10. Chapter Ten
Chapter Ten
C ody couldn’t believe it was almost Christmas. Where had the time gone? Why did it feel like an eternity since he’d seen Brooke? Oh yeah, because she’d been gone for months and practically radio silent.
You’ve been too busy to call her, too, so…
What was she doing?
What was she thinking?
Was she even coming home for the holidays?
Of course she is. You’re being an idiot.
Susanne had already told him she’d be here.
Still, his uncontrollable thoughts made him doubt.
This was her senior year. She was busy, studying and making her last year count by focusing on what she needed to do before she returned home for good. Of course she was taking advantage of everything school had to offer, including being with her friends and making connections that could potentially be as beneficial to her future as her stellar grades.
And he couldn’t blame her for the lack of communication. He hadn’t been much better. After getting the position on the children’s hospital board, he’d barely had time to breathe between the hours he worked on projects for the board, taking care of his clients’ legal troubles, the ranch, and dating Kristi. Not that seeing her felt like a job. Well, okay, sometimes it did because she could be as demanding as his clients.
Actually, that wasn’t fair. There just weren’t enough hours in the day for him to be everything to everyone.
He didn’t want to think about Kristi right now. Things were…strained. Was that the right word? He wasn’t sure. She constantly praised him for being such a great lawyer, for working so hard to ensure the children’s hospital met the needs of its patients and staff, and for how good he made her feel when they were together.
He felt like he spent most of his time apologizing to her for being late for a date, missing a date, not having enough time to give to her, always rushing, never taking his time when they were together. He liked being with her when she was in an understanding mood. But when she wasn’t…it felt like all her wants—for him to be more attentive, available, understanding of her needs—were just another item on his long-as-fuck to-do list.
He needed a vacation but didn’t have the time to take one.
The bright spot had remained his interactions with Brooke. Though they were few and far between, she still found a way to make him smile.
Like when he’d sent her a text about her request…
CODY: I’ve gone over your detailed and thorough business plans and will approve the funds for your project. I’ll get started on the contracts. Once they’re ready, I’ll send them for your review and signature before I present them to Mrs. Walters and Mr. Scott.
brOOKE: Thank you for the prompt response, Mr. Jansen. I appreciate your time and attention to this matter.
The professional response had made him frown and wonder what the fuck was going on with her.
But then she sent another text.
brOOKE: Now take the stick out of your uptight lawyer ass and remember that we’re friends and you can say I’m fucking brilliant and the project is a go.
He laughed so loud in his office, his assistant came in to see what was going on. And for the life of him, he couldn’t remember doing that in a long while. When had his life gotten so serious?
CODY: You’re more than brilliant. Never forget that.
brOOKE: Can I get that on a plaque I can mount on my wall? Cody Jansen thinks I’m brilliant!
Before he could think better of it, he sent…
CODY: I think my life is dull without you in it.
brOOKE: I’m the gift that keeps on giving.
brOOKE: Now tell me what’s wrong?
Of course she read what he hadn’t even said.
Nothing. Everything. He was discontent and didn’t know why or what to do about it.
CODY: I’m fine. Just tired and busy.
brOOKE: Mom told me you donated your obscene client fee to the children’s hospital, so they could get a new MRI and CT machine. Get a company off on pollution charges and heal sick kids why don’t you!
Cody laughed at that, too, but also felt incredibly proud of what he’d done to compensate for defending his client so well they got away with a slap on the wrist for that shit. His firm had gotten their cut, but his portion had gone to the kids.
Brooke understood his need to do good in the world. They had that in common. He didn’t always get to pick his clients. Some of them he didn’t like. Others he loathed. Especially those who used the law to get away scot-free with doing bad things.
brOOKE: I see your cape showing under your bespoke suit.
He chuckled again.
CODY: But you’ll keep my secret, right?
brOOKE: Word is out. You’re running with the big dogs now. You’ve got the money, the woman…next you’ll be too famous for the likes of me.
CODY: Never. You keep me grounded.
brOOKE: Because I know you better than anyone.
Yes, she does. Because he didn’t open up easily to others. Not even with Kristi.
She was starting to feel that. He was trying to be better, but it wasn’t easy for him. He guarded himself after his mother walked out. He didn’t need a therapist to know he had trust issues.
Not with Brooke.
Maybe because she was just a kid when they met. You couldn’t hide things from kids. They saw right through you. And Brooke had been so eager to be accepted by him and his dad.
Brooke was his best friend, but Kristi was the woman by his side, the woman who complemented his life because she was a part of his work world. They shared friends and acquaintances, many of whom they ran into on a regular basis.
CODY: But will you help me bury the bodies?
brOOKE: I’ll bring the shovel, you bring the beer.
He grinned at that, too.
CODY: Deal. And if you need me, I’m just a call away. Day or night. I mean it.
brOOKE: I know you do. But I also need to learn to stand on my own.
He hoped that didn’t mean she didn’t need him anymore.
brOOKE: I have to run to class.
brOOKE: And Cody…work isn’t a life. You deserve to have a really great life.
brOOKE: Have some fun. That’s an order from your partner in the ranch. And your friend.
That’s when it hit him. This feeling he’d been having since she left. Guilt.
He shouldn’t have touched her the way he did. He shouldn’t have looked at her the way he did. He definitely shouldn’t be thinking the things he thought about her all the time.
She cared about him. She wanted more with him. And for a brief second, he’d given in instead of stepping back. For a split second, he’d seen in her eyes how happy she’d be if he reciprocated her feelings. For that brief moment, even he thought it could be so, so good to let her unleash all her desires and love on him.
And then he pulled away. In rolled the familiar disappointment he saw on her lovely face. He knew every soft curve, every expression she made by heart. He’d seen them all. Well, most of them. But he didn’t let himself think about what she looked like in ecstasy.
Okay, he did. But he tried not to.
He hated himself for always disappointing her. He felt guilty for giving her that moment and taking it away. Yes, he cared every time he hurt her.
But it had to be this way.
She’d barely lived outside of the life she had on the ranch. Safe. Protected. She’d dated some but never had a boyfriend. She majored in business but had never had an actual job outside of helping out on the ranch.
She had opportunities awaiting her, life experiences to live. How could she know with such certainty that if they were together it would all work out? She couldn’t. Because she’d never been with anyone and lost them. He couldn’t take that chance. She was too important, too necessary in his life to risk it.
And the last thing he’d ever want to do was break her heart.
Better to keep her as a friend than an ex.
And she deserved to have a full life, one where she got to experience all the things he’d already been through to get to the point where he was ready to settle down and have a family. She was too young to clip her wings before she’d ever soared.
She’d come home for Christmas and everything would be the way it was supposed to be.