Chapter 62
CHAPTER
SIXTY-TWO
The early morning sun filters through the curtains, but that isn’t what wakes me. The rigid cock burrowing into my back and the hand draped between my thighs are far more distracting than the rising sun.
“Elijah, do you have an issue with wandering hands?”
“Hmm?” he grunts.
“Because every time we fall asleep together, I somehow wake up with your hand between my legs, and I’m starting to wonder if that’s how you keep yourself warm.”
He rocks his hips, stretching his long body beside me, and makes no effort to move his hand. “Huh?” he asks.
I peer over my shoulder, brow arched, meeting his sleep-laden gaze and messy hair. He looks groggy, and it’s absurdly cute.
“Your hand, Elijah. Are you planning to keep it down there?” He glances down, eyes widening, but he doesn’t move it. A small smirk plays across his lips as his expression smooths.
“It seems now would be a great time to finish where we left things the other day,” he says, his voice husky, and my interest is piqued.
I tug on his wrist, resting his hand on my hip, and turn to face him. “We have to have a conversation about what’s happening between us, Elijah.”
His face goes ghostly pale; it’s almost comical how quickly he jumps to worst-case scenarios. Almost.
“Y-yeah, of course. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”
I roll my eyes, clamping a hand over his mouth. “Stop it. I want to be with you in all the ways. We just have to chat about it first.”
He flicks his tongue over my palm, and I pull back, cringing. “Disgusting.”
He chuckles, his hand climbing higher to rest at the centre of my back as he tugs me to his chest. “Is this the part where you confess your unending love for me?”
My heart stutters. “Something like that,” I whisper, and all humour fades from his mossy gaze.
“Well, if that’s the case, then let me say it first.” He presses his forehead to mine, and if it weren’t for that grounding touch, I think I might pass out.
“I’ve never felt like this with anyone else,” he starts, and my breaths turn shallow.
“I’ve never known what it was like to experience such high highs and low lows, worrying what might happen to you or where our futures might lead us.
But I also know I’d never want the alternative. ”
He drags in an unsteady breath that matches the alarming rhythm of my heart before continuing, speaking words into existence I hadn't realised I'd so desperately needed to hear.
“I would never choose to go back to a life without you in it, without having met the woman that stole my heart and showed me I can still be the caretaker while also taking care of myself, without making it my entire personality.” He presses a kiss to my nose, and I melt into his touch, his words validating the slew of emotions I’ve been unable to name.
“You’ve taught me that I can give without ceding pieces of myself, that I’m worthy of friendships that don’t require me to carry them on my back.
I had to grow up sooner than I probably should have, and there’s so much I’ve never experienced, never even thought I deserved to experience. Until you.”
I swallow around the lump lodged in my throat, his words both a gentle caress and a shot to my heart that he ever believed himself unworthy of the love, safety, and care he gives so freely to everyone else.
“I have nothing to compare it to, and I’m certain I’ll get it wrong over and over again, but I’ve fallen hard for you, Adhira Shah, and I want to spend every day learning what love looks like for us.”
Warmth floods my chest. With trembling hands, I reach up to grasp the sides of his neck, squeezing my eyes shut for a moment to clear the tears from my vision.
“You are all the good parts of every day and every situation, Elijah Elliott. I’ve never felt anything beyond platonic love before, but I absolutely experience more with you.
” I exhale a shaky breath, relief washing over me as I admit my feelings aloud, even as I work them out myself.
I just need to be in remission before I give this final piece of my heart to him. I care about him, love him, even—God, I’m certain I bloody love him. But I can’t promise him a future if I don’t have one to offer.
“I just need some time to sort out what kind of future I can even give you.”
His eyes expand, searching my face for any hint of a lie, and when he finds none, seeing sincerity reflected in my gaze, he releases a heavy breath.
“Thank you,” he whispers, his rough voice thick with emotion. “I’ll wait as long as you need me to, Adhira.” A small smile curves his lips, lighting me up from the inside. “And Adhira?”
“Yes?”
The pad of his thumb is a featherlight caress over my lower lip as he whispers, “I love you, sweetheart.”
My heart stutters, and emotion strangles me as he stares into my eyes.
“Thank you,” I murmur back. I hadn’t known how badly I’d needed that confirmation until he’d said it—needed to know he’d wait for me to be ready, and that he loves me enough to say it without knowing if I ever will.
It sounds simple enough, but with a future I can’t guarantee him and a lifetime spent sending me curveballs, he is my constant.
I move my leg over his hip, unintentionally pressing his rigid length to my core. Heat ripples through my centre.
His expression smooths, a dimple deepening in his cheek, and he must read the shift in my expression because he says, “Now—” He smirks. “Can we talk about the sex?”
A laugh bursts from my lips. I reach around and pinch his arse, which only widens his smile. “Ah yes, the sex.”
His expression sobers, but he remains relaxed, muscles loose, and his jaw no longer locked the way it had been when we first met.
“As you’re well aware, I’m a virgin. I always assumed that was down to a lack of time, but the more I’ve fallen for you, the more I’ve realised I am one horny bastard for you.
” My chest shakes with laughter. “I think if I’d been even half as horny in my early twenties as I am around you, I’d have found the time. I think it’s just you.”
I love that we're always on the same wavelength.
“I can confidently say the same. I’ve had sex a few times with people I had no emotional connection with, and it sucked. But your hand slips between my thighs while we’re sleeping, and I wake up drenched.”
His eyes spark at that, a mischievous grin twisting his lips. He trails his hand down my spine, over my hip, and dips the tips of his fingers beneath the hem of the shirt that's ridden up.
“Can I find out? For research purposes, of course,” he rasps.
“Of course.” My smirk grows as he nudges his fingers lower, my arousal coating them.
His head falls back, a pained look crossing his face as a groan flies past his lips. “I really shouldn’t have done that,” he whispers. “Now that I know, it’s going to be so bloody difficult to think straight while we have this conversation.”
“I think the talking part is just about over,” I murmur, pressing his hand more firmly against my centre. “We can take everything as slow as either of us needs, checking in frequently and communicating what we like and what we don’t.”
A worry I haven’t voiced rises to the surface, and suddenly I feel very exposed.
“You’re biting your lip. What’s going on?”
My gaze flicks to his. “What if I don’t enjoy sex, even with you, and I can’t pleasure you the way you need?”
He shakes his head.
“Sweetheart, I’ve been thriving for years with nothing but my hand, deliciously good books, and my imagination. I’d rather have any pieces of yourself you’re willing to give me than sex with anyone else. I just need you. Only ever you.”
My heart settles, the sincerity of his words vibrating through me. “Do you wanna try now?”
His eyes widen. “Your parents are here…”
“Then you’d better be quiet, princess,” I whisper, my lip quirking in a taunting smirk.