Chapter 37
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
Atlanta—Present Day
Light streamed through Olivia’s window. Had she forgotten to draw the blinds last night, she wondered fuzzily.
She froze.
Had it been a dream? She closed her eyes again and gingerly slid her hand over the sheet until…
“Unless you’re planning on doing something with that, teasing me this early in the morning is downright cruel, Petal.”
Olivia exhaled a breath that she felt deep in her soul.
It was real. Declan was here.
Olivia removed her hand from his erection and rolled to face him, folding her arm under her head.
Dark stubble covered his jaw, and his violet eyes, hazy with sleep, smiled down at her. Olivia lifted a finger and tugged at his lower lip. “You still snore like a cow.”
Declan’s firm lips spread in a smile. “That wasn’t me.”
She gave him a mock glare. “I do not snore.”
“You do, and it’s not even adorable.” He smirked. “You sound like one of the old men slumped in the corner at the pub. One of these days I’m going to record you, then you won’t be able to deny it.”
Declan punctuated his teasing with a gentle kiss. “But seeing as I’ve always been partial to pubs, I can deal.” He pressed another firmer kiss to her lips, and she ignored the slight sting from her abused skin.
“You are a wretched liar.” This time when she kissed him, tingles skated through her at the feel of his warm lips. Olivia shifted, suddenly needing to be closer. Her tongue traced the seam of his lips, urging him to deepen the kiss.
“We can’t. You’re hurt.” He pulled back.
“I feel great.” Or she would in a few seconds.
Declan groaned. “It’s too soon,” he said, even as his hands slid under her top to palm her breast.
Anger spiked in Olivia, and she pushed on his ribs hard enough that his hands stilled.
“You don’t get to tell me when and how I deal with this, Declan. This is my body, and I can do whatever I want with it. And right now, it’s interested in a mind-melting orgasm.”
Declan’s eyes heated, his finger brushing lightly over her lip. “You can’t tell me your lip doesn’t hurt when I kiss you.”
Olivia lifted an eyebrow, lowering her hand to wrap around his hot length, and he sucked in a breath. She stroked her fingers from base to tip and back again. “Then I give you permission to skip that part.”
Declan’s hands began moving again, and Olivia gasped as his fingers toyed with her nipple. “If I can’t kiss your beautiful mouth, I’ll have to make sure it’s the only part I miss,” Declan breathed, and then proceeded to do just that. He kissed every inch of her body, lingering on each bruise where he found them.
Olivia writhed under him, her skin tight and hot. But still he teased, trailing his mouth and lips over her belly and lower to her hipbone, until he settled over her center, his lips and teeth driving her wild.
“Declan,” she cried out, when his fingers slipped inside her to curl and press until her hips bucked beneath him. “I need you.”
Declan’s mouth sealed over hers, catching her cry in his mouth as he surged inside her. Olivia wrapped her legs around his back, clinging to him, as his powerful thrusts drove her deeper into the mattress.
“I love you,” he whispered in her ear. “I’ve always loved you.”
Pleasure crashed over her in waves as he continued moving inside her. Moments later, Declan cried out against her neck, his arms wrapped tightly around her body as if he couldn’t get close enough.
Declan chuckled when he finally rolled off her, his breath coming in ragged pants. “The way you feel… that was… I don’t know what that was.” She curled into his side, burying her smile into his chest. “I’m not sure I’ve ever been more grateful for anything in my entire life than for the fact that you’re on birth control,” he huffed out in a breathless laugh.
Olivia’s cheeks heated, and it felt like a boulder had taken up residence in her throat. “I’m not on birth control, Declan.” Her lips pinched, trying to keep tears at bay, and she flopped on to her back staring up at the ceiling. Declan’s body stilled to the point she wasn’t sure he was still breathing. “I should have said something before?—”
“At the restaurant, you said there was no risk.”
Olivia dared a glance. Declan didn’t look angry, only confused. “It’s not really something I wanted to bring up in a restaurant bathroom.” She grimaced. “You don’t have to worry though. I’m not trying to trap you with a baby.” Olivia bit her lip when her voice broke a little.
“I know you better than that, Petal.”
Olivia really, really didn’t want to have this conversation right now, to see the disappointment on his face, but she was an adult, and she owed him an explanation.
Olivia sucked in a breath through her nose. “Before things got bad, before I found out about the cheating—well, before I found out the cheating was an ongoing thing—I tried to get pregnant. Kyle’s tests all came back fine. The problem is me.” Her last words came out in a whisper.
Declan sat up suddenly, his fingers threaded into his hair. Olivia watched his chest rise and fall until the air was audible coming out of his nose in angry bursts. Olivia could feel the tears creeping up her throat. This was worse than she thought it would be.
“I’m sure you want children, and I do too… I just don’t think it will be possible without intervention and even then...”
Declan suddenly turned, and scooping her up, he pulled her into his lap, enveloping her in a tight hug. “Fuck, Petal.”
Olivia could feel him shaking and that set the tears free. “I’m sorry. I should have told you I wasn’t on birth control. But what’s the likelihood, that after actively trying, the few times we?—”
Declan’s voice was ragged when he said, “You didn’t know?”
“I don’t have a diagnosis or anything. I was in the process of setting up appointments for tests when I found out about Kyle’s other girlfriends. There wasn’t any point then.”
Declan wiped the tears off her cheeks, his face raw with pain. “I assumed you knew.”
The hairs on the back of her neck rose. “Knew what?”
Declan closed his eyes, and when they opened again, they glistened. “Kyle had a vasectomy. It’s in his medical records.”
Olivia felt like all the oxygen had been sucked from her body. She went cold and then flushed red hot. She tried to make sense of what Declan was telling her. “Kyle had… why would he do that?” She shook her head. “How do you know?”
“At the meeting… where I took control of Armstrong… From your reactions to him, I suspected something was wrong. I had him investigated.”
“You got his medical records?” Olivia screeched. This wasn’t happening. Kyle couldn’t have… He wouldn’t. All the nasty things he had thrown at her, taunting her with what he claimed his doctor said. No one could be that evil.
But Kyle was.
She had been the one who pushed for a baby, but Kyle never said he didn’t want one… Did he have the procedure so he could sleep with as many women as he wanted without worrying about getting someone pregnant?
“I think I might be sick,” she whispered.
“I’ve got you.” Declan pulled her close against his chest and stroked circles over her back. “I’m so sorry, baby. I thought you knew.”
Olivia felt like she was drowning as sobs wracked her body. The sheer cruelty of Kyle’s actions took her breath away.
Declan held her, murmuring against her hair. When her sobs finally subsided, he pressed a gentle kiss to her lips.
“I hope I killed him,” Olivia snarled against Declan’s chest.
“I hope you didn’t.” He held tight when she pulled away. “I was rather looking forward to it.”
After a minute, Olivia asked the question that was hammering in her mind. “Would you mind? About possibly not being able to have babies?”
She felt a heavy sigh run through his body. “There is no reason to believe you can’t get pregnant, Olivia, but I love you , not your reproductive system. If it happens for us easily, then I will be overjoyed, and if it doesn’t…” He shrugged. “There are other options if we decide we want our family to be bigger than the two of us.”
Our family.
“Are you sure?”
Declan pulled back and caught her chin in his hand, forcing her to look up at him. “I meant what I said before, Olivia. I never should have let you go twelve years ago, and I will not make that mistake again.”
The intensity in his eyes made her whole body warm. “Good. Because I’m not letting you go either.”
“What are you doing?” Declan frowned at her as she emerged from the closet wrapped in a towel.
Olivia paused as she reached for her sweat pants. “Getting dressed?”
“No.”
“No?” Olivia lifted her brows.
“You have the flu. You need bed rest.”
“You’re aware I don’t actually have the flu, and I’m not going to get much rest in that bed.”
Declan grinned at her.
“Besides,” Olivia said, reaching for an oversized cardigan. “I’m starving.”
She wrapped her hair into a messy knot at the back of her head and looked back at him. Declan was staring at her with an odd look on his face.
Heat rose on her cheeks, and she tugged at the hem of her cardigan. Over the last two years of living alone, Olivia didn’t bother with cute lingerie anymore.
Kyle’s insistence on her looking good, even relaxing at home, had spoiled it for her. It hadn’t occurred to her until this second what Declan would think of her outfit. He was used to seeing her dressed for work. Now as he stared at her, the sheet puddled at his hips and his impressive torso on display, she was embarrassed.
“You are fucking perfection.” The reverence in his voice made her body unclench.
“You don’t have to flatter me to get me back in bed. Once I’ve eaten, all bets are off.”
Declan shook his head. “I’m not. This whole…” He waved his hand at her outfit. “What do you call this look? Homeless chic? It’s perfect.” He rose from the bed and walked naked to frame her face. “I love you, and I love that you aren’t afraid to be yourself with me.”
He lowered his head to kiss her neck, and she felt him harden against her as her stomach growled. Declan laughed. “Okay, you win. Food first.”
Olivia made a quick omelet while Declan made coffee and toasted some of the bread from the night before. They moved around each other, assembling breakfast in the same easy way they had at the cottage. It was as though no time had passed, instead of the twelve years since they last cooked breakfast together.
Olivia was feeling emotionally wrung out over everything that had happened, but she still had questions. She was about to test Declan’s theory that he loved that she was herself with him.
“Why didn’t you tell me who you really were in Dublin? Did you not trust me?”
Declan ran a hand back through his hair. “That wasn’t it. It’s hard to explain. When we met, you assumed I was the bouncer, the same way I assumed your name was Rose.”
Olivia’s cheeks heated. “I thought about telling you, but when we said it was temporary, I decided it wouldn’t hurt to be someone else that week.”
Declan’s eyes met hers. “It was the same for me. You know about my family now—how complicated everything is.”
“When I saw your picture on the cover of Trend magazine, it was a bit of a shock.” Olivia gave him a wry smile. “The handsome Irish bouncer I fell in love with looked like the king of the world, and the news that actually hurt the most… He was an American. That did a number on my fantasy,” she joked.
Declan took her hand, stroking his thumb across the delicate skin over her knuckles. “I am Irish—half, anyway. I didn’t live full time in the States until I was twelve. Before that, I only visited my father for the summers along with my brothers, and Cara when she was old enough.
“It was decided that to be properly raised as my father’s heir apparent, he needed to have more direct control over me.” Olivia turned her palm over and interlaced her fingers with his. “Frankly, I’m a little offended you didn’t recognize me,” he teased. “I’m kind of a big deal.”
Olivia’s lips twitched. “Sorry.”
“I loved it. You didn’t know who I was, and you didn’t care when you thought I was a bouncer helping at the family bar.”
“Well, to be fair, you came with a super-hot body, poetry, and an adorable cottage, so…”
Declan laughed and got up to retrieve the coffee carafe.
“Once I knew who you were… I cyber stalked you,” Olivia admitted. “I wanted to see if any of it was true.”
“It was all true, Petal. The important parts.”
Olivia took a deep breath. She needed to ask the question, but wasn’t sure she wanted the answer. “Did you ever look for me?”
Declan swallowed hard. “No, I didn’t let myself. I knew if I found out where you were, I wouldn’t be able to stay away. And I had to.”
“Why?” Her voice was small.
Declan squeezed his eyes shut for a beat before opening them again. “Something happened after you left. I had every intention of tracking you down when I got back to New York… but after… It was impossible.” Olivia’s fingers twitched in his, but Declan tightened his hold.
“What happened?” Declan shook his head, his lips in a firm line. “It was that bad?” He didn’t break eye contact. “I told you I might have killed someone, and you didn’t bat one of your ridiculously long eyelashes. It can’t be worse than that.”
Declan’s nostrils flared, and Olivia suddenly understood. She drew in a deep breath. “Will you tell me the circumstances someday?”
“I would rather not, but if you really want to know, I’ll tell you. I don’t want there to be secrets between us.”
Olivia considered for a minute. It wasn’t like her to be so accepting of something without an explanation, but something had shifted in her. Stabbing a man can do that. She thought of what Declan said. Some people deserve to die. “I think we’ve had enough confessions over the last twenty-four hours. It can wait.”
Declan blinked at her easy acquiescence, but before he recovered, she said. “So, you didn’t know until XEROS.”
“My team worked up dossiers on all the key people at Armstrong.”
Olivia shook her head with a frown. “Then why didn’t you?—”
“You were married.” Declan’s face was tortured. “I thought you were happy, and I didn’t want to take that from you.” Declan rubbed at his sternum.
“You stayed away because you thought I was in love with Kyle?”
“If I’d known… If I knew what he was doing to you,” Declan’s voice turned savage. “I would have come for you. You wouldn’t have gone through all of this. If I’d only read that damned dossier on him… I’m so sorry, I wasn’t here for you, Petal.”
Tears slipped silently from the corners of her eyes, but her lips lifted in a sad smile. “Don’t apologize. You couldn’t have known. No one knew. I doubt it was in the dossier. Most of the time, it wasn’t physical. It was what he said, how he made me feel…” Olivia patted her cheeks dry with the back of her hands. “I never cry like this.”
“I know you must be angry with me?—”
A quiet, humorless laugh left her, and Olivia cupped his jaw with her hand. “Declan, you aren’t god. As much as you think you are omnipotent, you aren’t. You can’t know everything , protect everyone all the time…”
Olivia stroked her fingers along the powerful line of his jaw and then up to trace his eyebrows, smoothing the lines bunched between them. “You beautiful megalomaniac. I’m not crying because I’m upset with you. I’m mad at myself. The magazine with your real identity came out before Kyle proposed. I was angry and hurt. I thought you’d lied in order to use me. There were so many pictures of you online with the most gorgeous women. Jessica convinced me I was essentially another in a long line of women. She knew how I felt about you and how I had always hoped that we would get our chance.
“Jessica wanted me to marry Kyle, and she knew I was already seeing red flags in him. I think she saw your identity as her chance to push me into the marriage.”
“I hate your friend,” Declan growled.
“We aren’t friends anymore. Jessica is pissed about the takeover. Declan, I knew where you were before you’d ever even heard of XEROS. I should have reached out, but I allowed my pride to rule my heart.” Her lips twisted. “And god knows I paid for it. I doubted you. I doubted myself and my memories.”
“I gave you good reason.”
The corner of her lip lifted. “True.”
Declan took her hand and held it on the table between their coffee mugs, fingers interlaced. “I never pretended with you. I may not have told you my real name, or who my family was and all that entailed, but I never lied to you. I was more myself that one week with you than I have been at any other time in my life. You accepted me for who I was. No expectations or agenda. You wanted me . Other than my siblings, no one has ever cared about only me.”
Olivia’s eyes softened, and she scooted closer to him. “It was the same for me.”
Their words hung in the air between them. If it were anyone else, Olivia would be pointing out that she shouldn’t let Declan back in so easily. That she had just gone through a horrific ordeal and her emotions couldn’t be trusted.
But the rightness of Declan’s hand in hers reassured her that being with him was exactly how her life was meant to be.