16. Sheri
16
SHERI
An awareness of the man lying so still in the bed has me glancing over Ace’s way to find him shifting restlessly.
Leila notices where my gaze has moved to and turns to look over at him too. At that moment, his eyes open, and I see him study his surroundings, obviously trying to get his bearings. Then those gorgeous dark brown orbs shift once more, finding mine, and my heart squeezes painfully.
My thoughts immediately go back to the phone call from Leila, letting me know Ace had been hurt and she was rushing over to the hospital. Did I want her to collect me on the way? Before my brain could even consider declining, I hear myself reply, “Yes, please.”
I check the time as I scramble out of bed to get dressed. Shit, it’s eleven forty-seven — somewhat late to be calling my neighbors. So, I opt to call my parents. This is one of the trillion times I’ve been grateful they moved here after John died.
After having been introduced to him as Maverick, and calling him that for all the years we were together, it feels so strange to think of him as John now. Shaking my head at my wayward thoughts, I grab my cellphone up to call Mom. I need to get a move on, Leila will be here soon, so I put the phone on speaker while pulling random clothing on and hoping they match.
“Hello?”
“Hi Mama, I’m so sorry to be calling so late.”
“I was awake. Everything all right, angel child?” Mom’s nickname for me has tears burning in my eyes.
“I hope so. Leila just called to say Ace has been injured. We’re going to the hospital, and I was hoping you and Dad could come watch the boys for me.”
“Oh no, Sher. How bad is it?”
“I don’t know, Mama. We’ll have a better idea of what’s going on once we get there.”
“You head on out as soon as you’re ready. Dad and I’ll be there shortly. We’ll use the key you gave us, so don’t wait.”
“Thanks, Mama. I appreciate you.”
“Let us know as soon as you know, yeah?”
“I will do. Love you, Mama.”
“Love you too, sweet girl. Chat later.”
The drive to the hospital was made in silence, Leila concentrating on driving in the dark and me too shook up to make small talk.
That was three days ago.
The second longest three days of my life. The only other occasion time seemed to drag like molasses running downhill was when Mav died. Actually, more like time standing still, so fragile, as if it would shatter if it moved too quickly.
As Ace’s gaze collides with mine, I feel a pain in the region of my heart. The pain of losing my husband was, one hundred percent, the most difficult — painful — thing I’ve ever endured. And this feels so similar.
Fear, pain, worry — all familiar demons come back to taunt me. This right here, is one of the many reasons I worried about getting emotionally entangled with, well, any man — but specifically a military man.
I knew the risks. After all, this isn’t my first trip around the block. Now here we are.
“Sheri?” Leila’s soft voice breaks into my thoughts.
“Hmm?”
“You all right, love? You look a million miles away,” she replies.
“Oh, uh, yeah. Good.” I nod.
I look at Ace, and I can see concern in those dark brown eyes that melt me every time. God, I’m so torn between shouting our love from the rooftops and running for the hills to protect my heart from further damage. Currently, the overwhelming urge to run feels like it might just win.
Glancing at my watch, I see it’s an hour and a half before the boys need to be at school. I’m so thankful my parents moved closer after Mav died. They’ve been an incredible help with the boys and keeping me sane. Between Leila and my folks, Digit and Liora, they along with the boys have given me a reason to keep going.
There were so many dark days in the beginning that it would have been easier to give up and follow Mav. The pain of losing him felt like an ocean riptide dragging me under and leaving me without air. Like I couldn’t draw a breath, the world was too loud, too bright, too alive to bear. Lying in the dark at night, I’d entertain the idea of just giving up.
To cease all fighting to stay in a cold, lonely world without the man I’d promised to love forever. But then one of the boys would need me during those seemingly endless hours, and it would renew my will to fight for a little longer.
If I’m being brutally honest though, there were times it was difficult to look at those two sweet boys. They look so much like their father, their little features almost carbon copies of Maverick that it felt like my heart was cracking open in my chest, leaving me raw and broken.
But somehow, we’ve made it through, and I’ve found that the heart is capable of healing, of loving again. The question is though, do I want to? Looking at Ace lying pale against the pristine white sheets dredges memories too painful to bear up to the surface and I know, without a doubt, I’m not strong enough for this.
“Ace, can you give us a minute, honey? I just need to speak to Sheri real quick. Do you need anything before we step out?” I hear Leila say as she gets a firm grasp on my forearm, jerking me back to the present.
“Thanks, doll, but I’m good.” Ace gives Leila a weak smile while his concerned eyes search my face for the hundredth time.
All but dragging me from the room, Leila marches us down the hall to the small waiting room we’d waited in for news about Ace not so long ago.
“Sheri, what’s going on? I know you said you’re fine the multiple times I’ve asked but, girl, you don’t look it. You’re pale, distracted, quiet — which is so unlike you — and you keep looking at your watch like you’ve got some place to be. So spill. I know you — something’s going on.”
Before I can say a word, she claps a hand over her mouth, and my heart sinks to my toes. I pray she doesn’t put two and two together and come to the right conclusion. But her next words reassure me she hasn’t.
“Does this remind you too much of Mav? Is being here too painful? God, I’m such an idiot. I should have thought of that before I called you.” Leila pulls me into a hug. “I’m sorry, possum. You know I’m here for you, right?”
Too overcome for words, I rest my head on her shoulder and nod, not saying anything. I couldn’t even if I wanted to. The two of us stand hugging each other for long minutes, neither saying a word, simply drawing comfort from one another.
That’s how Merlin finds us.
I startle, hard, as a pair of strong arms embrace both Leila and me seconds ahead of his query.
“You two beauties doing okay?”
“Hi, baby,” I hear Leila respond.
Drained, weary and heartsick, I simply nod. We stand huddled like that for a moment or two longer, then Merlin gives us a quick squeeze and steps back.
“I’ll leave you two to it. I’m off to check in on Ace.”
“We’ll be there shortly, my love,” Leila replies. There’s a heartbeat of silence, and then I hear the door close quietly behind Merlin.
I step out of Leila’s arms and stretch. “I guess we’d best get back too.” I give her a facsimile of a smile.
“Not before you talk to me. I can see something’s up.”
I knew it wouldn’t be that easy. “Ace being hurt has stirred up a lot of emotions for me,” I reply, heaving a huge sigh. “I love these guys like they were my blood brothers, and I worry about them just as I do about Digit.
“What they do is dangerous, and I worry about them constantly while they’re out on missions. When something happens to one of them, it’s ...” I get a lump in my throat at the very thought and have to clear it before I can continue. “Well, you know. You’re in the same boat as me.”
With a sigh of her own, Leila nods. “Yeah, I know. And it’s damn hard. I get you. But — I don’t know — I get a sense that it’s hitting different for you this time.” She searches my face, a sad look in her eyes and a frown marring her brow.
Warning. Warning. Warning , my brain screams.
I’m not ready for the world to know about Ace and me — it would shatter my world if these people I love were to walk out of my life like they did to Leila — if they knew and things didn’t work out. I know it makes me a selfish bitch keeping this secret, but I’m not emotionally ready for that should things not work out for us.
And as I stand in this cold, sterile, soulless room, that unique hospital smell all around me, a shiver wracks my frame, as if a harbinger of things to come.
Once again, I look down at my watch. “I should probably go say goodbye to Ace so I can get going. I need to get a move on if I’m going to get the boys to school on time,” I say, giving in to the intense need to get out of this place.
“I’ll go with you.”
Leila reaches out to take my hand in hers, and we walk like that, hand-in-hand, down the hall back to Ace’s room. A quick round of hugs from all the guys bolsters my flagging spirits, giving me just enough courage to do the cowardly. Moving over to Ace’s bedside, I brace for the guilt his disappointment will bring.
“I need to hit the road so I can get the boys to school. I’ll pop in to see you later, okay?” I tell him. And, as expected, he gives me puppy dog eyes, making me feel like shit for leaving him. But I just can’t stay. My facade of composure is already cracking.
“Okay, sure. Say hi to your folks and the boys for me.” Again, his gaze searches mine, as if he’s trying to see into my mind.
“Can I bring you anything when I come back later?”
“No, you’re all I need,” he replies, lowering his voice not to be overheard by the others.
I drop a quick kiss on his forehead. “I’ll see you later then.”
“Yeah, later.”
God, the look in Ace’s eyes is killing me. But I have to get out, get away. I feel like an alien in my own body. My skin feels too tight and like my nerve endings have taken up residence on the outside of my body.
Before I can embarrass myself and say something stupid, it’s best I take my leave, so I say my goodbyes to everyone. I can feel Leila’s eyes on me as I make my escape, fleeing down the hall before the threatening tears fall.
For the first time since Maverick died, I feel truly alone.
This time, there’s no one for me to lean on because I can’t tell them what’s weighing on me. Not even Leila. It’s unfair to unburden this on her because, her being my best friend, that puts her square in the middle.
I could never ask her to pick sides. Knowing her the way I do, loyal to the bone, she would choose mine, and it would put her at odds with Merlin. I would never do that to her.
It would rip me to shreds if they were no longer a part of my life. The people in that hospital room mean everything to me, and I can’t afford to lose them.