Chapter Twenty-One
Fox
No one ever grows up dreaming of one day sitting in an office staring at four computer screens, watching stocks and shares lines go up and down. What we dreamed of was being happy and fulfilled. But the sad truth of it was, money helped us get there.
I stood up and stretched. I’d achieved very little in the two hours I’d been at my desk. I took my journal out of my briefcase. As I dropped it onto my desk, it opened to the last page I’d been writing.
Money makes the world go round
In circles, a never-ending chase
We follow it blindly
And never think to stop
To smell the flowers, breathe the air
Money drives us and life passes us by.
I could hear Haze’s voice in my head: Very deep for someone who’s never had fewer than six digits in their bank balance.
She was right. Money was as much a part of who I was as my blond hair and size-fourteen feet.
And I needed it to be happy. I wasn’t so lacking in self-awareness I couldn’t see that.
We’d built a life for ourselves that required a constant stream of cash to keep it going.
It was another reason I needed to find my way back to top form. Astute, informed decisions.
Fresh air and lunch. That should reset me enough to manage to make progress this afternoon.
I walked back from the local deli gripping a flaccid salad.
It was the healthiest remaining option post–lunchtime rush.
I stared down at it. A soggy, unappetizing mess.
Is that what Haze would be calling me right now?
Was she wishing she’d stuck with her junk-food ex, Danny?
Seeing the cocky man with whom she’d once shared a bed, was that making her notice how broken I now was?
Whiny git.
That’s what Haze would be saying if she could hear me. I wanted to beat myself up. Kick some sense into myself. What could I do to make me feel like a man again? To make me forget about impending death and just live life?
I turned the corner and came face-to-face with the answer.