46. FORTY-SIX
FORTY-SIX
“Fuck,” I slur, the bottle rolling out of my hand and sliding off my hood.
Getting shit faced at an airport, ignoring everyone who matters to me, and drowning in fear isn’t the way I need to handle it. But like I knew deep in my bones earlier, I can’t handle it.
There’s nothing to handle.
I’m fucking done.
I can’t face my dad’s disappointment or my mom’s faux concern over my life choices.
What do I say to them? How can I explain my actions in a way that won’t reveal every secret I’ve ever kept?
All the lies…all the years pretending.
And Gray. My sweetheart.
“This is what you deserve,” I say into the night air, but I’m sure it doesn’t sound as I imagine it.
Part of me recognizes I’m cold, but the alcohol in my system is keeping me from frostbite.
I just…can’t do this.
It’s wholly dramatic and unlike me, but it’s the truth.
I don’t want to do any of it anymore. The mistakes I’ve made are burying me alive.
It might not be a large number of people I’m letting down, although it sure feels like it.
Like I alone am responsible for everything horrible that will ever happen.
God, I’m so drunk.
A horrible burp rises up my throat, the taste of the fries I wolfed down coating my tongue.
My eyes are raw and dry, my mouth tastes like an ashtray, but I keep smoking and throwing the butts off to the side of my car like this tarmac is my dumpster. Might as well throw myself off, too. Just be done with it all.
As I try to pull one out, I realize the pack is gone.
Poof.
A guttural sob explodes out of me as I throw the empty container as far as it’ll go, which is only by my feet dangling off the hood.
“You’re a piece of shit.” And boy, don’t I know it.
I should’ve never brought Gray home with me—never should’ve let it get this far.
What’ll happen to him now? My dad is going to demand that I get rid of him.
He’ll swear up and down that Gray staying with me in any capacity will tarnish our hard-earned images.
If only people knew what they really looked like—all black tar and sprinkled with shit.
Maybe a handful of feathers thrown into the mix for ultimate humiliation.
I let this happen. I made it happen.
No matter how badly I try to justify what I’ve done as something noble, it’s anything but. I’m a selfish fuck who has no choice but to break an innocent’s heart.
Because I’m weak.
Because I’m a coward.
Because my father’s approval has always meant more to me than anything else. I need it. What else do I have?
Friends? No.
A social life? No.
Hobbies? Forget it.
I’m a miserable man with a fuckton of money I won’t ever be able to spend in my lifetime.
And most of all…
“I hate who I am.”
Swiping at my damp eyes, I gather up the pathetic tears and let my hand drop with a loud thunk.
My teeth chatter as I hiccup more fries and booze.
I glance at the dark, gloomy sky, wishing it were still snowing.
Just bury me and all my secrets so I don’t have to face the music.
I sniffle loudly, my stomach churning on raw guilt.
I need to warn Gray. At the very least, prepare him for what is coming.
I’m…falling for him. Hell, I might be in love with him. He doesn’t deserve any of this, and there’s no way he’ll survive the fallout without some help.
I try to sit up, but my body is limp. Three more times I try and fail, so I resort to just…
sliding down the hood of my car until I land on my ass.
My phone is inside my car. It’s so far away.
Flopping onto my hands and knees, I start crawling.
As if God is watching, I’m suddenly illuminated in bright light.
Pain shoots through my eyes, and I close them tight.
Tires screech to a halt.
Fuck. Security finally got the call that I’m littering and loitering…and I’m drunk as shit.
“It’s fine,” I slur, still on my hands and knees. “I’ll…,” I burp loudly, “get a ride or…” Oh god, the fries are fighting back.
Hurrying to sit back on my ass, I smack my lips, using sheer willpower to keep the fries in my stomach and not on the asphalt. “Hunter,” I hear, and his voice sounds like an angel’s.
“What the fuck!” A very pissed off angel.
Unable to stop the flutter in my heart, I lift my head to meet icy blue eyes glaring down at me. They are red-rimmed, a little swollen, and the tip of his nose is bright red. “Baby,” I slur.
“What did you drink? An entire barrel ?” Alex is here too. Why is my assistant here? “You smell so bad, sir.”
I hiccup loudly before flicking my eyes back to Gray. His jaw is wound tight, his shoulders shaking, and his fists are balled at his sides. “You didn’t text me. I passed my test, and you didn’t call me. You didn’t say anything. ”
My mouth opens to talk, but nothing comes out.
He looks so, so upset.
“Why didn’t you say anything? I thought—” He abruptly stops, holding his mouth and shaking his head.
“Fuck you! Fuck you for not calling me!” And then he drops in front of me and yanks me into his arms. Hot tears hit the side of my neck as he kisses my chilled skin.
“You don’t get to do this to me,” he growls. “I told you not to let me drown.”
My arms are like jelly, but I manage to wrap them around his waist. “I’m sorry,” I slur.
He reels back, holds my cheeks, and kisses me hard. “What if something happened, Hunter? It’s snowing! What if you’d been hurt?” Another kiss. “Don’t fucking leave me alone.” And another. “You don’t get to go away, either, you hear me? You are mine. ”
“Good lord,” Alex chirps.
I have so much I need to say, but Gray won’t stop kissing me and yelling at me. Both are increasing in their aggressiveness. Both force me to agree with him. “Yours,” I confirm. “I’m sorry. Forgive me.”
His fingers dig into my hair, yanking my head back. I swallow hard as he studies me. “You’re drunk.”
“I am.”
“And you’re here. With Leonard. ”
That’s news to me. When did he get here? “I am?”
Gray rolls his eyes before pulling harder on my hair. It’s both painful and arousing. My cock definitely notices. “He’s here . Did you fuck him? Hmm? Is that what you were doing?”
“I might’ve…accidentally…mentioned what happened last time.”
Alex is a vault, but apparently, with Gray, he’s a chatterbox. “Just me. Just you.” It’s the best I’ve got. My eyes are barely able to stay open.
“Just me?” he asks, gentler, and releases his hold on his hair.
“Just you, sweetheart.”
“Okay,” he breathes and kisses me softly. “Help me get him up.”