Chapter 20
The next few days passed in a bleary haze as the drug slowly wore off.
Each time I opened my eyes, day or night, Lochlan would be at my side, patiently tending to me.
When he tried to talk to me on the first day after the escape, I couldn’t understand anything he was saying.
My entire body felt like it was floating away and I couldn’t focus.
The sensation of being out of control of my own body was a foreign and most unpleasant feeling that I hoped never to repeat.
On the third morning, I managed to sit up, and Lochlan immediately placed a hand against my back to hold me in place.
“You…you saved me,” I croaked. My throat still felt clogged and my speech came out rather slurred, so I cleared my throat several times. My body was limp and my mind churned around thoughts slowly and with great difficulty. “The siren blood…”
“You’re lucky I knew what you were talking about,” Lochlan said. “I cleaned it off you the best I could without breathing it.”
He offered a drink, which I feebly pushed away.
“The papers?” I weakly reached for where I’d put them under my shirt but found them gone. “I had papers. I need them.”
“Drink first,” he insisted.
I took a few sips and a little more of the brain fog lifted. “Where are the papers I had?”
Lochlan opened a side table drawer, lifted them out, then thumbed through the stack. “Looking for your family?”
I glanced at the door to make sure it was locked then nodded. “I’m looking for my mother. Her name is Brielle Holloway and she was sold there many years ago,” I whispered. “I grabbed that stack of papers hoping she’s somewhere in there. They were burning the office.”
Lochlan looked at me for a long time. “Jillian,” he said very softly. “The odds of them keeping those records or of you finding her after all this time…”
“Please. It’s my only chance.”
Lochlan sighed and opened the folder, eyes skating across each paper before placing it to the side.
“I’ll help,” I said, reaching for the next.
Lochlan handed one to me. “You might be too groggy,” he warned me. “But you can try.”
The ink was faded and the papers cracked when handled with anything other than the utmost care.
I studied each word for seconds at a time, but he was right.
My thoughts were all too muddled and confusing to make any sense.
Defeated, I returned it to Lochlan and sank back into the bed’s depths.
This mattress and these pillows were too soft for me.
I’d never be able to stay awake this way.
“Is this your bed?” I mumbled, looking at the heaps of pillows piled around me.
“Yes, and I know you said you didn’t want it, but you need it more than I do. I couldn’t have you sleeping in that old hammock or on the hard floor.” He kept his head down as he busied himself making another drink. “You need to recover.”
“No, I have to find my mother,” I told him.
“And I’ll help you,” he promised. “You just rest.”
For more than an hour, Lochlan meticulously went through each paper, hunting for that sliver of a chance that my mother’s information was still somewhere in those files. I dozed off a few times and each time, I awoke, Lochlan was still there, meticulously tracing his finger over line after line.
He really was very handsome, in a roguish, ruffian-like sort of way. His hair was straight and hung down like curtains but failed to hide the dark shadows around his eyes. I tilted my head and squinted.
“Do you have a black eye?”
Lochlan self-consciously pulled his hair down so it shielded his face even more. “It’s not bad,” he said.
White-hot anger leapt in my stomach. “Was it Roderick again?” I remembered only too well how Roderick had lost control and slapped Lochlan before—his own son.
“I told you, it isn’t bad. It’s not a big deal. He was just upset that the Nightsworn were there.”
“It is a big deal,” I whispered.
“Roderick dislikes the Nightsworn more than most. I’m sure he was just worried they’d know our faces now.”
“I don’t care what his reasons are. It was wrong.
” If my family had treated me that way, I wouldn’t be so desperate to find them.
Roderick had a son who, regardless of what he claimed, was desperately trying to earn his father’s approval and instead got injured constantly.
If only there was something I could do for Lochlan. He’d done so much for me already.
I shivered and Lochlan immediately rose to pull out yet another blanket from the trunk at the foot of the bed.
It was one he had knitted himself. Dishcloth-sized squares of different colors were bound together to make an enormous patchwork-style quilt.
Each patch had a different pattern, or parts of a pattern.
I ran my hands over the irregular bumps and half-formed designs.
Mable was right. This sort of knitting had character. I didn’t need perfection.
“Where are Roderick and Peter?” I asked.
Lochlan tucked the quilt in around me. “Probably off counting their gold. They’ve been selling the pixie blood we brought back.”
I tried to believe Peter’s story that the pixies had willingly donated it, but I couldn’t bring myself to be so na?ve. Nothing that had been freely given would be sold on the black market like this.
“They were so happy that you recovered it that they agreed to let you rest for a few days.”
I sat up and realized that for the first time in weeks, my side didn’t hurt. Slowly, I pulled up my shirt.
The gash had healed so perfectly that there wasn’t even a scar left. The stitches had been removed, and the skin looked just like it had before the injury had even occurred.
“Did you…”
Lochlan nodded. “You hadn’t woken up for two days. I was worried. I used a little pixie blood this morning and you woke up soon after. It really works. Just don’t tell Roderick.”
Conflict raged within me. How was I supposed to feel grateful to be healed while knowing that a pixie might have died to give that blood?
“I don’t want to rest. I want to find my mother.”
“I know.” Lochlan placed the back of his hand against my forehead. “You still have a slight fever. No wonder you feel cold.” He offered me the cup again. “Let’s get you better first, then we’ll talk about rescuing your mother.”
Additional conflict was added onto my qualms about the pixie blood.
I felt indebted to Lochlan for doing so much to help me and hated feeling like I owed anyone anything, but at the same time, I genuinely felt like he cared.
Was he expecting something from me in return?
He had to have noticed how I would bumble about and lose track of what I was saying when he was around.
He had to know I had this absurd crush on him. If he liked me back, what then?
That was the part of my thought process that always broke down.
If Lochlan confessed that he had feelings for me, I wouldn’t have the slightest idea of what to do or say or how to act.
I already didn’t. Lochlan would undoubtedly become disenchanted when he noticed how much of a fool I acted around him.
“I think I found something,” Lochlan said, breaking through my musings.
“What?”
“Here. It’s faded, but I think it might be a name that starts with a B. There’s a date, too.”
I squinted at the paper. It was dated sixteen years ago and I was certain the name of the person sold started with B, even though the ink was barely visible after so many years.
My stomach gave a jolt. It really had been sixteen years.
My birthday had come and gone without me so much as noticing.
What use did I have for a birthday when I didn’t have anyone to celebrate it with? I went back to the paper.
Under the Purchaser column, there was someone listed as King Ra, but the rest of the name after that was smudged so badly that it was illegible.
“Most of those sold in that time frame went to the same purchaser,” Lochlan went on, scanning each paper in turn.
“It must’ve been King Raquel,” I said. “I knew he had many slaves, but I didn’t think he bought any; I always assumed he just took them.” I tried to rise from the bed, but Lochlan placed a restraining hand on my shoulder.
“Lie still. It’s very likely they used a false name when making a purchase. I would have, if I was going to participate in something illegal. Not that I ever have, of course.” He raised his eyebrows. “You of all people know how important hiding your true identity is.”
“I need to get passage on a ship.” I couldn’t stay in bed if I had a lead.
I wanted to run, to board a ship and leave immediately.
I’d been in Ebora only the year before…if only I’d known then what I knew now, I could’ve bought my mother’s freedom and found my father.
I ground my teeth together. I’d grown up on the streets of Ebora and joined the rebellion against the king.
My mother might’ve been a part of the palace’s rebellion, and I might have found her if I’d simply gone to look for her there.
But I’d been so obsessed with accruing wealth that I hadn’t thought to look there.
We might’ve had years together, and I wasn’t going to waste that now.
Lochlan kept his hand on my shoulder. “Jillian,” he whispered fiercely.
I tried to suppress that giddy fluttering in my chest. Shoals, I loved when he used my name, dangerous as it was. I wanted him to say it a thousand times.
“Jillian,” he repeated. “Listen to me. We don’t need to run off to Ebora. We can get information from here if you promise to stay put.”
“How? How are we going to do that?” It hadn’t escaped my notice that Lochlan had said we. He was going to help me.
“Prince Jameson is getting married in a few days, and all the visiting nobility will attend.”
“Right, I sort of know the girl he’s marrying—Elena. But I can’t imagine that she’d be too happy to see me after…some things that happened. But why would it matter if they’re getting married?”
“Because,” he continued, “there will be representatives from Ebora there. You can ask about your mother or even send a message. We could give them money so she can travel here.”
My chest was so swollen with hope that I was surprised I didn’t float away. “But with my way, I could go and be with her sooner.”
“Remember who my father is,” Lochlan reminded me.
“I can find out things from him that he won’t tell anyone else.
Stick with my plan, and I’ll find out what happened to your sister.
If he had a hand in selling her, we’ll find out where she is.
Your way might take you to your mother sooner, but with my way, you’ll find two family members. ”
I bit my lip. Both ideas were very tempting, but Lochlan’s plan would ultimately be better.
I couldn’t pass up having both my mother and sister back.
I could even place an additional bounty for my mother while I kept searching for my sister.
By this time next month, we might all be reunited. We would be a family again.
“You promise you’ll help?” I asked.
“I promise. You can trust me.” Lochlan covered my hand with his own. “I’ll help you the best I know how.”
“Thank you,” I told him softly. “For everything. For coming back for me, for tending to me when I’ve been injured or sick, and now…”
His fingers squeezed mine. “You’re worth it.”