Episode 127
EPISODE 127
SECRET LOVE TWO
Brett
Twenty Years Earlier…
No one knows the real me.
Not even River, and he’s my closest friend.
To the outside world, I’m the computer nerd who’s not a nerd. I’m as big and strong and good-looking as River is. He and the football coach have been after me since freshman year to join the team, but that’s not my thing.
I can be a team player when I need to be—and I’d do anything for my friends—but when push comes to shove, I’m a lone wolf.
Always have been, and always will be.
I’ve also been horny as hell for girls since I hit puberty…which is why these intense feelings I’ve developed for Jake confuse the hell out of me.
I suppose it started as wanting to protect him. The dude hasn’t had an easy life. No father, and a mom who works three jobs to keep them clothed and fed. He’s blonder than I am, and he never wears a hat because he thinks his thick hair is his best feature.
He’s wrong, though. His best feature is his blue eyes. They’re what drew me in. They seem to mirror my isolation, my own feelings of misplaced belonging that I’ve managed to mask so well.
My feelings have grown beyond wanting to protect him now. I find myself drawn to his resilience, his stubborn determination, and the quiet strength he carries within him. To the world, Jake is just another kid struggling to make ends meet, but for me, he’s become something far more.
He has become a part of me—a piece of me I didn’t realize was missing until he filled that void.
It’s not just about lust or desire—although those feelings are there, flaring up in moments when our gazes meet and linger a second too long or when our bodies accidentally brush against each other while we’re working on some project or other. It’s about feeling complete. Feeling like everything makes sense when Jake is around.
The worst part is that I can’t even confess these feelings to River, the one person in the world who knows me best. To say it out loud would make it real. It would be like stripping myself bare for everyone to see, exposing the most vulnerable part of myself.
I often catch myself observing Jake, my mind painting scenarios of a world where we could be something more than friends. In these dreams, we’re not hiding or scared—we’re just two people who love each other. But then reality hits and I realize it’s just that—a dream.
He’s given me no indication that he might return my feelings. Instead, he views me as his friend—the guy who helps him with calculus problems and fixes his computer when it crashes. He’s got a girlfriend now, Marnie. She’s sweet and pretty, and we all like her.
But she’s not me, and I find myself constantly wondering if Jake and I would have a chance if things were different. If we were different.
Then again, maybe it’s better this way. He has Marnie by his side, someone who evidently makes him happy. The last thing I want is for Jake to lose that happiness because of my confused feelings.
One day, when I watched them from a distance as they shared a laugh over something Marnie said, I felt a pang of jealousy that twisted my stomach into knots. It was an alien feeling that left me with a disgusting taste in my mouth. I swallowed it down, reminded myself of how much Jake means to me, and told myself that his happiness should be my happiness.
I keep the love buried deep within my heart where no one else can see. I wear the mask I’ve become accustomed to, letting myself only be vulnerable to one person. River. But even he doesn’t know my true feelings for Jake.
And he never will.
I have to be at my best as the five of us walk down this path from which we can never return.
The fifteen minutes we must wait to make sure River’s injection of the ketamine into Old Man Larson takes effect seem like an eternity.
Beside me, Sebastian and Alex are rigid.
And Jake?
All I want to do is take him into my arms and tell him this will all be okay. That I’m doing this for him as much as for me.
Seb nudges me out of my fantasy. “It’s time.”
Jake no longer exists for me then. He can’t. I need to be focused and without emotion. This will happen without fail. I’ll make sure of it.
Present Day…
I don’t think Misty’s a psychopath. And I believe her claim. I believe she’s Jake’s half-sister.
But maybe I just want to believe it. Maybe I look at her as another chance with Jake.
Jake didn’t deserve his fate. Neither did Marnie.
And if I’m honest with myself?
Neither did Old Man Larson.
Sure, we thought he did at the time, but we were kids. Fucking kids.
Man, I’d do so much differently if I could go back in time.
But I can’t.
I stopped playing that game years ago, so I stop my mind from going there now.
I look at River. His chiseled features are rigid and tense. He—for some unknown reason—is who Misty set her sight on. Yet she chose me for her private date. Which begs the question…
Why?
Does she know something more than she’s letting on? According to Riv, she knows about her half-brother, knows he was the same age as the guys and I are. Does she know his name was Jacob Alexander Patterson, and that he was the most amazing person in the world?
Seb nudges me. “Earth to Brett.”
I jerk back to reality. “Yeah?”
“So Rachel and Ginger aren’t coming back. What about Sienna?”