18. Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Eighteen
B rooke focused on the man who always stole her attention. “Nice, Cody. The guys just wanted to catch up. You didn’t have to intimidate them.”
Cody glared at the three of them sitting on the veranda eating dessert. “They’re not for you. You’d walk all over them and crush their poor soft hearts.”
She smacked his chest. “I would not.”
Cody captured her hand against his chest and held it there, his warmth seeping into her skin. The arm banded around her waist held her close. His familiar spicy aftershave made her inhale and savor this sweet moment. “No, you wouldn’t. You’d never hurt anyone. You’ve got a soft heart, too.”
She did. And she’d abused her poor heart enough by beating it against the locks on Cody’s heart. He didn’t want to let her in, and she was tired of making her heart bleed.
She slowly extricated herself from his side and stood next to him, a respectable distance from his hard, toned body.
She tried to hide her longing and forced herself to be an adult and respect his space and relationship with Kristi. Even if Kristi was all wrong for him.
It sucked being an adult and good.
Her mother had neglected to tell her that some growing pains were emotional as well as physical.
“It’s a great party, Cody.” She steered the conversation toward normal, everyday things.
“Yeah. It makes me miss my dad even more. I have you to thank for making me remember family, friends, and traditions matter.”
“I miss him, too.” She wanted to reach out and touch him but refrained.
He frowned, his gaze noting the distance between them.
She tried to cover. “Dad taught me how to dance. I’d stand on his feet, and he’d take me around the dance floor.”
Cody’s eyes filled with nostalgia. “You stood on my feet a time or two,” he reminded her, taking her by the shoulders and kissing her on the head. He stared down at her for a long moment, then released her and stuffed his hands in his pockets.
She wondered about his odd behavior. Especially since Kristi seethed across the room.
It was a good thing she couldn’t actually feel the daggers Kristi invisibly threw at her. But Kristi’s murderous feelings were all too easy to read.
Cody pulled out one hand and brushed it down her arm. “You’ve been very popular tonight. Everyone looking at you. Several of the guys kissed and hugged you.”
She caught the irritated tone and disapproval in his voice and ignored her first instinct that he might be jealous.
Yeah, right.
Like Cody would ever be jealous of another guy hanging out with her.
He’d more likely plant a hand on her back, shove her toward the guy, and say, “Here, you take her.”
Instead of giving in to the fantasy that she was Cody’s girl and he hated seeing her with other guys, she remembered all the years he’d made one thing clear to the men on the ranch: If they wanted to play with a woman’s affections, they’d do it with any woman but Brooke. She was strictly off-limits.
They’d taken the warning to heart, even if they sometimes teased and flirted with her.
But they’d been different with her tonight and Cody noticed.
Apparently, he wanted to make things clear to them once more. No matter how old she was now, she was still off-limits to the guys who worked for them.
“Everyone’s just happy to see me. I’ve been away longer than usual.”
“You should come home more often. Your mom misses you.”
It hurt that he didn’t include himself in that sentiment. “I’ll try. I’ve been busy with my classes.”
“You’ve kept your grades up?”
“Of course.” She inhaled, unable to help herself. God, he smelled good. He smelled like home. She’d missed him so much, but stayed away, so they both could grow. Her by easing into being completely independent and to get over him. And Cody focusing on his career and the first long-term relationship that seemed to be going the distance, with Kristi.
Cody held her gaze, his serious. “I hope you aren’t spending your weekends partying with frat boys. All kinds of dangerous things can happen at one of those parties. Least of which is some asshole slipping something into your drink and taking advantage of you.”
Cody always looked out for her, but this was truly being overprotective.
Of course she called him on it. “Well, Dad, I swear I’ve never been to one of those parties or sipped a single beer in my whole life.” Her words dripped sarcasm. She rolled her eyes. “Come on, Cody. You went to college. If memory serves, there were a great many parties you told me about.”
“Then you should take the warning seriously. I want you to be careful. A house full of drunken assholes is no place for a girl like you.”
She raised a brow. “And what kind of girl am I?” She truly wanted to know how he saw her.
“You’d better not be the girl at those parties going home with some random guy.”
She laughed. She’d never gone home with a guy from a party—random or well known.
Okay, technically, there was that one time. But she didn’t sleep with him.
Cody had been in her heart so long, she’d never had a serious relationship with a guy. She’d never allowed herself to look at another man and think what it would be like to have him touch her. When she thought about being with a man, it was always Cody in her arms.
She hoped he hadn’t ruined her for other men. She wondered if she’d ever look at another man and not compare him to Cody.
“I knew every single one of them.” She kept her tone completely serious despite joking with him.
Cody’s whole body tensed for one split second before he whipped toward her and grabbed her shoulders again. “What the hell? Are you crazy?”
She wrapped her fingers around his forearms, holding on before he scrambled her brain again. Stunned by his abnormal behavior, it took her a second to think clearly.
His fingers bit into her skin, pressing muscle to bone. His pulse thundered at his throat. Furious with her, his mouth pulled into a disapproving frown.
She tried to soothe him with her soft voice. “Cody. I was only kidding.”
He didn’t let her go but hauled her up against his chest, let out a huge sigh of relief, and held her so tight she couldn’t breathe.
What is going on with him?
He sucked in a breath and held her like he’d never let go. He pressed his cheek to her hair. “I’m so sorry, kid. You’ve got a good heart and guys can be assholes. I don’t ever want to see you hurt. I don’t want anyone to ever break your heart.”
She leaned back in his arms and stared up at him, so he could see her annoyance. “I’m not a kid anymore. It can’t have escaped your attention that I’m all grown up. You don’t have to worry about me anymore. I can take care of myself.”
“I will always protect you.”
“Things have changed, Cody. I’m my own woman now.”
“What does that mean?”
“I decide what I want and who I want to be with and when. And if I can’t have the one I want, then I guess I’ll have to find a dimmer version of happiness with someone else.”
“No.” The thought of her with someone else made him want to rage.
She belonged to him.
He wanted her to have everything her heart desired.
That’s me.
He wanted her to be the happiest person on the planet.
God, I shouldn’t want this, but I do.
She tilted her head. “No?”
“No.” He got lost in her adoring eyes for a moment as he drew her in. She felt so right, so perfect in his arms and pressed along his body. The wave of heat and passion that swept through him didn’t match up with the tameness of the embrace, telling him what they shared was something profound. Special. Raw. Too powerful to ignore or give up.
He forgot about everything and everyone—and maybe lost his mind a little bit—and kissed her.
The second his lips pressed to hers, it felt like everything out of line inside him clicked into place.
It felt like coming home.
It turned out to be so much more than he expected or anticipated.
He couldn’t deny he’d thought about this. The reality was so much better.
His lips touched her pillow-soft ones and he was lost in her sweet flavor. Uniquely Brooke. His new favorite tempting treat.
The axis-tipping moment caught him off guard. So did the fact that he craved a deeper, more intimate kiss. And more. Much, much more.
What the fuck are you doing?
Thrown off-kilter, he needed to think before he did something that ruined everything.
You just did!
He hoped not. Reining in his desires, he covered his intense reaction to her with, “You’re special, Brooke.” He brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “Don’t ever settle for a guy that treats you otherwise.”
He was just beginning to see how special she was to him.
After his father’s death, he’d clung to the routine of his life to keep him on track and take care of all his father had left behind. Brooke had kept him sane. She was the constant in his life that grounded him.
Tonight showed him how much had changed since she went away to college and how much he hated it. This Brooke wasn’t the one he remembered.
Yes, she is. But now she’s more.
And you want her!
Brooke put her hands on his chest and pushed off of him. Or did she try to push him away? Hard to tell. She couldn’t move him because he didn’t want to be moved. He wanted to stay close to her. He wanted to get even closer.
She took another step back and suddenly stiffened as she stared past him. “Kristi,” she whispered.
He turned just enough to see her across the room out of his peripheral vision.
The devastated look on Kristi’s face disappeared with a plastered-on smile, hiding the betrayal she must feel.
I did that.
Fuck!
She went back to talking with her boss, but not before he and Brooke caught the promise of revenge in Kristi’s glare.
I fucked up. I was supposed to talk her up and support her the way she always supports me.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Brooke met his gaze, hers serious and angry. “You should go to her and tell her it didn’t mean anything.”
I can’t pull off that colossal lie anymore.
Brooke took another step back.
He hated the added distance and wanted to bring her back into his arms. He denied himself that pleasure. Reluctantly. Painfully.
He stuffed his hands in his pockets so he didn’t reach for her again. “She knows we’re friends. I wish I didn’t have to keep explaining that plain and simple fact to everyone. Including her.”
She lifted her hand but let it drop before it connected with his arm. “Yes. We are friends.”
“But?” he asked, prompting her to speak her piece.
Remind me that we’re more, like you always used to.
He hated to think that he’d killed her love for him when he pushed her away during the picnic.
“Being my friend isn’t as easy as it used to be. Is it? If I was in her shoes, and you shared a close friendship with another woman, and kissed her the way you just kissed me, I’d be mad and jealous as hell.”
Good. Because that’s how I feel tonight watching every man in the room looking at you.
Cody brushed his fingers along her soft as silk cheek. “You’ve been jealous of every other woman in my life.” He’d always known that, but never said anything. Now, he couldn’t help the feelings exploding inside him.
And the new truth he couldn’t deny. He wanted her to be jealous. He wanted her to want him the way she’d always wanted him.
She took another step back and his chest tightened with the loss.
He didn’t like that at all. This time, he hooked his arm around her waist and pulled her back in.
Her eyes went wide. “You love Kristi.”
Do I? Then why am I holding you like this?
“She deserves to have you completely.”
That’s not what I really want. Not anymore.
It blew his mind to think that.
Your hands are also dangerously close to sliding down over her lush ass.
He reluctantly released her and shoved his hands into his pockets once again, needing some space and room to breathe without taking in her breath and smelling her temptingly heady scent. “I see how different you are now. But there’s something else. Something I don’t like. There’s this distance you’ve put between us. You’ve never been a fan of Kristi’s. You made that clear. She’s no fan of yours either. I wish it wasn’t that way, but I get it. But tonight you’re pushing me back to her, and the last few days, you’ve been outright avoiding me. Why, damnit?”
He just wanted things to go back to the way they used to be, when he and Brooke were simple. She was his friend, his confidant, his everything he needed her to be, and she was happy to be it.
Except she was right. He’d complicated things by kissing her and stirring up the feelings that sprouted when they shared that moment during the picnic and grew into what he felt tonight when he kissed her and meant it with every cell of his body.
“It’s simple, Cody. I’ve finally grown up enough to see things from her side. I’m sorry that our friendship hurts her. It’s not intentional, but it’s real because she can see how much I care about you. She sees that you care for me. As a friend.” A sad look came over her and he felt it in his chest. She wanted more from him.
He’d spent all these years trying to protect her heart for lots of different reasons—she was too young. It was inappropriate. He only cared for her as a friend—but things were different now. They could have something different than what they’d always shared. But she still had school. They lived apart. They were both extremely busy.
How exactly would this work?
“You know how I feel,” she went on. “I don’t think Kristi is good enough for you. Then again, we both know I think the only woman good enough for you is me.”
He couldn’t believe she’d put it all on the line like that even if she knew he knew how she felt. They’d never really discussed this part of their relationship.
Brooke grinned. “Don’t start getting nervous, or thinking about how you’re going to let me down easy like you always do. I appreciate that you always tried to spare my feelings. All I’m saying is our friendship hurts her, and if she leaves you because of it, that will hurt you. I never want to cause you pain.”
With all the friction between him and Kristi lately, he wasn’t so sure he’d be all that upset. It felt like as hard as he tried to be everything she wanted, he failed. Sometimes it felt like she liked who he was and what he did for a living and what it afforded her more than she truly liked him. If that even made sense.
He took Brooke’s hand in his and stared down at her, truly, honestly looking at her.
God, she’s beautiful. Inside and out. My friend. The person I need in my life the most.
His chest grew tight as his hand tensed around hers.
He wanted to hold on, but should he let her go?
Was he holding on because he needed her more than he needed Kristi, or was he just doing it because he didn’t want things to change?
“I won’t give you, and the friendship we share, up for her, or anyone else.”
Brooke squeezed his hand, looking him in the eye with so much regret in hers he could barely breathe. “Then maybe you don’t love her the way you think you do. If you did, changing the nature of our friendship wouldn’t affect you like this.”
She wants you out of my life and that can’t happen.
Brooke released his hands and took a step away before he called her back. “Brooke.” Just her name, that’s all he could say for everything he felt. It was all a mess inside him, and he couldn’t sort it out. He needed to before he lost the only person in his life he counted on to be there no matter what.
“Don’t worry, Cody. We’ll always be friends. Just not like it’s been in the past. I grew up. I want more. You have your life with Kristi. Those two things don’t go together.”
Moving to him, she went up on tiptoe and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
He wanted to grab her and hold her and never let her go.
“I’m going in to spend some time with Mom. In a few days, I’ll be back to school, and you’ll have your life back in order, exactly as it was before I came home.”
That’s not what happened when you went back to school last time. All I do is miss you.
Would his life ever be the same again?
Brooke released him and walked away, leaving him standing there alone, his chest tight, his gut in a knot, and his heart cracked wide-open.
All he wanted to do was go after Brooke and kiss her again. He could still taste her.
Lost. Unbalanced. He walked back into the party and Kristi’s cold glare bore into him.
He deserved her scorn.
He hadn’t meant to hurt her.
Brooke’s words rang in his head. She was right. He’d rather go after Brooke and solidify their relationship than go in and appease Kristi.
Leave it to Brooke to point out the bold truth he’d been avoiding since the picnic.
What did he expect?
What are friends for?