Chapter 15
Fifteen
Melissa
I thought I could push him away before I cared too much.
I'm too late.
Light is already deep under my skin.
For the past three nights, I've taken to staying out. I stay at the hospital for as long as the staff will let me, then at night I either walk around the grounds or go to the all night cafeteria, just sipping on a coffee or something.
I want to pretend like it's just because I'm scared that Deke might show up, but there's more to it than that.
I'm also scared that Light might come back around, and I'll have to admit that I need him.
I'm so lost. I don't even know the next step to what I need to do.
Maybe once Tyler is healthy enough, I'll move again.
I hate to do it to him because he only just got used to the place we're living right now, but I don't think I have much of a choice.
According to the time limit that Deke put on me, I only have three more days before he comes back and makes good on his threat. What else can I do.
I'm sure the hospital workers are starting to talk about me. It's not like I'm taking care of myself. My hair is a mess, I'm pretty sure I've got my shirt on backward, and I've been surviving off nothing but coffee. I'm a mess, but at least I can be here with Tyler.
Getting as comfortable as I can, I pull my legs up in the chair and lean my forehead against my knees. I'm so tired. Maybe I can get just a little bit of sleep here.
The world swims somewhere between sleep and waking. It’s quiet. Peaceful in a way hospitals rarely are. The low hum of machines. Tyler’s soft, steady breathing. And then?—
A voice.
Deep. Rough. Familiar.
At first, I think it’s one of the nurses talking softly to Tyler. Some of them do that. They say it helps. Hearing voices they know, reminding them the world’s still waiting.
But this voice isn’t soft. It’s raw. Weathered. Tired in a way that hits my chest.
Then I smell it. Leather. Motor oil. That scent I’ve come to recognize.
Light.
My breath catches in my throat.
I keep my eyes closed. Just for another minute. I don't know why. Maybe I want to hear what he says when he thinks no one’s listening. Maybe I’m afraid that if I move, the moment will disappear.
“I miss you, little man,” he says. His voice is low, tight like it’s being held together by frayed string. “Didn’t think I would. Not like this. But I do.”
There’s a long pause. The creak of the chair as he leans closer. I picture him sitting forward, elbows on his knees, eyes fixed on Tyler.
“You gotta get better soon, alright? Because we got things to do. I found this old busted RC car I’m gonna fix up for you. Maybe we can even go on a ride together. Don’t tell your mom, but I’ll let you sit on the bike. Just for a second. Helmet and all.”
I squeeze my eyes shut tighter. My heart twists.
Light clears his throat, then continues.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t around when you first got sick. Your mom, she’s tough. But she’s been doing this on her own for too long.”
His voice lowers again. I have to strain to hear it.
“If she lets me, I’ll stick around. For good this time. No more bullshit. No more halfway.”
The words knock the breath from my lungs. A tear slips free. I wipe it away quickly and slowly lift my head.
“You always sneak into hospital rooms and pour your heart out to unconscious kids?” I ask. My voice is soft, hoarse from sleep and something else I don't want to name.
Light startles slightly, then turns toward me. There’s no mask on his face. No cocky smirk. Just him. Real. Raw.
“I didn’t want to wake you,” he says.
“Too late.”
I shift in the chair and glance at Tyler. He hasn’t moved. Still tucked beneath the blankets, his tiny chest rising and falling with the machines' rhythm. I clutch my knees to my chest again and rest my chin there.
Light leans forward, elbows on his thighs.
“We need to talk,” he says.
“About Deke.”
“Yeah. You don’t have to go through this by yourself, Melissa. I know I screwed up. I made things worse. But I’m not walking away.”
I stay quiet, blinking back the flood behind my eyes. It would be easier to tell him to leave. To tell him it’s not his problem. But the truth is, I don’t want to carry this alone anymore.
And maybe, just maybe, I don’t have to.
The minute the thought enters my head I shake it away.
I can't do this. Not to him. Especially after what he told me his ex did to him, I never want to put him in a position that could get him in trouble.
I know how this is going to end. Light is going to go after Deke with everything he has, and I'm sure it's going to lead him back to prison.
"No."
"What the hell do you mean no? I'm not giving you a choice, Melissa." He stands up from his chair. The power of him getting up is enough to send the chair skittering back against the bed.
My eyes instantly jerk over to Tyler, worried that it might have disturbed him. Of course, it didn't. My poor baby has no clue what is going on here. If I had my way, he'd never know what is going on here.
Unfortunately, if I do try to take this on myself, I'm not going to be able to keep it hidden from him for too long. Maybe there's a way that Light can help me and still be safe about this.
"Light, you're all brute and rage. I don't want you and Deke going head to head because you're the only one who is going to end up losing.
Sure you might be able to best him in a fight but what about after.
You could go to jail. You could gain a long term enemy.
I can't put you at risk like that. Not for me. "
He drops his hands to his side, letting some of the anger leave his body as he walks over to me. He grabs the sides of my face and lifts, so I have to look up at him. "Why wouldn't I risk it all for you, Melissa? You're the only one I'd risk it all for."
"That's the problem, Light. You shouldn't.
I'm nothing to you. We're nothing. I only needed an electrician and you did your job.
That's the end of any responsibility you have to me.
" Even as the words come out of my mouth, I know how deep they cut.
I may look fine on the outside, but on the inside it feels like my heart is in shreds.
He drops his hands again and backs up, "You're still going to insist that what we've got going on here is nothing?"
"It is nothing." I keep my face as stoic as possible. "Now, I appreciate you taking the time out to visit Tyler, but I think we both need our rest."
His eyes go hard and his jaw clenches over and over as he just stares at me. This isn't what he expected. It's not what I expected to say, but I know deep in my heart it's what needed to be done. I'm not going to let Light lose himself for me.
My head drops as Light turns on his heel and walks out of the hospital room. There's no harsh words or fighting, just the emptiness I feel now that I'm pushing him out of my life.
***
I can't sit in the corner forever.
I'm scared. In over my head.
But I refuse to be the victim forever. Tonight, instead of staying at the hospital just wandering around, I take a more proactive approach and go home. Not to sleep, though I desperately need to, but to try and figure out what Deke is talking about.
For the longest, Deke has been harassing me about something he thinks I owe him. Every time I try to explain to him that I've got no idea what it is he's talking about, it's almost as if he doesn't think it's possible.
Before I took the loan from him, I only knew about Deke through my husband Thomas. So maybe whatever Deke is looking for has something to do with my dead husband. It's going to be impossible to find any information but I have to try.
The house still smells like destruction.
I close the door behind me and stand there for a long moment, breathing in the stale air, staring at the mess Deke left behind. Books scattered across the floor. The broken lamp. The deep dent in the wall where his fist landed. It all feels so much worse under the harsh overhead light.
I swallow down the rising panic. If I let myself break down now, I might not find the strength to pick myself back up.
Instead of focusing on the wreckage, I turn on my heel and head straight for the hall closet. The storage closet. The one I never got around to organizing after we moved in. Half the time I forget it's even here. Maybe because every time I open it, I get a reminder of everything I lost.
The door creaks open, revealing a tight space crammed with boxes. Some from the move. Some from before. A few labeled in Thomas's careful handwriting.
I drag the boxes out one by one, stacking them neatly against the wall. Dust coats my hands and clogs the air. I sit cross-legged in the hallway and start opening them.
Photographs. Old tools. Clothes that still faintly smell like him. My fingers brush over the fabrics, tracing memories I thought I'd buried.
Tears burn behind my eyes.
I miss him. Not just the man he was, but the life we could've had. The easy smiles. The lazy Sundays. The certainty that even when everything else went wrong, I'd still have him.
Light flashes across my mind, uninvited. His wild grin. His quick temper. His fierce loyalty. The way he talks to Tyler like he already belongs here.
Thomas and Light are nothing alike on the surface. But deep down, maybe they'd have understood each other better than I ever realized.
Maybe Thomas would've liked him.
I sniff hard and wipe my nose on the sleeve of my sweatshirt. I push aside another box, feeling the ache settle deeper into my chest. There's nothing here. Just remnants of a life that no longer exists.
But then something catches my eye. Tucked in the bottom of a box is a black leather bible.
I frown.
Thomas wasn't religious. He never even pretended to be. I don't think he ever saw the inside of a church.
I pick it up carefully, flipping it open.
A folded piece of paper slips out and flutters to the floor.
My heart stutters.
I snatch it up and unfold it, my fingers trembling.
It's not a prayer or a letter.
It's a bill of sale.
From Deke to Thomas.
The handwriting's messy but legible. The details are clear. A property transfer. Money exchanged. Signatures at the bottom. One of them, unmistakably, Thomas's.
A broken laugh bubbles up in my throat.
This is it.
This is what Deke's been after.
All this time, he's been tearing my life apart looking for something I didn't even know existed.
And now I'm holding it in my hands.
I look over the paper, once, then twice, but no matter how many times I re-read the same information, I'm still not sure what it is.
It's some sort of business. The scared woman inside of me wants to get ahold of Deke and give him this so he can get the hell out of my life but the smartass in me wants to know what's so special about this.
So important that my late husband went through all this trouble to hide it.
There's no way I'm going to be able to figure this out on my own. I need help.
There's only one man I know who may be able to and I already told him he had no reason to be in my business.
I don't want Light involved...but I want him in my life. I'm not sure what's worse. His desire to keep me safe or the fact that I'm about to let him.