19. Cal
CHAPTER 19
CAL
Righteous anger was so, so satisfying.
It was even better when I got to put an arrogant asshole in his place.
“I think it’s time for you to go home, Greg.”
He held out his hands, palm up. “Wait. Can I have five minutes to explain? Please?”
I bit back my immediate No and sighed. “Fine.” I crossed my arms and remained standing.
He blew out a breath and ran his hand through his hair again. Which of course only made him look more sexily rumpled. Fucker.
“Look, I made some assumptions about you when we met.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Hold up. You made assumptions about me? You didn’t just look at me and say, ‘No way I’m getting connected to that fat ass’?”
He had the balls to give me an offended expression. “Don’t be an idiot. I’m very attracted to you physically,” he said in a pissy tone .
I snorted. “Give me a break. There’s no way.”
“It’s true. I’ve always been attracted to larger men.” His cheeks turned ruddy. “I like to be hugged,” he muttered.
I cocked my head to the side, studying him. “Prove it.”
He blinked. “Huh? Prove that I like to be hugged?”
I put my hands on my hips. “No, dumbass. Prove that you’ve always been attracted to heavy guys. Show me a picture of one of your past boyfriends.” I pointed at his phone.
He turned even redder. “Oh. Well, see. Um....” There went the hand in the hair again.
“You can’t, can you?”
He threw up his hands. “No! I knew I’d end up with a magic carrier, okay? But I like being in a relationship. I just couldn’t be with anyone I might fall in love with.”
“ Hmmm ,” I turned that over in my head. “But I’m guessing they were gorgeous. Fit and muscular, probably.”
He crossed his arms. “They were guys I liked enough to spend time with but who I knew I’d never develop any feelings for. The romantic spark just wasn’t there.”
“Uh huh.” I wasn’t sure I believed him. A feeling of desperation was coming through our connection, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t lying. “Okay, setting that aside for the moment, tell me what assumptions you made about me.”
Greg closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Staying in that position, he said, “Um, can I give you some background first, so you understand why the assumptions I made seemed so... insurmountable?”
I regarded him for a moment. “Okay.” Might as well get a better understanding of what made Greg tick, though I’d be pissed if he gave me a bunch of excuses.
“I told you how I’m triggered by disorder and chaos.”
“Yeah.”
He heaved a sigh. “You came into the office, and I was immediately attracted to you. And within seconds I could tell we resonated. We were compatible. Big time.” He finally looked up. “And I freaked out. I’d been telling myself and everyone else that I wasn’t nesting, that my soulmate wasn’t about to show up. But there you were.” He gazed down at his hands. “I have anxiety issues, obviously. I get triggered by unexpected noise and disruption. You saw how TWIST was. It’s usually even worse. But another part of my issues stem from when I was a kid. Aileen hadn’t come along yet. My mom and the other adults were focused on saving Wonders. They all assumed someone else was caring for me and my brother, but we were left to fend for ourselves most of the time. That led to dirty clothes, messy rooms, clutter.” He shuddered. “And when I tried to advocate for myself, to instill order in my life, I was patted on the head and ignored.”
I sat back down on the couch.
He said, “I was in therapy all through college, trying to deal with how my mom essentially shuffled me and Dominic aside after Dad died so she could run TWIST and save all the Wonders. And then when I needed things, like school or clothes, it was never a priority. Dominic and I were burdens, inconvenient.”
“Crap, Greg, that sucks.”
He turned his head away, blinking rapidly. “Sorry. And I’m not implying that my mom is some monster or anything. She did the best she could. And everyone else helped out as best they could. But Mom has never been the type to be organized. She’s a fly-by-the-seat-of-her-pants person. She’s forced herself to pay attention to the details to run TWIST for decades now, but I know it’s not been something she enjoys or is even good at.”
“That’s tough. For all of you.”
He exhaled heavily and nodded. “Anyway, I did therapy, and I still have issues with clutter and chaos, but I manage okay.” He snorted. “I can even deal with Craig’s desk at work. But sometimes I still struggle with feeling I deserve good things. Which is why I knew I wasn’t nesting, because I’d never be worthy of a soulmate. But then, before 8am on a Monday morning, I was confronted with someone who might be everything I ever wanted.” He looked straight into my eyes. “So I tried to find reasons you couldn’t possibly be meant for me.”
Well, fuck. “Okay. Such as?”
He dropped his gaze to the floor next to the couch. “You had a stain on your shirt, and your backpack was falling apart. I had flashbacks to being a kid and not having clean clothes to wear.” He made a face. “I decided you were a slob, and it would trigger my anxiety to live with someone like that.” He glanced up. “I saw your truck in the parking lot, and it was full of trash, so that just reinforced things.”
I opened my mouth, but he held up a hand. “I know. I know now why your backpack was torn and frayed, and why you had the trash in your truck. I also know those were stupid reasons to push someone away in the first place.” He shook his head, staring down at his hands. “But I was panicking. I needed excuses why I couldn’t be with you, so I found them.”
Well, shit. I felt bad for having my own assumptions about Greg .
He shrugged. “I did the best I could to avoid touching you, so we wouldn’t start a connection.” He chuckled. “That didn’t go the way I’d planned, did it?” He gave me a pleading look. “But, Cal, I was glad when we connected, even if I didn’t want to admit it to myself at first. And when I saw how strong the connection was, and I knew we’d never be able to break it....” He shrugged, smiling wryly. “I was so happy.” Then he added, “And terrified. Because I screwed up how we met, and now you’re stuck with me. I’m pretty damn inconvenient.”
I rubbed my face. “Fuck.”
He nodded. “Exactly.”
“I don’t know, Greg. I’m... I need to sit with all this for a while.”
He nodded, his expression sad.
“Why don’t you go home, and I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”
He nodded again, then he stood and faced the coffee table. He cleared his throat. “Um, Ms. Jackson, I’m sorry you had to witness all that. Would you like to stay here or come with me?”
The sparkles spelled out S-T-A-Y .
“Good choice.” Greg checked his pockets for his keys, then he took the long way around the couch so he didn’t have to walk by me on the way to the door.
I followed him, feeling awkward and unsettled.
Greg opened the door, but he turned back to me. “I won’t rush you. I know I messed things up for us. But I’ll do whatever it takes for you to trust me. ”
This time the feeling coming through the connection was resolution and honesty.
After checking in with Steve to make sure I wasn’t needed at work, I brought the stack of books out of my office and set them on the coffee table next to Ms. Jackson.
“Not sure if you can help with this,” I told them. “But it’s nice to have company.”
I went into the kitchen to get a beer and popped a frozen pizza in the oven. If ever a day called for pizza, it was today.
I made it through three chapters of Archibald Manning’s amazingly dry opus on what should’ve been a riveting topic before the timer went off. I set the book aside while I ate, since I didn’t want to get grease on it.
A few slices and another beer later, I was feeling chatty.
“You know, Ms. Jackson, I wasn’t exactly truthful with Greg about my vision—or lack thereof.”
They sparkled all the letters and numbers at me.
“I did have a vision. But it wasn’t a vision about Steve, who I was focusing on. It was one of his brothers, Dirk or Drake. They’re twins, and they’re musicians. Whichever one it was, he was sitting on a stage in an outdoor amphitheater singing a song. But the person singing with him wasn’t someone I recognized.”
I swallowed more of my beer.
“Usually the two of them perform together, so I’m not sure what’s up with that.” I shrugged. “There wasn’t anything else to the vision.” I pointed my beer bottle at Ms. Jackson. “But I didn’t want to tell Mr. Perfect over there that I’d flubbed the assignment. Better for him to think it didn’t work at all. And at least now I know what to expect so I can practice on my own.”
Greg might be able to feel when I drew on his magic through our connection, but he’d have to deal with it.
Ms. Jackson flashed S-I-N-C-E-R-E at me.
I sighed. “Yeah, you’re probably right. I just need some time to let go of my original impression of him, you know?”
The whole board flashed.
I chuckled. “Well, you probably don’t have a ton of experience with... interpersonal entanglements.”
Ms. Jackson flashed No .
“I’m sure I’ll get there. But I’m going to make him work for it.”
Ms. Jackson sparkled out W-H-A-T-H-A-V-E-Y-O-U-D-O-N-E-F-O-R-M-E-L-A-T-E-L-Y.
It was the best laugh I’d had all day.
I took a break from Archibald Manning and started outlining an idea I had for the new game Steve and I wanted to develop. I was almost ready to stop for the evening when my phone chimed with a text on the group chat with Steve and Felix.
Steve
@Cal, are you back in town?
Yep
Steve
Drinks?
Fuck, yes
Felix
Henry’s in an hour? We want the lowdown on all the supernatural happenings
Sure. And you are not going to believe this shit
Steve
And yet, we probably will
Greg told me his initial assumptions about me were wrong, and he “wants to make a go of it”
Felix
WHAT???
See you at Henry’s!
There was probably some rule forbidding telling people who weren’t magic carriers about... everything. But I’d already told Steve and Felix most of the fuckery that’d gone down last week, and I trusted them not to tell anyone else.
After a lengthy Q&A session with Ms. Jackson, I left the TV on with the most recent season of American Idol streaming. Then I left to meet the guys at Henry’s.
Steve and Felix were sitting at a booth near the bar, so I dodged the hostess and headed over. Their faces lit up when they saw me, and I felt myself tearing up a little.
“Hey,” I said as I sat down next to Steve. “It’s good to see you guys.” My voice was a little quavery on that last bit .
They both frowned at me. Steve put an arm around my shoulders. “Stressful week, or do we need to commit violence on a certain magical pet resort owner?”
The server came by and dropped off three margaritas. I leaned into Steve. “You guys are the best.”
Felix slid my margarita over. “Is everything just hitting you now, or is it the Greg stuff that’s bothering you?”
I shook my head. “The whole thing. It’s been a lot to take in. That guy died on Monday. I had to talk about what happened with my mom and the visions. And I found out Greg’s childhood wasn’t too great either. It’s been a lot.”
Steve squeezed me tighter. “I’ll say. Well, here’s hoping things will get a little easier for you.” He picked up his margarita with his free hand and we all clinked glasses.
I took a hefty swallow of my drink, then I smiled at my friends. A ball of stress I’d barely been aware of loosened in my gut. “Fuck, I’m glad to see you.”
Steve leaned his head into mine. “Do you want to tell us about it, or do you just want to bask in the glow of our presence and we’ll discuss stupid crap instead?”
“Nah, I need to tell you guys. Plus you can help me decide what to do about Greg.”
Felix flagged down the server. “Three more of these, please. Plus a bowl of queso and chips.” After she left he turned back and smiled. “Now we’re prepared.”
So I started talking. I walked them through what’d happened Monday with the Wonders, then going to TWIST on Tuesday. I left a few things out, like details of Greg’s family life and anything to do with Ms. Jackson. But I did tell them how Greg said I was worth being with after all .
Steve and Felix were wide-eyed through the entire story, sipping their drinks and eating chips and queso without interrupting me with questions.
When I finally stopped talking, Steve shook his head. “That’s... wow. I don’t know how I’d feel if I was suddenly joined at the hip for life with some stranger.”
I snorted. “I don’t really know how to feel either. But at least I’m not having any withdrawal symptoms or whatever Greg’s mom was saying would happen when he and I are apart. And this isn’t the important issue right now anyway. I should be worrying about stopping these fog monsters.”
Felix drained his margarita and set the glass down on the table. “Agreed, but you have the night off. Plus, Steve and I can’t help you with the scary fog people stuff, cause, you know, not magical.” He waved a hand between himself and Steve.
I nodded. “Not expecting you to. It’s helping that you listen to me spill my guts.”
“Anytime,” he said. “But I have questions about this Greg situation.”
“Go for it.” I picked up my own margarita and sucked it down. I should probably stick with water for a while.
He leaned over the table. “Let’s say we understand how he could’ve freaked out and made crappy decisions and pushed you away due to his anxiety. But.” He held up a finger. “Did you believe him when he said he was attracted to you?”
Fuck. I blew out a breath. The server was walking by, so I flagged her down and ordered a plate of nachos, some guacamole, and another round of margaritas. I could have water on the side .
Then I looked at Felix. “I don’t know. I think so? I mean, I wasn’t getting anything through our connection that felt like he was lying, but he’s had a lot more experience with using magic than I have, so he could’ve been manipulating what he was sending me.”
“Hang on,” Steve interjected. “What does it feel like? The connection, I mean.”
“It’s like... you’re sitting on the couch with someone. You’re not looking at them, but you know if you turn your head they’re right there.” I frowned. “And he’s getting closer. Great. Now I can tell how far away he is from me.” My frown turned to a scowl. “He’s definitely moving in this direction.”
Fortunately our drinks and food arrived, so Felix and Steve were distracted while I digested this new ability. It could’ve been there all along, but Greg and I had been in each other’s pockets for days, so I hadn’t noticed.
Felix said. “Alright, so... are you attracted to Greg?”
I froze, the chip full of guacamole dangling from my fingers. Steve swiped it before it could fall.
“I’d say that’s a yes,” Steve told Felix before popping the chip in his mouth.
“I mean, yeah. You’ve seen him. He’s gorgeous. And nice—mostly. He really cares about the Wonders.”
Felix narrowed his eyes at me. “Objectively, yes, Greg is super hot. But is he your type? Because you know dang well the guys you’ve settled for in the past weren’t anyone you would’ve picked if you’d been the one choosing.”
I flushed. A couple of times over the years I’d let my loneliness get the better of me. I wanted what Felix and Steve had with their partners, dammit. But when I went out to meet guys, all I pulled were chubby chasers and bear hunters, or worse, the ones who saw me as a “project” that needed fixing. A couple of them I’d tried to have relationships with, but in the end they weren’t interested in me for me.
Steve leaned an elbow on the table and faced me. “Truth time. If it turns out Greg really is into you, would you do him?”
I looked down at my plate and nodded. “Yeah. In a heartbeat.”
Steve smiled and patted me on the shoulder. “See, that wasn’t so hard.”
Felix said, “I think you should go on a couple of dates with Greg. Test the waters. See if he really acts attracted to you.”
Steve nodded enthusiastically. “Yes. Does he touch you voluntarily? How does he react when you touch him? Is there any—” He pointed at his lap. “—realignment of his bits when you’re around?”
Felix rolled his eyes at Steve and said, “But you can’t let him off the hook too easily for treating you like crap up til now.”
“I second that. We need to figure out how to make him grovel!” Steve high-fived Felix before throwing his arm back around my shoulders and kissing the side of my head. “You deserve to be treated like a prince, Cal. Flowers, candy, blow jobs, everything.”
I shook my head at them, but I was smiling. I was so glad I’d come out tonight.
“Uh oh,” said Felix. But he grinned, his eyes darting between me and the front door of the restaurant. “Greg’s here. He’s with Malcolm, Craig, and Foster.” He toasted me with his margarita. “And he saw Steve lay that kiss on you.”