Chapter Thirty-Five
Elora
Linc and I decide to stay the night at Hanmer Springs, and we all spend the evening sitting out on the deck, while Dad and Fraser fire up the barbecue and argue about whether the burgers are done and cook steak and chicken kebabs to eat with Mum’s famous potato salad.
They both ask Linc lots of questions about his work and his life in the UK. He chats away, telling them about iDigBritain and the excavations he’s been on, but I know him well enough to understand how he’s carefully sidestepping details of his life in England. He doesn’t want to make me feel as if he’s trying to influence my decision, which I appreciate. Still, I can see in his eyes the passion with which he talks how much he loves his job over there.
Feeling the need to be alone for a few minutes, I pick up a pile of plates and take them inside, and begin washing them in the sink, looking out through the window at where they’re all sitting on the deck.
Of course I love my job here, and I’m in the middle of doing my Masters. It is an online course, so theoretically I can do it anywhere, but I’d have to change the focus, as I wouldn’t be able to access the New Zealand bird bones over there.
I know I mustn’t give up my life here for him without careful thought. I’m enough of a modern woman to believe that my job and career are as important as his. But one of us is going to have to make a sacrifice if we want to be together.
I don’t want to go with him just because I’m afraid he’ll get bored with life in New Zealand. I mustn’t make my decision for him. I need to make it for me. What would be the best thing for me?
“You know they still have a dishwasher.” It’s Joel, bringing a handful of glasses and the dish that’s still half-full of potato salad, because Mum always makes enough to feed five thousand.
“I know. Just needed five to myself.”
He tears off some plastic wrap, covers the bowl, and slides it into the fridge. Then he comes and stands beside me. “Want me to leave you alone?”
I glance at him. He’s six-one, and he has to keep fit for his job as an underwater archaeologist, so he’s lithe and muscular. He has scruffy dark hair and he’s unshaven. He can be gruff and dismissive, but he’s a nice guy, and, just like Fraser, he’s been a rock for me.
Zoe’s been cagey with her texts, but I’m pretty sure the two of them hooked up while they were in the Northland. I know there’s no point in asking him because he won’t tell me, but I’ll grill her about it when we all get back to Wellington.
I hand him the tea towel. He takes it with a wry smile and starts drying up.
“Looks as if Linc and Dad have made up,” he says, nodding toward where they’re sitting next to each other outside, currently laughing at something Fraser said.
“Yeah. I’m glad. I did wonder whether we were going to have to help Dad bury a body this evening.”
He laughs, putting the dry plate away. “I didn’t think Dad would apologize, I have to say.”
“No, me neither.”
He picks up another plate. “So… you’re going to marry him?”
“Looks like it!”
“Have you decided where you’re going to live?”
I pick up the dish that contained the sausages and start scrubbing at the bits stuck to the side. “Not yet.”
“He wants you to go to the UK?”
“He said he’ll leave it to me, and that he’ll move to New Zealand if I really don’t want to go to England. I think he means it. He wants to see more of us and his new family. But of course his life is in the UK. He’s suggested that we go there for a couple of years, and then make up our minds. He says he’d like to show me around all the museums and sites, and that we could go on some digs together.”
He puts down the tea towel and leans on the counter. “That sounds like a great opportunity.”
I lean on the sink. My heart rate has picked up, and I have to concentrate for a moment to force the panic away. “I don’t know if I’m ready.”
He looks at me then, and his lips curve up. “Of course you’re ready.”
“I don’t know, Joel… Linc said that courage isn’t not being scared, it’s doing something in spite of being scared, and that the courage comes afterward. But I’m not so sure.”
“Yeah, I heard that you did a bungee jump.” His eyes are full of admiration. “I never thought you’d do something like that.”
“Me neither.”
“But you did. Because he supported you and encouraged you. And I bet you felt good afterward.”
“I did,” I admit.
“Honey, you’ve come so far. I totally understand if you don’t want to go—you have your career to think of, after all. But the museum will still be here if and when you come back. You could either put your MA on hold or take the opportunity to visit those museums and add another element to it—there are lots of birds that went extinct in the UK. I looked them up. The Dalmatian Pelican, the Great Auk…” He screws up his nose. “Can’t remember the others. But maybe you could do a comparison to the Moa or something.”
I scrub at a mark on the sink with a fingernail. “I could, that’s true. If it was just traveling there, I’d probably pluck up the courage and do it. But to move there? I’d miss you all so much.”
He pushes up and bumps my shoulder with his. “You’ll be having far too much sex to miss all of us.”
“Joel!”
He laughs. “It’s up to you, sis. But for what it’s worth, I think you should go. Come on, none of us is short of money—you can fly back regularly for a visit. And think of all the exciting things you could do while you’re there. You can go and see the Mary Rose and the HMS Victory, for Christ’s sake. I’d kill to see those.”
I turn to him and, even though my hands are all soapy, I slide my arms around him and give him a hug.
He squeezes me and kisses the top of my head. “I’m so proud of you for even considering it. You’re so brave. Look how far you’ve come. Jumping off bridges! Going on a ship around the country! Living in the UK will be a breeze.”
I sniff and rub my nose as he pulls away. “Thank you.”
“Better to regret something you’ve done than something you’ve not done.” He smiles and walks away.
“Joel? How’s Zoe?”
“Yeah, not going there.” He disappears outside.
I chuckle and go back to the washing up. Some things don’t change.
*
The next day, Linc, Fraser, Joel, and I all drive to Christchurch, then fly back to Wellington on the same charter flight. Linc cancels his flight on Monday, and he invites me to stay with him in his hotel, which I decide to take him up on.
It takes me just under forty-eight hours to come to a decision.
We’re lying in bed late on Tuesday evening after a particularly enthusiastic lovemaking session, looking out at the stars popping out on the night sky. I’m lying on my back, and he’s resting his head on my shoulder, tracing his fingers across my belly and up between my breasts while I stroke down his spine.
I bring my hand up to his head and run my fingers up the short hair on the back of his head, then sink them into the longer strands on top. “I’ve made my decision,” I tell him.
He goes still, then pushes up onto an elbow and looks down at me. “Oh?”
“I’d like to go to England with you.”
His face lights up with pure joy. I watch as he tries to rein in his enthusiasm. “You’re sure?” he asks.
I nod. “I’m nervous about it. But when I told Joel, he said it was a great opportunity, and I think he’s right. I do want to see all those historical sites, and the museums, and go on digs with you. I want to meet your friends and go around London on the Tube, and see St. Paul’s and Westminster Abbey and the Tower, and go to plays and art galleries. I want to do all those things with you.”
He studies my face. “You are amazing,” he says, making me blush. “I knew you were brave, but I thought it might be a step too far.”
I swallow hard. “I’m not saying I won’t ever get nervous, or have panic attacks, or that my OCD won’t be bad at times. I’m not going to get over it overnight.”
“I know.”
“But I will do my best.”
“I know.” He rolls onto his back and pulls me into his arms. “Ah, honey, you’ve made me so happy tonight. Not because of going to the UK, but because you’re giving it a go. You can’t know what that means to me.”
“It’s all because of you, Linc. I couldn’t do it without you. You’ve given me the courage to step outside my comfort zone. It’s your support and encouragement that have made it possible.”
“We’ll come back often to visit. And we’ll reassess it after a while. I’m very open to moving back here at some point. Maybe when we have kids. It’s a nice place to bring up children.”
And that’s when I burst into tears.
“Aw…” He holds me tightly. “I’m sorry, what did I say?”
I sniffle and snuffle, so he pulls a tissue from the box on the bedside table and passes it to me, and I blow my nose.
“I didn’t think I’d have children,” I whisper. “I honestly didn’t think I’d ever meet someone I’d be able to trust enough to have a relationship with.”
“But you want kids?”
I nod. A baby with Linc? A little piece of him that I can have all to myself? Oh my God. I’m so happy right now I could explode.
“When would you like to move?” I ask.
“We’ll wait until after the Valentine’s Day exhibition. Maybe the end of February, how does that sound?”
I nod. That gives me several weeks to sort everything out.
He studies me, his hair falling across his forehead, and he looks so handsome that I feel as if I could explode.
“I love you,” I tell him.
“I love you too, so much.” And he kisses me then, filling me with such joy that I’m sure I must be sparkling and shining like the stars in the Milky Way that’s spread across the sky outside our window.
We’ll be back here one day, of that I’m sure. But a huge adventure awaits us, and I can’t wait to join him on his pirate ship, and be a lady of fortune, and sail across the sea to our new land.