Chapter 12 #2
“Thanks,” Simone mumbled, before scooping up the keys and vouchers and leading the way to the elevators, all while making as little eye contact with Ryan as humanly possible.
She pressed the button for the fourth floor.
The elevator felt impossibly small for the two of them and their bags; she could feel the heat of his body and smell the piney scent of whatever deodorant or body wash he’d used that day.
The walls were mirrored, so everywhere she looked, she saw Ryan from a new angle.
There was his brown hair curling deliciously around his ear…
There was the dark stubble on his jaw… There were his hands, which she’d imagined working their way around her body…
She tapped the key card against the door, held her breath, and turned the handle. The door opened with a long, ominous creak. She wheeled her suitcase past the bathroom and laid her eyes on the singular bed that occupied the vast majority of the room.
Was it just her, or was this the smallest hotel room on planet Earth?
Ryan followed closely behind her. “You know, I’d honestly be happy to—”
“You’re not going back to the airport!” she interjected, although a part of her wished he just would.
“Actually, I was going to offer to sleep upside down in the closet like a bat.”
A laugh bubbled up inside her and forced its way out, dissolving some of the tension in the too-small hotel room.
She turned around and managed to look him in the eye.
“That would be great, actually. Thank you.” The knot in her chest loosened.
She couldn’t do anything about the fact that she and Ryan were sharing a room, but she found it was easier to at least acknowledge the weirdness than try to dance around it.
“What do you think is more awkward,” Simone asked, “the two of us sharing this very tiny room, or you losing a dance-off to a guy with a giant tiger tattoo?”
“Oh, that’s obvious,” he said. “Me losing a dance-off to a guy with a giant tiger tattoo.”
They laughed together, and the tension melted even more.
Ryan laid a hand on his stomach. “I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.”
Simone was hungry, too. She’d eaten the bagel in the hotel lobby and snacks at the airport all day, but nothing that had amounted to a complete meal. She held up the slip of paper the receptionist had given her. “Shall we redeem our vouchers at the fine establishment downstairs?”
Bar Burrard looked like a cross between a conference center and an Outback Steakhouse, and speakers pumped out synth-heavy eighties music.
A few bleary-eyed solo travelers sagged on the bar stools, while the tables were occupied by a group of businesspeople hunched over laptops; a rowdy bunch of Brits who were playing a drinking game; and a family that appeared to include six children under the age of six.
“Super confusing vibe in here,” Ryan said as they waited to be seated.
“I kind of love it,” Simone replied, because at least it wasn’t romantic.
The host showed them to a corner booth and dropped a stack of laminated menus on the table. “Nellie will be over in a sec to take your drink orders,” she told them.
They slid in from opposite sides, with Simone making sure to leave plenty of space between them. Ryan reached for one of the menus, wrinkling his nose when he had to peel it off the sticky surface of the table. “I could definitely use a drink,” he said.
“Do they have an IPA?”
“I might need something stronger, after the day we’ve had.”
And the night we’re about to have, Simone thought. “All right,” she said, reaching for the other menu, “I’m going whiskey.”
“I’ll join you,” Ryan said.
They both polished off their first glasses quickly, so they ordered another round, along with two grilled chicken sandwiches and a side of fries to share.
When their food came, they dug in like two people who’d just spent a long day in the airport and then consumed exactly one and a half alcoholic beverages each.
They reminisced about their time in Whistler, laughed about the funniest moments with their guide group.
Since they’d sat down at their booth, Simone was finally feeling relaxed.
The matter of sharing a bed with Ryan was still on the horizon, but she’d cross that bridge later; for now, she was having fun drinking whiskey with him in this hilariously absurd hotel bar.
She held up a French fry. “Let’s play Fuck, Marry, Kill,” she said. “Regular fries, sweet potato fries, and truffle fries.”
“You’re going to make me kill any kind of French fry? That’s rude,” Ryan answered.
“Okay, okay, I’ll go first. I feel like I have to marry the truffle, right?”
“Why’s that?”
“It’s the most premium option.”
He arched an eyebrow. “Oh, so you want to marry rich?”
“NO!” She swatted him in the arm. “I genuinely like truffle fries, okay?”
He smirked. “I’m just teasing. You and truffle fries would make a beautiful couple.”
Simone’s chest fluttered at his use of the words you and beautiful in the same sentence.
Why had she suggested they play such a flirty game in the first place?
She blamed the whiskey. “I think I’d kill the sweet potato fry,” she said, “because they’re trying to be all ‘healthy’ and that’s not something I’m looking for in a fry. ”
“Wow, great point. So you’re fucking the regular fry?”
“I suppose I’m fucking the regular fry.”
“Anything you’re looking forward to about the experience?”
“Hmm.” She grabbed a fry, dipped it in chipotle aioli, and took a bite. “Regular fries are super versatile. They pair well with a lot of different things.” She dipped the opposite end of the fry in ketchup.
“Are you saying regular fries are bi?”
Simone nearly spit out her last bite. “YES,” she said, after she’d managed to swallow. “And I think truffle fries are gay, and sweet potato fries are straight.”
Ryan slapped a hand to his chest. “Of course you killed the straight fry.”
“That doesn’t mean I wanna kill you!” She grabbed the hand that was over his heart and pulled it away.
She hadn’t meant for them to end up holding hands.
It had just… sort of… happened. Now Simone stared at their intertwined fingers on the tabletop, wondering if she should say something.
It felt as though the waiter had brought her a slice of cake she hadn’t ordered, but it looked delicious, and she didn’t want to send it back, even though she knew it was the right thing to do.
Simone risked a glance at Ryan’s face. He was looking into her eyes.
“Hi,” he said.
“Hi,” she said back.
His gaze flickered to their hands. He swallowed. “Is this… okay?”
Simone nodded. She was fizzy and warm and having a good time, and she wasn’t in the mood to keep fighting her attraction to him.
“Can I ask you something?” Ryan ventured.
“Sure,” she said as calmly as she could.
His voice was slow, tentative. “The other day, you said that being with a guy this soon after coming out would feel like a ‘waste.’ Is that”—his eyes wandered to their intertwined hands—“still the case? I guess I’m a little… confused.”
Simone’s shoulders tensed, but he was asking a perfectly valid question.
It wasn’t fair of her to be this forward with him if she was just going to back down.
She wanted to be honest, but the problem was, she didn’t know the answer to his question.
Maybe the fairest thing she could do was give him the complicated truth.
“I’m confused, too,” she admitted. “Now that I’m out, I feel like I should be trying to date women, but I’d also be lying if I said I didn’t find you, well”—her heart was thudding hard enough that Ryan could probably feel it through her palm—“extremely attractive.”
Her words had an instant effect on him; she could see it in the way his pupils widened—feel it in the way he strengthened his hold on her hand. Whether the effect was good or bad, she couldn’t say for certain, and that made her nervous, which explained why she started to ramble.
“And yeah, it’s sort of weird to say that, given that we hated each other a week ago, but it’s true.”
“I also think you’re… extremely… attractive.” He delivered the words with slow intention, like he was testing out the weight of each one. “I always have.”
“Even when I was annoying the hell out of you?”
“Even then. Honestly, the fact that I was so fucking attracted to you was part of the reason I got so annoyed.”
Her heart thudded harder, faster. “What do you mean?”
“I didn’t want to have feelings for anyone so soon after… everything. But then you showed up with your perfect walnut eyes and your nose all pink from the cold, and my plan went out the window.”
She toyed with one of her ginger curls. “The first thing most people notice is my hair.”
“And it’s beautiful, don’t get me wrong—but for me, it was your eyes.”
“I noticed yours, too,” Simone admitted. “Gray with a burst of green.”
Ryan arched an eyebrow. “So, when I was being an asshole, you also—”
“Thought you were hot? Yes. Trust me, it was incredibly frustrating.”
“I don’t know if I should apologize or say thank you.”
“You’ve already apologized. Now you can just thank me.”
He smiled. “Well, thank you.” She nodded, and Ryan took a breath.
“So, yeah. I’ve always thought you were attractive.
But once we got on the same page, I realized you were also really smart and sweet and…
just awesome to be around. But I didn’t want to be too forward, because I knew you’d just come out, and you had a whole plan in place. ”
“A plan that you totally derailed,” she said teasingly, even though it was also true.
With a crease between his eyebrows, Ryan bit his upper lip, sending shock waves through her core as though he’d also bitten hers. It was the look he seemed to get when he was focusing hard on something. Something he wanted to get right. “Can I say something?”
“Of course.”
“I really want to kiss you, Simone.”
“I want to kiss you, too,” she whispered. She felt like she was falling—like her seat had disappeared from underneath her. When she shifted her body to get a grip on reality, she could feel how wet she was already. “But, Ryan—”
“What?”
“I think we should say that whatever happens, it’s just for tonight.”
Ryan hesitated before responding. “Just for tonight,” he repeated.
She nodded. “The last thing I want to do is hurt you because I still don’t know exactly what I want.”
His thumb caressed her hand, sending shivers down her spine. “No, that’s probably what’s best for me, too. I’m not sure I’m ready for something new yet.”
Simone squeezed his hand, liking the way this was going. She could have the best of both worlds: getting to hook up with Ryan, but still having the freedom to date whomever she wanted when she got back to Toronto. She stared into Ryan’s gray-green eyes and smirked. “Should we grab the check?”