Chapter 3 Sergei
SERGEI
There’s nothing worse than insomnia, especially when you are completely exhausted and need a few hours of sleep to just reset. The past few days had been hell, and I just wanted a night to catch my breath. I laid there for hours, just staring at the ceiling and pleading for an hour of reprieve.
Sadly, it didn’t matter how many times I calculated the hours of sleep I could get; I remained wide awake. I had too much on my mind, so I gave it up and forced myself out of bed.
Since it was too early for work, I decided to head over to the stables and check on things there. I hoped some fresh air and some time with the horses would help clear my head.
The sun was barely over the tree line when I stepped into the barn. The air still held that early-morning chill and was thick with the scent of hay and leather. But oddly enough, I liked it, partly because it reminded me of my mother, and partly because Moya was here.
It’s difficult to believe, but I actually had a soft spot for that crazy horse.
It had been almost two years since Mom rescued her from the kill pen, and back then, she was just skin and bones.
She’d been beaten and abused in ways I couldn’t imagine.
Most wouldn’t have given a horse in her state a second look, but most weren’t my mother.
She saw something in the old mare and was determined to save her.
She worked with her day after day, feeding her and reassuring her, until she eventually stopped seeing everyone as a threat.
But she never forgot.
That was what I saw in her.
Even now, as she stood there with her head low and a calm demeanor, there was a flicker of something in her eyes. It was always there. The memories she couldn’t shake. A darkness that wouldn’t let go, no matter how much care she was given.
I understood that.
I lived that. Day in and day out. Maybe that was why I was drawn to her.
She carried her scars quiet and deep, just like me.
I stepped up to her stall and extended my hand, gently stroking her as I said, “Morning, girl. How’s it going?”
She didn’t pull away, but she didn’t nudge me like she usually did. “So damn stubborn, but not to worry. I’m not giving up. One day, you’ll trust me.”
I stood there, stroking her neck in silence until I felt eyes on me.
I turned my head just enough to catch the sight of my mother leaning against the stall door, arms folded lightly over her chest. She wore one of her thick wool shawls and a small, knowing smile.
I continued to stroke Moya as I said, “Morning, Mother.”
“It’s early. Anything wrong?”
“No. Just came to check on things.” I motioned my head toward Moya. “She hasn’t been eating.”
“I know. We’ve been keeping an eye on her.” Her voice was soft and warm. It always had been. “She’s just being dramatic. Like all the women in this family.”
“You included?”
“Especially me,” she said, and stepped inside the stall and sighed. “Lucky for me, I have a wonderful son who takes care of me, regardless of my dramatic tendencies.”
“You’re the least dramatic woman I know.”
“You clearly don’t know many women.”
“I know enough.”
“I wish that was true.” She gave me one of her motherly looks. “You take such good care of me and your brothers. You look after everything at home and the casino, and you even help look out for the horses. But you don’t have anyone looking out for you.”
Her words cut deep.
Partly because it was true and partly because it came from her. I thought the world of my mother, and the last thing I wanted to do was disappoint her. I didn’t want her to worry about me, so I told her, “I don’t need anyone to take care of me.”
She studied me for a moment, as if she could see straight through me, and let out another sigh. “Everyone needs someone.”
“I’ve got someone.” I glanced over at her with a smirk. “I’ve got you.”
“I don’t count. I’m your mother,” she fussed. “You need a woman at your side. Someone you can lean on and share your life with… Someone you can love.”
“This life doesn’t allow for that.”
“It did for me.”
“I’m not you.”
“Sergei.”
“It’s better this way. I know what my priorities are.”
“And what if your priorities could include happiness?”
I didn’t answer.
Because I wasn’t sure if I could do both. I wasn’t sure I had it in me. I’d been with women, plenty of them, but I’d never felt anything for any of them.
But there were definite moments when I felt that brief, sharp ache of loneliness. It was usually at night when I had too much on my mind. It was one of the reasons I’d decided to come out to the stables.
I didn’t feel so alone out here.
I ran my hand through my hair as I told her, “Might want to call the vet and have him check her out. Just to be safe.”
She didn’t argue. She simply reached out and slipped her arms around me, hugging me as she said, “You’re a good man, Sergei. You deserve love, too.”
“Not sure about that.”
My mother hadn’t always been so eager for me to find love, mainly because she wasn’t sure it truly existed. That’s what happens when you’re married to a man like my father. He didn’t love anything he couldn’t control.
My mother had been no exception. He’d broken her down one calculated piece at a time, continually reminding her that she belonged to him. She was to stand silently at his side and wear his name with grace and dignity.
And she did.
She’d learned that survival in our world didn’t come from fighting.
It came from adapting, so she’d swallowed her pride and walked with her head high.
And in the process, she’d buried her heart somewhere he couldn’t reach.
Eventually, he stopped trying to crush her.
As long as she did what she was told and did it with the kind of elegance that always turned heads, he left her alone.
But I never forgot the look in her eyes when she thought no one was watching.
That hollow stare.
That quiet resignation.
It was why I’d been so protective of her. Needless to say, the idea of her getting involved with a president of a biker club, even one I respected, didn’t sit right at first. I was waiting for him to slip up and make an unforgivable mistake, but it never came.
Instead, I watched the ice around my mother’s heart melt away.
I heard her laugh, and not just for show.
It was a real laugh. The kind that came from somewhere deep.
I saw the way she looked at him, and the way he looked at her, like she wasn’t just a prize to be claimed but the center of his damn universe.
Preacher didn’t try to own her.
He stood beside her.
He protected her without making her small, and most of all, he made her happy.
So happy, she wanted everyone to be just as happy as she was, especially her boys.
The idea of being happy seemed incomprehensible to me.
I didn’t want to give her any false hope, so I gave her a quick squeeze as I told her, “I have to go. “
“What? So soon? I could make us some coffee or a bite to eat?” She motioned her head towards the upstairs as she said, “Gabby and the girls will be up and going soon. We could…”
“Not today.” I knew she was fond of the girls, especially Gabby, and she wanted me to be fond of them as well. I liked them fine, but I wasn’t in the mood for cordial conversations. “Call the vet.”
I kissed her on the forehead, then turned and headed back to my car.
I got inside and drove to the casino. I tried to keep my focus on the road and not all the thoughts that were strumming through my mind.
It wasn’t easy. It seemed everything was hitting me at once, and they didn’t improve when I arrived at the Black Crown.
The sun hadn’t been up long, and people had already claimed their spot at the slot machines or blackjack tables. Hell, they’d probably been there all damn night. Money moved through this place, like blood through veins, smooth and steady. It was just the way I liked it.
I continued through the lower floor and made my way upstairs. When I stepped into the office, I found Viktor sitting in the corner, staring at the security monitors. We had people for that, but that didn’t stop Viktor from going over them every morning, checking for any slip ups.
And this morning, he seemed more intent than ever to find something. He was leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, and his dark hair was down in his face, making me wonder how the hell he could even see the damn screen.
The broody bastard looked like he hadn’t moved in hours, but that came as no surprise.
He’d always been like that. Quiet. Watchful.
Serious. He was tall and broad like me, but heavier in the shoulders and even heavier in spirit.
While Nikolai saw shades of meaning in everything, and I tried to find balance in every outcome, Viktor only saw two paths.
Right and wrong.
Black and white.
Loyal and traitor.
He didn’t even look at me when I walked up. He just jabbed his finger at the monitor and said, “There!”
“What am I looking at?”
“Just watch!”
The footage showed one of our floor men glancing around the room before he slipped a chip into his pocket. It was quick and careless, and clearly not his first time. “You’ve been watching him?”
“For weeks,” Viktor answered with his voice low and sharp. “He’s stealing from us, Sergei.”
I didn’t respond. I just stood there silently watching the screen. The kid was young and stupid, probably desperate, but he wasn’t an enemy or a rival. Just a dumb kid who thought he could pull a fast one.
“We need to make an example out of him.” Viktor leaned back, and his eyes were burning with anger. “We need to drag him out in front of everyone. Make him pay. Every man and woman who works here needs to remember what happens when you steal from a Volkov.”
“That’s one way.”
“It’s the only way! Anything less makes us weak.”
“You sound like Father.”
“I sound like someone who doesn’t allow thieves in my casino!”
“We’re not in New York anymore, Vik.” I crossed my arms and sighed with annoyance. “As much as I’d like to, we can’t go around slitting throats.”
“Actually, we could, and we should.”
“It wouldn’t fix the problem.”
“So, what? He gets a slap on the wrist?”
“We make him pay it back, double, and send him on his way.”
“Preacher has been in your ear too much. If you want to play games, go ahead. But I won’t coddle thieves.”
“We’re playing a new game here with new rules.”
He just stared at me. His eyes were hard and unreadable, and after a moment, he folded his arms across his broad chest. “You know, these new rules of yours are going to cost us.”
“Maybe,” I shrugged. “Or maybe it’ll keep us from turning into our father.”
He didn’t answer. But his silence wasn’t out of anger. It was something else. Respect. The kind brothers shared even when they disagreed. In that moment, I thought we could find our way through anything, but the days to come would test us both in ways I never could’ve imagined.