Chapter 17
Hope
Adrian walks through the café door with a tired look on his face, his dark green jacket practically swallowing his now smaller frame.
He’s lost weight, I can tell that much, and the dark circles under his eyes suggest he hasn’t had a decent night’s sleep in days.
Even the small smile he offers me looks weak and strained, and for a split second, I almost feel sorry for him.
I finally agreed to meet him after he called me two nights ago, drunk and hysterical—and because Adrian has never been one to drink, let alone to the point of intoxication, it unsettled me more than I care to admit.
The entire thing felt strangely out of character.
I knew he wasn’t doing too well. I just didn’t realise it had gotten this bad.
After doing everything I could to avoid my ex-husband for the past three weeks, I knew it was only a matter of time before we’d have to sit across from each other and finally have the talk—the one about our future.
I’ve been dreading this moment for weeks.
Though it’s the middle of August and the air still holds the chill of late winter, my body burns hot and flushed.
Seeing Adrian again drags up every emotion I felt the last time we stood in the same room together.
But this is a conversation that can’t be avoided any longer.
I just want it over with so I can finally begin moving on with my life.
We arranged to meet at a café closer to my parents’ house, somewhere I’d feel safer and more comfortable talking to him. That way, if things went pear-shaped, I could leave and be home in minutes. And I doubt Adrian would dare step foot on my parents’ property if he tried to follow me.
He insisted we meet at our usual café, the same one he took his mistress to every morning before work, and I shut that down immediately.
It used to be my favourite place to go with my family, but now it’s tainted beyond repair.
I’ll never be able to walk in there again without imagining him and his lover tucked away at a corner table, whispering, laughing and touching like reckless, horny teenagers.
Just thinking about it is enough to turn my stomach.
Adrian slips into the chair across from me, his movements slow and cautious, as though one wrong move might send me running out the door.
I lean back in my seat, arms crossed over my chest in a display of strength and composure, even though beneath it all I’m quietly breaking.
But there’s no way in hell I’m letting him see that.
He doesn’t deserve my pain, or the satisfaction of watching me break. He deserves nothing from me anymore.
“You look well,” he says.
“I wish I could say the same for you.”
His gaze drops to his hands, shame instantly ghosting his features. “Yeah, I haven’t been sleeping much, and I don’t really have an appetite these days.”
“Have you gone to see someone for it?”
“Do you mean a GP or a therapist?”
“Just anyone who can help you, Adrian!” I snap, causing him to wince at my harsh tone.
I don’t mean to be short with him, but it’s hard to keep my emotions in check when the person who once looked you dead in the eyes and swore they loved you every single day was secretly fucking another woman behind your back.
“No, I haven’t. I’ve just been dealing with things on my own.”
My eyes narrow, sharp and unblinking, darting between his face and the way his hands fidget anxiously on the table. I know I’m making him nervous, but he’s made me feel far worse, so forgive me if I’m enjoying the sight of him scared and on edge.
“Should I order us something?” he asks.
“No, I won’t be staying long.”
“Hope, come on.”
“Look, Adrian, we’re only here to discuss what’s going to happen between us, where we’ll be living and your visitation with Zac.
I’d rather we sort this out between the two of us than drag it through the courts.
So, with your cooperation, I’d really appreciate it if we can come to a fair arrangement—one that’s smooth and uncomplicated for all of us. ”
I pause briefly, giving him a chance to oppose me, to argue his point, but he simply nods in agreement, so I continue. “And the other thing I wanted to talk you about… is the separation and divorce.”
His body stills, his hands frozen mid-fidget, and I swear it looks like he’s holding his breath too.
“Hope, please. Please give me another chance. I’ll never do wrong by you ever again.”
“And you expect me to trust your word? Just like that?” I click my fingers to emphasise my point.
“I’m going to change—I promise. I’ll do anything you want me to do.
I’ll go to therapy, to marriage counselling.
I’ll give you access to my phone and my laptop.
I’ll even let you put a tracker in my car so you can see where I am at all times.
Anything you ask, Hope, I’ll do it. I just don’t want to lose you. ”
“It’s sad that I’d even have to do all those things in the first place,” I say, shaking my head. “Having to monitor your every move, isn’t how I dreamed our married life to be.”
“I’m so sorry… I don’t know what else I can do to make things right or for you to forgive me.”
“Forgiveness takes time, Adrian. You haven’t even begun to earn it, and you can sit there, telling me all the ways you plan to make it up to me until you’re blue in the face, but I stand by my decision, and it’s that I’m not going back.”
“You’re not even going to try—for the sake of our son? He’s too young to grow up in a broken family. What will his friends think when they ask why his father’s never around? How is this supposed to help him?”
“Everything I do, I do with our son in mind. I refuse to stay in a marriage where all he’ll see is his parents constantly fighting, and a mother consumed by mistrust, misery, and paranoia. I will not put Zac through that.”
He huffs out a bitter laugh. “So, that’s it, huh? You’re just gonna cut me out, and build a new life without me.”
“You’ll still have access to our son on the days we agree on, but yes—we will rebuild our lives and start fresh.”
“I can’t believe this,” he scoffs, shaking his head. “When can I expect to see my son?”
“This decision is based on the fact that the distance between our homes is too great and impractical for Zac to travel back and forth frequently, especially on school nights. I think it’s best that you have him every second weekend, so he isn’t constantly being moved around.
And if you’re open to it, I’d prefer that you travel to Sydney to see him and stay with your parents if needed, in case of an emergency. ”
“Fine. I’ll agree to that, only if I get to spend more time with him during the school holidays and that we share special occasions, such as birthdays and Christmas.”
“I’m open to that.”
“Is this really fucking happening? Are you really going to tear our family apart?”
“Adrian, when you had an affair for five whole months, then continued to lie and deceive us long after it ended, you didn’t just lose me or break my trust; you destroyed everything we built. You tore us apart, not me.”
“I never meant for any of it to happen. I swear. I know it sounds like another pathetic excuse to you, but it’s the truth. It wasn’t like I was looking to start an affair. I made a poor judgement, a mistake I deeply regret. I wish more than anything that I could go back and change everything.”
“You can’t. The damage is done, and now I’m the one left to pick up the pieces.
You keep saying it was just a mistake, that you didn’t mean for it to happen, but you did.
And you didn’t even care enough to stop until she became pregnant.
For months, you met her in secret, slept with her, then came home to your family and lied straight to our faces.
You knew exactly what you were doing, exactly how you were hurting me and Zac—yet you did it anyway.
And that is why I will never go back to you. ”
“I’m sorry, okay. I’m a shit husband—and even a pathetic excuse of a man.”
“Yes. That much, at least, we can agree on.”
“I don’t know what else to do. No matter what I say, it won’t stop you from leaving me, will it?”
“No, my mind is made up.”
“Fuck!” he shouts, slamming his fist against the table. I’m grateful the café is practically empty, though it doesn’t stop the staff from turning to stare at us.
“Keep it down, Adrian! Or I’m walking straight out the door.”
“Please don’t. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again, I promise. I’m just trying to process everything. And it’s all becoming too much.”
“Well, we can pause it for now and finish this conversation when you’re calmer.”
“No! I’m calm. I just need a minute. Please.”
For the next sixty seconds, we sit in strained silence. I stare out the window, fully aware of Adrian’s gaze lingering on me the entire time.
“Is there anything else you want to discuss?” he asks.
“Actually, there is. It’s one that’s been weighing heavily on my mind for the past few weeks.”
“What is it?”
“The baby.”
“I told you it’s not mine.”
“How do you know that? Did you ask for a DNA test?”
“I just know, okay?”
“That answer simply won’t do, Adrian.”
“Lucia was a fucking whore! She could’ve been sleeping with ten other guys for all I know.”
“And yet, you had unprotected sex with her. You put my health at risk just so you could get your dick wet. If I hadn’t already been tested and come back clear, I would’ve fucking taken a bat to your knee.”
“It was only a couple times, which is why I know I can’t be the father of her child. For the most part I used protection.”
“Sorry to burst your little bubble, but some women are known to get pregnant after just one time, you know?”
“Hope, please believe me when I say, I am not the father of Lucia’s baby.”
“Still, I think you should contact her and arrange for you to do a DNA test? Just for confirmation.”
“I deleted her number. I don’t even know where she lives now.”
“You need to find another way then, Adrian.”
“I don’t care to know. I want nothing to do with that baby or the baby’s mother.”
“What if it is yours? What if Zac has a half-sibling out there?”
“He doesn’t need to know. It’s probably best that he doesn’t know.”
“So, you’d just keep it from him?”
“Yes. If it shields him from more pain and confusion, then yes.”
“Wow.” I let out a bitter scoff. “You’re really racking up Father of the Year points here.”
“Hey, I never said I wanted a baby with her, and she knew it. So if it turns out to be mine, I’m not taking responsibility for it. I made my intentions clear from the start—it’s not my fault she chose to go back on her word.”
“So it’s like that, huh? You’d just easily turn your back on your own child and keep lying to the one you already have.”
“I’ll say this one last time” he says condescendingly. “I do not want anything to do with Lucia’s baby—whether it’s mine or not.”
“When did you get so cold-hearted?”
“I thought you’d be happy to hear that I want nothing to do with them.”
“How I feel about this isn’t what matters. I just want to know if the baby is yours. I don’t want any more secrets from you.”
“I’m so sorry, Hope. I’m sorry for ever hurting you. I never wanted you to find out about the affair the way you did.”
“Tell me this. Were you ever going to tell me, or were you hoping to get away with it?”
His gaze drifts to the window, as if trying to hide his guilt.
But his silence tells me everything I need to know—he was never going to tell me.
He was willing to die with his secret. I never once thought my husband could be this cruel, this heartless.
Now I find myself questioning whether I ever truly knew him at all.
“You’ve hurt me one too many times, and I won’t sit back and let you do it again.
The fact that you tried to bury the truth, and planned to keep living a lie while betraying us day in and day out, shows just how little respect or care you have for us.
Your selfishness, your need for an ego boost, became so much more important to you than anything else.
I just hope it was all worth it in the end. ”
I rise to my feet, grab my coat and handbag from the back of my chair, and glance down at my husband—the same man who promised me forever, while secretly stabbing me in the back.
“You don’t need to worry about us. We will rebuild our lives, piece by piece, surrounded by people who genuinely love and care about us.
You and I will learn to co-parent, and that is where our relationship, and our communication will end.
I will work hard to heal from all of this, and I know, without a doubt, that I’ll come out stronger, wiser because of it.
“You may have shattered the life and home we built, but understand this: you did not break me—and you certainly did not destroy my dreams for a happy, secure future. The only difference now is that you won’t be part of it.”
I sling the strap of my bag over my shoulder and, without exchanging another word, walk past him towards the exit door. I’m done listening. Done absorbing his lies and excuses. Done with our marriage for good.
Stopping just at the threshold, I glance back at him one last time. He looks utterly defeated, like a broken-down engine with no fuel left, no fight remaining.
He’s become a hollowed-out version of the man he once was, and I quickly turn away before guilt and pity can take root inside my chest.
I finally step outside with my head held high, even if on the inside, I’m slowly falling apart, barely holding myself together.
But I know I’ll survive this. I have to. Because moving forward isn’t a choice.
It’s the only way.