Chapter Seventy-Three
Haze
Finally, we could breathe easy. We had convinced Norwood we were just a quirky couple with a sideline in bad men. Independent contractors with no interest in branching out. The hit on us was officially off. We were leaving each other to it. A respectful truce.
Now, I could soak up stares, knowing they were filled with disdain or admiration and not deadly intent.
Green-coat woman might be thinking I was a slum mum spoiling my child and her teeth, but what did she know of what we’d been through this week?
I’d realized it didn’t matter how your parenting looked to others; it was all about what you did when no one was watching.
Bells “Bullshit” Brightley had reminded me of that.
It didn’t matter if friends, strangers, or three million followers thought of you a certain way; the truth was what was between you and your family. That was it.
We were out in the park en famille. Apparently, despite my French genes, my accent was still “embarrassingly shit.” Thanks, Jen.
It was a beautiful day. Our sunglasses were on.
Bibi was on Fox’s shoulders, while Reggie was strapped to me in a papoose.
Sausage was circling us, his tail wagging.
We passed by a couple who smiled at us as they walked hand in hand.
We were the picture-perfect family, and we knew it.
Last night, Reggie had, for the first time, slept through the night. I’d bounced out of bed this morning. The end was in sight. Sleep was back on the table.
Drake was back in Belgium. He’d been in touch: a vague message about when he was next in town and whether he could come to see us.
I had low expectations. It was a good place to start from.
He hadn’t exactly inserted himself into my life smoothly.
Fox had been pretty relaxed about how Drake had been happy to let him die in Ivrea.
He said he’d kind of understood, as if had Bibi had a husband whom he thought was endangering her, he’d have done the same.
There was some common ground we could all meet on: killing was acceptable when it came to protecting your children.
Fox set Bibi down, and she began chasing a pigeon, laughing. He squeezed my hand.
Parenting wasn’t easy. We were still winging it.
Learning on the job. But if our kids ended up fucked up, we could at least look them in the eye and say we’d done everything we could and then some.
Yes, one may have been briefly kidnapped by a dodgy grandfather.
But no one is perfect. We always had the best of intentions, and we were doing all we could to not let them down.
It was a good pep talk to remember. “Look, baby, we might not make every ballet recital, but if you ever get taken, we will always get you back.”
We had to keep everything in perspective. And if we could survive getting in the crosshairs of a violent international gang and getting blown up, we could raise a happy, functioning family.
Life throws all kind of shit at you, and we’re all bombarded with ways to make it better.
Ways to heal. But the self-help we needed, that really Fox needed, didn’t come from books, affirmations, meditation, or dodgy therapists.
And certainly not from that bloody motorbike.
It came from within and reigniting that killer instinct.
Believing in ourselves. Believing in our skills.
Killers.
Parents.
We were doing our best at being both. We could do it. We were doing it.
“Could you ever live abroad?” Fox was looking at me.
“Why?”
“I used to think England would be our home forever.” Fox looked around the park. “But I think I’d be okay with moving. Starting somewhere new.”
I waited to see how I felt. I didn’t hate what he was saying.
He kept going. “Look at how far we’ve come since Bibi was born. We’ve been through so much. And what’s happened? We’ve adapted, every time. We’re pretty good at this.”
He was right. I thought back to our first few months here. The abject horror I’d felt at the suburban life we’d signed up for. And now look at us. Just last week, I’d told off Fox for not counting out the plastic bags he was returning to Ocado.
We were used to always feeling like we never really belonged. In that respect, being ex-pats wouldn’t make us feel any different.
I knew why Fox was asking. The Corporation might be through with us, but we’d had a glimpse of the underworld that was ticking along beneath us. Who else was down there? Who else was going to one day worry we were competition?
We thought we were just a couple with a little sideline. We’d flirted with the dark side, killed men in cold blood, and thought we could escape the bigger world it was all a part of. We’d been wrong. You didn’t get to make the occasional foray into darkness and come out unscathed.
We’d believed we could live our dream of playing nice in the suburbs, keeping the criminals off the perfectly cut grass.
But it was only ever a matter of time before our two lives collided.
The marked line in the ground had long gone.
It had been gone even before Bibi walked in on me covered in blood.
We were known entities now. People out there knew about us and what we did.
What if they came knocking? The Corporation might be the biggest organization out there, but it wasn’t the only one.
If anyone came after us, our family was at risk.
That’s what it came down to. We were all in this together, and no matter how much we tried to keep them apart from it, we couldn’t.
We could live anywhere and be happy as long as we had each other. Life here worked for the moment, but if it didn’t, we could pack up and leave. Perfect houses, schools, galleries, jobs, victims…They were all replaceable.
Family wasn’t. Family came first.
We weren’t bound to a place. We were bound to each other.
And that was as comforting and delightful as it was downright terrifying.
“You okay?” Fox looked over at me as I stroked Reggie’s head.
“Just peachy.” I reached for him with my other hand. “You’re right. Together we can do anything.”
He kissed the top of my head. “Lucky that we’ll never be apart.”
Bibi squealed as she came running back to us at full pelt and flung her arms around my leg. It wasn’t luck that kept us together. It was hard work, determination, a whole lot of love, and a whole lot of enjoying making bad men bleed. What could ever tear us apart?