8. Sheri
8
SHERI
Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined this is how my morning would shape up.
Not that I’m complaining, mind. Still, way off how I saw my morning panning out. The only downer is why Ace is, right this second, downstairs in my kitchen warming breakfast he thoughtfully brought me. The idea of him leaving for some foreign land has everything in me clenched, so tight that I’m afraid something might snap.
Terrible as it sounds, doubt filters into my mind at having to suffer through losing someone else the way I did Maverick. Shame follows, hot on the heels of doubt. How shallow of a bitch do you have to be, to think like that. The man is putting his life on the line for our country, and all I can think about is, what if he dies?
Mentally kicking myself, I rinse off and get out of the shower. I rush through dressing to dash down to the kitchen, hair still wet but not wanting to miss even a minute more with Ace before he has to leave.
“There you are. Perfect timing. Coffee’s just finished, and I was about to warm the food up.” His smile, reflecting in his eyes, makes me tingle pretty much all over.
“How about we divvy the chores. You warm the food, I’ll pour the coffee. Deal?”
“You got yourself a deal, babe.” Ace’s good humor is infectious, and I can feel my body relax again as we move around my kitchen like we’ve been doing it for years.
I turn to grab my creamer from the fridge and catch Ace checking his watch, reminding me that our time this morning is limited. A need to cry hits me out of nowhere, and I bite my lip in an attempt to combat the tears.
“What time do you need to leave?” I ask instead.
“In ‘bout ninety minutes,” he replies around a mouthful of fries. “Ready to eat? Food’s warm.”
“Yeah, I just need to put creamer in my coffee, and I’ll meet you over at the table,” I reply, taking a much needed moment to collect myself. Last thing I want to do is cry in front of Ace. Especially ahead of him heading out on a mission.
The meal is a fairly quiet affair, with sporadic bursts of conversation. Finally, Ace swallows down his last bite of breakfast burger, washing it down with a mouthful of coffee. Hopping up, he throws away the packaging his food came in, rinses his mug, then returns to the table.
The look in his eyes tells me he has something to say and, just like that, my appetite disappears. Ace reaches over to take my hands in his, those liquid pools of deep brown laser focused on me, his expression serious.
“Sheri, you haven’t said a word about me leaving this morning. But I know this can’t be easy for you. Believe me when I tell you I thought long and hard about telling you how I feel. I one hundred percent understand that this has to stir up difficult emotions for you.
“You know I can’t promise you I’ll come home — just as you know it would be a lie if I did make a stupid promise like that. But what I can do is vow to do everything in my power to make it back to you. Having you here, waiting for me is incentive to be extra careful and vigilant. You will wait for me, won’t you?”
The look of uncertainty that crosses his face squeezes my heart.
“Yes, absolutely.” I pause, choosing my words. “You’re right, this isn’t easy. The idea of losing someone to a mission a second time — I don’t even want to think about it. Because it doesn’t bear thinking about.
“These feelings are new, and I’d like to explore where they’ll go, with you. I just need to figure out how to not dwell on the negatives while you’re gone. But I can promise — I’ll be here waiting for you when you get home.”
Releasing my hands, Ace comes around the table and draws me to my feet. “I probably should get going. If I don’t do it now, I’ll never do it. For the first time in my career, the mission isn’t my first thought. I’d give almost anything to stay here with you. But since I can’t, give me a kiss to carry me through so I leave while I’m still strong enough to do so.”
I go up on tiptoe and press my lips to his as he finishes speaking. The sensation of his hands sliding under my hair to cup my head sends a shiver down my spine. I tilt my head, all the better to sink into the kiss and glide the tip of my tongue along the seam of his, granting me better access.
At first, Ace gives me free rein to explore, to take the kiss wherever I want, but eventually when we’re both beginning to breathe hard, he takes over. His take-control move has my already overheating core tighten, and all I want to do is beg him to take me back to my bedroom. To stay here with me, where he’ll be safe, and I won’t have to worry like before.
But instead, I force the awful thoughts from my mind and give myself over to the passion of his kiss. When neither of us can draw a proper breath, Ace breaks the kiss and steps back. For a guy as fit as he is, his chest is heaving like a racehorse at the end of a race.
Regret turns his eyes a moody deeper brown than usual. He cups my cheek, staring deep into my eyes. As if his soul is communicating with mine, sharing secrets he can’t speak out loud. Finally, just when I can’t take the silent scrutiny any longer and am about to say something, he drops a sweet kiss on the tip of my nose and takes a couple steps back.
He walks over to the door, grasps the handle, but then stands there unmoving. His head drops, as if he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders, and my heart aches for him. Turning just his head, his tortured gaze not quite meeting mine, he goes to speak but nothing comes out.
Ace clears his throat. “I love you. Don’t ever doubt it. And I promise to do everything in my power to come home to you. Take care of yourself and the boys, yeah?” I nod, the tears that have now welled in my eyes making it impossible to speak. “You know who to call if there’s an emergency.”
His head drops once again, and he clears his throat once more. “I love you,” is all he finally says, his voice husky, before opening the door and stepping out.
Unable to let him leave without a word, I push words past the huge boulder that’s taken up residence in my throat. “Ace.” I hear him stop just outside the door, but he doesn’t say a word. “I love you, babe. Please be safe. I’ll be here when you get back.”
“Love you, babe,” I hear him murmur, barely above a whisper. Emotion so thick in the words, I feel a single tear roll over my lashes and down my cheek. I bite my lip hard to prevent myself from breaking down before he’s out of earshot.
I couldn’t bear it if his last memory of home is me crying hysterically, making this difficult situation even worse. The door closes ever so quietly, and I rest my now aching head against the wooden panel, listening to Ace leaving.
When I can no longer hear his car, I sink to the floor, leaning against my front door and give in to the tears that are making my throat ache. Apparently, it never gets easier. Not even the second time around.
Having lost track of time as I wallow in my misery, I jerk in fright as my phone rings, loud in the unbroken silence of my empty house. I drag myself to my feet and trudge over to the offending instrument. When I pick it up to answer, I see there’s a message I didn’t hear come in.
“Hello,” I croak, my voice raspy from my crying jag.
“Hey honey buns, you sound terrible. You okay? Not getting sick are you?” Leila’s sad voice has tears threatening again.
“Lee, hey sweets. I’m good, thanks. I hope I’m not coming down with anything — I think it’s just a frog.” I cross my fingers she won’t call me on my BS. “What about you, angel. You okay?”
“You heard, huh.”
“Yeah, I heard.” I have no intention of telling her who told me, unless she asks. I don’t want to flat out lie to her. But I definitely don’t want to get into a conversation about why Ace stopped by this morning either. Then I remember Merlin’s call and realize I don’t have to lie. “Merlin called when I was on my way home from dropping the boys off. I meant to call you and just haven’t had a chance yet.”
I hear her sigh. “He’s only just left, and the house already feels so lonely.”
Despite the fact that Ace doesn’t live here, my house, weirdly, feels empty without him too. How the hell did we go from simply friends to feeling like this? I mean, sure, we were friends for a lot of years, both pre- and post-Maverick’s passing. But it’s like a switch has flipped and friendship has turned to love on a dime.
“I’ve got an idea. Why don’t you grab some things and come spend a few nights here with me and the boys? We can do a sleepover — the boys would absolutely love having you here, and you won’t have to be all alone in that big house of yours.”
“Oh my God, yes. I could kiss you. In fact, I will kiss you when I see you. Shortly. I’m just going to throw some stuff in a bag, and I’ll be right over. What can I get on the way? We need junk food for a sleepover. Lordy be, just listen to me. I sound like a schoolgirl about to have her first sleepover.
I can’t help but laugh at Leila. Unable to articulate it clearly, I am so deeply grateful for this woman. Once again, she’s pulled me out of a funk, and she doesn’t even know it. And I have zero intentions of telling her.
“All righty then, my sweet friend. I’m off to pack a few things, grab all the junk food I can, and I’ll see you in a bit.”
“See you soon, honey buns.”
I hang up and notice the message I’d forgotten about. I open it and immediately the lump is back. The text is from Ace.
Ace: I miss you already and I haven’t even left yet. I’m not sure what kind of sorcery this is, but I’m so gone over you I don’t recognize myself right now. All I know is, I love you more than my next breath, and I can’t wait to get back to you. Maybe we can do that weekend away then?
Chanting the mantra “I will not cry again” over and over eventually distracts me enough to avoid breaking down all over again.
Me: All I can say is, same. I love and miss you so much. As always, I’m holding you in my prayers for a safe return. I cannot wait. In the meantime, I’ll look around for somewhere close by enough that it won’t be hours on the road, but far enough that we can be alone, undisturbed.
Within minutes my phone chimes a response.
Ace: Sounds perfect. Looking forward to it.
The five heart emojis surprise me. I never took Ace to be an emoji kind of guy. Still, it gives me the warm and fuzzies, and I hug my phone to my chest. I reply with a heart of my own. Before I can even put the phone down, it chimes again.
Ace. We’ve just gone wheels up. Love you. See you as soon as I can.
Me: Love you too, Ace. Be safe. I look forward to you coming home, safe and unharmed.
Feeling low once more, I hang on to the fact that Leila will be here soon to distract me from the pain.