Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
It wasn’t that Billie wasn’t loving waking up next to Marcus—because she was. It was just starting to feel like…more. And they’d had the conversation about how there couldn’t be more because they both wanted different things.
So why was he suddenly so agreeable to pretty much everything I suggest?
A new restaurant? He’s in.
A rom-com (and she knew he hated them)? He made the popcorn.
A dinner with her siblings? He brought the wine.
And when she asked him to stay an extra day? He didn’t even make a fuss.
Glancing over at his sleeping form, she frowned.
What is your deal, Calloway? Where was all this agreeableness ten years ago?
It was a stupid thing to even ask herself because they weren’t those people anymore, and wasn’t she the one who talked about how she couldn’t keep looking back?
Yes, dammit.
Her alarm was going to go off any minute and she hated that she was already awake almost as much as she hated missing out on a few more hours with him. Something had to give—soon. Living in limbo wasn’t something she could do for much longer. Being with Marcus had made her feel alive in ways she didn’t think possible anymore. Knowing it was temporary was devastating, but she’d started to make her peace with it.
Except now she wasn’t sure what they had could be described as temporary.
Looking at him again, her heart ached. She loved him. She still loved him and had never stopped loving him. But in the end, it didn’t matter because being with Marcus would mean giving up herself.
Don’t let that happen again. You deserve more.
Billie knew she could give herself a thousand pep talks, but, at the end of the day, her heart was going to want what it wanted.
Marcus.
There was a part of her that felt responsible for the reconciliation he was having with his father and she feared if she broke things off with him, he’d take that out on John.
Excuses…
There was also a bit of fear over ending things with him. She knew how much she wanted what her siblings had, but breaking things off with Marcus was going to put her in a funk again and she’d swear off dating. Then where would she be?
More excuses…
But more than anything, knowing he was here in Sweetbriar meant he wasn’t working himself to death like he always did. So really, she was helping him.
Ugh…seriously, more excuses! I’m pathetic.
Maybe she was, but…she was also beyond confused and conflicted.
Just then, Marcus rolled toward her and gently guided her into his arms. Tears stung her eyes because she knew she was going to miss this feeling.
“Don’t go to work today,” he whispered. “Stay with me.”
He was killing her. If he was awake and asking her that, she’d be beyond tempted. But…he was half asleep and just talking crazy.
Marcus kissed her shoulder. “Stay with me always, Billie,” he said quietly. “Don’t leave me.”
Tears fell in earnest, and she was glad her back was to him. It took everything in her to not break out into a full sob, so she carefully moved away from him, turned off the alarm before it could go off, and tiptoed to the bathroom.
It wasn’t until she was in the shower that she gave in and let herself cry.
Hard.
Unfortunately, she wasn’t the type of person to sit for too long feeling sorry for herself. She had to get to Books I loved the spontaneous visits and the fun we were having. It was everything we used to have and so much more.”
“But…?”
“But…nothing’s changed. This still won’t work, and the longer we drag this out, the harder it’s getting on me. I…I want more! I want a husband and kids and a dog and then grandkids…I want what everyone else I know has! And the more we just keep fooling around, the more my life is passing me by.”
He saw the tears running down her cheeks, and his anger began to recede. Until…
“This is where my heart is. This town. This house. This is where I need to be. I don’t want to live anywhere else. I can’t live anywhere else. Just like it is for you. So…we need to let this go so I can move on. I’m sorry.”
She put her mug down on the counter before wrapping her arms around her middle.
“May I say something now?” he carefully asked.
She nodded.
Slowly, he reached for the bank statement and held it up to her. “You’re a fucking millionaire?” he yelled. “I mean…how…when…? How is it even possible? You’re living in a small house in this tiny, hick town when you could live anywhere in the damn world! Why would you choose this life? You’re standing here talking about how you need to be here, you can’t live anywhere else…and it’s all lies! Worse, it’s bullshit! Why wouldn’t you tell me?”
The sad look and the tears almost instantly disappeared, replaced by shock and then annoyance. “Because it’s none of your damn business!” she yelled back, all signs of the brokenhearted woman gone. Reaching out, she snatched the statement from his hands. “And how dare you go through my personal papers! Who the hell do you think you are?”
“I’m the man you’ve been sleeping with for the last two months! The man you almost married! The man who’s still in love with you!”
Her eyes went wide. “What?!”
“Not that it matters because love means trust, and you didn’t trust me enough to tell me what was really going on in your life! You act like you’re just this poor, overworked baker who has to take care of her family and is always so put upon, when the truth is you don’t have to work another day in your damn life!” He snorted with disgust. “I’m just…I know what kind of money you had when you left me, and we all know you haven’t been working in finance since we broke up, so how…?”
She held up her hand. “First of all, you don’t know a damn thing. Yes, you knew what kind of money I had when I left you, but I never really left working in finance. I just do it for myself now. I know how to invest and when to sell. I worked at several banks over the years, but I hated it. That’s when I turned to baking. As for why I didn’t tell you, it’s because this wasn’t real, Marcus! This relationship wasn’t an actual relationship! We were messing around and getting each other out of our systems! You weren’t going to stay, and I wasn’t going to leave, so why would I tell you about my personal financial situation? And for the record, buddy, you haven’t told me about yours either! You don’t see me pointing any fingers!”
“That’s…it’s not…I mean…”
“I have never in my life had to show my bank statement to a man I was sleeping with,” she said with a sneer. “And I’d never ask anyone to show me theirs.” Pushing away from the counter, she stormed into the living room to pace. “You’ve got nerve. You waltz back into my life after insulting me, accusing me of having a child and keeping it from you, generally being a total jackass, and then seducing me all over again! And me, like an idiot, I fell for it!”
Things were getting a little out of hand now…
“Help me understand why you’re living this way! We had a luxurious place back in D.C.! You used to talk about how much better it was than any place you’d ever lived and how you wouldn’t want to go back! And now you can seriously live anywhere you want, and you still chose this! On top of that, I don’t get how you could do this on your own—especially after quitting your job—well, jobs, in banking and finance!”
Shaking her head, she continued to pace. “For such a smart guy, you are incredibly closed minded.” She finally came to a stop and faced him. “Just because I didn’t want a career in high finance doesn’t mean all that information just fell out of my head or I was stupid enough not to invest the money I already had. So I dabbled a bit and built my portfolio. Once I wasn’t doing it because I had to or because it was my job, I actually enjoyed it. I spend several hours a week on it and I’m enjoying watching my nest egg grow. It’s as simple as that. Are you telling me you don’t do this sort of thing for yourself? Because if you even try, I’ll call you out on it. You’re too greedy not to be socking as much money away as you possibly can.”
“Now we’re resorting to name-calling? Really?”
She shrugged. “What did you expect? I walk into my own home and find out you’ve been snooping and then you throw accusations at me! Did you expect me to fall into your arms and thank you?”
Raking a hand through his hair, it was suddenly his turn to pace. “Honestly, I don’t know what I expected. I thought you were doing worse after you left me. Secretly, I kind of enjoyed thinking that because I wanted you to have some regrets about leaving me.”
“That’s twisted, Marcus. Even for you.”
“Is it? Because most people want their exes to be miserable and think that breaking up was a mistake. But that’s not the point here!”
“No, the point is that you saw numbers on a page…”
“Ten pages,” he murmured.
“Ten pages,” she repeated tightly, “and it bothered you. What I don’t get is why? Did it really bother you because I didn’t tell you? Or did it bother you because I’m having my cake and eating it too?”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning I walked away from the stress and the lifestyle and you , and I’m freaking killing it. I’m exactly where I want to be, doing what I want to do, and have a big, fat bank account to boot.”
Okay, that was completely accurate.
“Fine, you’ve got it all, but why get up at four in the morning and slave in a kitchen at a coffee shop? I’m not saying you have to go back to finance, but…really? You’re working the least glamorous job I can think of!”
“It’s a labor of love,” she said simply. “Baking brings me joy because I love seeing how much people enjoy what I bake. For a while, I just did it here out of the house—specialty cakes for parties, that sort of thing. When Jade put the ad out for a baker, I saw it as a great opportunity to do what I love all the time.”
“And all the investing? Doesn’t it bother you that your family constantly has their hands out expecting you to finance all of their dreams?”
Looking at him oddly, Billie frowned. “My family doesn’t know anything about my finances because it’s none of their business either. When I see a need, I’m the one to offer, not the other way around. And the way I see it, I’m investing in their dreams because I believe in them. Jade was the only person I ever invested in who wasn’t family. Ultimately, she is now, but back when I made the offer, she was just a friend who I felt needed a little help.”
This was all bizarre to him. “I can’t imagine just throwing money away like that. I get that you’re a damn financial whiz, but…why invest in small businesses? Why not invest in something big? A franchise? A tech company? Maybe if you lived somewhere else, you’d make even more money.”
“Oh my God…do you even hear yourself? You have the worst case of tunnel vision I’ve ever seen! Marcus, there are plenty of people living in small towns all over the country who make substantial money. It’s not only for people living in big cities, and you seriously need to stop being such a damn snob.”
Unfortunately, he was finally getting just how big of an ass he was being.
“And the house?” he quietly asked. “Why live in such a basic house when you can afford a mansion or several houses? I get being practical, but…you know you can do better than this.”
All she did was glare at him.
“Billie…”
“You don’t get it. You never did, and sadly, you never will. Material things never really mattered to me. I used to tell you that all the time, but you didn’t listen. You never saw how uncomfortable I was with the luxurious townhouse and the fancy cars. I never got to enjoy any of it because we had to work all the damn time to maintain that lifestyle. You didn’t see me—the real me. All you saw was the person you wanted me to be. The thing is, all I ever wanted after growing up in a chaotic household with a lot of instability was to have some peace. Now I have it. Maybe to you it’s not wrapped up in a pretty, flashy house, but I don’t need that. I feel sorry for you because, obviously, you do need those things.”
“I don’t need them…”
“But you want them,” she said, the sad expression back on her face. “I have plans for this house, but I’ve also thought about buying something that was a little more modern. Well, maybe not modern as in newly built, but there are some great older homes that are bigger and have great character that I see and can sometimes imagine myself living in. Ultimately, I kept hoping and praying when I found the right guy, we’d make that decision together and find something we both loved—a place where we’d raise our family.” Tears shone in her eyes. “I still have faith that it’s going to happen for me. That’s my dream.”
Moving closer, her name came out like a tortured plea.
“And that’s why we’ll never work. Our dreams and goals for the future are similar, but they’re also very far apart. You need a woman who is as career-oriented as you are—someone whose only ambition is to be whatever you want her to be.” Pausing, she turned her head to wipe away tears. When she faced him again, the look on her face nearly broke him. “I want a man who loves me for me. Someone who doesn’t belittle my accomplishments or feel threatened by them. I want a partner, not an adversary.”
Marcus wanted to tell her he could be all those things if she could just be patient with him.
Ultimately, however, he knew it wasn’t fair to ask. And after his behavior—especially today—he didn’t think she’d be open to that proposition.
Right now, he could kick himself for the way he reacted to seeing her bank statement. Hell, he wanted to kick himself for invading her privacy. He accused her of not trusting him, but…he’d never given her a reason to trust him. So instead of standing here and arguing with her anymore and causing her any more grief, he knew it was time to go.
He watched the look of utter shock on her face as he closed the distance between them, cupped her face in his hands, and kissed her lips softly.
“I’m sorry, Billie. For everything. And I do mean…everything—back then and now.” Letting out a shaky breath, he studied her face. “I’m so sorry I hurt you and how I was too stubborn to take any responsibility for the things that were wrong in our relationship. You deserve to be happy and to have every one of your dreams come true. I’m not going to stand in your way.” He kissed her one last time. “I love you.” Then he took a step back. “Be happy.”
It would have been great if he could have just walked out the door, but he was only partially dressed and needed to get his things from her bedroom. When he came back out a few minutes later, she was exactly where he’d left her.
“Have a good life, love,” he said quietly before walking out the door.
It was over and it was for the best.
For both of them.
He just wished it didn’t hurt so damn much and that he hadn’t been the one to ruin everything.
Now she was going to move on with someone else, and have the home, the kids, the dog, the grandchildren…all of it.
Meanwhile, he was going to be alone.
And there was no one to blame but himself.