32. Nothing To Prove
Nothing To Prove
Theo looked forward to Saturday all week. He got his tight-fitting grey suit dry-cleaned, got a haircut, and even did a few push-ups in anticipation. Even more than the party, he was excited for the end of it, when Dae would finally, officially, come back home.
Sure, absence made the heart grow fonder, but his heart was fond enough. It was time for this bullshit to end.
Jordan came over to ‘help him get ready’, which meant lounging on Céline and snacking. Her sweatshirt and loose jeans were crumpled and stained, and her hair was greasy, but she was present and engaged, which was a step.
She leaned back, massaging her scalp with her fingertips. “Do you think I should shave my head?”
“I absolutely do not.”
“I have the skull for it.”
He played with the ends of her luscious copper locks.
“You know I think you’d kill any style, and if you really want to go for it, I’ll be the one with the razor.
However…” She blinked at him as if she couldn’t possibly fathom what he was getting at.
“Maybe we should wait at least a month after the breakup.”
She pssssssh-ed as if to say, Oh, that? “This has nothing to do with Becks.” Theo didn’t know what his face did to make her hit his arm, but she used enough force to make it hurt. “Theo, seriously. I just want a change!”
“Talk with Hannah Gardiner first.”
“Han said my appearance is my own, as long as I don’t get anything offensive tattooed on my face.” Theo pulled her into his chest, rocking side to side as she flicked his arms. “You’re not going to snuggle this idea away.”
“I can try.”
“Okay fine.” She wiggled away. “I’ll wait two more weeks, but if I still want to, you have to be the one to do it.”
“Deal.”
Jordan oversaw his transformation from snuggle-slob to handsome arm candy, giving him vague advice like, make your hair more ‘got into a windstorm on my way to a business meeting’ and ‘stand like a giant is pulling a string on the top of your head.’
She left about ten minutes before Dae arrived, taking all the snacks and leftovers with her, per Theo’s insistence.
He nearly passed out from the sight of his boyfriend in a charcoal suit, no tie, his collar open, practically radiating the words, fuck me, as he rolled his suitcase behind him. Theo had never been so happy to see a suitcase.
“I’m terribly sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but it’s against the law to be as sexy as you are right now.” Theo did up his top button, covering the hint of collarbone he’d been so graciously displaying.
“You like it?” For once, Dae seemed excited to look wildly attractive. “The stylist on set gave me some pointers.”
“They want you to go to jail?”
“Sexy jail?” He cocked his head. “Is that a thing?”
“If it’s not, it’s about to be.”
Dae undid the button again as he gathered the hand-written cards he’d made for the cast and crew. He’d always been better with words on paper.
Theo’s phone buzzed, and his dad’s face appeared on the screen. His stomach hardened the way it always did, but he still swiped to answer, like he always did. “Hey, Dad.”
“Theo, I’m so happy I caught you.” His voice was breathy and strained, which wasn’t as worrying as it would’ve been if it were his mom or aunt.
His dad was always a bit frazzled about something.
“We have a meeting with investors, and the marketing department wants things changed last minute. I’m in over my head here; the whole team left for the weekend, and no one’s picking up. ”
“Oh, um, I’m on my way out. Dae has a party and—”
“Oh man, I know that definitely sounds more fun than going over documents with your old man, but I’m really drowning over here.
I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important, Theo.
” A high-pitched beeping noise made him swear.
“A lot is riding on this one, and I can’t tell Marketing they’re asking for too much. ”
Dae was watching him, the crease between his eyebrows getting deeper the longer his dad spoke.
“Can you send it to me? I can review it on the way to the party.”
“No can do. All the files are in Linda’s folder, and of course it’s password protected, so I’ll have to do it all by hand. They want me to courier the changes…” Theo zoned out as he continued, watching quiet panic creep over Dae’s face.
“How long would it take?”
Dae and his dad had opposite reactions to those words. Dae’s shoulders dropped, and he ran his hand through his hair as Theo’s dad rambled on excitedly.
“An hour. Tops. I promise. Thank you, thank you. You’re saving my life. I’ll have you on your way to the party before appetizers are served! I assume there’ll be appetizers.” He laughed hard.
“Okay.” The word wasn’t even a conscious decision; it was more of a habit, an instinct, an automatic response to his dad’s voice: say yes, help him, be better.
He hung up, not bothering with the pleasantries of saying goodbye.
“One hour.” He tried to keep his tone light.
“His office is on the way to the bar, so it won’t take long to get there afterwards.
Then I’ll charm the pants off anyone who needs their pants charmed off. ”
“Sure.” Flat voice. Tense muscles.
“Will you be okay?”
“Uh huh.”
“Um.” His chest was tight. His breath too fast. His skin prickling. He was not his dad, he knew that. But he still felt like he needed to prove it. Still felt like he needed to show everyone in his life that he was helpful, reliable, and kind. Everything his dad wasn’t. “He needs my help.”
“I know.” Dae’s voice was back to normal, like his disappointment had run its course, and now everything was fine. He even gave Theo a small smile. “You’re a good son, Theo.”
Right. He was a good son. A good family member. That was what he was showing Dae. That was what he was proving.
And Dae would be okay. He’d worked on his social skills and confidence. He could definitely handle an hour by himself. And by the time he started to feel tired of talking, Theo would be there to pick up the slack.
“Okay then, I’ll meet you there.”
Dae nodded, gave him another stiff smile, then went into his room, closing his door behind him.
It was fine. It would be fine.
It took twenty minutes to get to his dad’s office in a taxi. If he could get in and out in an hour, he would probably hit some traffic on the way to the party. That would leave Dae alone for about an hour and a half. Assuming he’d go on time.
He arrived at his dad’s office and got into the elevator.
Im sorry about this.
Youre really ok?
still going right
Perfect Dae
Yes, I’m calling a cab now. It’s fine, Theo. I’m an adult.
Right. He was always telling Theo not to babysit him.
Sure, Dae had only known most of those people for a month, and it took him a while to become comfortable enough to socialize.
But he was in his element, right? They knew him as the guy who did his job well.
Of course, there would be strangers there too.
People he hadn’t worked with, people there to congratulate the cast and crew.
He’d probably be too nervous to make a good impression.
Anxious about making connections to help his career.
Uncomfortable with the amount of new people. But…
But what?
The doors slid open, and he saw his dad at his desk, taking a huge swig from a cup of coffee. “Oh, Theo, great. I’m really drowning…” He froze at the sight of him. “Theo?”
The elevator closed. Theo didn’t move. Dae would never come out and say he needed him. Theo was supposed to know. He did know.
The doors opened again with his dad’s hand blocking them from closing. “Hey, come on. What are you doing?”
Exactly. What was he doing? “Sorry.” He pushed his hand away and jabbed at the ground floor button.
If there wasn’t any traffic, he could be there in ten minutes.
He ran from the building and flailed for a cab.
It took seventeen years for one to stop, and Theo threw himself in, barked the address of the bar, then immediately apologized for his volume.
“It’s just important,” he said, probably too intense. “Can you go faster?”
How could he think of helping his dad with his latest fake crisis when the love of his life needed him?
Aggressive jazz came through the radio, its sporadic beat picking into his ears.
People walked down the sidewalk, cozy in their autumn cardigans, warming their hands on coffee cups.
It was the exact opposite of how he was feeling, and he became irrationally jealous.
How could they be so calm and content when he’d screwed up so disastrously?
His dad’s face lit up his phone, and he swiped it so hard, it felt like punching him. “Theo, what the hell—”
“I can’t do this anymore.” His voice came out as a croak. “Dae needs me.”
“I mean…” His dad’s nervous chuckle scratched at his brain. “Sure, I wish I could be at a party right now too, but this project is important. How about this? We’ll set a timer for exactly one hour, so we don’t go over time.”
He felt sick. “I’m so stupid.”
“Theo?”
“All this time I was trying to prove…” He sucked in a painful breath, his throat burning with tears as realization hit.
“But look what I’m doing! I’m letting down the man I love to do what?
Help you?” The words clawed their way from deep inside him, scraping against his vocal chords on their way out.
“And for what? You don’t care about me.”
“What are you talking about? Of course I—”
“No. If you did, you’d never ask me to abandon my boyfriend to help you with your bullshit. You always do this.”
He rocked forward, resting his head against the back of the passenger seat.
He didn’t want to see the city or the people or the autumn leaves.
Even the jazz faded. He couldn’t hear his dad’s breathing over his own, so he didn’t know if he’d hung up.
But then his voice broke through the silence, calm and even.