Chapter Three Carden
Carden stumbled into his studio when it was still dark outside. He stripped quickly and messily and then fell into bed. As he burrowed into the cold sheets, well-fucked and tired, he half mourned that he had to leave Marius’ soft, warm body in his soft and warm hotel bed.
Thinking about Marius was no good. No matter that the guy could fuck like a porn star. No matter that Carden had never felt so cared for and used—in a good way—and come so fucking hard before in his life.
Marius was a singer in an up-and-coming band, and Carden had been a one-night stand and nothing more.
Everyone knew you didn’t go around mooning over a guy you fucked once.
Especially if that guy was going places and you were…
not. Because Carde was not going places. He could barely afford food and rent.
He sighed and buried his face in his pillow.
Fuck. It was just his luck that this had been one of the best fucks in a while, and he would probably never see this guy again.
In a few years, when Marius’ band played stadiums all over the world, he would remember this night, and he and Pearl would reminisce about that one time Carden fucked a rock star.
Thinking about it now was kind of depressing.
He sent Pearl a text that he got home safely and then closed his eyes. Sleep came soon after.
◆◆◆
“So, you went home with a singer,” Adam said as soon as Carden opened the door. He was only wearing his boxers, which he had hastily pulled on before he opened the door. The ringing had been too insistent to ignore.
Carden groaned and ran a hand through his hair. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m bringing gifts,” Adam said, holding up a bag. It smelled like baked goods. Carden stepped aside and let Adam in. He had barely any food in the fridge or cupboards, so this was welcome, and it smelled divine. He could trade those delicious pastries for last night’s exploits. Gladly, even.
“Thank you.”
“I like to feed people,” Adam replied, shrugging.
Carden went about making tea for them both. He didn’t mind drinking tea in the mornings with Adam, who pretty much always drank tea.
Adam put the bag on the small counter that separated his living room/bedroom from the small kitchenette.
“You haven’t done anything with this apartment since you moved in,” Adam said, looking around.
“I hope I won’t be here long,” Carden replied as he put teabags into mismatched mugs. He didn’t want to put effort into a place he wanted to leave as soon as possible.
“It’s depressing, really.”
“Well, we both know I can’t afford better now,” Carden said with a bit of bite in his tone.
He poured water into the mugs once it boiled and set the mugs on the counter.
Took a deep breath too for good measure.
It wasn’t Adam’s fault he was a mess right now.
Adam was and always has been a good friend.
“Thanks. I didn’t mean it like that, and you know it. You used to make every space your own. The dorm room your first semester was full of your personality. The place we shared briefly too. Even the place you shared with your asshole ex.”
Carden made a face. “Maybe I’m tired of making something my own that doesn’t last.” He pulled the bag with pastries closer and selected a vanilla and cherry Danish. It was his favorite. Adam took one as well; they had breakfast in silence.
“So, you went home with a singer? Is it true what they say about singers?”
“What do they say about singers?” Carden asked.
“That they have great breath control?” Adam answered with a grin.
Carden could feel himself flush at the memory of Marius eating him out. God, he loved rimming, but his ex had disliked doing it, so having Marius indulge like that…fuck, just thinking about it made his cock perk up.
Adam’s grin widened. “Ha, it is true.”
“He was a good fuck,” Carden said.
“Good?”
“Oh, well, excellent. Ten out of ten, would do him again.” He took a sip of his tea.
“Are you going to see him again? If he was that amazing, surely you are.” Adam wanted to know. His piercing blue eyes were lined in black. Marius’ eyes had been lined in black too. Not thinking about the hot rock star anymore. That was done and in the past.
“Nah,” he said, shaking his head. “He was just a guy I met in a club. I mean, I just broke up with my boyfriend of a year, so I want to play around.”
“You guys broke up months ago, and good riddance too,” Adam said. “Besides, you haven’t been playing around since it happened.”
Carden took another sip of his tea. He couldn’t tell Adam that Kevin had reached out a few times and that every time Carden had been tempted to answer his phone to hear what he had to say.
Adam didn’t think Kevin was good for him or a good person in general.
And when Carden was being real with himself, he knew that Adam was right.
“He’s not from here.”
“Pearl said they are local,” Adam replied.
“When the hell did you have time to talk to Pearl?” Carden wondered.
“This morning, I ran into her at the bakery,” Adam answered, shrugging.
“Well, they are on tour, and local doesn’t mean they live in this city, does it?”
“So, you don’t want to see him again?” Adam asked.
Carden shrugged. “It probably won’t happen.”
“That is not the same as not wanting to see him again. You like this guy?”
“I barely know this guy. We danced, we fucked. We barely talked. I didn’t stay the night.”
“But it was good sex?” Adam pressed.
“I already told you that yes, it was. But good sex isn’t everything. He is going to be a rock star soon. I mean, I’m waiting for the fucking moment I walk into a café and they are playing a Citizen Clash song. Waiting for the moment they’re on billboards. You know what I mean?”
“Oh,” Adam said and then pulled out his phone and Googled the band.
“What? You didn’t know what singer I hooked up with?” Carden asked. Even to his own ears, it sounded slightly shocked.
Adam waved it away. “Pearl only said a singer. I thought maybe it was an opening act? She said local. I thought some kids from university that play clubs for beer.” He answered, distracted.
“Hmm… he isn’t your typical type.” He said as he held the phone up to Carden, like Carden didn’t know how the guy looked, he had gold star sex with last night.
He nearly rolled his eyes at Adam. The pic was clearly some promo magazine shot.
Marius looked good; the makeup was perfect, and the hair too.
He was wearing a black button-down shirt and a poison green tie.
“He looks good,” Carden said, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Yes, he does. He has a sweet face, with just enough wicked in his eyes. But, Carden, you go for the put-together, older guys who look like they could be on the cover of Forbes or GQ.”
“Not always,” Carden said, but it was kind of true what Adam had said.
He usually did find himself attracted to those kinds of men.
Someone who could provide stability, emotionally and financially.
Not that Kevin did a great job of the emotions part.
In fact, he sucked at that. Made Carden feel afraid and mentally ill.
“Anyhow, I am not interested in a relationship right now anyway,” Carden said.
Adam gave him a look. “Okay.”
“I appreciate you coming over and interrogating me about my sex life, Adam, but I think we are done with this topic now.”
“I’m not worried about your sex life,” Adam said gently. “I’m kind of worried about your emotional state.”
“I’m not in the greatest place right now, but I’m not in the worst place either.
Pearl was right. It did me a world of good to go out last night.
To dance and drink and have excellent sex.
I might even be able to work on that fucking assignment I have to finish.
” The canvas was still blank, but he wanted to rectify that as soon as possible.
Maybe he could put down the base layer at least this week.
“Okay, but call me if you need to talk. Or Pearl. I don’t care.”
“Shouldn’t you be home in bed or drizzling chocolate sauce on one of your boyfriends?”
“Is that your not-so-subtle way to tell me to get lost?” Adam asked.
“Maybe? I do thank you for the breakfast, Adam.” Carden replied. He was grateful that Adam cared enough to check on him. He was also a bit tired and wanted to be alone. His fingers itched for a pen and paper, maybe his brushes and a canvas. Painting or drawing always calmed his mind.
“You were there for me when I was freaking out about this rather strong dominant side of mine. And you were there when I was freaking out about hooking up with Sebastian Winter.”
“You were never really freaking out about that, Adam. You were head over heels for your men from day one.”
“I was crushing hard on two celebrities,” Adam corrected.
“I’m not crushing, Adam. It was a one-night stand.”
“Okay. If you say so. Just saying that I am now wise in the ways of dating a celebrity, if you should ever need any tips.”
“I’m not going to date the singer of Citizen Clash, Adam, Jesus.” Because he was fucking not. Why would Marius even want to be with someone like him?
“Okay,” Adam said again, finished his tea, and then got up. “I will leave you alone now. So you can go back to sleep. My job is done.”
“What was your job again?”
“To feed you and see if you need someone to talk to,” Adam replied. “It’s also called being a good friend.”
Carden stood and walked around the small counter. “I want a hug.”
Adam smiled and opened his arms. Carden inhaled Adam’s familiar scent as Adam’s arms closed around him. He gave the best hugs. Hands down.
Adam kissed his forehead, and Carden stepped away. “Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it,” Adam replied.
◆◆◆
When he took out his acrylics, it wasn’t his own face that was at the forefront of his mind. It was Marius’.