Chapter 3
Three
Melissa
The silence tonight isn’t peaceful, it’s unnerving.
It’s been three days since I’ve seen any sign of Deke or any of his little cronies.
The naive part of me wants to think I haven’t seen any of them because they’ve just given up now that they know I have nothing to give them, but the realist in me knows that the only reason I haven’t seen them is because they are just biding their time.
They are waiting for the perfect time to terrorize me.
If only they knew that the waiting was more torturous than the actual confrontation.
Slowly, I make my way through the house, making sure all the lights are turned off and there are no fires on the stove. I do this every night before I go in and make one last check on Tyler. Thankfully, the doctor was able to take him off the respirator.
Tyler is a resilient kid. It’s not the first time he’s had to endure having a tube down his throat, and thanks to his condition, I’m sure it won’t be the last. All I can do is be grateful for the little victories.
Tonight, he’s breathing soundly.
I make my way into his bedroom and look down at my sleeping child.
I gulp down the frog in my throat. I’m so proud to be his mother.
So proud that even though we’ve got a shit deal when it comes to his health, this little boy is all mine.
I didn’t have much time with Thomas, but I’m sure he’d be just as in love with his son as I am.
It’s late by the time I pull myself away from the doorway of my son’s room.
My joints hurt. I spent most of the day cleaning up and making sure the house was as dust free as I could get it.
Tyler doesn’t do well around dirt and grime.
Not that he cares, but any little thing can send his respiratory system into overdrive.
I’d rather keep him from going back on the respirator as long as possible.
So that’s what I do, spend my days scouring every surface until it’s shiny clean. It’s not the most exciting life, but I’ve already had all the excitement I’ll ever need in my past life.
Slowly, I trudge into my bedroom and get into my night clothes. The darkness in the house nearly envelops me. My body is completely worn out, but my mind refuses to shut off.
I doubt every decision I’ve made. The circumstances that led me to get involved with someone like Deke. The threats. The terror. All of it.
I’ve made quite a few mistakes in my time, but nothing as bad as taking a loan from him. I was desperate, and the desperation nearly destroyed my family.
I take a deep breath and do my best to shut off the chaos inside my mind. It's not like I can take it back now. I'm already living with the consequences.
Shutting my eyes I get comfortable in bed.
Then I hear it.
The sound of steps on dirt.
There's something outside my window. Fear and anxiety rip through me as I roll onto my back and strain to hear better. Maybe it's just an animal or someone walking along the side area. I don't live in the best area and sometimes people walk through the property to get where they want to go.
I'm sure I have nothing to worry about.
That naive part of me assures me but experience has taught me that trusting that part of me nearly always leads to disaster.
I lay in bed for a few more seconds waiting for the sound to go away but when it doesn't I slide out of bed. Staying on my tip toes I make my way out of my room and through the house. I spare a glance in the direction of Tyler's room. It's not him, he's still sound asleep.
My breathing is coming in short tight gasps and I have to remind myself that I have to stay calm.
I look around the space for anything that I can use to protect Tyler and myself but all that I can come up with is a knife from the kitchen.
It'll do little good if the person outside has a gun or something like that. Still it's all I have.
My hand tremble as I reach for one of the sharper knives in the kitchen and slowly continue to make my way to the area where I think the sound is coming from. Instead of using the front door I go around to the back.
As quietly as possible I unhook and slide the double latch I purchased to make me feel more safe in my home. I cringe when the slide lock squeaks as I move it. I have to stay hidden. I don't know what is going to be waiting for me when I open this door. Don't know who's out there.
The cool breeze of the night air wisps against my skin like a whisper as I open the back door and take a step out. My bare feet sink into the untended dirt that is my back yard. I grip the knife in my hold with both hands to keep it from shaking so much.
For a second I think better of what I'm doing. I'm not a fighter. Maybe I should just go back inside and call the cops. ]
No, if I have to wait for the cops to come I'll be waiting until the sun comes up. They don't come in this area very much.
Gathering another bit of courage I continue slowly making my way around the side of my house. I don't blink in fear that I might miss something that could save my life. I don't call out or make any noise. If someone is there I want to catch them by surprise.
Slowly I make my way to the side of the house where I initially heard the sound and peer into the space.
One second my adrenaline is running rampant and I'm gearing up for the fight of a lifetime and in the next I feel like a fool. There's no one here.
It must have just been an animal or more likely just my overly tired brain playing tricks on me.
I drop the knife to my side, my fingers tingle with the feel of it in my hand.
"Get a grip, Liss." I hiss to myself. Tossing my head back I take a long deep breath in through my nose before I can even finish my eyes pop back open and I look in the direction of the window.
That smell. Cigarettes.
I walk deeper into the narrow area on the side of my house and look around.
Cigarette ashes liter the ground and the window sil.
"No, no, no!" I whisper shout into the night air. This shouldn't be here. I cleaned this away this morning. The only way there would be more ashes here is if someone else came back and put them here.
I turn in a big circle, my grip on the knife in my hand getting tighter once again. I don't see anyone here, but there's no question about it, someone was here tonight.
Someone was here watching me...and Tyler.
Completely forgetting my need to stay quiet I dart back into the house, making sure to lock both locks of the back door before I rush into Tyler's room just to make sure he's safe.
I let out a cleansing breath when I see he's still sound asleep in his bed.
The gravity of the situation hits me like a ton of bricks. Someone could've broken in here and hurt him.
Deke knows how much I love my son, and I'm sure whoever he sent over here tonight was meant to scare me into realizing that they are capable of taking the one thing away from me, I can't bear to lose. My child.
My mind swims with all the possibilities of everything that could've gone wrong tonight. This could've been more than someone just trying to scare me.
I'm done being scared. Done being on the victim end of this narrative. It's time for me to take matters into my own hands.
I run a hand over my face and steady myself. Keeping just as quiet as I was when I was outside I walk out of my son's room and into the living room where my laptop is resting on the coffee table. Trading the knife for the computer, I open up the screen and get to googling.
My fingers fly across the keyboard and I do my best trying to find the best ways to protect myself.
Of course there's the normal suggestions that I go to the cops and then there are options for classes I can take for self-defense and even a few rather outlandish options for magic spells I can use to ward off evil.
None of those options are quick enough for me. I need something quick and deadly.
A gun.
I hate that I even have to look at it, but Deke isn't giving me much of a choice. I have to be able to protect myself and my son.
I scroll through the discussion boards and the obvious scam websites, trying to find the best way for me to get a gun quickly. I don't know if I have time to go through the licensing process. It's obvious that whoever is outside isn't going to wait for me to get the proper paperwork in order.
No, I need something quick. Now.
The google search seems to take me in circles and before I know it the sun is threatening to come up and I'm no closer to getting what I want. What I need.
I lean back against the couch, pushing the laptop off my legs and squeeze a hand over the bridge of my nose. I hate that I have to do this. Hate that I've been forced into this situation. If I knew then what I know now, I'd have found a different way to get the money I needed for Tyler.
With a sigh, I let my hands drop.
That's a lie.
I did try every other way, it was impossible.
The truth is, I did everything I could. I begged. I borrowed. I swallowed my pride and knocked on every door that would open, even the ones that slammed shut in my face. And when none of that worked, I went to the devil.
Deke was my last resort. And now, he’s the reason I’m sitting here in the dark, searching for a weapon I barely know how to use, terrified that if I don’t act fast, I’m going to wake up to my son missing or worse.
I curl in on myself, the weight of the night pressing against my chest. My eyes burn. My throat aches. I don’t cry, but I want to.
The truth is, this whole thing might not be about the gun. Maybe it’s about control. About not feeling like prey every time the wind changes direction or a shadow moves too close to the window. Maybe I’m just tired of being scared.
Maybe I just don’t want to feel so damn powerless anymore.
For a second, I let myself wonder if I’m overreacting. If I’m just a single mom spiraling from too much fear and too little rest. But the smell of cigarettes lingers in my nose like poison, and I know better.
This isn’t paranoia.
This isn’t exhaustion.
This is survival.
If it were just me, maybe I could wait it out. Maybe I could let it go. But it’s not just me. It’s Tyler. My son. My heart outside of my body. The only thing in this world that matters.
I drag the laptop back onto my legs and refresh the search results.
It doesn’t matter if I’m scared. It doesn’t matter if I hate guns. I need one.
I need protection.
I need security.
I need the upper hand.
Because someone is out there watching me.
I can feel it in my bones.