Chapter 28
Spencer
I wake up, startled, the tail end of my own snoring jostling me from my deep slumber. I wipe the corner of my mouth where the drool has dried. Sniffing with all my might, I try to suck in oxygen through my nostrils, but they’re far too stuffy.
“Ow.” I wince as I try to sit up. My arms are stiff, my torso made of lead. Every bone in my body has pins and needles stabbing through the marrow. I got hit by a full-speed train, masquerading as the flu.
I want to sink back into the pillow and let the world go dark again, but…
Wait! Shit!
I glance through the blinds, not even a streak of sunshine is visible. It’s motherfucking dark out! I feel around for my phone but it’s nowhere in sight. Summertime in Las Vegas, the sun doesn’t disappear until after eight, meaning I left Charlie at school. Tears form in my dry, stinging eyes.
Oh my God. Oh my God. I kick my legs off the bed, hoping my body will catch up.
Unfortunately, my panic-induced adrenaline doesn’t override the severity of my flu symptoms. The room spins as the nausea overwhelms me.
I try to grab on to something so I don’t fall over, but the lamp on the nightstand is even less sturdy than me.
I topple to the ground, bringing the lamp down on top of me.
The light bulb shatters against the nightstand drawer, shards falling onto my head.
“The fuck?” Nathan shouts, magically appearing in the doorway. “I was gone for two minutes. What happened?”
I try to sit up, but before I can fail again, Nathan’s thick, firm bicep is supporting my neck. “Charlie,” I say. Her name comes out like a feeble croak. I pat my throat aggressively and try again. “I left Charlie at school.” I force out the words, setting my throat on fire.
“I picked up Charlie from school, remember?”
I shake my head.
“Yeah, not a surprise. You’re probably still high as a kite off medicine. I did not realize NyQuil was like ten percent alcohol when I gave you that double dose.”
“You asshat,” I shout. Moaning in pain, I cradle my raw throat.
“You see?” Nathan asks, wearing that stupid smirk. “That’s what you get for shouting at the man who has been your bedside nurse for the past ten hours.”
I try to roll my eyes, but I can’t even muster the strength to show Nathan how annoying he is. “Where is she?”
“I put her in the main house for tonight. She’s on her iPad right now. She ate. She already took a shower. Hair, braided. Teeth, brushed. I checked her homework but I don’t know when the hell sixth-grade algebra got so complicated. I had to take her word that she did it right.”
I smile. “Good. Now bring her home.”
“You’re too sick and contagious, Spencer. Charlie’s safe from your germs in the main house.”
Great. Charlie’s going to infest Nathan’s home like bedbugs. Once she’s in, there’s no getting her out.
“Then why are you here braving my germs?” I peer at his bare chest and realize how sick I am. I must be delirious if I didn’t immediately notice his hard chest and perfectly sculpted abs. “And why are you shirtless?”
“Risking it,” he says nonchalantly. “And you soaked through my shirt.”
“What do you mean I soaked through it?” Dread sweeps over me. Please say sweat, please, please for the love of God say sweat.
“Your fever is so high you’re sweating,” he explains.
Oh, thank God. “You held me?”
“Through thick and thin. And by thick and thin, I’m describing all the logs you were sawing.” He flashes me a devilish smile. “You’ve got some pipes on you. That was impressive snoring.”
I’m too wiped to be anything other than relieved. My sister is safe. I’m alive…for now. And Nathan handled everything.
I bury my head in the crevice where his muscular arm meets his strong chest. I’m sure if I could smell anything, he’d smell amazing. I hum in appreciation when he wraps his arms around me, cuddling me close. “Go away.”
He strokes my damp hair, completely unbothered. “That is the literal definition of mixed signals.”
I turn my head and peck his bare chest with hot, dry lips. “I hate you.”
His chest bounces lightly as he chuckles. “Still going.”
“Seriously, thank you. For taking care of Charlie.” I wince again.
He scoops me up, managing to go from his knees, to his feet, without faltering, lifting my dead weight. I try to flex my stomach as if that could make me seem lighter, but I’ve apparently lost control over my limbs. Nathan lays me gently on the bed.
“Did you hit your head when you fell?”
“No. But I broke your lamp. I’m sorry.”
“That’s okay, I’ll add it to your bill.” He taps my nose, then scrunches his.
Why is he so playful and cheery? I think he’s enjoying helpless Spencer way too much.
He did say he liked to be needed. I definitely need him now.
I don’t know what I would’ve done if Charlie and I lived alone.
Would I have woken up if she called me from school?
Could I even drive? I’m not sure if the room is spinning because I’m that ill, or if I’m drunk from my so-called nurse overdosing me.
Nathan secures the covers up to my chin. “There you go. Cozy?”
I nod. I’m thankful for the comforter blocking out the room-temperature air that feels like ice at the moment. “May I have something to drink?”
“Of course. How about some broth?”
“Ice water, please.” I want to douse out the fire in my throat.
“I want you to try to eat something. You already don’t eat enough, and now you’re so weak you can barely keep your eyes open.”
“Just water.”
“ Spencer. Just a couple sips of soup. It’ll make you feel better.”
I summon all the strength in my body to roll my eyes. It wasn’t my pupils’ finest performance, but it gets the job done. “Fine. Where’s my phone? I’ll DoorDash some ice water.”
That should’ve made him laugh, instead a dark flicker of agitation crosses his face. “In the kitchen, charging.”
I glance to my side and see the empty charging dock on the nightstand. If he thinks I’m too sick to be suspicious, he wildly misjudged me. “Why?”
“Your phone was going off. A lot. ” There’s a sharp edge to his tone I don’t appreciate. “I didn’t want it to wake you.”
“Bullshit.”
Nathan lifts his brows, like he’s surprised I used a curse word. He sits down near my feet. “Not bullshit. Want to know who was incessantly texting you?”
I wrack my fuzzy brain and can’t come up with anyone who would cause this reaction. “Who?”
“Your ex.” He presses his lips together before sucking them in. It’s like he’s trying to swallow down a more serious reaction. “I handled it.”
“What do you mean you handled it?”
Nathan huffs in disbelief, surprised I’m put off by his possessive behavior. “I told him you were sick, didn’t want to talk to him, and you never wanted him to contact you again.”
“ As me ?” Oh, screw my aching throat. I’m about to get shouty.
“So?” he asks. “He stole from you, Spencer. He disrespected you. He used Charlie. You’re done with him. Why are you upset? I did you a favor.”
With great strain, I wrench myself up to a sitting position. I hold up my thumb. “You took my phone. Red flag. ” I straighten my pointer finger. “You texted my ex, pretending to be me? Red flag. ”
“After everything I’ve done for you and your sister, this is all I ask: Don’t talk to other men while you’re living in my home. It’s a slap in the face.”
“Have you lost your goddamn mind?”
“What?” he snaps.
“You’re leveraging your generosity to control who I’m allowed to talk to?” My middle finger joins my other two outstretched digits. “That’s a red flying billboard in the sky, pulled by a fucking blimp. Not okay. I’ll talk to whoever I want.”
Nathan narrows his eyes. “So you’re still in touch with Jesse?”
“Shouldn’t you know? Were you reading through all my text messages while I was sleeping?”
“No. But it’s my responsibility to make sure you don’t?—”
“Stop!” I shriek. “I’m not your responsibility. You’re my overly flirty boss who gets pleasure from tossing me around like a beanbag in a cornhole game. Back and forth, back and forth . You’re overbearing.”
Grunting out of exasperation, he throws his hands in the air. “Isn’t that what women want? A protective guy?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose, feeling my throbbing headache between my eyes. “Only if your intentions are pure.”
His fist lands on his thigh. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“I might be able to forgive your boneheaded move of invading my privacy , if it’s coming from a place of jealousy.
People do stupid shit when they really like someone.
But do you? Do you want me? Or is it just fun to keep me dangling at the end of your pole?
You said you’re a catch-and-keep kind of guy, but I don’t feel kept. ”
“You don’t feel kept? I adopted you into my home. My company overpays you. I put those diamonds in your ears. I watched multiple episodes of The Baby-Sitters Club with your sister. You don’t see what’s going on here?”
“Then how come after you spent the night, you pumped the brakes? Is it… Did you see something you didn’t want to see? Are you not attracted to me but wish you were?”
He grabs my feet under the blanket, squeezing gently. “Spencer, it’s not like that.”
“Then what is it?” I curse myself as the tears escape the corners of my eyes. They are hot tears of fatigue—half from this constant push and pull with my boss, half from the flu that’s equally as tormenting. “Is this all about Elise? You’re not over her?”
He releases my foot. Ducking his head, he peers up at me with a new look. A look of disdain. If I weren’t already sitting, this very look would seat me, sending chills down my spine. And I know I’ve made a mistake in bringing her up.
“Who told you about Elise?”
I shake my head. “You did. You said at House of Blues that night there was an abrupt end to your relationship. Dawn mentioned her name, but didn’t tell me anything else.” I swallow the painful lump in my throat. “Did she hurt you? Because if you’re not ready to talk about it–”
“You’re right,” he says. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
I let the thick silence between us fill the room, because I’m scared to ask for clarification. I went too far. I pushed too much. But then again, so did he.
He finally continues, “I think maybe you’re right about everything. I’m leading you on to nowhere. I’m not ready for this. I want to be…but I’m not.”
“What?” Except I know what. The weighted words can only mean one thing.
“Not today. Not this week. But when you’re feeling better, I’ll help you look for nice a place to live. Don’t worry about money. I’ll take care of all of it. But this…you here… I can’t do it.” He shrugs in defeat.
Well, I found his self-destruct button. A giant red button with the word “Elise” in big, white block letters.
It was so shiny and inviting, I couldn’t help but press it.
If I had the strength, I’d pack my shit this instant.
Or, maybe I’d leave it all behind. I should be getting used to fresh starts by now.
“Fine. As soon as I’m not contagious, I’ll call my friends.” I wouldn’t even have to ask. Lennox would put us up in a heartbeat. That’ll buy me some time to figure out my next move. New home. New job.
“I just said there’s no rush.”
“You know what? My mistake.”
Remorse overtakes his face. “Look, I’m sorry. Maybe I need to cool down, and we can talk when I’m?—”
“No, I meant, my mistake . When I told you I was done with you, I should’ve stayed done. I won’t make the error twice. Get the fuck out.”
He opens his mouth like he’s ready to protest. Nathan could easily make the argument that this is his house. But something stops him. He clamps his jaw shut and stands. Staring at the broken light bulb, he says, “I’m going to go get the vacuum and clean that up. I don’t want you cutting your feet.”
“I know where the vacuum is. And I don’t want your help.” Lying down flat, I pull the covers over my head. I hold my breath, waiting to hear the sound of a door slamming, but I don’t. Nathan treads silently through the guesthouse and there’s only a soft click as the front door closes.
I normally can’t sleep when I’m angry. Unresolved fights like this keep me up at all hours of the night. But tonight, the flu is my friend. I’m too weak to think, too tired to care, too hurt for hope. I let my ailment pull me into a deep slumber, falling asleep to the sound of Mom’s voice.
I’m here, baby. Don’t cry. I’m right here. You’re going to be okay, kiddo. You’ll survive this one too. I love you.
Tears stream down my cheeks. I weep shamelessly, shielded by my blanket cave. I know it’s not real. Tomorrow I’ll be strong. I’ll rebuild everything. But tonight, in my dreams…
I let myself break.