Chapter 26 #2
That insistent desire to be loved, even adored, was roaring in my chest. I realized how close we were then, how the space between us had slowly collapsed without my noticing.
His breath brushed my temple and caressed my face.
I could feel the careful rise and fall of his chest under my fingers.
I should step away. I should put distance between us, and quickly, before this feeling took root and developed into something even more dangerous. Trust was a luxury I couldn’t afford.
After all, this was Roderick Vane’s son.
He had likely been close by as my sister passed beneath his nose and was sold into slavery.
He knew my secrets and could disclose them to whomever he chose…
but he hadn’t. He had kept his word and proved himself kind and trustworthy a thousand times over.
I was a bounty hunter with blood on my hands and highly flexible morals.
Lochlan should be with a caring and compassionate woman who would give him the love he deserved and so desperately craved.
“May I kiss you?” Lochlan breathed.
My heart was going to pound right out of my chest. He wanted to kiss me.
He wanted to kiss me right now, and I wasn’t sure what to do.
I had nothing to offer him. I wasn’t feminine, I had been masquerading as a boy for the past fifteen years, I had no idea how to kiss correctly…
and yet I didn’t care about any of that.
“Yes,” I whispered, terrified and thrilled at the same time.
Our noses bumped briefly, but then his lips met mine so tenderly it felt reverent. The intensity of the emotions sent a surge of fear through my body and I immediately pulled back, overwhelmed.
“I won’t hurt you,” Lochlan repeated softly, coming in to close the gap once more.
His next kiss didn’t crash into me but arrived just as gentle and careful as the first. His lips brushed against mine like he was afraid of breaking me.
I stayed frozen, every instinct inside me screaming that I was in danger and urging me to retreat, but at the same time, I didn’t break away. I could have, but I didn’t want to.
Lochlan had closed his eyes as his lips moved against mine and I stood, rigid with shock.
A man was kissing me. I should kiss him back, not just stand motionless.
He must have felt like he was kissing a cold, stiff statue.
I wanted this to be good for him too. If it wasn’t, he may never want to kiss me again, and this was an experience I knew I’d want to repeat in the future.
I had been brave before. I could be brave again.
Hesitantly, I closed my eyes and tried to force myself to relax enough to kiss him back.
For the life of me, I couldn’t seem to get my lips to move how I wanted them to, but Lochlan compensated and I found myself melting against him.
Everywhere he touched, a blaze of heat followed.
It warmed my neck when his hand caressed my neck and scalded me as his fingers tangled into my hair, drawing me so close that no space separated our chests.
So this was what it was like to feel desired. No wonder everyone was so eager to pair off. This felt even better than when I’d collected my first bounty.
Lochlan liked me. He liked me, not just Gil. He thought I was beautiful. If I’d had a mother figure in my life, I was sure she would’ve tried to warn me away from a man like Lochlan. He was a wanted bandit with a long list of crimes chalked up to his name…but so was I.
No one wanted him more than I did.
Lochlan pulled back. “Are you still okay? I can stop if you need me to.”
“I just need to catch my breath,” I told him.
A moment to collect my thoughts was what I really needed.
I hadn’t expected that, not in a million years.
On the rare occasion I’d let myself fantasize about romance, I’d always assumed there would be flowers and poetry and walks around lakes, and all of that seemed like a foreign world and not at all like myself.
But skulking around in underground tunnels, dressed in boys’ clothing and hiding with a fellow outlaw as the Nightsworn searched for Syndicate members? That was a kiss perfect for me. Lochlan was perfect for me.
Lochlan looked over my shoulder. “I think they’re gone,” he said quietly.
“They might come back,” I answered, my hands curling around his shirt front. “Best play it safe.”
“I disagree,” Lochlan said, leaning back down. “If I wanted to play it safe, I’d never have asked to kiss you.”
“Then I’m glad you didn’t play it safe.”
I let my gaze fall from his eyes down to his mouth. “Don’t move,” I instructed him.
Obediently, Lochlan held still, still lowered to where I could easily reach him. I ought to try kissing him in a way that didn’t feel stiff and awkward.
“Don’t move,” I repeated, slowly moving in so I could press my lips against his. They were softer than I expected, and I liked how they felt. Emotions exploded in my stomach, and I could only hold the kiss for a few seconds before I broke away again.
“Sorry, I’m nervous,” I apologized, heat rushing up to shade my cheeks.
“No need to be sorry. I enjoyed it.” Lochlan glanced out to check the street. “Do you want to head back or stay here?”
“Let’s head back.” My head was already buzzing from being kissed, and I couldn’t stop thinking about how Lochlan’s mouth had felt against mine. If I tried to stay put and kiss him again, my heart might give out and I’d die on the spot. Running from the Nightsworn had nothing on kissing Lochlan.