4. Chapter Four
Chapter Four
B rooke was waiting in Cody’s office, wondering why he’d asked her to meet him alone.
Did something happen with Kristi? Did they have a fight? Break up?
She couldn’t be that lucky.
She paced in front of his desk, wondering if Cody was thinking about him pulling her into his lap. It wasn’t the first time she’d done it over the years. When she was younger, she’d climb into his lap all the time to talk and be close to him. At some point, he’d told her she was too big and she’d transitioned to sitting by his side, as close as she could get to him. He didn’t mind. He never minded.
Until today.
No. She wasn’t going to make a big deal about it.
He’d been annoyed at Brad for flirting. If that’s even what he’d been doing.
She’d known him forever. Brad was just trying to get a rise out of Cody.
“What’s that face for?” Cody asked walking into the study and closing the door behind him.
“It’s just my face. What did you want to see me about?”
“First, I’m sorry I haven’t done the whole welcome speech you wanted to do.”
She waved that away. “People seem to be having fun. The caterers are serving dinner now. The fireworks show is sure to cap off the night with a bang.” She gave him a cheeky grin. “We can say something in between to thank everyone for coming.”
He leaned back against the front of his desk as she stood in front of him. “You really outdid yourself on the party. I know I wasn’t excited about having it, but…”
“Go on, say it.” She smirked.
He mock glared and grinned at the same time. “You were right.” The words came out with a reluctant but amused sound.
She chuckled. “There it is.”
He hooked his arm around her neck and pulled her into a hug, kissing her on the forehead. “Don’t gloat.”
She grinned up at him, her hands on his chest. “Don’t ruin my moment.”
He squeezed her tight, then let her loose and grinned so big she knew something was coming.
“What is it? Is this about whatever Kristi set up with her father?” She hoped it was something good.
“He offered me a seat on the board of directors of the new children’s hospital.”
“The one Dad helped build?”
Cody’s smile grew. “Yes. I’ll get to help steer its course and oversee that it’s being managed well and growing with the community.”
She leapt back into his arms and hugged him. “That’s amazing. I’m so proud of you.” She leaned back to look him in the eyes. “ He’d be so proud of you.”
“It makes it even better to know that he’d want me to do this.” He gently set her away from him, though it felt a little slower than usual, with a reluctance she was sure couldn’t be real.
She pushed down her skirt, drying her damp palms. “He’d know you’d have the best interest at heart for everyone involved, from the patients to the workers to the community needs. This is amazing.” She lost a bit of her smile. “I bet Kristi is excited.”
“Yes and no. It means I’ll be working even more.”
“For something that is so worthy of your time and attention.”
“I know. And she knows that, too. She just wants us to spend more time together.”
Brooke dropped her gaze to the floor. “She’s here often enough.”
Cody eyed her. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
She shrugged. “It’s just an observation.”
Cody folded his arms over his chest, making his biceps strain his shirt sleeves and stretch over his wide shoulders. Have mercy. “Why don’t you like her?”
“ She doesn’t like me . She treats me like an annoying gnat, which I find odd considering I’m the closest person to you.”
Cody’s eyes took on a thoughtful look, like he hadn’t thought about the fact that the woman in his life didn’t want to befriend the person who loved him the most.
Brooke looked at Cody from under her lashes. “Because of how she acts, I’m not inclined to try too hard to like her, because she doesn’t seem right for you.”
They didn’t seem to click. Not in the forever kind of way. He wasn’t desperate to be with her. He didn’t spend all his time talking to her on the phone or texting her.
Maybe that wasn’t their thing.
Still. Where was the need and passion?
She never saw it between them.
Well, except Kristi desperately trying to keep Cody away from Brooke.
And he’d have told her if their relationship was different. Special. He told her everything.
Well, most everything. Cody kept his relationships with women, for the most part, private to spare her feelings.
Feelings they didn’t speak about or acknowledge outright. It was their not-so-secret secret.
And everyone who knew them knew about it.
So embarrassing.
But it didn’t change how she felt. Or some of the impulsive things she did, that in hindsight could be termed cringeworthy.
Cody didn’t meet her gaze when he admitted, “Kristi and I are good together. She gets me and what I can give and what I can’t.”
She wanted to put her hand on his arm in comfort and feel the corded muscles in his forearm bunch beneath her hand, but controlled her impulse. “I assume you’re referring to your insane schedule.”
Cody unfolded his arms and put his hands on either side of his hips on the edge of the desk. “I can’t help that. She knows it. And I like the way things are between us. It’s…uncomplicated. For now, that’s enough.”
Yeah, she and Cody would be all kinds of complicated. But wouldn’t it be worth it if they loved each other?
Did he have that with Kristi? “So you guys have that thing?”
Cody raised a brow. “What thing?”
“The thing you can’t explain that connects you and makes you want to be with that person all the time. Like not being with them isn’t an option.” Because that’s how I feel about you. And if that’s how you feel about her…
Please don’t feel that way about her.
Cody ran a hand over his neck, letting her know he was uncomfortable. “Why are we talking about this?”
“Everyone wants something. If you don’t have it with her, then what is the thing you want?” If she knew that, then maybe she could give it to him and be what and who he wanted.
Cody hesitated for a moment. They’d never been shy about opening up with each other. It was something he only did with her. So it didn’t surprise her that he answered her very personal question with a truth that floored her.
“I want something and someone real. Someone who stays even when things are hard.”
With both of them sharing a parent having walked out on them, she understood what he meant. “You deserve that, Cody, and so much more.”
“That’s what you and I have.” The quiet sincerity in his voice made the words sound even more emotional.
The words hit her right in the heart.
If they had that, then what did he have with Kristi that made him stay with her and not even look at Brooke as someone he couldn’t live without? In that special way. Not the friendship way he always boxed them into.
They’d forged their connection over the years based on unbridled truth and open honesty in all things. She felt like they could take that foundation and turn it into something even more intimate and amazing.
But just like all the times she flirted and tried to show him how she felt in the past, he turned away and didn’t say anything about seeing the hope and yearning he couldn’t miss in her eyes as she stared at him, wondering if he would ever see her as something more than his friend.
Cody pushed around folders on his desk, not meeting her gaze now.
She tried to put him at ease again. “I’m really excited for you and this new opportunity. You’re going to be great.”
A slow grin grew on his too-handsome face as his blue eyes lit up. “Maybe you were right about throwing the party and inviting all these people.”
She eyed him and smirked. “Maybe? Come on, you can say it again,” she teasingly taunted.
He stepped closer and stared down, directly into her eyes.
Her breath hitched whenever they were this close. Which was never often enough, in her estimation. He had to hear her heart thundering in her chest and feel the anticipation she couldn’t hide, even if it was for something he probably had no intention of doing. Though her lips and heart begged for it.
“Is that really what you want? For me to pour out my gratitude and tell you, you always know what’s best for me?”
It wouldn’t hurt. But … “I want you…” She paused for the barest of seconds. Long enough to see his eyes flare, then narrow on her mouth. “To smile, like you used to before we lost him.”
His expression softened. “What’s there to smile about? I’ve been working my ass off since he died climbing the ladder at work and keeping this ranch running.” His gaze shifted to the window behind her as he whispered, “And you’re not here most of the time to give me something to smile about.”
Oh how her heart lit up with joy, but she hid her grin. She didn’t want to make him uncomfortable about reluctantly admitting that he missed her while she was away at school. In little more than a month, she’d be back on campus in the dorms with Mindy Sue.
But this moment… She’d never forget it.
While he shared most things with her, his feelings about her were never spoken. Though she knew how he felt. He loved her. He liked her. He trusted her.
All the things you needed as a foundation for a relationship. One Cody made sure she knew was as a friend. But maybe after three years of her being away at school, he felt something more than just her absence. Maybe more than missing her, he wanted her.
She took a chance, stepped in closer to him, put her hands on his wide shoulders, and rose on her tiptoes, bringing their faces close.
His breath hitched.
She slowly leaned in, her heart jackhammering in her chest.
A second before she kissed him, his hands clamped onto her hips. He held her immobile, fingers digging in.
She liked the bite of his fingertips and wondered if he’d leave his mark. She hoped so.
His gaze darkened. “I should go find Kristi and her father.” Several seconds passed with their mouths inches apart. Her holding him. Him holding her. Then he stepped back, his fingertips scraping off the denim of her skirt. Like he could hardly bear to let her go? Her hands dropped off his shoulders. He walked past and out the door, slamming it, like he couldn’t get away fast enough.
The rejection stung. Her heart throbbed with the pain of coming so close and not getting her chance to prove to Cody how much she loved him.
This was the first time she’d gotten that close to what she wanted and he’d touched her in a way that wasn’t friendly and innocent. That grip he had on her…the way he looked at her…it felt like he’d been holding himself back.
Why? Couldn’t he see how good they could be together?
No. Not if he walked away like that.
Maybe it was time to grow up and face reality.
If she didn’t stop throwing herself at him, she might end up losing him.
What was the point anyway when he kept walking away?
Cody didn’t know what happened. One minute Brooke was teasing him that she’d been right about throwing the party even if it brought up too many memories for him about his father, the next she was so close he could smell her favorite strawberries on her breath and the coconut sunscreen she used to keep her pale skin from burning. The cocktail of her scent went right to his head. His hands shot out and gripped her hips. The feel of her under his hands made him hold tighter. He was probably hurting her, but he couldn’t seem to release his hold. And another part of him liked the feel of her too much to even think of the consequences. His dick perked up. It wasn’t the first time in the last month since Brooke had been home from college that he’d looked at her and his body stirred with a desire he shouldn’t feel or want.
Did she have to come down to breakfast every morning in nothing but flannel shorts and a tank top? When did her jeans start molding to her perfect ass like that? Why did seeing her smile make him think of other things she could do with those full lips?
When did she stop being just Brooke and start being a temptation?
Why the fuck had he said those things to her about wanting something and someone real, who’d stay even when things got hard?
You certainly are. For her.
But he’d meant it.
Brooke was the one person he knew would never turn her back on him or leave. She would always be there for him no matter what.
That meant everything to him.
She was his friend. Probably the best one he’d ever have.
Off-limits to the sensual thoughts he was having about her.
She was too young. Too inexperienced. Too na?ve. Too lost in the puppy love she’d had for him for years to see that she had no idea what it would really mean if Cody gave in and gave her what she thought she wanted.
She was too important—too special—to fuck it all up with…well, fucking her.
Because if he did…he feared he’d lose her.
That could not happen. He needed her. Without her…his life was…dull. Faded. She brought the light and fun into his life.
She wanted and deserved a fairy tale happy-ever-after kind of thing. He was too cynical. He had far more life experience than the girl he’d watched grow up before his eyes, who’d never even had a serious boyfriend.
He didn’t want to think about the guys she probably dated at college.
None of his damn business, even if he kept a close eye on her.
Thinking of her showering all her affection and joy on some other guy made him feel too raging bull and possessive.
There needed to be a line between them.
His father had asked him to continue to look out for her before he died. He made Cody the executor of the estate and in charge of Brooke’s inheritance until she came of age.
He swore he’d take care of her always.
And her mother, too.
And putting his hands on Brooke that way was crossing a line.
This wasn’t some welcome home hug, an affectionate kiss on the cheek. This was…more.
She knew it, too.
He needed to get his head on straight and stop thinking the things he’d been thinking about and desiring lately.
It needed to stop before he did something stupid. Something he couldn’t take back. Something that crossed a line and might make her turn away. Something that might make her hate him. Something that hurt her.
That was the last thing he ever wanted to do.
Nothing was worth losing what they’d shared these last many years and what they’d always have if he just kept his head—and his hands off her perfect body. The one she’d grown into the last few years and he’d ignored until recently.
If she wouldn’t think of the consequences, he had to do it for both of them.
He didn’t look at her as he left. “Fled” probably described his action better than anything. But he had to do it. Because one more second of her being that close, of her warmth seeping into him, her scent filling him, his desire rising, and he’d have lost all sense and given in to the temptation she’d suddenly become.
He found Kristi at one of the picnic tables and pulled her close as she smiled up at him. He didn’t much feel like smiling back but he did because it was expected. The woman at his side didn’t feel half as good as the one he’d just left. He’d barely touched Brooke. And yet it cracked something open inside him.
He focused on Kristi and told his brain to fucking stop thinking about Brooke and that breathless moment they shared in his study.
A moment he would always remember without regret. A moment filled with promise and yearning and potential and possibility. A moment he could hold her and the notion that for a brief second they were of the same mind and heart before reality hit, the breach Brooke opened inside him sealed, leaving this persistent ache, and he had to do the right thing.
Brooke wasn’t for him.
He had a beautiful woman here, not headed back to college, and her family was helping him achieve the success he’d been dreaming about and working hard to reach. Did it matter that his relationship with Kristi helped to make it happen? No. Not really. Because in life, sometimes it was who you knew, not your experience or expertise, that opened doors.
How he got the job didn’t matter as much as how well he did it. And Cody couldn’t wait to show Kirk and the governor that their faith in him wasn’t misplaced and he deserved it.
He settled into the embrace with Kristi and the bond they were forging.
When thoughts about that moment in his office with Brooke, how it felt good and right to have her in his hands—even if it had been on the precipice of cheating—popped up, he ignored them.
Well, he tried.