27. TWENTY-SEVEN
TWENTY-SEVEN
I’ve never had someone fit so perfectly in my arms.
All this confusion that’s been damn-near crippling suddenly clears, my thoughts focused.
As I drive us away from the restaurant, I decide. I don’t care what I have to do; I’m not letting Gray go again.
The only reason I stepped away—the only reason I let him slip from my grasp was out of respect for his boundaries. The ones he so boldly told me were already surpassed.
What is brewing in my chest and mind was always inevitable.
I didn’t want to let it be possible—I didn’t want to hope.
I feel his eyes on me like phantom touches. Unsure where to take us next, I decide if I want to keep him, I need to let him see me for who I really am. Muscle memory guides the vehicle to the place I want him to see—to experience. Maybe he’ll love it just as much as I do.
He wants us to have a good day off, and I’m determined to make it happen. Tomorrow will be a bucket of ice water to this whole epiphany, forcing me to acknowledge my life for what it is. A life that won’t make room for Gray, no matter how badly I wish it could.
Deep down, I know I could leave it. My dad will disown me.
I don’t know what my mom will do, but I can’t imagine it’ll be any different.
We used to be so close when I was little.
Then she left for five years, leaving me at the mercy of my dad.
I missed her so much and tried everything I could to fill the hole in my heart by bowing to my dad’s every whim, hoping to be what he wanted.
It never happened.
I’ll be thirty soon, and what do I have to show for all the sacrifices?
All the lies?
Deciding to derail that train of thought quickly, I switch to the object of my obsession.
“If you could do anything—go anywhere—what would you do?” I ask Gray.
He huffs a laugh. “That was random as shit.”
“I’m curious,” I say with a smile.
“Well, I like where I am.”
“You must’ve wanted to go somewhere else at one point,” I pry.
He nibbles on his thumb while he thinks, the motion so endearing yet sad to watch. Every time he does, it must cause him some pain. “Berlin.”
“Germany?”
Nodding, he pops the digit free, deciding to fold his arms instead. “I’ve wanted to see the wall.”
Interest piqued, I nudge him with my elbow when he doesn’t elaborate. He grumbles with an eye roll and a cute huff, “I want to see the art.”
“The graffiti?” I can’t hide the shock in my voice.
“Yes, dick. The graffiti .”
My cheeks flush hard, ignoring my reaction to the word dick . I clear my throat before apologizing, “I didn’t mean it negatively. I’ve been to the memorial site, and it’s all…random.”
“It’s not random,” he argues immediately, chest puffing out as he gets more animated—passionate.
“It tells a brutal story of overcoming oppression. It’s self-expression in its most carnal form.
That graffiti is the world’s mecca for urban art.
” He takes a breath, then peeks at me. “And it’s not just the wall.
The entire city is an artist’s wet dream. ”
Realization strikes me like lightning to my skull. “Are you an artist, Gray?”
The long pause, followed by the spasm in his fingers before he curls them, tells me my answer. “I…wanted to be.”
“Did you paint? Sketch? Digital art?”
“I appreciate Digital art, but I never had access to it. When I was a kid, I’d sketch.
But later on, I got into the urban scene.
Liked the smell of the paint and having such a massive canvas.
” I tear my eyes off the road to catch the wistful expression before he smothers it.
“Oddly enough, I was just trying to get my hands on a couple of cans when—” His face pales as he seals his lips.
“When what?”
“Nothing.”
“Gray.”
“I said nothing, alright? Drop it.” And he huddles closer to the door, refusing to look in my direction.
The private airport owned by OAT, Olympia Aero Tech, comes into view, and Gray tenses. Straightening in his seat, he looks at me with fearful blue eyes. I hadn’t thought about how he could perceive coming here, especially after asking where he would go if he could.
“My company owns this airport,” I explain carefully. “When I can’t sleep, I park on the tarmac to watch the planes take off.”
He blinks.
A nervous laugh bubbles out of me as I approach the gate. The security guard, Leonard, sees me approach. “I was going to show you if you’d like.”
“Like…watch a plane fly away?”
I nod. Anxious hope is pumping through my chest. “I know it’s nerdy but—”
“Let’s do it.” A shy smile crosses his face before he narrows his eyes on Leonard.
Shame fills me, but I school my features.
It never dawned on me until now that I have made a habit of sleeping with security guards.
However, Leonard was a one-time deal. He and his husband separated for some time, and we both needed to blow off some steam.
Which so happened to take place in my fucking car. The urge to wince is strong.
Rolling down the window to say hello—because I won’t be rude—I brace myself and hope Leonard doesn’t give anything away. “Well, hello there,” he purrs, and the deep bass of his voice vibrates through the car. “I thought you gave up on your passion,” he teases with his hands on his hips.
“Life got busy,” I say airly. “This is my friend, Gray.”
Leonard bends; the strapping man of 6’6 and weight of easily two-fifty towers over my car, so he has to fold in half to see inside. “Nice to meet you.”
“You too,” Gray mutters with tight lips.
“We’ll only be here for a bit,” I tell Leonard, wanting this to end.
He smirks knowingly then gives me a faux salute. “Next take-off should be soon, so you arrived just in time.”
“I do have access to the flight schedules,” I say good-naturedly, but it comes off as flirting.
Gray chomps on his thumb like he’s determined to sever the digit. “Well, I won’t keep you two. Have fun.”
When Leonard’s broad back recedes, opening the metal gate for us, I blow out a breath and drive through into the private lot.
The farther we get from the security shack, the more Gray vibrates with tension.
I get to where I like to park, a safe distance from the runway but in perfect view of take-off, and kill the engine.
“He’s hot,” Gray blurts.
I twist, eyeing him up and down. “Alright?”
“Very hot. Has that whole…tall, dark, and handsome thing down pat.”
“He’s also married,” I say slowly.
“And you’ve clearly fucked him.” He deadpans, pinning me with daggers in his eyes.
“Do tell me how you’ve come to that assumption?” I arch a brow at him, and he bristles.
“It’s in the way he talks to you, man. I’ve been in enough places where people talk like that. The tone gives it away that they’ve seen all of you.”
Folding my arms, slightly irritated that he’s behaving like this minutes before the next take-off I wanted to show him, I stare while he has his tantrum.
We won’t discuss how my heart is pounding faster, seeing the blatant jealousy oozing from his pores.
Gray got this way when he found out about Brent.
Snippy and prying for information to find out just how deep that relationship went.
I love it.
Fuck, I love it.
“Just how many are there, Hunter?”
“None, currently.”
“But you did , didn’t you? With him?” He gestures behind us.
“I’d love to know why you are so invested in where I put my cock,” I say dryly, and he blushes… hard.
“I—that’s not—dude. I didn’t say that. I—”
“You choke on your words when you’re lying. Did you know that?” I’m goading him. I know that I am. I want him to admit that he’s jealous.
Why? Perhaps to stroke my ego.
Maybe to confirm he’s as obsessed as I am.
Hell, maybe even to eradicate that boundary line we’ve been toeing over already.
There’s raw emotion behind every act I perform. I care about this man, whether or not I meant for it to happen. He’s said before that I can’t give someone with nothing, something. Yet, he’s done that very thing to me. He’s given me a slew of new experiences, new hopes and dreams.
He’s allowed me to want. And right now? I want to hear the words and see them whip off his wicked, pierced tongue.
“I’m not fucking lying—I’m…,” he growls in frustration, “I don’t want to be second fucking place, alright? If you got someone waiting on you…or whatever, I don’t want to be the other guy. Platonic or not.”
I hold perfectly still while he fidgets with whatever his fingers can grab, his cheeks flaming and his breaths rough.
“Gray,” I say gently. His head whips to me, eyes blinking rapidly. “I can confidently say that you have my complete and undivided attention. And I don’t want to look away.”