Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
County Kerry, Ireland—12 years ago
“Your tone was weird earlier.” Rose said, as they lay in bed later that night, his body curled around hers.
“When?”
“At the castle. When we were talking about your job.”
“I wasn’t really interested in conversation.”
She sent an elbow back lightly into his ribs. “Don’t be annoying. I meant before.”
“You’re a bad influence on me,” Declan teased trying to distract her. “I never thought I’d ever fuck in a National Heritage site.”
“Nice try.” Rose’s tone grew serious. “Do you want to work for your father?”
Declan stirred. “Why would you ask that?”
She lifted a shoulder. “It was just your face, or maybe your tone of voice. I don't know. It just seemed like maybe you didn't.”
“That must have been some tone of voice if you got all that. I was thinking about how to get you naked… not about work.”
“Don’t do that. Don’t pretend I don’t see you. If this time together is all we ever have, let’s at least be honest with each other.” She hugged his arm, where he held her under her breasts. “I’m leaving in less than forty-eight hours.”
Declan fought the urge to deny the inevitable racing toward them.
“And while it’s terrified me to be honest with you, I know this will likely be the most special week of my life.”
Rose shifted and rolled to face him. The light was low but he could make out the glow of her eyes. “I’m in love with you, Declan Riordan. I’m leaving, and we won’t see each other again. Let me in.”
Declan felt like his heart had seized in his chest. He couldn’t breathe. But she wasn’t done. Rose was so much braver than he’d ever be.
“I know you,” she said quietly. “I know you on a level that doesn’t make sense, and I also know that for some reason, you are terrified to tell me about yourself. You’ve been holding part of yourself back this whole time. I promise, nothing you say will change how I feel.”
She snuggled into his chest, tucking her head under his chin, and his arms closed firmly around her, wishing he never had to let her go.
“Even if I don’t know your details, I know you ,” she whispered. “But I’d really like to know the details.”
In the darkness, her voice contained infinite sadness when she said, “Maybe I’ll see you someday across a crowded room…”
Declan shook his head, his throat clogged with emotion. “Not likely. Two different worlds, Petal.”
“Okay.” Her voice was resigned. “Then, if I’m never going to see you again, why can’t you be honest?”
“I don’t talk about myself.” Declan could feel a tension building inside him. He wanted to tell her. He really did, but a lifetime of self-protection was hard to break. “I told you about my brothers and sister, about my childhood dog, about how I love to read the classics. That’s not something anyone else knows,” he offered, hoping it would appease her, but knowing it wasn’t what she meant.
“There is something you’re holding inside. Who is safer to tell than someone you’ll never see again?”
Declan was silent for so long, she sighed. “I'm sorry, I shouldn’t push. Let’s just enjoy our time.”
He shook his head, his thoughts racing. “You didn't. You’re right.” His fingertips stroked up and down her spine as much to comfort himself as her. “It’s hard to talk about, because it never occurred to me, until you asked, that it was something to talk about. Until I met you, I’d never really thought about whether I wanted to follow my father into his business.”
He rested a cheek on the top of her hair, breathing her in, waiting for the peace that always came when she was in his arms. “It was never an option,” he admitted. “My brothers, they haven’t had the same expectations put on them.”
Rose lazily dragged a fingernail through the hair on his chest.
“Then there are my parents. Believe me when I tell you that both of my parents are extraordinarily strong willed, and they were of one mind when it came to my future.”
Declan rolled to his back, his arm securing her against his side. Rose slung a thigh over his and rested her cheek on his chest.
“They never asked what you wanted to do?”
“Hardly,” he scoffed. “Given the choice, I would have stayed with my mother and cousins, but no one asked me. I was shipped off. My father wanted me, and my mother agreed. So, off I went.”
Rose made a tiny noise of distress, and he chuckled. “It wasn’t so bad. I have a nice life. I have my siblings. When they aren’t irritating the hell out of me, they are my favorite people in the world.”
“But no one asked what you wanted?”
Declan twisted a lock of her hair around his finger, her questions making him feel things he didn't want to. “I’m the oldest.”
“That’s not a reason. Primogeniture went out with smallpox.” Rose tried to lift her head to look at him, but he tugged on her hair to keep her in place.
Declan wasn’t sure he could be so open if she looked at him. “Not even close to accurate, but I appreciate the support,” he said wryly.
“Just because you’re the oldest, you don’t have to do what your father wants.” Angry air huffed across his skin, and he stifled a smile at her defense.
“My parents are difficult, but they aren’t ogres.”
But for all the privilege, his father’s way of life was a cage.
For all of them.
“He wouldn’t understand if you told him you wanted to do something else?”
Absolutely not. His father had made it clear, a long time ago, what Declan’s priorities should be, and David Bloom never cared if he drew blood with his words. His no-holds-barred approach to getting what he wanted, even with his children, was effective.
Declan respected it. Hadn’t he learned to be the same?
The last time any other path for Declan had been discussed, he was twelve years old, and he informed his father that he wanted to be a professional rugby player. Declan was big for his age and fast. The coaches for his Irish school team said he had real potential.
David Bloom’s eyes pierced Declan over the formal dining room table where they always ate. Declan had arrived the day before to spend the summer with his father. “You are a Bloom, and my eldest son. It is your legacy to take over this company.”
In a rare show of defiance, Declan folded his arms across his chest, determined for once to tell his father how he felt. “I don’t want to.”
David Bloom glowered at him in silence for several minutes, but Declan didn’t budge. Slowly, his father’s expression shifted, and a proud smile lifted his lips. “You're a lot like me, boy.”
Despite his anger, pride swelled within him. His father never gave praise. “I hope so.”
Declan saw how people responded to his father, his strength… his power. People respected his father. Feared him.
David Bloom set down his wineglass and regarded Declan seriously. His voice was unusually solemn. “It’s imperative that you remember that family is everything. Blood is everything. Individual desire is selfish. A weakness.”
Declan eyed him warily. This was new. Typically, his father didn't approve of what he saw as Declan’s misguided loyalty to his blood in Ireland.
“You have three younger siblings, and they need you. They will need this company. I won’t be here forever, Declan, and as my son, you will be the head of the family.”
“Luke or James…”
“I have no doubt they'll be successful in their own right, but you are my heir.”
Declan felt like the walls were closing around him, even while he was simultaneously thrilled that his father was speaking to him like he was a grown man.
His father cocked his head, and almost as if he’d read Declan’s mind, he continued. “The twins are only eight years old. What makes you think they have the makings of the kind of leader Bloom Communications will need?”
“What makes you think I do?” Declan shot back.
Approval flickered in his father’s eyes. “Your little brothers are smart. Extremely smart, and there is a toughness in them… but they are their mother's sons.”
Declan narrowed his eyes at his father. He knew his father still loved Anne, and Declan easily understood why. Even after Anne ended the relationship with David Bloom and moved the twins to Atlanta, she had remained a loving and nurturing mother to Declan and treated him the same as her biological sons. He loved her too.
“Don’t misunderstand me,” his father’s voice was sharp. “I respect the hell out of Anne, but she’s soft. She didn’t want this life, and that will always factor into how Luke and James view my business. My blood runs through their veins, but that softness will always be in them. You don’t have that.”
Declan's brow furrowed, but he didn't argue. He understood what his father meant. Siobhan was anything but soft. His mother loved him fiercely, but in the world she grew up in, there was no room for weakness. Growing up, even as an adjunct member of the McGrath family, he’d understood that at a young age. The mantra of both sides of his family was family loyalty above all else.
“Be proud of who you are.” Declan sat up straighter. “You want to take care of your family, don't you?”
“Yes, sir.”
“They'll need looking after. I'm not a young man, Declan, and this company will be turned over to you earlier than it would normally be.”
Declan’s alarm must have showed because his father chuckled. “I'm not sick. But the majority of my life is over. You are the future of this family.”
“You might fall in love again,” Declan said. “Maybe you’ll meet someone like my mother… have another child.”
David Bloom's expression changed, and Declan felt like a door had slammed shut. “I won't fall in love again, and I'm happy about that. I love each of my children and their mothers, but it’s important for you to remember that love is weakness.”
Declan was tempted to roll his eyes. His father loved women and was infamous for his many relationships.
“I'm not talking about sex. Or even companionship,” his father snapped, further cementing Declan’s belief that his father knew everything. “I'm talking true, soul-deep love. It will be a draw on your energy. A hold that will make you question your decisions. Blunt the killer instinct necessary to survive in our world.”
David Bloom drew in a breath, looking as though he’d surprised himself as much as Declan with his words.
A week before term was to start in Ireland, at the end of summer, Siobhan informed Declan that he would live permanently in the United States with his father.
“Are you all right?” Rose placed a palm on his chest, pulling him from the memory.
Declan hadn’t thought about that night in years. No surprise why it came to him now. “My father is harder on me than he is on my brothers, but I understand why. I can take it. Most of the time, I relish the challenge. The battle between us.”
“What about your sister?”
“Cara?” Declan thought for a minute. “Her mother is… fragile. I think my father has a hard time differentiating between the two of them.” He laughed. “He doesn’t know her as well as he thinks. Cara can be terrifying… not that I’d ever admit it to her.”
Declan felt her smile against his bare skin, and she pressed a kiss to his ribs. “I think it’s wonderful how much you love your family.”
“I would do anything for them,” he admitted.
Rose yawned. “I’m jealous. I would like to be loved like that.”
Her words were light, and he knew she didn’t mean them to be the dagger to his heart that they were.
“I love you, Rose. I know it’s crazy for us to be saying it so quickly. But I do.”
Declan felt dampness trickle down his side. He squeezed his eyes shut, determined not to fall apart along with her, because if he thought too closely about losing her, he would.
“I love you too, Declan. It’s just bad timing,” she whispered, her voice a little broken. “I wasn’t saying it was your fault.” She suddenly sat up and looked down at him. “We both have these big plans…” Her voice broke. “I just wish it didn’t hurt so much.”
Declan reached up and pulled her mouth down to his, tasting the tears on her lips.
“I know, Petal. If there was a way…”
“Maybe someday, right?”
“Right.”
They could both cling to that, however unlikely it was.