14. Ivy
14
IVY
I t took literally everything I had to drag myself up the stairs on my way to my apartment. I never thought I’d look forward to seeing it the way I did late Sunday afternoon. The weekend was as good as over.
It was like I’d been living in an alternate reality the past couple of days as I camped out in Mom’s room at the nursing home. It was all I could think to do once I’d gotten the call after work on Friday night, telling me she fell again. This time at the expense of her hip.
Just thinking about it made emotions swell in my chest, threatening to crush me. I couldn’t let it upset me again. I’d spent the whole weekend beside myself as it was. I didn’t know if there was enough moisture left in my body to shed a tear.
Did I have the fortitude to handle this? I didn’t have the first clue. A long, hot shower might help put things into perspective, not to mention at least eight hours of sleep. Maybe more. My level of exhaustion left me considering crawling into bed and sleeping until morning. Just then, I felt like I could pull that off easily.
What was I going to do? They weren’t taking care of her, not as well as they should’ve been. “ I had to go so badly. ” I could hear Mom’s voice in my head. The tremor in it, the embarrassed tears when she had to admit she couldn’t do something as simple as get herself to the bathroom without falling. “ I pressed the call button so many times, but nobody came. I didn’t want to wet the bed and lie around in it. ”
There wasn’t much I could say. I couldn’t exactly get on her case because she needed to use the bathroom. When I asked for answers from the staff, all I got was the same excuse. They were understaffed, they were doing the best they could, there were too many people in too many beds, and besides, they couldn’t come running for every little thing.
That choice of words still boiled my blood hours after hearing them. Couldn’t come running for every little thing. What was the point of a patient being there, then? That was what I would have asked, too, if I wasn’t so concerned about alienating the people in charge of keeping Mom safe. Then again, they weren’t keeping her safe, were they? Twice in one week, she felt compelled to get up and do something on her own because no one would help her. I asked myself again, What was the point of them?
Did it matter? The fact was, I didn’t have enough money put aside yet to afford anything better. Even when I scrimped and saved every spare penny, it wasn’t enough. I didn’t know when it would be. This was the best I could do for the time being.
I never felt so lost and hopeless. What was the point of anything?
In other words, I was in a low, dark place by the time I reached my front door and slid the key into one lock, then the second. I had packed a bag, so at least I was able to change my clothes while I was there, but I felt soiled and sticky after going two days without a shower.
I wasted no time after locking the door, kicking off my shoes, and taking off my clothes on the way to the bathroom. Not that it was a very long walk.
The first touch of steaming water against my skin was almost good enough to bring tears to my eyes. It took a situation like the one I’d faced over the weekend to remind me of the simple pleasures in life and how lucky I was to have them. Crossing my arms against the tile wall, I touched my forehead to them, letting the water run over my shoulders and back in an attempt to loosen them. They had been tight for days, and sleeping on a rock-hard couch all weekend played a big part.
By the time I left the shower after washing my hair three times to get rid of the odor that had soaked in—stale, sour, nasty—I slipped my robe on and wrapped a towel around my dripping hair. Somehow, it felt easier to face the world now, and Lord knew I needed all the help I could get. What did I need to do? How could I help her?
She wasn’t my only problem, either. I had kept my phone on silent over the weekend, wanting to give Mom a little peace and quiet where possible, but that didn’t mean I had missed the phone calls from Lucian. What was up his ass all of a sudden? He never left voicemails, either, so I had no idea why he was calling. Looking for a good time, maybe? If so, I was not the girl he wanted to talk to because I would not be a good time for anybody.
Now, pulling the phone from my bag, I found a new missed call had come in while I was scrubbing the pee smell out of my hair. Once again, no message. I shook my head with a sinking heart. Knowing him, all he wanted was to know why he couldn’t get his dick wet last week. To him, that was the biggest concern he had. He lived a charmed life otherwise.
One he decided to make my problem when out of nowhere, his voice rang out on the other side of my front door not three seconds after I sat on the bed. “Poison? I hear you in there. Open up.” He paired that with another knock, louder this time.
He had to be kidding, right? He wasn’t seriously here, disturbing what little peace I had left.
Maybe if I didn’t say anything, he’d give up. I picked up my phone and went back through my list of voicemails, but none of them were from him, and he never sent a text to tell me what was so important.
“I want to make sure you’re all right,” he called out. “You’re too type-A to go a whole weekend without returning a call. Let me know you’re okay.”
This was strange, even for him. So much so it got me off the bed and across the living room. I flipped open the chain across the door before opening it to find him scowling. “Finally,” he grunted out. “This is what it takes? I have to come all this way and make a goddamn jackass out of myself to get a response out of you?”
He looked good, but then he always did, though his scruffy cheeks and tousled hair weren’t nearly as important as the arrogant look he wore. “First of all, what gives you the right to demand a response in the first place?” I snapped. Was he serious? “Secondly, if it was so important to speak to me, why didn’t you leave a message and let me know what was on your mind? Am I a mind reader now?”
He probably wasn’t expecting me to spout off on him by the way his mouth fell open, his brows lifting in what looked like surprise. “I only wanted?—”
“You only wanted what?” I asked, cutting him off before he could continue pissing me off. “I hate to tell you this, but I’m not some chick you can call up at all hours whenever there’s an itch in your pants. I have a life. And I don’t owe you anything.”
“Maybe cut the nasty attitude, Poison,” he suggested, eyes going narrow. “I didn’t have to come all the way over here to make sure you were alive.”
“Oh, is that what you were doing?” I asked with a disbelieving laugh. “Thank you so much. Now, if you wouldn’t mind, I would like to enjoy what is left of my weekend in peace.”
He craned his neck to look past me at the bag behind me, left on the floor, along with the T-shirt I was wearing when I got home. “Where were you?”
“Is there a problem with your hearing?” I genuinely could not believe this. “Where do you get off? If you had come here genuinely asking the way a friend would ask another friend if everything’s okay, that would be one thing. But no, you show up with this weird, possessive attitude and demand information. I’ve been through enough lately, all right? I don’t have it in me to handle you too.”
I tried to close the door, but of course, the idiot was too quick for me, placing his hand against it. It was irritating how little effort it seemed to take for him to deny me. “What have you been through?”
“Stop—”
“I’m asking as a friend, like you said. What have you been through? What happened? Talk to me, Poison,” he urged. “I’m already here, so you might as well do it.”
“You are so goddamn charming when you feel like it.” I was too tired to fight anymore, so I let go of the door and allowed him in. “I’ve had a really terrible weekend. I’ve had a terrible, oh, nine months, come to think of it. But this weekend topped them all.”
“How?” He came in, sizing up the room with a single glance, and I couldn’t help but remember how my apartment compared to his. Why did I let him in? What must he be thinking?
I swallowed back the flash of shame that raced through me before I could help it. There were no explanations needed, not to him or anybody else. I did the best I could with what I had.
But it wasn’t enough. It never would be because I wasn’t enough.
Without thinking, I dropped onto the bed and covered my face with my hands. “It’s all hopeless. There’s nothing I can do. I’m so lost.”
Somewhere in there, he dropped to his knees, gently pulling my hands from my face so I could look at him through eyes blurred with tears. “Talk to me, Poison. Are you all right? Are you hurt?”
“Mom is…” I blubbered. “She broke her hip. I was with her all weekend, and I’m fucking exhausted, and I don’t know what to do for her.”
A long breath escaped him. “Oh, Christ.”
Now that I had opened the floodgates, everything came pouring out. I’d been holding it all inside for so long. “They’re not taking good care of her there. She needs more attention than they can give her, but I can’t afford that. Look where I live!” I barked out a high-pitched laugh, sweeping an arm around. “This is my palace. This is all I can afford after paying for her expenses. And it’s not enough. It’s still not enough.”
His mouth worked like he wanted to offer something but didn’t have the first clue what. No big shock there. No doubt, his biggest worry normally had to do with not getting a reservation at the hottest new restaurant. Eventually, he pulled himself together enough to offer, “I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m sorry she is… I… wish I knew what else I could say.” Through my blurred vision, I noticed the way his eyes lit up. “Let me help. I want to help.”
Red flags waved frantically in my head. “No. I couldn’t let you do that.”
“Don’t let your pride get in the way now, Poison,” he scoffed. “This is important. You know I have more than enough?—”
I didn’t need to hear this. “I know you do, but I can’t accept it.”
“Why won’t you let me help? If not for yourself, for her.”
He had no idea how he was twisting me up inside. Because he had a point— he would never miss the kind of money it would take to have Mom in a nice place with nice people, somewhere she could recover and make friends. That was all I wanted for her.
But what would it cost? Because money wasn’t the only thing in question here. What would I owe him beyond dollars and cents if I let him take this step? It would connect us in a way I wasn’t sure I wanted to be, no matter how good he was in bed or how much I appreciated the concern he showed.
“Because some things… I just can’t do,” I concluded with a shrug, sniffling as the wave of emotion died down. “But thank you. I mean it. You don’t have to care, so it’s nice to know that you do.”
He sat back on his calves, scowling. “You’re impossible.”
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
When he took my face in his hands and stroked my cheeks with his thumbs, I could close my eyes and, for the first time in days—months, who was I kidding— let go. I wasn’t handing him all of my problems, but I could let him bear them for a little while. Just long enough for me to release some of the tension still knotting my muscles and making my head pound. Little by little, he eased that tension, allowing me to melt into his touch.
“I’m here.” His lips brushed my forehead and nose then moved down to touch my lips. “I’m right here. You don’t have to be alone.”
Those were the magic words. He couldn’t have said anything else that would impact me as deeply. I had been so alone all these months, scrambling around, trying to take care of Mom, trying to take care of my own life or what little of it there was after I gave everything to her. I wasn’t alone anymore.
He kissed me again, and this time, I kissed him back, stroking his tongue with mine, faintly moaning when he growled and pulled me tight against him, wrapping me in his arms and holding me against his firm chest. This was all I needed—to let go, if only for now and remember there was still something in my life that had nothing to do with nursing homes, hospitals, and bills.
He tugged the belt on my robe, letting it fall open, his fingertips stroking my bare skin. All at once, my sadness turned to heat, and everything that seemed so gray and hopeless burst to life in full color. All because of the way Lucian’s hands slid over my skin, lighting me up and bringing me back to life.
“You are so beautiful.” There was hunger in his voice, the sort that made me want him more than ever.
“Touch me,” I whispered into his mouth, kissing him again. “Please. Make me feel good.”
He eased me back, spreading the robe open as he did. There was nothing in the world but sensation and pleasure. The delicious tingle left behind every time his lips touched my skin, the friction from the scruff on his cheeks chafing my thighs and my stomach as he worked his way up my body.
By the time he reached my breasts, I had to touch him, my fingers running through his hair, over his back and shoulders. How was he so damn muscular? I was glad when he pulled his polo over his head so I could feel his skin. It was so warm and easy to scrape with my nails until he growled, nipping at my throat before lapping my skin.
“Let me take care of you.” It was a combination of the words and the growl running through his voice that got my juices flowing harder than ever. I was dripping wet by the time his fingers slid over my lips, teasing my slit.
“Oh, God…” I lifted my hips, desperate for more.
“Relax. Feel it. Don’t rush it.” He continued the same slow torture, stroking my flesh without giving me what I needed. I couldn’t breathe without whimpering, completely seized by the overwhelming need for relief from this tension.
“Let go, Poison,” he murmured in my ear, and the thought was so seductive. It went deeper than the physical. I wanted to let go of everything, forget anything that wasn’t this. Anything that didn’t feel good.
“Oh, please,” I begged, on the verge of tears. “Please, let me come! I can’t stand it!”
“Sure, you can.” His tongue traced my earlobe, then my jaw, traveling up and down my throat. “And when you come, it’ll be incredible. Do you trust me?”
“Yes,” I moaned, spreading my legs wider, fighting for the contact I needed more than anything. When I was sure I couldn’t take it anymore, he slid a finger between my lips and drove it inside me. “More!” I begged, angling my hips so he could go deeper. “Lucian, Christ. Please!”
“Please, what, Poison?” he whispered in my ear, breathing hard the way I was. Even that was good. Knowing he was into it, that getting me off got him off.
“Let me come before I combust!” I would die if he didn’t. I couldn’t take it anymore. “You’re killing me… fuck!”
“You won’t die, I promise.” He stroked me slowly, then he added a second finger to the first, but even that wasn’t enough. Nothing was as good as the feeling of him filling me, stretching me.
Something huge was building, growing in my core. Every part of me zeroed in on that sensation, working for it, willing it to explode. “Yes, yes, more, just like that!”
“Does that feel good? Is that gonna make you come?” His voice was all that kept me tethered to the world. I focused on it while the tension built, my hips leaving the mattress once I planted my feet against it so I could grind my hips.
“Let go of it,” he whispered, inviting me, nudging me closer to the edge with every breath that hit my skin. “Come for me. Let me watch you come, Poison.”
When it hit, it didn’t happen all at once. I was climbing a staircase, higher and higher, my mouth open as almost confused cries filled my tiny apartment. It was never like this. What was happening? I was so close, hanging on the edge, just a breath away from falling apart.
“Now,” he ordered, driving his fingers deep one last time, and I shuddered, clenching around him and moaning. It went on and on, finally easing enough that I could settle back on the bed with a breathless whimper. Just when I thought it couldn’t possibly get better…
It wasn’t over. Through half-closed eyes, I watched him strip down, his body glistening in the late afternoon sunlight that highlighted every ripple of his body. While I adjusted myself on the bed and slid out of my robe, he unrolled a condom over his steely cock, then climbed between my parted legs.
I pulled him down on top of me, my heart swelling as he pushed his way inside. It didn’t matter how many times we did this. I couldn’t get over the first rush when our bodies connected like this.
It was electric, all of it. His weight was on top of me, pressing me into the mattress. His body was between my legs, moving slowly, grinding against my clit until there was nothing I could do but drag my nails across his shoulders and moan in his ear. “You feel so good.”
“So tight,” he grunted out. “You’re gonna make me come.”
There was something erotic about listening to him lose control. His soft grunts, his quick breathing, the way his rhythm picked up speed when I linked my legs behind his ass and drew him deeper.
I felt it building in me again, bigger with every stroke, consuming more of me. “Yes… yes, Lucian…” I whispered, kissing his neck and his shoulder, anything I could touch my lips to.
“Ivy.” My name was music when he rasped in my ear, dropping the nickname for once. “Ivy… fuck…”
“Come with me,” I begged, meeting his strokes, losing control like he was. So close. When the tension broke, he followed, groaning in my ear as shockwaves rolled through me. It was perfect, right down to the way he collapsed against me and shuddered as if he was as depleted as I was like it was as intense for him.
I closed my eyes, soaking in the blissful afterglow. Finally, my body was loose. All it took was two enormous orgasms delivered by the most infuriating sex god on two legs.
“Can I get you some water?” I pried my eyes open as Lucian got up and stretched, examining the scratches on his shoulders. “Fuck, you came close to drawing blood, Poison.” There was a wicked twinkle in his eyes when they met mine. “You’ll have to try harder next time.”
Who says there will be a next time? I wanted to ask him that, but I was too exhausted to make a joke. I settled for closing my eyes and curling up on my side.
Sleep caught me before I could take a sip of water and didn’t let up until well past midnight when I woke to find a text from Lucian.
Lucian: Didn’t want to wake you and know if you’d want me to stay. Went out, bought sandwiches, you were still asleep when I came back. Left yours in the fridge if you’re hungry, wasn’t sure which kind you’d want. Slid your keys under the door. See you tomorrow.
Sure enough, there was a pair of keys on the floor in front of the door. He had taken them off the ring so he could slide them through one at a time—smart. I could overlook him fishing them out of my bag, especially once I found three sandwiches in the refrigerator. “Turkey, tuna, roast beef,” I murmured, reading the labels out loud while my stomach growled.
I probably wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep right away now that I’d slept for hours, but at least I had plenty to think about—like Lucian Diamond and who the hell he was since I couldn’t make any sense of him.