, demanding scans every week, thinking the worst should there be no foetal movements for a minute, an hour, a day.
Giving birth in a haze of anxiety, constantly testing the baby’s hearing, driving herself insane at the slightest sniffle.
Oh, God. What if it was twins again?
And what about McKenzie? The child she already had who needed her. There was no time for another. Certainly not for two. There was no spare time to give at all.
She just couldn’t do it again.
‘Are you going to take that or just stare at it?’
Peyton didn’t have to look up to know Valentino was standing there. His voice was steely, like he was annoyed. Well… he could get in line.
‘I have a UTI,’ she said, raising her face defiantly.
Even glowering at her from the doorway he looked magnificent, and her breath caught in her throat. His hair was all messy from the cap and his top two buttons were undone. In another time and place, having his baby would have made her very happy indeed.
‘Is that why you kept leaving the theatre today?’
‘Yes,’ she said testily.
‘So why bother with that?’
She shrugged. ‘Just pre-empting my GP.’
‘What if it’s positive? What if my baby is already growing inside you?’
His words sunk like lead bullets in her belly. Valentino’s baby. Growing inside. How could it sound so terrifying, yet so good all at once? ‘It won’t be.’
‘What if it is?’ he insisted.
‘It isn’t.’
‘So, go and prove me wrong.’
Peyton swallowed. She should. She knew she should. But at least with the test tucked safely away in its packaging, she could pretend she wasn’t pregnant. Once the test had been done, and if it was positive? That was a whole different shit show.
‘Peyton.’
Huffing out a breath, she stood. ‘Fine.’ It had been twenty minutes since she had last relieved herself but the urge to go had never been far away today. May as well get it over and done with. Then at least she could discount pregnancy and get some anti-biotics for her infection.
‘I’ll be right here waiting,’ he said, his voice brooking no argument.
Peyton’s legs were the consistency of wet spaghetti as she made her way through the lounge area to the staff toilet.
Her hands shook as she undid the packaging and it took several attempts before she was able to liberate it.
Between her nerveless fingers and the vibrations of her heartbeat she was frightened she was going to drop the damn thing in the loo.
She doubted very much that Valentino understood the potential impact of this test. How could a footloose, fancy-free, playboy surgeon understand the full implications? For him it was no doubt a test of his virility. Proof of his manliness.
But for her? The potential quagmire of grief it opened up? Yeah… she didn’t think she’d survive that again.
Regardless, it needed to be done so she took a deep breath and managed to eke out enough urine to do the test.
Even before that little plus appeared, somewhere inside Peyton knew. She knew she was pregnant. With Valentino’s baby. Tears burned her eyes as she stared at the sign, willing it to turn to a minus, already so desperately in love with the little life inside her, it ripped the air from her lungs.
After five minutes with it stubbornly refusing to change, Peyton knew she couldn’t hide out in the loo any longer.
‘Well?’ Valentino asked as she re-entered the open lounge area.
Holding the test up, Peyton barely kept herself upright as the foundations of her world crashed down. ‘It’s positive.’
He whisked the test off her and stared at it, blinking several times, and Peyton watched as his mouth kicked up at the edges, the smile growing bigger and bigger. Looking at her, he said, ‘We’re going to have a baby.’
A huge block of emotion wedged in Peyton’s chest till she thought she was going to pass out from the pressure of it. It stung her eyes and prickled in her nose. She sucked in a breath. ‘Yes.’
And she burst into tears.
Whatever Valentino had been expecting it hadn’t been this, and confronted with her emotional state, he felt at a loss. ‘Hey,’ he crooned, stepping forward and putting his arm around her shoulders. ‘It’s going to be okay.’
He’d taken her assurances about her cycle and fertility on face value that night they’d thrown caution to the wind and, as the weeks had passed with no news and the demands of getting up to speed with his new job, it had slipped from his brain.
But it was very much at the forefront now.
Peyton shrugged his arm away and took a step back. ‘Don’t touch me,’ she half snapped, half sobbed as she wiped at her face with the heels of her palms. ‘That’s what got us into this mess in the first place.’
‘It’s not a mess,’ he said gently. ‘I’m really okay with this.’
She stared at him like he’d grown a second head. ‘How lovely for you,’ she said, her voice drenched in sarcasm.
‘I’m just saying—’
‘Do me a favour,’ she interrupted. ‘Don’t say anything, okay?’
Valentino wisely followed her advice, standing silently, his fists curled by his sides while tears poured down her face.
He wanted to draw her into his arms but he knew she’d not welcome his comfort right now.
She was in shock and she needed a little time to wrap her head around it, and that he understood.
Prior to Peyton, he’d have needed time, too. Ever since his ex-fiancée – Daniella – had come into his hospital half-dead from a botched back-yard abortion, he’d sworn off wanting anything to do with a baby.
A relationship. A family.
In fact, since then he’d taken every precaution to avoid it – except that one time with Peyton. And whether it was his Italian pride or his legendary uncle status, he could finally admit what he’d always known deep down – he wanted to be a father.
And he would move heaven and earth to make sure this child, his child, had everything it ever wanted.
‘How can you be so calm?’ she demanded suddenly, glaring at him.
Her cheeks were flushed and blotchy and her nose was runny, and she’d never looked so goddamn beautiful, this woman – the mother of his child.
Valentino smiled gently, knowing she was struggling even if he didn’t fully understand why. ‘I’m sorry but… I’m pleased.’
She shook her head at him, her stormy grey eyes bugging. ‘Why did you have to come along and ruin everything? I was perfectly happy the way I was.’
Valentino was prepared to talk about their situation, he was even prepared to argue and to cope with more tears, but he wouldn’t sit here and listen to her lie to herself. If this wasn’t a time for honesty then when was? ‘I think we both know that’s not true.’
She choked on a sob, staring at him incredulously. ‘Are you calling me a liar?’
‘I’m calling it like I see it, Peyton.’
Her lips twisted into a bitter grimace. ‘Oh? And what do you see?’