Chapter 43
Hope
Four weeks have passed since that heart-to-heart with Jason in my kitchen—one that forced me to re-evaluate who Kaden had been before me, and who he has become since our lives became intertwined.
Though a small thread of doubt and fear still lingers at the back of my mind, I’ve begun to see him through a wider lens, allowing myself to discover more of the man he is now.
And that man—is slowly, carefully, peeling back the walls around my guarded heart.
As for Zac and me, life continues to move forward, even without the steady presence of his father. And while it’s been a whirlwind of heartache and struggle, it has also been filled with moments of surprise, excitement, and lessons I never expected to learn.
One of those lessons has been learning to accept that I don’t have to be strong all the time—that I can loosen my grip on the steering wheel and let someone else take over for a change.
It doesn’t mean I’m weak or incapable of handling things on my own.
It simply means I’m human, and that sometimes strength isn’t standing independently, but admitting I need help, and finding the courage to ask for it.
I’ve not only sought out therapy for myself, but I’ve also been accepting help from my family, and from Kaden, who continues to prove to me, every single day, that giving him that second chance was the right decision.
Today, I’ll be spending the rest of the afternoon and evening at his apartment, after dropping Zac off at his friend’s house for a sleepover.
Kaden needed a little help decking out his apartment with Christmas decorations—a task he’d left until just a few days before the holiday.
We also decided to spruce up his balcony while we were at it—adding some outdoor plants and fairy lights.
One thing I’d always been curious about was where he worked on and stored all his pieces, given that his apartment didn’t exactly have the space for it.
It was only today that I learned he leases a small commercial studio from one of his colleagues—about the size of a single garage.
Just enough room to work on his projects.
And since his pieces tend to sell fairly quickly online, the studio is rarely crowded, always leaving space for whatever he chooses to build next.
With the decorations finally arranged, his apartment now feels alive with holiday spirit, the Christmas tree shimmering like a cluster of stars against the night.
So pleased with what we’ve accomplished, Kaden decides to celebrate by making us homemade pizzas, a small but perfect reward for a job well done.
While he busies himself in the kitchen, I sink into his super-comfy couch and scroll through the wide selection of movies on the TV, searching for one we can settle in with for the evening.
“What are you in the mood for—action, horror, comedy, romance?” I shout across to him.
“I’m easy. I’ll let you pick,” he replies, popping a small piece of capsicum in his mouth from behind the island.
I pick a newly released comedy on Netflix that looks promising based on the plot alone. I’m in the mood for something light, with a touch of humour, and honestly, you can never go wrong with a good comedy.
I click on the movie, but it doesn’t play. I try again. Still nothing. Tapping the back of the remote on my palm a few times, I jab at the OK button, but once more—nothing happens.
“Um… I think the battery in your remote is dead. Do you have a spare I could replace
it with?”
“There should be a brand new packet in the top drawer of my office desk.”I nod, then rise and make my way to his home office, easing through the door left slightly ajar.
A solid oak desk sits at the centre of the room, and I find myself smiling as I admire the intricate craftsmanship of the custom piece, undoubtedly another of his brilliant creations.
I trail my hand along the smooth, polished grain, appreciating the way it feels beneath my fingertips.
The desk is surprisingly neat, almost sparse.
A laptop, an iPad, a notepad, and a single pen engraved with his initials are arranged on top.
But it’s the small photo frame that catches my eye—him, Jason, and Jake standing in front of a breathtaking waterfall, all three with their arms around each other, smiling at the camera.
It’s the only photograph on display in the entire apartment, and I can’t help but wonder if it’s his way of keeping the rest of his past carefully out of sight.
Sliding the top drawer open, I sift through the scattered papers until I find what I’m looking for. I pull out the packet of batteries, and just as I’m about to close the drawer, something in the back corner pulls my gaze. An envelope—Skylar’s name scrawled across the front in big, bold letters.
Setting the batteries down on the desk, I quickly glance at the door, before sliding the envelope out. I know it’s wrong of me to snoop—to invade something that’s private, but curiosity guides my hands anyway, urging the folded pieces of paper free.
It’s a letter addressed to Skylar, his neat handwriting, the same I’ve seen on all the little notes he’s sent me—covering both sides of the two pages. I skim it quickly at first, then return to the start, where the opening line instantly holds my attention.
Dearest Skylar,
How do I begin to tell the one person I have loved more than anything in this world that I am profoundly sorry—for the pain I caused, for the vows I shattered, for the betrayal that brought ruin to everything we spent years building?
‘I’m sorry’ will never be enough, and that is the hard truth I am slowly learning to live with.
I came into our relationship carrying a tank full of insecurities, self-doubts and fears—none of them because of you, but all of them rooted in how I saw myself. You see, Skylar, there’s something I never told you…something I’ve always been too ashamed to confess.
I was the result of my father’s infidelity. His bastard. The child who was never meant to exist, but did. And because of that, I became the other half of the reason his world imploded before his eyes.
Before I even drew my first breath, before I came into the world, I was already unwanted, already unworthy. I grew up in a household where betrayal, control, and manipulation were the norm. I had never known what a healthy, loving relationship looked like.
Until I met you.
You were everything I had ever dreamed of—kind, beautiful, intelligent…
perfect in every way that mattered. You loved me unconditionally, embracing my flaws and weaknesses, even when I was convinced I didn’t deserve it.
From the moment I met you, I knew you were the one I wanted to spend my whole life with.
When we got married, I secretly vowed never to repeat the mistakes or fall into the same patterns as my parents when it came to our marriage. And for the most part, I kept that promise. I was devoted to you—and only you for almost a decade.
But I was cursed with the same flawed gene as my father, and in the end, I betrayed you in the most painful, unforgivable way.
The heartache, the guilt, the shame, and the deep, suffocating remorse that followed when you left were enough to swallow me whole—enough to slowly lose myself.
I had never known a pain so agonising as the one I felt when you walked away.
That was the beginning of my downward spiral, and what I hadn’t known at the time was that it would also mark the beginning of your happiness… and eventually, the start of your new love story with Heath.
Watching you build a connection with him while severing the one we had was the hardest thing I’ve ever faced, but also one I deserved to endure. And even now, as you prepare to walk down the aisle and spend the rest of your life with him, that crushing pain hasn’t eased in the slightest.
But knowing you’re in safe, capable hands with someone worthier, someone who would never hurt you the way I did, is the only thing that brings me any comfort.
As for me… I suppose you could say Karma finally came knocking.
When the baby I had believed was mine turned out to be yet another of Lucia’s lies and betrayals, I knew I had received my punishment.
And what a cruel, merciless punishment it was.
Some might even call it deserved, say it fit the crime I committed—but regardless, it tore apart whatever fragile hope I had left in this world.
I fell into the deepest, darkest parts of hell—places I never thought I’d climb out of. Not even Jason could reach me there. I slowly destroyed myself, until a simple friendship bracelet, made and gifted to me by Jake, snapped me wide awake.
Can you believe it—a bracelet made by a child? Yet it was so much more than that. It was a heavy reminder that I was failing him in every way—as a godfather, as a friend, as someone meant to help guide him through life. And I couldn’t bear the thought of letting him and Jason down like that.
So I made it my mission to finally get the help I needed—to stop drinking myself towards death, and start making real changes, not just in my lifestyle, but within myself.
And I did–I still am. I’m in therapy now, where she helps me face the feelings and experiences I’ve spent a long time avoiding, to understand them, learn from them, and finally ensure I never make the same destructive choices again.
While it’s been incredibly hard work, I have no intention of ever giving up.
The battle ahead will be long and gruelling, and still, I’ve never felt more ready, more determined, to do what it takes.
Even if it’s too late to undo the past, I know there’s still a future ahead of me, however lonely or uncertain it may be.
Because if there’s one thing I know for sure—it’s that I never want to return to the person I once was.
I wrote this letter never intending to give it to you. Yet if it ever finds its way to you, know that I will always be grateful—for the moments we shared, for the lessons you unknowingly taught me, and for the love you offered when I never deserved it.
I hope you never lose that spark that once lit up every path you walked. And I’m sure Heath recognised that in you the moment he saw you. I wish you both a lifetime of love and happiness. You deserve nothing less.
They say the hardest part of loving someone is learning to let them go. So, I’m going to let go now, Skylar. For you. For me. And for the man I hope I will one day be.
With all my love,
Kaden.
Tears I hadn’t realised had gathered in my eyes spill down my face, disappearing into the collar of my shirt. My hands tremble as I carefully tuck the letter back into the envelope and quietly return it to the drawer.
When I lift my gaze, I find Kaden standing in the doorway, a dark frown carved into his brow, his fists clenched tight at his sides. And as our eyes lock, I see it—sorrow, raw and unguarded… tangled with something else. Something that looks painfully like hurt.