Chapter Fifteen
A Muffin with Benefits
I felt better after a nap. The snuggles with Lake had helped too. Cuddling with him in the garden, beneath the shade of an oak tree, had recharged my batteries. Now, I was ready to take on the world.
Or, you know, at least walk around the castle without dragging my feet like a zombie. Small victories counted too. And where did those feet lead me?
The greenhouse.
Without overthinking it or second-guessing myself, I opened the door and stepped inside.
The subtle change in temperature welcomed warmer air that felt nice on my slightly chilled skin.
Rays of the late-afternoon sun came through the glass dome and kissed the leaves of tropical plants and trees that were uncommon to this area.
Cascading water pooled into a lazy stream that flowed past the lush greenery and added a touch of tranquility.
Among the floral and earthy scents, I caught another. Cedar and woodsmoke. I followed the trail, letting my nose guide me.
He found me first.
“It seems you are becoming quite the nuisance,” came a smooth voice to my left. Lord Onyx stood on a path lined with long stemmed purple and yellow flowers, a book tucked under his arm. “Once again finding me when I crave solitude.”
“First of all, rude.” I held up one finger, then lifted another. “Second of all, I came for the ambience. I had no idea you were here.”
“The ambience,” he repeated, eyes narrowed.
“Yep.” I motioned to our surroundings. “It’s like I’m in the rainforest or vacationing somewhere tropical.
My own little oasis. You were right about it being peaceful.
And seeing how someone, I won’t name names but you definitely know him, stressed me out and kept me awake, tossing and turning all night, I needed some peaceful vibes in my life. ”
“I’m sure that someone had his reasons,” Onyx said, his emotions locked up like Fort Knox. His ability to stay so composed and give no insight into his true feelings was annoying. It also made him fit in perfectly with the rest of my men. He and Maddox were like two peas in a stubborn pod.
“Well, then, it’d be great if he explained them.” I stepped toward him, slow and unsure. “Because I’m at a loss here, Onyx.”
“Interesting how you address me so casually. Without title.”
“Oh, pardon me, Your Highness.” I stopped in front of him on the path and performed a little bow, one hand going to my belly and the other tucking behind me. “Is that better?”
Part of me was worried about my slip of the tongue. Referring to him by name to my men was one thing, but I needed to be more careful when speaking to him. Fated mate or not, he was still the ruler of this realm.
“No,” he responded, eyes still narrowed. “Yet, I should expect nothing more of a meddlesome pest.”
“Ouch.” I clutched my chest. “Yesterday, you said you were drawn to me, and now you call me a pest. Here I thought we had something special. Was I that bad of a kisser?”
Finally, a spark of emotion showed in his eyes. Like a piece of his mask had chipped away, revealing something raw underneath. “No. Far from it.”
“Then what happened?” I asked, losing my playful tone. The rawness in his eyes had penetrated my system and reflected in my voice with those three words. “Why did you get so mad at me?”
“You’re mistaken.” Lord Onyx dropped his gaze to the patch of purple flowers. “My anger was directed not at you but at myself.”
“Why?”
“So many questions,” he said with a half-smile. It seemed sad, like more of his mask had crumbled away. “Answering them will only complicate matters further.”
“How? And yes, before you say anything, I’m aware that’s another question.”
His smile rapidly disappeared, leaving behind a rawness in his eyes. “Why must you do this to me, little bird?”
“Do what?”
“Make me feel.” He tipped his face toward the glass ceiling.
Sunlight bounced off his porcelain skin and amplified the subtle orange threads in his eyes, adding to the vibrant red.
“Emotions serve no purpose. They get in the way and cause unnecessary trouble. Yet, when around you, I find the ice in my heart thawing, bit by bit. And I protest it, wishing to stay as I am. Unaffected by such weakness.”
He feels it too. Our bond. The constant back and forth with him had made me doubt if he did, but it was clear in that moment. An unmistakable truth.
“Is that why you pulled away from me yesterday?” I asked, my insides coiling tight and breath stilling in my lungs. “Because you knew that kiss meant something and it scared you?”
“It meant nothing,” he said coolly, tone so steady I almost believed him. But his eyes gave him away, the ache so deep I felt it in my body.
“Liar.” One step forward brought me against his chest. My skin tingled and my pulse quickened. If only the emotional barrier between us could be closed as easily. “It did mean something. I know you felt it. I felt it too.”
“You felt lust and nothing more.”
I shook my head. “You’re wrong.”
“Am I?” Onyx gripped my lower back and lifted his other hand to my chin, forcing it up.
“Even now, I sense that lust coursing through your veins. The arousal tingling down your spine.” The hand on my back trailed lower, sliding across my ass.
“I must admit you’re quite the temptation, with your flushed cheeks and pretty pink lips.
Perhaps I’ll throw you to the ground right here and fuck you until you can’t walk. Is that what you want?”
“No.” My throat burned.
“Then leave my sight.” His expression hardened again, and he released his hold on me. “I have no other use for you.”
The burn traveled up to my eyes. “Why are you being like this?”
“Because this is who I am, Evan,” he said. “The sooner you realize it, the better.”
“I don’t believe you.” The words came out rough as I held back tears. “Rowan was like this too. He fought his feelings and tried to push me away. Trust was hard for him. It took a while to lower his walls and allow love into his life.”
“I’m not Rowan.”
“True.” I nodded once, causing a tear to slip free. “You’re way more guarded. Maybe even a bit cruel.”
“Well, I am my father’s son.” He flashed a half-cocked grin, though his gaze remained hard. Empty almost. “Cruel is in my nature.”
“Wanna know what I think?” I wiped at my wet cheek and tried hard to pull myself together.
“I’m sure you’ll tell me regardless of my answer.” Although subtle, he seemed affected by the sight of my tears. Not enough to keep him from being a butthole though. “Go on, then, and enlighten me.”
“Varys said you prefer to be alone,” I told him. “But I don’t think you actually enjoy it. You do it as a defense mechanism. No one can hurt you if you don’t let them in.”
“You know nothing.” There was a quiver in his voice. “I prefer solitude to avoid exhausting interactions such as this. I need no other company than my books and the occasional warm body in my bed.”
“But no emotional attachments, right?”
“Correct.” Lord Onyx retook hold of my chin. “Should you ever wish to be the one to warm my bed, I’ll happily oblige. But know that’s as much as you’ll get from me. I have no desire for love or attachments.”
“Fine.”
“Fine?” His right brow arched.
“Yeah. Fine. As in, let’s do it. I’m game.” I rose up on my tiptoes and leaned in, our mouths so close we shared a breath. “Fuck me hard and then toss me away like I’m nothing more than that. If you can.”
“Is that a challenge?” He grabbed my hips and brought me flush against his body. The heat of him seeped into my veins. “You believe you can change my mind? Make me want more?”
“That’s the thing,” I said, breath catching as he dipped his face to my neck. Woodsmoke lingered in the strands of his black hair. “I think you already want more. You said so yourself: I make you feel. You’re just fighting it. Fighting me.”
“Why are you so determined to win me over?” Onyx ghosted his lips up the side of my throat and to the base of my ear, his warm breath giving me goose bumps. “You have five men who love you. Men who have no problem appeasing your insatiable appetite. Is it that you want a demon for your collection?”
I chuckled at the implication. “Not any ordinary demon will do. Only you.”
“You can have my body, little bird, but never my heart.”
“We’ll see about that.”
That amused him. “So confident you are. I dread the moment when you realize you’re mistaken.” He caressed the top of my cheek. “Your face is much too lovely to be blemished by tears.”
Doubt crept in. Maybe I was in over my head. But before I could spiral and lose confidence, I focused on the woodsy and smokey scent coming off his skin—one that told me he was mine and I was his.
I chose to believe in our fated bond. To block my thoughts and listen to my heart instead.
“I’m not wrong,” I said, holding eye contact instead of blushing and looking away as usual. The determination to be with him and complete our bond gave me the strength to face him head on without backing down. “And I’ll prove it to you.”
There was a tic in his jaw. “You truly are a pest.”
“Buzz, buzz.” I poked the hollow of his cheek.
His composure faltered, revealing a hint of a smile. “Varys is expecting me for our daily briefing. I haven’t the time to stand here and play these silly games.”
“Yeah. I should probably head to the kitchen,” I said, glancing at the fading daylight. “Fane and I need to prepare tonight’s dinner.”
“You shouldn’t keep him waiting then.” Lord Onyx turned away from me. Silky black hair brushed the middle of his back, and I ached to run my fingers through it. Ached to throw my arms around him because I knew this was an act—that he felt exactly as I did but was just scared.
I silently followed him down the path and out of the greenhouse. When time came for us to part ways, he merely glanced at me before continuing down the corridor.
A glance filled with anticipation and raw hunger.
Both excitement and desire burrowed in my belly. He was going to be a challenge unlike any other.
***