27. Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Seven
C ody dreamed about Brooke again, same as he did every night. There she was waiting for him, arms open wide to pull him in close and love him. Her body the safe haven he sank into and craved with every breath and heartbeat.
He worked like a demon all day just so he could collapse from exhaustion and find relief in Brooke’s loving embrace. Every breath without her hurt and every moment he spent with her in sleep was a pleasure and pain, because when he opened his eyes, she’d be gone all over again.
But not right now. Brooke’s lips pressed to his, and he was so hungry for her, it seemed so real. He could actually feel her body pressed against his. Reaching for her, he found that in between his dream and being almost awake, he wasn’t alone.
He didn’t want to wake up. He tried to sink back into the dream, but reality pulled him from Brooke and he found himself looking up into Kristi’s bright blue eyes, not the green ones he loved so much.
Disappointment washed over him, and he closed his eyes as her lips coaxed him to continue kissing her. Brooke’s image and the way they’d made love came back to him.
He hated that he did it, but he pretended Kristi was Brooke and dug his fingers into Kristi’s hair, turned her head so he could fit his mouth to hers for a deep, penetrating kiss, and pulled her down to him.
“Mmm. Honey, if this is what I have to look forward to every morning, I’d have insisted on waking up with you every day since we met.”
“Shh.” He pulled her mouth back to his. He wanted to block out Kristi and be with Brooke, if only in his fantasy.
You’re a special kind of bastard.
He ignored that inner voice and kissed Kristi again.
The wedding was fast approaching. Between his caseload, the ranch, and the wedding plans, he and Kristi hadn’t had sex, despite how often she pushed for it. He’d used work and exhaustion as an excuse.
She’d been preoccupied with wedding plans on top of her job. Plus the pregnancy made her tired, too.
It gave him the time he needed to mentally switch gears and recommit to her.
And right now, his body ached for release and she felt good in his arms. He palmed her ass and rubbed his achingly hard cock against her softness.
He didn’t need to analyze the obvious reasons why he hadn’t made the time for this kind of intimacy before now.
But he couldn’t hold on to Brooke and have Kristi and look at himself in the mirror later, so he pushed all thoughts of Brooke out of his mind and concentrated on the woman in his arms as he kissed her, clamped both hands on her ass, and squeezed, making her moan.
Kristi was here. She was his life now.
He’d made his choice, even after it had been made for him. It took a while, but he’d finally settled into becoming Kristi’s husband.
It took the better part of the last two months to get there. Despite his rigorous work schedule, the ranch, and his sour moods, they’d actually grown closer. Their routine and interactions went back to the way things had been before Christmas. He still enjoyed her company. Though they were still struggling to find their balance again. She still hated his work schedule. He couldn’t seem to find enough hours in the day to meet all his obligations. She stopped arguing with him about it and seemed to accept this was how things were right now.
He promised her when the baby arrived, he’d take family leave and be here to help and support her. He didn’t expect her to do everything on her own. He wanted to be a hands-on dad.
The wedding got pushed out by a month, so he could take care of a few important cases. She hadn’t liked that at all, but her father had intervened, calming her down by saying they’d have more time for their honeymoon if Cody took care of the cases now. Exactly what Cody had said to her, but apparently it sounded better coming from Kirk.
For him, acceptance came slowly that Brooke couldn’t be a part of his future, but a very real, important, and precious part of his past.
Grief had overwhelmed him.
Once that waned to reluctant acceptance, it had been easier to be with Kristi and spend time with her without wishing she was someone else.
Most of the time.
Okay, not every second he was with her.
He slid one hand over her rump and pressed his fingers to her soft folds, rubbing her though her pants and underwear. He wanted skin. Heat. Mind-blowing fucking.
Brooke had stopped all contact with him. No late-night texts to check on him. No funny memes or jokes to make him smile. Not a single phone call, so he could hear her voice and know that she was okay.
Nothing but her absence. Silence.
After what he’d done…well, he deserved it.
But it was a constant ache in his heart and a deafening roar of silence in the back of his mind.
They’d never be the kind of friends they were before all this happened.
Except for in his dreams, he’d let her go.
It hurt. But it had to be done.
He wanted to enjoy making love to Kristi, his focus on her alone. She was warm and sweet, and even though she didn’t make love as ardently as he’d like, she was his.
He rolled her under him and kissed his way down her throat and found her pulse. It beat fast against his lips, even if it wasn’t hammering. He needed to step up his game if he expected her to respond with unleashed passion.
She was so reserved in her responses; he wanted to find a way to break through that restraint and have her panting in his arms. It was a challenge, but one he accepted.
He cupped her breast in his palm over her blouse and bra and rubbed his thumb over her nipple. Her hands lay softly on his head, her fingers threaded through his hair. She didn’t moan or sigh as he kissed her neck and plucked at her nipple, hoping to get the reaction he wanted.
“Honey, we need to talk about something,” she said, seemingly unaffected by his attention.
What the hell? She’d been begging him to spend more time with her and be more attentive. Well, here he was. She had him all to herself and she wanted to talk?
He wanted to get her naked. “Not now. After.”
He wanted her to grip his hair and hold him to her breast.
He wanted her to roll her hips against his.
Something.
He kissed the soft skin just beneath her ear, his body heavy between her legs.
He wished she’d do something with her hands. Slide them over his shoulders and down his bare back. He wanted to feel the bite of her nails in his skin as he took her up to the peak.
He rose up on his hands and reached for the buttons down her shirt, greedy to get his hands on her warm skin.
She pressed her hands to his chest and stopped him. “Wait.”
What?
He didn’t move, just stared down at her as he held himself above her. “What’s wrong?” He glanced down at her flat belly and thought of the baby. “Am I too heavy to be on top of you?”
“No.” She bit her lip and stared at his chin, unable to look him in the eye. “Um, we need to use a condom.”
Cody went completely still. Everything inside him went taut. His mind ground to a biting halt. “I know I’m sometimes a dumbshit when it comes to women, but I’m very sure I can’t get you more pregnant.”
Kristi turned her head to the side and stared at the wall. “I’m not pregnant anymore.”
Cody’s heart sank. He gently touched her face with his fingertips and turned her to look at him. “You lost the baby?”
She nodded.
Cody’s heart clenched. He couldn’t breathe. We lost the baby. “When?”
Her eyes clouded with sadness and her bottom lip trembled. “A week after I told you.”
His mind went blank. He couldn’t have heard her right.
She reached up, held his face in her hands, and made him look at her. “I know you’re upset. I was, too. But I was only a few weeks along at best. These things happen early in a pregnancy for all sorts of reasons. My doctor assured me everything is fine. It just wasn’t meant to be. Not this time. Not now. But that doesn’t mean we can’t try again after we’re married.”
She lost the baby. We aren’t pregnant anymore.
What?
It simply didn’t make sense. “You’ve known this for weeks and you didn’t say anything.” Anger replaced his sadness. He untangled himself from her and the sheets and stood with his back to her, trying to understand why she hadn’t told him.
“Let me explain,” she pleaded, a hitch in her voice.
He tried to think clearly and turned to her as she sat up on the edge of the bed. “Are you all right?”
She seemed so calm while he was a whirlwind of contained emotions.
Of course, she’d had time to process what happened.
He was still reeling from the loss.
She bit her bottom lip. “I’m fine. I woke up one morning with terrible cramps. It happened quickly, just my body’s way of saying something was wrong.” Her gaze fell to the floor, then met his again. “I told myself it was for the best. We could take a little time to settle into marriage before we tried again.”
“And you didn’t feel the need to contact me, to call me to come over and help you, to come to me at all?”
“You were in court that day. One of your big cases. I took the day off work and was back in the office the next day.”
Like nothing happened. Like it didn’t change anything.
Her shoulders sank and her eyes pleaded with him. “I tried to tell you so many times. The only time we’ve truly had together, we’ve either been in a crowd, or we’ve only had a few minutes to talk about the wedding.”
Was that more important than talking about their baby?
“You’ve been so busy with your cases, the trouble here at the ranch with that bull, or whatever…”
“And you couldn’t take two seconds to say, ‘Hey, Cody, guess what? I lost the baby.’” He couldn’t believe she’d kept this from him. He didn’t want to admit how much it hurt that not only did he lose a child, but she hadn’t even thought it mattered enough for him to be with her to see her through the ordeal.
“I know how much you were looking forward to being a father.”
It was the one thing that made losing Brooke bearable.
It was the reason he and Kristi were getting married.
She lost the baby and just kept on going with those plans without telling him that his baby was gone.
He didn’t know what to say or feel right now. Everything inside him felt numb.
“There’s no reason to think we can’t still have kids. We’ll just wait until after the wedding. That’s how it should be anyway.”
He’d lost his best friend and now he wasn’t going to be a father. “I really don’t know what to do right now. Maybe we need to take a step back and figure this out.”
Her head tilted and her eyes narrowed. “Are you talking about calling off the wedding? Because I lost the baby?”
“It was the reason I asked you to marry me.” His blunt words made her cringe.
“Yes,” she admitted, her eyes filled with anger now. “Because that’s the kind of man you are, and the man I love.”
That sounded too much like what Brooke had said to him, and it hurt. Deeply.
She stood before him. “We talked about getting married long before I told you I was pregnant. The pregnancy was a catalyst for our engagement, but it isn’t the only reason we’re getting married.”
“I know that, but you should have told me immediately that you lost the baby. It was ours .”
“I know. I’m sorry. I’ve just been…overwhelmed by everything.”
“You and me both. That’s why I think we need to take a moment and think about the future.”
“Don’t do this, Cody. We’ve built a solid relationship for more than a year. We’ve grown closer with each passing day. I love you.” Tears gathered in her pleading eyes.
She pressed her overlapping hands to her belly. “You love me. I know you do. What’s between us isn’t just an obligation because of a baby. We love each other, and we have a good life together.” She placed her hand on his chest over his heart. “We have a bright future ahead of us and children will be a part of it. Please, Cody. I love you. Marry me.” A tear slipped down her cheek, followed by another, though she held it together and didn’t completely fall apart.
He had to admit, he hadn’t made it easy for her to talk to him lately about anything. He’d cut her off a dozen times when she’d tried to talk to him, imploring him that it was important. As much as he wanted to blame her, part of the blame rested on his shoulders.
He pulled her up and into his arms and held her.
“I know the last two months have been hard. I’ve been difficult. You’ve tried to talk to me and I either ignored you or told you it had to wait.”
She leaned back and looked up at him. “And let me guess, you’re late, so we’ll have to finish this later, too.” She sounded so dejected.
He took the verbal slap. It was nothing less than what he deserved. “What? No.”
Her eyes filled with skepticism. “Aren’t you supposed to be down at the stables helping Charlie this morning? That’s why I came so early.”
Right. With the blow she’d dealt him, he’d completely forgotten about helping Charlie and never questioned why she was here, in his room, when they never stayed here.
“Charlie can wait. We need to resolve this.” He glanced at the clock and figured he could spare half an hour. He’d been letting things between him and Kristi move along without his really thinking beyond the fact that they were expecting a child and the wedding needed to get done.
“Cody,” she said softly. “I understand you’re upset I didn’t tell you right away. The truth is, things between us were rocky at best at the time, and I was afraid I’d lose you. Things are better now. I knew we’d find our way back to each other and we have. But I also thought you might need some time once I told you about the baby, so I didn’t send out the invitations. In fact, I moved the wedding date altogether. Again.”
What? “You did?” He read the sincerity in her eyes.
She was sorry things had gotten so crazy in their lives, and she hadn’t told him sooner.
And she was right, there was more between them than just the baby they’d lost.
“I had the engraver change the date on the wedding invitations to the third weekend in June. I booked the church for that weekend and changed the caterers and the band and everything else.” She took him by the arms and looked him right in the eyes. “I really want this, Cody. I hope you do, too. I know it isn’t how we might have done things originally, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it at all.”
He understood what she wasn’t saying. She wanted him to take the next few months to make sure she was really who he wanted to marry. He appreciated the fact that she understood something had happened before Christmas with Brooke, but she didn’t ask about it. She didn’t put it front and center and in between them.
Probably because if she did, it would hang there forever.
With Brooke away at school, Kristi had given him the time he needed to put it behind him and try to make a life with her.
“I know your first instinct is to run to Brooke because that’s what you’ve always done. But she cut you out of her life because of our relationship. That’s not a friend.”
Ouch!
It’s not like Kristi made an effort with Brooke.
“Please consider that I’m here, while she’s away at school, living her life with a future she’s just starting to plan. By this summer, she’ll have her degree. After, she’ll build a career. It will be a fresh start for her with a world of possibilities in front of her.”
This was as close as she’d come to saying outright that she knew he wanted a relationship with Brooke.
Kristi tapped her fingers on his arms to get his attention back. “You and me, we run in the same circles and have so much in common. We’re the same age, which makes it easy for us to relate to each other. I have my own career. I’m ready to settle down and have a family with you. That’s where we are in our life together.”
All true. She made a good case.
Where did he fit in Brooke’s life?
He couldn’t very well give everything up here and go and be with her in San Antonio. How would they repair their broken friendship with a long-distance relationship?
How would they be together when they lived such separate lives?
He didn’t even know if he could get her to talk to him.
What if she’d already moved on and found someone new?
What if they tried and things didn’t work out between them and he lost her again?
He didn’t know if he could live through that kind of pain a second time.
You’ll never know unless you try.
This is your chance to have everything you really want. Take it!
He glanced at his watch. “Do you have plans for today?”
“Just some errands, nothing that can’t wait.”
“Okay. Good. I…I need a little time to think about all of this, but I don’t want to leave you hanging. Let me run down to the barn and take care of what I need to do. Can you meet me back here at noon? We’ll finish this talk and decide what to do next.”
“Sure.” All her trepidation came out with that single syllable.
“Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me, Cody. You need time. You can have it. I want you to be sure.” With that, she kissed his cheek and walked out of his room.
He quickly showered and dressed, then snapped up his phone.
CODY: Can we talk?
She didn’t respond right away, so he headed downstairs and to the stables. Halfway across the pasture, his phone chimed.
brOOKE: We said everything we needed to say.
CODY: Maybe there’s still a chance for us to have a relationship.
brOOKE: I’m having enough trouble with someone else. I can’t handle any more Kristi drama too.
Cody stopped in his tracks and stared at the message for God knew how long.
She’d moved on. She had someone new.
He was too late.
“Was that him?” Mindy Sue asked, as they both stared at the Polaroid she’d just found stuck in her textbook. She’d left it on the library table yesterday while she combed the stacks for another text. When she got back, she hadn’t noticed any of her things disturbed. She really shouldn’t leave her stuff unattended, but she’d only been gone a couple of minutes.
The picture showed her sitting with a classmate. Billy had asked her to tutor him for an upcoming test.
He'd left and she’d stayed to finish some other schoolwork.
“No. That was Cody.” Distracted by the latest picture from her stalker, she hadn’t really had her head on straight when she answered Cody.
He wanted to talk about them being friends while he lived in bliss with Kristi. She had a guy who wouldn’t leave her alone.
One problem at a time.
Anyway, he must have gotten busy, because he hadn’t said anything after her text.
She needed to figure out who was doing this to her.
“That’s a threat, Brooke.”
The stalker had written her a very clear message. You’re mine! Not his!
She barely knew Billy. They saw each other in class. They had a couple of group projects together. That was it.
“You know what you need to do.”
“I’ll take this over to campus security. They’ll contact and update the police.” For all the good it would do. They never found any prints or figured out who was doing this to her.
Still, she’d add this to the trail of evidence. Maybe one day it would be useful.
Hopefully before this guy did something worse to her.
Cody dealt with the ranch business, then met Kristi up at the house.
“Hey,” he said when he found her in the living room waiting, her hands clenched tight in front of her, showing her nerves. “I’m glad you’re here.” He hoped to put her at ease. “Let’s go in my study and talk privately before we eat.”
She followed him inside and took a seat on the sofa, right where she’d sat when he found out she was pregnant.
He’d spent the last couple of hours thinking about her and their relationship. Kristi was right. Their relationship stood on solid footing because they shared the same friends, interests, and were in the same place in life. They wanted the same things and were ready to embark on the future they’d talked about.
He sat next to her and took her hand. “We’ll keep the wedding date in June.”
She gasped and stared wide-eyed at him. “Really? You mean it? You’re sure?”
“Yes.”
She beamed, her smile filled with excitement.
Good. He didn’t like seeing her upset or anxious when it came to them. “My schedule is just starting to lighten up at the law practice. All the critical agenda items for the children’s hospital have been voted on and initiated, too, so I’ll have more time for us this summer.”
“I would really like that.”
“Me, too. I’ll make a bigger effort to listen to you when you want to talk to me. We’ll go out more often. I’ll even help you with the seating chart. We’ll sit your great-aunt Beth next to my uncle Sirus. He spent half his life as a bartender. He has about a hundred recipes that use rum as the main ingredient. They’ll get along great. We’ll take the next few months to settle in and move forward with both of us on the same page.”
Her smile went up two notches. “We’ll build something better.”
He smiled back, catching some of her enthusiasm. “Yes. Better.”
And different. Because it wouldn’t be what he’d hoped for with Brooke.
June was a good length of time for them to reconnect and focus on all the good things they had between them. They’d wait at least another year before trying to get pregnant again. Time enough to settle into being married. He liked that idea, warmed to it.
Kristi kissed him with noticeably more enthusiasm.
This would be a new beginning for them. They’d hit a bump in the road, but they were back on track. “Let’s go have lunch and really catch up,” he suggested.
Kristi kissed him again, then practically floated out of the living room, she was so happy.
He felt better, too, but there was one thing he still needed to do…
Alone in his office that night, he poured a shot of whiskey, sat at his desk, and pulled out his cell. Nerves knotted his stomach. He hit the speed dial for Brooke like he’d done a thousand times the last two months, but this time he put the call through, hoping he found the right words to tell her everything.
“Hey, it’s Brooke. Sorry I missed your call. You know what to do. Text me.”
Just hearing her voice made his heart throb with pain and regret. He missed her with every breath he took.
At the beep, he spilled the truth he wasn’t sure she’d understand after all that had happened between them. “Hi Brooke. It’s me. I hate to leave this as a message, but I get it, you’re busy with school and your…friends.”
Yeah, some guy who better be treating you right.
“Listen, I wanted you to know that Kristi and I postponed the wedding until the end of June.” He sighed and spit out the truth she deserved to hear from him. “She lost the baby.” He got choked up on the words. “We’re taking some time to get things back on track before we get married. We’ll have a family later. I hope you’re happy. I hope you’re doing well. Please come to the wedding. You said you would if you knew it’s what I really want. It is. Please. You can bring whoever you’re with if you want. Please come. We’ll always be friends, right?” Choked up, he ended the call, knowing she wasn’t going to call him back. Not now. Maybe not ever. Not when he’d chosen Kristi again.
If the sound of Brooke’s voice telling him to text her a message made him want her again that badly, he couldn’t help it.
Just like he couldn’t help walking into her room that night, stretching out on her bed, pulling her pillow to his face, inhaling her scent, and falling into a restless sleep full of dreams about her.